Sunday, February 15, 2004

Mike,

While the weekend hasn't been at all bad, and today hasn't been, either, since I sat down at the computer to check email, little annoyances have started to pile up. First, I wanted to try and find that older email where you listed the new DC powers from Unleashed, because I can't remember what 'combat reflexes' do and Paul and I really want to know, since it's on the Shazam click we've ordered.

However, while I know I saved that email as a text file somewhere, I can't find it. I'm fairly sure it's in my Juno email somewhere, downloaded to my desktop Juno program, but when I went into that, it faulted out on me twice... the second time a major fault that shut down the entire system in a cascading series of error messages. Blah.

Having rebooted and gotten online, I'm just going to ask you for whatever you know about combat reflexes and spare myself more of this frustration.

Onward. There are seveal things I'm meant to mention to you in this email, and I've taken notes on them below so hopefully none of them will slip my mind.

First and foremost, those little blue and yellow crystals you sent me to use as action tokens are a huge hit down here. Everybody wants me to bring them with me when I play elsewhere, because no one can find anything remotely as useful. So I'm directed to ask you, where did you find them? I've told everyone to check aquarium stores but all they can find are larger crystals that aren't as useful. Are these something you came into through your job? If you have any more spare packets, there's a mail order market in Zephyrhills right now. I'm pretty sure Chad and Mel would be happy to buy a bag off you. Jeff and Pat might be, too. Hell, I might buy a few if you can get them, just to give out as gifts.

Paul still sits paralyzed, like a mongoose between two cobras, completely unable to choose between the Hulk and the Apocalypse pieces. I have little sympathy for him, since if it was my Batman Unique, it would already be on its way to you gratis. Paul's non-reasoning seems to be "Well, I already have a Hulk, so I'll take the Apocalypse, and he's a cool X-Men villain... but... the Savage Hulk is SO AWESOME..."

I'm no help to him. He's said that today if he can't decide he'll roll a die, but I suspect however that turns out, he won't be happy. Perhaps you could simply send me an email telling me that you've already traded one or the other, which would simplify his life. Or give it another week or so, by which point I may have traded the damned thing off him and will send it to you for nothing.

On Chewie - after a long post-game talk with Chad and Mel last night, I've managed to get some perspective and some distance on the Chewie situation. First, I'm no longer dreading the landlord coming around because I'm no longer taking point on this. Having found an apartment I can most likely get into by the start of March, I will simply refer Paul's landlord to Paul regarding this matter. I've done everything I can for Chewie, and it still tears me up to think of him going to the pound, but Chad and Mel have told me a few things about Chows, and how badly they age, that indicate that this is in all likelihood inevitable within the next several years anyway. That's horribly cold blooded, and I still don't want to see Chewie put down, and I'll continue doing what I can to find a placement for him, but I've done everything I can, while Paul has mostly sat around and waited for the universe to solve this problem for him. Chewie is, ultimately, Paul's dog, and apparently Chad and Mel had this conversation with him (about Chewie's difficult life as an apartment dweller)when Paul first found Chewie as an abandoned puppy and brought him home. It may just be that time is up. I hate that, but I'm not going to rip myself apart over this any more... callous though that seems.

Chad and Mel are still looking for an animal rescue, following a vague, slim lead we got from Chad's mom, and if they can find one, they'll take him up there (inevitably, I will be the one who goes along to keep Chewie calm; I just see that coming a mile away).

Also after talking with them I'm slightly heartened. It seems to me that our landlord is mostly trying to spook us. Chewie has been here two years, Paul has never signed anything forbidding large pets, and we're paid up on this month's rent. Chewie has never attacked anyone, either. As Mel pointed out last night, if the other tenants around here don't like Chewie getting out and running loose, their recourse is to call animal control, not our landlord.

Now, come March 1, the landlord can demand that Paul sign the new renter's agreement or vacate. But I'm pretty sure we have until then to do anything about it... and I'll be out either by then or shortly thereafter, it looks like, leaving this matter where it belongs. If I could take Chewie with me I would, but the apartment I've found doesn't allow pets. So... that's where things stand now. If our landlord comes around, he can talk to Paul, and things will go however they go based on Paul's ability to deal with this mess. I'm his older brother but I'm not his caregiver. I need to stop acting like it.

