December 12, 2006 Stupid People on Christmastime

First, I hate the people who need to race through the parking lots at 50 MPH. What the hell? You’re at the fucking store already. It isn’t going to magically disappear. It’s there. All you need to do is park your car and walk in. Sure you might have to wait in line for a while. But guess what, it’s the holidays. That’s what happens when the world shops for its loved ones. I know some of you may feel you are the most important person in the world and no one else exists but here comes Michael Jae with your reality check. YOU AREN’T SPECIAL. WAIT IN FUCKING LINE ASSHOLE!

Then there are those people who put an obnoxious amount of Christmas lights on their house. There is one house in Huntley where they must have bought every light up statue at Menards at just threw some get up with all these things in their lawn. You know, if you wanted to do something worthwhile at Christmas, you could have fed the whole country of Ethiopia with the amount of money you spent on those ridiculous looking snowmen. I guess it’s nice that some family in Huntley can put 1,000 fucking snowmen in their front yard while many people starve and wither away during the holidays.

The Christmas music is out of control as well. Let’s talk about the Lite 93.9. They think the holiday season starts after Halloween. To all management at the Lite, we know your brains are scrambled because you put Whoopi on in the morning in place of a great broadcaster in Melissa Forman, but guys, let’s be serious here. Do you think in the beginning of November I want to hear Darlene Love having sex with reindeer and shit? Come on guys. Can you at least wait until after Thanksgiving?

You know what I would like to do? I would like to sit in my car and throw Raisinettes at those God damn bell ringers. They are all congregating at Walmart now and all they do is sit there and ring the bell. You would think if you donated a dollar or two, they would stop. But no, they keep ringing that fucking bell. I don’t mind donating to them, but why do you have the bell ringer?

The barrage of holiday TV is annoying too. Who the hell was the asshole that came up with making Rudolph into clay and putting his ass on TV? Then there’s that snowman and funny looking old man. It might have been fun to watching when we were sitting around blowing bongs in college, but now it’s just silly.

Why are the Lions and the Cowboys the only two teams that play on Thanksgiving? Why do the Heat and Lakers always play each other on Christmas? Here’s a better question. Why in the hell are sports on TV for the holiday season? Isn’t that family time?

And finally, all anyone cares about is the presents and the turkey. No one cares about the family getting together. No one cares about recollecting happy memories. No one cares about spending it with the one you loves, and no one cares that Jesus, the man who saved the world, that’s his birthday! So to hell with the commercialized Christmas America celebrates!

By the way, the following was satire. If anyone really thinks I am that bitter, well I feel that way. Because I really don’t feel holiday spirit. I wrote this in an effort to get some, I bet I failed though. Oh well. More Christmas journals on the way! Yeaaaa! If you took this seriously, find about six hours in your day to stand next to the bell ringer, get yourself a migraine and hopefully Walmart sells out of Ibuprofen so you’re fucked. Merry Christmas.

JAE