THE UNDEAD YET LIVE Part 2

Welcome back, my friends, to the show that never ends.

Which is to say, yes, we’re still talking about how vampiric bodies actually function on Earth:BUFFY, as opposed to how vampires seem to sincerely believe they don’t function, at all.

Physically, what is a vampire? What is its body composed of, that will cast a shadow and will be recorded on videotape, but that will not show up in a mirror? That will burst into flames when exposed to sunlight, that is stronger and faster and more resistant to physical trauma than a human body, that cannot enter an area inhabited by a living human being without permission, and that turns to dust when its animating energy is dispelled?

I hypothesize that the process which a human body undergoes during that day or so that it takes to be converted into a vampire body (as we saw with Darla's re-vampirization in ANGEL) is similar to the process of petrification that exists in nature, with certain plants. When a tree or plant becomes petrified, what happens is that over the course of years, the original biological elements of its cells are very gradually replaced by mineral elements... so gradually that the infusing minerals take on the same shape and appearance as the original biological cells. In effect, the original biological cells act as a matrix, or as a sort of jello mold, for the incoming mineral deposits, and what you end up with is a gradual build up of minerals in the exact shape of a tree trunk, or a plant of some sort.

This same process, vastly speeded up, is what happens when a human body is transformed by the vampiric ‘curse’, or infection, or mutation. Supernatural necromantic energy flows into it from some extradimensional source and replaces all the original human organic matter... but it does it gradually, and in such a way as to mimic the original cell structure. And the organic matter is not completely replaced, but is only 99.9999 some odd number of 9s percent replaced. A tiny amount of the original human cellular matter remains as a template, spread molecularly thin throughout the newly generated, unnatural vampire tissue which is made up of necromantic otherdimensional energy in more or less solid form.

This process, in a brief sidebar, is most likely why vampires do not have souls. If souls are intangible psychic organs, as I've postulated at length in prior entries, they would not be duplicated by this sort of necromantic petrification process, and as the original, natural body was transformed and replaced, the original soul attached to that body would doubtless lose its adhesion and most likely undergo the metaphysical equivalent of evaporation into the ether.

This necromantic petrification process, naturally, explains the supernatural and superhuman powers of the vampire. A body composed of an unearthly energy we cannot rationally define within our physics can and will, by definition, defy the requirements of physics as we understand them.

But how does the vampire simulate life, such as breathing (to smoke a cigarette), or normal human sight (as when a vampire turns on a light in a dark room, or fears having Drusilla put its eyes out), or a sense of smell (as when Angel insists he 'knows Darla's scent'), or, and most explicitly, when it has sex, with other vampires, and with living human beings, and with humanoid robots?

Basically, I hypothesize that the demonic, necromantic energy that makes up most of the vampire body is extremely responsive to the animating consciousness' psychic impulses. Probably, over the course of thousands of years of existence, any vampires who 'live' that long gradually forget what actual, physical, metabolic life was like. These vampires would, theoretically, start to behave more like 'living' corpses... losing their 'human' perceptions and having them replaced by more direct psychic perceptions, ceasing to respond to purely physical stimuli, and, most likely, gaining more and more unlimited capacity for shifting the shape of their necromantic energy bodies into other forms... such as the classical vampires are supposed to be able to.

However, relatively 'young' vampires still remember very strongly what it was like to be alive, and they still respond as if alive. Spike, while he's consciously aware of the fact that he doesn't 'breathe', or at least, doesn't have to, also subconsciously wants to smoke a cigarette... so, while he's smoking a cigarette, the necromantic energy in the shape of his lungs 'works'. When Spike and Harmony get horny and want to screw, their subconscious minds activate the appropriate anatomical parts, and, similarly, when Spike wants to screw his Buffy-'bot, or the actual Buffy, or Angel wants to go to bed with some human babe, his subconscious reactivates his reproductive system.

Of course, a reproductive system composed of necromantic energy is only a simulation, and no actual pregnancy would be possible without severe mystical intervention... but to all physical appearances, Angel would be perfectly functional. To a human lover who expected such things, there would probably even be a convincing sensory illusion of an ejaculation, although if such ejaculate had any actual physical existence, I have to assume it would be primarily ectoplasmic, and most likely, would just fade away or evaporate fairly quickly after the sex act was over.

(Oh, I’m grossing you out? You read this far in a doctoral-level treatise on bloodsucking corpses and the notion of ectoplasmic ejaculate disgusts you? Get over it.)