Your comments on how generally despised Outwit is, and our general feeling down here that Outwit is simply much too powerful (Invulnerable characters are meant to be somewhat damage resistant, while Outwit simply makes it far too easy to destroy them) have led to me racking my brains for a way to redefine the power that will let it remain a significant factor without being so godawful unbalanced. The first thing I came up with was to simply eliminate the 'free action' part of it and force an Outwitter to take an action token. We all agreed that that would correct the problem, but it seemed too heavy handed a solution in the other direction.

After thinking about it all day yesterday, I came up with the idea of basically treating Outwit like Leadership. You must roll to see if you can use your Outwit at the start of every turn, just like Leadership... make a move or another dice roll first and you just don't get it. As with Leadership, you need a 4-6 to be able to 'activate' Outwit, and you may roll one d6 for each character that has Outwit currently on their dial. If you make it on any of them, however, then your Outwit is activated for that turn and all your Outwitters may use it as normal.

We played this rule for the first time last night at Chad and Mel's, and yes, it certainly cuts down on Outwit's utility. I had to take Darkseid down the hard way, although I managed it with some heavy hitters on my side, and with Chad blowing two Impervious rolls in a row.

I don't much like this rule, actually. The one I came up with that I like is a further refinement... you roll a d6 before you use your Outwit, individually with each piece. On a 5-6, you use Outwit normally. On a 3-4, you can use it, but it gives the Outwitter an action token. On a 1-2, you can't use Outwit with that piece that turn.

However, because discussions threatened to outpace the game itself last night, we finally just decided to try out the first, more general rule and see how that worked. It was more or less effective. I still think my second rule would work better, and personally, I want to see that rule implemented for Perplex and Probability Control, too... but Chad and Mel aren't as sick of Perplex and PC as I am, since they haven't had anyone use it ruthlessly on them yet. Something I can see I'll have to fix... ;)

The game last night was interesting. We'd agreed to stop at midnight. I was leading as we swung into Mel's last turn (she went last in the rotation, and it was 11:40 when I said I was finished, and Mel is a very thorough, methodical thinker, so we all knew this would be it). I had, foolishly, engaged my Superman (always a mistake, I've found; something needs to be done to make Superman a more effective piece, since inevitably, if you actually use him for anything but a taxi or wildcarding his TA, he'll die within a couple of turns as people focus their aggressions on him) and he had been beaten up badly enough to be on his last click of life. I'd taken Chad's Darkseid and so far that had been the only piece taken in the game, and Chad and Mel both knew that if they wanted to win they'd have to take Superman.

On my turn I'd done my best to surround Superman with my own pieces, blocking all access to him from nearby characters. I'd Incapacitated Chad's Live Wire, who was sitting on top of a counter in the museum gift shop making it impossible to block him (elevated characters can see over intervening blockers). I thought I'd kept the game for myself, but Mel, after studying the board for fifteen minutes, managed to come up with an unanticipated move by TKing Mystique into a bush next to Superman. Her attack was successful and the Man of Steel fell, giving Mel the lead.

Chad, as first player and host, then declared we were going to do one more turn, which was fine with me. His only hope, a very thin one, was for his Iron Man to somehow take out Mel's Veteran Mandarin, who was all the way across the board behind a wall, and who had only taken one click of damage at that point. Chad had another piece (Rasputin) in place to blow out a wall and give Iron Man access, but he'd need an 8 or higher to hit Mandarin, and if he did, I doubted 5 clicks of damage would take Mandarin down. By our rules, he could have thrown Ulik the Troll at Mandarin and done two clicks using Ulik as an object, after which Ulik could have hit Mandarin (maybe) and done four more (Ulik was hurt)... but that wouldn't win for him, he needed the double victory points that would only come from Iron Man killing Mandarin himself.

Finally he just decided to go for the single attack on Mandarin and hope five clicks would be enough. On his attack, he rolled an 11... enough to hit, probably not enough to kill Mandarin. Mel had her Black Cat within range and eyeshot, so she made him reroll it... something we all would have done in that situation, I think... well... no... I'd have clicked Mandarin five times and seen if he'd die, I suspect. But she had Chad reroll it.

