(NOTE: this is a "re-try" for me today*
I made an entry and was about to send it, but I lost my original due to computer problems** over at my college library- I want to post it, and I'll try to but it's most likely that I won't be able to, and that's kinda sad.)
it's really nice and moist outside
somewhat like a very mild and gentle sauna
-which to me, is quite pleasant
(guess I've grown accustomed to the weather here in Florida...)
Anyway, I think this will probably be the last time I'll be able to blog this week as I will be away for some time...
I'm going to be out of town to attend a funeral for a family member- who I never really knew.
I have mixed feelings about this whole situation
and I wonder if I'm selfish for feeling like I've been interrupted- though, that's only a small sensation that I have in the back of my mind.
I don't know how to put this, or how to say what I feel, but I know that that's okay- one doesn't get perfection of expression, though one has the freedom to try...
(I wrote much better in my original entry, and I wonder why I wasn't able to send it- apart from the technical issues and all... -would it have been too personal? I wonder...)
-sigh-
it feels like it's been one thing after another
-wait, that's not right.
something seems to be lacking in me, but I know that it will come back -sigh-
I just want to have
expression of something I can't quite get...
it seems to be fleeing me
-ah well.
****
Yesterday was hard for me.
dealing with internal struggles
and mental invasions
in the form of dark thoughts that I did not want to harbor
and old lies of being abandoned and without friends to give me their support and love
spiritual battles
normal battles
everyday battles
for the Christian as well as the non
although, the way we see things depends on where we stand in relation to God and how close we wish to be to Him
but
I had intense attacks
and fear
it didn't want to go away
it was like I was a little girl
left alone in the woods
with a storm of huge black birds (crows)
attacking me from all ends
but they went away...
I think I'll make an illustration when I can.
-sigh-
****
I think that it takes me a bit too long to post these things, because by the time that I finally "nail down" these things- it's usually then that they are over and that they are part of the past
but it has been said
of these things
of life, "Anything not eternal, is eternally out of date"
I guess- no,
I see that that's true now.
Okay then.
****
I have wanted to write an entry regarding the nature of this blog, should I get a separate one that I can have free of issues and full of the more "lighthearted" things that take my fancy like anime, or should I have all my entries together as I am now?
I made that question some time ago
and I answered it.
I am one whole person
I am not divided nor do
I wish to be
I will continue to post here
with levity and other things together
because...
that's me
that's who I am.
I'm glad.
(still, I'd love to hear what you have to say in response to this, but of course I'll be unavailable for a little while so please be patient)
Thanks, Father God.
I praise You.
----
[*yes, so this is technically the second version of the aforementioned entry -sigh- (I don't like having to do things twice, especially if I've lost the first try and couldn't save it- how annoying.)
**the computer kept "freezing" and all; personally, I think that my school computers could use more RAM- but I don't think that the campus has the money...]