If we posit an unnatural, extradimensional, demonic energy as the basis for vampire bodies, patterned after the human bodies they are replacing, virtually everything becomes possible. An unnatural energy does not have to follow the laws of our universe (and could behave entirely differently in another universe, as we saw when Angel traveled to Pylea). Therefore, in regard to all the various supernatural enhancements and limitations the vampire functions with, we could just at this point just, basically, say 'magic' and leave it at that.

Still, it may be useful, or at least, fun for me, and entertaining for my hypothetical audience, to explore exactly why vampires can do some things, and can't do others.

Vampire strength, speed, and resistance to damage is easy. If a vampire's necromantic energy body is more amenable to his own psychic manipulation, then most of a vampire's strength will, actually, be telekinetic, or that of the vampire's will, expressed through manipulation of the energy form he or she inhabits. This would explain why more highly motivated and ferocious vampires often seem to be faster and stronger and fiercer combatants than the dumber or more apathetic ones, and especially, why vampires seem so clumsy and vulnerable when they first get up out of their graves... their remaining human consciousness, having just awakened in a strangely transformed body, may not be fully attuned to the necromantic energy they now inhabit. They may also not be fully awake. Either way, they won't manipulate their bodies with their full capacity, and are fairly easy prey for any superhuman chickie poo with a piece of sharp wood who may be hanging around vulture like, ready to speed them on their way to Dustball City.

Why do vampires burst into flames when sunlight hits them? Uh... here's one where I'm just going to shrug and say 'it's magic'. Or it's possible that Earthly sunlight contains some wavelength of radiation that is missing from the sunlight of 'demon dimensions', and that acts on necromantically energized 'flesh' the same way intense heat would act on ours. In fact, vampire flesh bursting into flames in sunlight may be the Undead equivalent of radiation poisoning, significantly accelerated and condensed in time.

Perhaps the reason Demons 'lost their grip' on this dimension had something to do with the Sun's moving from one phase to another? Or maybe prehistoric Earth, back in Demon days, was perpetually wrapped in clouds, and when that changed, the Demons had to leave, because the unnatural energy they used as a basis for so much of their power, or perhaps that they even formed physical bodies out of (remember, the Mayor's Ascension took place in the darkness of a total eclipse) was damaged and destroyed by the Sun's radiation?

Whatever the case, ‘dark things cannot stand the light’ is one of the standard foundations of all supernatural mythology, so if vampiric tissue is made up of ‘dark energy’ from some ‘demon dimension’, we can assume that good old Earthly sunlight is going to do a number on it. This may be for solid reasons of physics, or purely supernatural, but it’s not hard to accept.

Vampires turning to dust when they are destroyed is fairly easy... most of their 'body' is actually ‘dark energy’. When something happens to dispel that energy... and there seem to be two central nexuses of this energy, one in the brain, and one in the center of the chest... it vanishes, leaving behind only the remnants of the original human body... the 'dust' that settles to the ground. The energy's mimicry of the human body may be so complete as to make the recreated 'heart' and 'brain' necessary to the continued coherency of the vampire body. It may well be that a stake to the 'brain' would also kill a vampire, but the skull is generally too hard to make this feasible, and the chest generally makes a much better target anyway.

Wood, for whatever reason, seems to be a mystically or supernaturally imbued material, in a way that plastic and metal are not. Perhaps wood retains some essential element of natural Earthly life that is inimical to otherwordly energies; an elemental force that plastics or metals do not have. Thus, when thrust into a nexus of necromantic energy, as could well exist in the center of the chest where the major circulatory system of the human body was, it could well instantly disrupt those energies, causing the seemingly solid energy of the vampire body to instantaneously disperse, and the relatively small amount of organic remains to crumble to the ground as dust.

Wood may also store within its cells, through photosynthesis, the same element that sunlight possesses, which destroys vampire flesh. Or that’s as good an explanation as any.

Given that the brain is the most sophisticated, complex, and vital organ in the human body, it only makes sense that a necromantically duplicated brain would still be an essential organ in the vampire body. The various nodes that command the energies of the various different portions of the body would still lead into the brain, and the necromantic brain duplicate might well still be constantly active holding the necromantic energy patterns of the vampire body into a coherent matrix. Segregate the brain from the rest of the necromantic body and the energy flow would be interrupted and thus, the necromantic energy would almost instantly disperse... and again, the organic remnants of the original human body would sift to the ground as dust. (We have some indirect confirmation of the brain's vital function in vampires anyway, with Spike's chip.)