Chad rolled box cars. Mandarin took six clicks... still not enough to kill him... and was blown backwards into a wall for seven. That did it.

Then it was my turn. Chad had left the wounded Ulik vulnerable. I actually managed to activate my Outwit that turn, so I got rid of Ulik's invulnerability and had my new Experienced Moon Knight (obtained from Mel in a pre-game trade) clock Ulik with a computer desk for three clicks. That brought him down to Toughness, dammit. I moved in my Beast, who still had Charge, having him Perplex his damage up to 4. He hit, and that was enough. I wound up with Ulik and Darkseid. For my other three attacks I shot at Mel's Catwoman, who was up on a dinosaur. My vet Dr. Strange (traded off Chad pre-game for the rookie Doc and the Unique Parasite) hit the bitch but she rolled it off with her Super Senses. Hawkeye missed clean and I was too dumb to have Wanda make him reroll it. Captain America bounced his shield off her, though, and while it wasn't enough to kill her (I just wanted to pad my victory margin a little by taking some away from Mel), she did take the damage and it knocked the Outwit out of her... which kept Mel from having a chance to Outwit Iron Man's Invulnerability, making her incapable of taking him out in Mel's final turn.

When we figured up points, Mel had 746, Chad had 758, and I had 772. Thank God for Captain America's mighty shield!

Tomorrow I start my night shift... I'll be going into work at 3:30 and working until midnight, which I like. My days off will be Thursday and Sunday, which I don't like, but if Krystal actually keeps the date we have set for this Thursday (which I have no faith will happen), then I'll have a reason to rethink that. I got the porn check in the mail yesterday... $442 this time around, which is rather annoyingly just barely enough to maybe get me into a new place without being enough to definitely get me there. Now everything depends on how much the upcoming paycheck is for... something I can't really calculate at this time, since my sales will factor in, this is the first check at my increased rate of pay, there's a $70 deduction out there waiting to show up... various things that make it very hard to figure.

However, at absolute worst, I should be able to take the apartment. I may have to stay here another week or so until my first paycheck in March if I can't get both the power and the water turned on over there, but I should at least be able to sign the lease and get the keys. So that will be something. I'd prefer to be all moved in (perhaps without a phone for a week), but if I need to wait until my NEXT paycheck after this one to get everything squared away, well, I can do that.

All right. That's pretty much all the haps down here. I need to update my clix list, but I probably won't because it's annoying... I have to go out and get all my new clix and bring them in here or I'll forget some. Given what a comprehensive update this is, I'll most likely turn around and use this as a blog entry after sending it to you. And I think that's about all...

Oh, no new news on the Scott/Vision front, really. Scott did show up later that night at the Circle K to talk to Paul, most likely to see if Paul would mention the Vision click being found. (I have little doubt Scott was hopeful that Paul might say "Darren feels really bad about misjudging you; apparently it fell off the shelf and Chewie dragged it outside and was chewing on it... we only found a few pieces of it.")

However, Paul didn't mention it and Scott didn't either. Since Scott is still friendly with Jeff, he must know we found it (in my darker, more paranoid moods, I wonder if Scott didn't simply put Jeff up to finding it, but I prefer to give people the benefit of the doubt when I can) so he's probably intuited that we're not buying the ploy. Regardless, he left and after a little while came back and gave Paul a bag full of stuff he'd borrowed from the two of us... some comics, some of Paul's video games and DVDs. I'm taking that as a concession that he's just given up.

In a small ray of hope, I mentioned to Paul that if I was out by the end of the month, he could hang out with Scott again. Paul surprised me by saying "Maybe... but I don't know, I'm pretty pissed off about that cut up Vision click." I hadn't expected Paul to feel like that, since he's been an apologist for Scott to some extent since this happened. I personally feel that, since it's obvious Scott got the Vision click back (he probably had it in his pocket when he came by, all smiles, to play the day after I noticed it was gone, a few hours after I established his guilt through the call to Hooked On Comics), he should have simply returned it with a confession and an apology. That would have been the only approach that would have gotten him any traction with me... but clearly Scott is incapable of admitting to being in the wrong, and is simply too... well, ashamed clearly isn't the word since he has none, but embarrassed, I guess... to put himself in the position of having to admit that not only did he do what he did, but that he's consistently lied to everyone about it since.

