Topic: Dating/Relationships
| Subject | DISASTER TALES FROM THE DATING CRYPT |
| DateCreated | 4/26/2008 7:23:00 PM |
| PostedDate | 4/26/2008 5:27:00 PM |
| Body | I began my journey into 21st century dating after my divorce. I had been married for 11 years, and with her for 16 total, so most of my adult life had been spent outside of the dating pool. Once I dove in the horrors began... The first woman I met after coming out of my marriage was actually gorgeous. But she knew it. She basically wanted someone to talk to her on the phone, and compliment her, while paying her bills. She told me that she didn't want any romance, but she wanted my credit card and funds, simply because she felt she was cute. Needless to say, she didn't get any money and she stopped getting calls. Woman 2 was a doozy. We met on one of those often advertised dating sites. She didn't have a picture posted, so I was left with her self description --which was a good one: Small but curvy, long hair, light skinned Mexican/African-American mix. We started talking on the phone and one day she popped up at my door. Let me just say that anyone who dates on the net should require a photo first!!! She was fat, almost bald, and she was neither light nor mixed! She then started talking about how she wanted to engage in BROWN SHOWERS with me! Now I have been known to talk shit, but I refuse to eat it or play in it! I have problems with my stomach anyway, but she sent them into overdrive. That first visit was her last. Woman 3 was a blind date hooked up by a friend. We met for lunch at a little restaurant, and being the gentleman I brought flowers. She was 32 and I was 35 at the time, but after lunch she told me that I was too old. She said she liked 18-20 year-old gangbangers. Obviously we weren't right for each other, but she had the nerve to ask me to keep giving her flowers with no chance of romance. NEXT! Lady 4 was another woman from a dating service -- the same dating service as woman 2 (brown shower lady), which should have sent off warning lights in my head. Lust overruled logic so I emailed her my phone number. BAD MOVE! She called and the conversation was nice...until she got around to telling me that she'd stabbed her husband 17 times when she was married! I was still in a state of shock when she broke the silence by asking me over to dinner. I said no and all hell broke loose. She cursed me out like a pirate...but I still didn't go. That's why I'm still here, to share these fucked up stories! Woman 5 was a gorgeous East Indian woman who I met on Black Planet. We had nice conversation, and it led to her setting up a time for a picnic. I had to buy everything for the picnic of course, but I didn't mind. I dusted off my picnic basket/cooler, went to grab some food, and ran by the liquor store to get whatever it was that she drank. We met at a park near my house and had nice conversation once again, while her children played. She'd just finished telling me how perfect I was for her when she asked me to point out my car in the lot. At the time I was driving a 1987 Mercury Cougar. I guess that was below her standards, because no sooner had I pointed out my car, she grabbed her kids and drove away without explanation. I was left with big bottles of alcohol -- and I don't even drink! Woman 6 was a cutie who I also met on BP. We got along, so it seemed, so she started coming by my house before class on school nights. On about the third visit we were sitting in my livingroom, watching one of the "Nightmare on Elm Street" movies, when she looked at the screen and asked "Has that ever happened to you?" I didnt know what she meant. How could something from Freddy Krueger movies happen to me??? I asked what she was talking about, and she went on to tell me that she had been kidnapped by spirits in her bedroom and taken away through her mirror. After determining that she was dead serious, my mind raced with questions about whether or not a 911 call could get the guys from the rubber room to come get her. That dated finally ended and it was the last. Am I doomed to dating horrors??? What kind of dating curse am I under??? I could go on with more fucked up tales of dating disaster, and maybe one day I will, but remembering this shit has my stomach hurting again right now. Adios.... |
Posted by Steven Whitehurst
at 5:27 PM CDT
Updated: Saturday, 17 December 2016 6:21 PM CST
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Updated: Saturday, 17 December 2016 6:21 PM CST
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