Why don't vampires reflect in mirrors? Perhaps most troubling about this is the fact that not only does vampire flesh not cast a reflection, but even the clothes vampires wear don't reflect... which is truly weird. One theory that might explain this is that vampires only really have one suit of clothing... the set they were buried in, which, like their own bodies, is also transformed by the necromantic energy flowing into them, and becomes susceptible to some direct mental manipulation.

Very young vampires haven't learned how to do this yet, which is why Buffy could spot them sometimes simply due to the fact that they were still wearing the same outfit they'd died in. However, older vamps like Angel and Darla can shift their necromantically imbued 'burial' outfits around to look like different wardrobes, ensembles, outfits, and items of apparel, and may even do it without conscious thought, or at least, without bothering to mention it to mere humans.

Doubtless, vampires also buy new 'real' clothes from time to time just because they like them, and those clothes most likely would reflect in a mirror... we've just never seen it happen.

Or, alternatively, even 'real' clothes quickly become suffused with necromantic energy when a vampire wears them, and thus, take on the supernatural aspects of that energy... which would explain why even the blankets that Spike and Angel cover up with out in the daylight start to smoke and burn after they've been wearing them too long... and why vampire's outfits don't seem to show up in mirrors, any more than vampire flesh does.

As to why necromantically imbued substances cast no reflections... it's magic! I myself don't even know why certain surfaces DO reflect images in them, and I'm not entirely certain modern science has an adequate explanation, either... I know I've never had even a physics professor supply me with a good explanation for a heat shimmer induced mirage of water on the highway ahead of me in the summer.

Why do vampires cast shadows? Well, for all we know, they don't, in natural sunlight. We've only seen them cast shadows from artificial light, and artificial light, like other technological artifacts such as videotape, may well interact with necromantic energy in ways not taken into account by the legends and literature about vampires. Perhaps vampires don't cast shadows in sunlight or moonlight, don't reflect in 'natural' objects like shiny surfaces, water, and glass... but do block artificial light, and make an impression on videotape stock. We know vampires can be caused pain and even stunned by tasers, so perhaps, as mystic creatures, they are merely susceptible to the influences of high technology... or, at least, affected by them in a normal fashion.

Which brings up another point, in passing: we’ve seen vampires get knocked out by tranquilizer darts. This has to mean that vampires have functional, human-like biologies. If they were simply re-animated corpses, Undead Willow would just laugh when Live Willow shoots her with tranquilizers, as would Angel, when Evil Cordie manipulates Fred into shooting him with a similar dart.

Why can't vampires enter a private, 'owned' dwelling space without specific invitation? Why, in fact, is the imposed limitation so specific and powerful that vampiric flesh can interact with the 'no invitation' barrier as if it were a physically solid partition?

Most likely, I suspect it has to do with the sensitivity of necromantically imbued material to psychic energy. People tend to universally regard their private quarters as havens, sanctum sanctorums, their safe places, their private territory, their dens... places where they are safe and secure, where no one else is allowed to come without specific invitation. Normal human bodies, natural to this world and material plane, can move freely within it. Vampiric flesh is composed of supernatural, otherworldly, extra-planar energy. It can move freely in any place where psychic barriers have not been put up against it, but in specific, limited areas that are held as 'private', it needs permission to enter.

Crosses (and, presumably, other holy symbols) seem to affect vampires exactly the way heated metal would affect humans (forcing them to back away in pain from close proximity, leaving burns and brands on their flesh if they come into contact with them), and holy water seems to work on them like a powerful acid. While some of this could be psychic, with the holy symbol acting as a limited focus for the wielder's own subconscious telekinetic powers, this doesn't even begin to explain 'holy water'. As I myself have never seen Buffy or Giles explain where she gets her holy water from, I'm left merely to conjecture that certain religious organizations have the ability to invoke through prayerful incantation certain aspects and supernatural powers that are inimical to the necromantic energy vampires are composed of. Call these supernatural powers the Higher Powers, if you like, but whatever the case, the Catholic Church, through prayer, seems to be able to 'bless' certain objects with the power to disrupt, if only in the specific area touched, necromantic energy. Vampires have, on the other hand, been shown to be able to enter freely into churches (although it seemed to come as a surprise to them when they did it, too), so apparently God, or the Higher Powers, only have power on this Earth when specifically invoked by someone who knows how.