Anyway. Scott does seem to have a wonderful clarity regarding the potential consequences of his actions, so I doubt he's a threat to me... not because I in any way overestimate his empathy, honesty, loyalty or sense of virtue (he clearly has none of any of those attributes) but because I'm fairly certain that Scott knows that if anything violent were to happen to me, my house, or my belongings, he would naturally be the first suspect, and such an occurrence might even sway those who are diligently ignoring his egregious offenses against me and Paul to date against him. (He'd have to be careful, for example, if he wanted to actually burglarize our apartment again, or vandalize anything, or actually confront me and hurt me, since I'd do my very best to see him in jail given any opportunity whatsoever. I normally wouldn't put a sick dog into our prison system, which I sincerely think is barbaric and horrible and in need of substantial and immediate reform, but I'd happily see Scott locked up for a nice little spell. And that's a very significant statement of just how much he has annoyed me with this shit.)

Anyway, I'm just trying to chill out and not stress about anything. A replacement Vision is on the way, according to the wonderfully generous Tony Collett (whom I should send an email thanking for his mentioning the Chewie situation on his blog), and Tammy's next box is filled with wonders, and what's even better, I'll be home in the day when the mail shows up to make sure they don't go astray from now on, too. I should enjoy my new schedule a lot more than the one I've been on, and hey, if I actually get to take Krystal to a movie this Thursday, my long streak of bad luck with women will be broken, too. Who knows what the future may hold?

Still, I don't want to tempt fate by signing off on too hopeful a note.

After sending this, I need to format it slightly as a blog post, post it, then check my other emails to see if the proof copies of UM have been reforwarded to my Yahoo account by PublishAmerica yet. Tomorrow I'll need to get up a little early to deposit the porn check to my bank account. And of course the landlord could show up at any time, but that's not my thing to deal with any more, so that's okay. I hope he stays away, but if he doesn't, he's Paul's problem, not mine.

All right, this is long enough. I hope your weekend went well and I wish good Mondays on both of us... and on everyone else who will eventually read this on my blog.

Thanks for everything, as always. I really couldn't get through all this nonsense without your friendship, and the friendship of the others who read my blog.

D.

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RULES OF THE ROAD

In one of his many invaluable essays on life in Hollywood, Mark Evanier described his first meeting with legendary TV comic and icon Milton Berle. Upon being introduced to Uncle Miltie and shaking hands with him, Mark, who is a pretty witty guy, blurted out without even thinking about it, “Wow, I didn’t recognize you in men’s clothing”. According to Mark, this soured Uncle Miltie on him from that point forward, because Mark had broken Rule Number One When Hanging With Milton Berle, namely, Never Be Funnier Than Milton Berle.

I’m reminded of that anecdote now.

Recent experiences at Electrolite being pretty much entirely similar if not completely identical to my previous experiences at Uppity-Negro.com and TampaTantrum.com, I thought I’d take the time to extrapolate whatever wisdom there is to find in the whole mess. Here’s The Deal, as far as I can see:

If you want to make friends and influence people when you head out onto the blogging trail, at least, as regards your posting comments on other people’s blogs, you MUST NOT:

(a) seem smarter than the person writing the blog you are posting comments to

(b) be funnier than the person writing the blog you are posting comments to

(c) be a better writer than the person writing the blog you are posting comments to

(d) be correct when you point out some manner in which the person writing the blog you are posting comments to was wrong, and/or

(e) Upset The Wimmenfolk On The Blog.

Rule E comes mostly out of my experiences with Aaron Hawkin’s Uppity-Negro blog. He gets a lot of female posters and like any of us male geeks would be in that admirable position, he is thoroughly whipped by them. If a new reader comes along and does anything whatsoever to offend the babes on Aaron’s blog, that new reader can expect a cold shoulder from Aaron roughly the size of the Greenland glacier. I don’t really blame Aaron for this; for a male geek, positive female attention is a jewel beyond price, and if I ever had any women posting to my blog who weren’t related to me by marriage, I’d most likely dance and sing like a puppet on a string when they cracked the lash, too.

I should add to this that I’ve learned, from Electrolite, that one Must Not Be Whimsical, Oblique, or Overly Geeky When Posting To A Big Important Political Marketplace of Ideas Type Blog, because those guys just have no time for Theodore Marley Brooks or Cornelus van Lunt references, regardless of how amusing or entertaining you and some others may find them.