Are all the crosses used to repel vampires on BUFFY and ANGEL produced by, and therefore, we assume, at one time at least blessed by, the Catholic Church? It seems safe to assume so. I've yet to see anyone on BUFFY or ANGEL simply twist-tie two popsicle sticks together and hold a vampire off with it, so it seems that the holy icon must have been prayed over, and the Higher Powers invoked upon it, at some point in its past.

Again, I'm curious where the Watchers get their crosses and holy water, though. Do they have a deal with the Catholic Church? And if so, why aren't more Watchers and Slayers overtly religious?

Fire is also harmful and even potentially lethal to vampires, and again, I'd surmise that this is because fire is an elemental force of this material realm, and probably possesses certain natural mystical powers of its own against unnatural, alien intrusions into this plane from outside. Or, on the other hand, necromantic substances may simply be very flammable.

The mythic charms against vampirism - fire, running water, exposure to sunlight in the open air - seem to reflect three of the four medieval elements of alchemy - fire, water, and air - and earth, or Earth, could well be represented by the wooden stake that kills the bloodsuckers. Various other mythological herbs that work against vampires - roses, garlic - could also represent earth, or be magical plants that are imbued with some sort of elemental earth power. Of course, on Buffy-Earth, vampires only seem troubled by sunlight, fire, and wooden stakes.

How does Angel manage to 'know Darla's scent'? First, Angel shouldn't expect Darla to have a scent, since she's a vampire, and presumably, vampires don't sweat, nor does their undead, immortal flesh flake off into minute, microscopic particles that are what the scent receptors actually pick up. Second, Angel shouldn't have a sense of smell, because he's dead, and as he frequently reminds us, he doesn't breathe. Third, even if Darla has a scent as a vampire, and Angel has a sense of smell, Angel had never previously known Darla as a human. Therefore, he should by no means 'know her scent' as a human being, and as a 200+ year old vampire himself, he should certainly have long since learned that humans smell different from vampires, because humans, you know, sweat. (And go to the bathroom, and eat things other than blood.) So even if Angel somehow knew Darla by scent, he should also have realized instantly that Darla was a living human being, not a vampire.

But, wait. Actually, there is a way to make this all make sense. Angel may think that he 'knows Darla's scent', because he himself isn't aware that vampire senses aren't human senses, and therefore, when his vampire brain picks up various stimuli and other data with its enhanced psychic perceptions, it translates them into familiar human terms... like aromas. So Angel believes he has a very sensitive sense of smell... but in fact, what he has is a sort of direct psychic perception of his immediate surroundings (most likely all vampires do, at least potentially) that, as I say, his brain interprets into a 'sense of smell'. Thus, to Angel, Darla has always has a particular scent, and that scent would not be changed whether she was alive or dead, because it's actually a 'psychic aroma' peculiar to her particular and individual personality and essential identity.

A vampire's limited shapeshifting capacity, to switch from normal human appearance to Demonic Happy Face would simply seem to be a very limited and specific power, one that they have little or no conscious control over at first but that simply happens when they're enraged, or about to feed; however, older vampires learn to switch from one 'face' to the other at will. Very old vampires may learn to shapeshift in a less limited fashion, but we’ve never seen any of them do it, so that has to remain speculative. (Faith’s nemesis, whose name I can’t remember right now, had lived so long that his hands and feet had become cloven, which would seem to argue that in fact, vampire bodies become less flexible with time, not more... but maybe this guy simply didn’t have much imagination or conscious control over his ‘dark energy’ body.)

While I still think that the being who claimed to be 'Dracula' was most likely a non-vampiric demon trying, for reasons of its own, to get over on Buffy, I must admit that all the advanced powers this entity demonstrated are in line with what an immortal being possessed of the capacities I've outlined above could eventually learn to do, especially assuming that entity had had some psychic gifts already as a mortal. So Dracula could well be an actual vampire, simply a very very old one who has long since mastered his necromantically energized form to a point where a wooden stake through the heart causes only a momentary disruption of his form, who has learned to shift that body from one form to another, and who has developed his own psychic gifts to a point where he can easily enter and dominate the minds of most normal humans.

Next time, it's the wrap up... perhaps in more ways that we know... as I heap abuse on Joss Whedon for the explanation he's given us as to all these rampant inconsistencies in his show's metaphysics and internal continuity, and posit a much better theory of my own that works just as well... and, as a little bonus, that doesn't sneer at all us BUFFY fans who want to take our fiction seriously, and slap us in the face for wanting a fictional reality that has paid Whedon's bills for nearly the past decade to be a credible imaginary continuum that we can repose some belief in without feeling like idiots.