Now, I am posting this to point out that while these may be the universal Rules of the Road on other blogs (and as far as I can see, they are, indeed, pretty much universal) you can ignore them here. I don’t care if you:

(a) seem smarter than I am, I like people who are smarter than I am, as long as they’re not jerks about it;

(b) are funnier than I am, then I get to laugh at your witty remarks, and hey, that’s all good;

(c) are a better writer than I am. Although I’m in a peculiar place as regards writing skills; good enough to be better than nearly all the amateurs out there, not good or lucky enough to be a professional at it. So if you are a better writer than I am, you are probably a professional writer and therefore do not have time to post comments on other people’s blogs, so this probably doesn’t matter, as relates to this blog;

(d) correct my mistakes; unlike apparently 95% of the remainder of the human race, I am under no illusions as to my own infallibility and simply don’t care if someone points out that I am wrong about something. Being wrong about things does not strike me as either a character flaw or a shameful embarrassment; we are all wrong about a lot of things every day of our lives, and that’s just how that works;

(e) Upset My Wimmenfolk. Well, actually, I shouldn’t say I don’t care if you upset my wimmenfolk, I do, the very thought deeply offends me. However, it’s just that the wimmenfolk at this point on this blog are my mom, my cuz in law, and my sister in law, and if you do something to upset them, I strongly doubt the authorities finding what’s left of you will be able to identify you without a DNA comparison. My mom, and any woman who marries any of the males in this family and stays married to him for any length of time, are perfectly capable of taking care of themselves. So offend them all you want; it’s a self correcting problem.

Oh, and I like geeky references and would just adore whimsical, cleverly elliptical posts to my comment threads, although I suspect I’d get annoyed if someone started posting a whole lot of Harry Potter-speak here, just for one example.

If there is a universal rule on this blog, it is quite simply, Do Not Be A Bigger Asshole Than The Blogger. In fact, if you can avoid it (and most of my small number of regular posters avoid it with style and panache) Don’t Be An Asshole At All. I am quite a big enough asshole myself to supply all the assholiness necessary for any blog, and I will continue to keep this blog well furnished with stupid remarks, doltish mistakes, whiney rationalizations, and defensive recriminations by the ton lot, there can be no doubt. You need bring none of your own asshole nature with you, I have plenty and am always willing to share.

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THE INEVITABLE DISCLAIMER

By generally accepted social standards, I'm not a likable guy. I'm not saying that to get cheap reassurances. It's simply the truth. I regard many social conventions in radically different ways than most people do, I have many many controversial opinions, and I tend to state them pretty forthrightly. This is not a formula for popularity in any social continuum I've ever experienced.

In my prior blogs, I took the fairly standard attitude: if you don't like my opinions or my blog, don't read the fucking thing.

Having given that some more thought, though, I'm not going to say that this time around, because I've realized that what this is basically saying is, 'if you don't like what I have to say, tough, I don't want to hear it, don't even bother to tell me, just go away'.

And that's actually a pretty worthless attitude. It's basically saying, 'I don't want to hear anything except unconditional agreement and approval'. And that's nonsense. This is still a free country... for a little while longer, anyway... and if you really feel you just gotta send me a flame, or post one on my comment threads (assuming they actually work, which I cannot in any way guarantee) then by all means, knock yourself out.

Unless your flame is exceptionally cogent, witty, or stylish, though, I will most likely ignore it. You do have a right to say anything you want (although I'm not sure that's a right when you're doing it in my comment threads, but hey, you can certainly send all the emails you want). However, I have an equal right not to read anything I don't feel like reading... and I'm really quick with the delete key... as various angry folks have found in the past, when they decided they just had to do their absolute level best to make me as miserable as possible.

So, if you don't like my opinions, feel free to say so. However, if I find absolutely nothing worthwhile in your commentary, I will almost certainly not respond to it in any way.

Stupidity, ignorance, intolerance... these things are only worth my time and attention if they're entertaining. So unless you can be stupid, ignorant, and/or intolerant with enough wit, style, and/or panache to amuse me... try to be smart, informed, and broad minded when you write me.

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