I must remember that winter gives way to spring
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Winter in my Soul [not a song, but it is my inner state]
Topic: wondering where I stand

things have been hard for me lately, and I felt at times that I had more than I could handle, but God thought otherwise...

I'm struggling to type
to articulate my feelings
(almost as usual)
but I am enjoying the process this time
(though I can't get it all down on paper or typed out here in the blog)

It's not even winter yet- at least, not officially (though it does feel that way in many other places) but the winter solstice will be taking place on the 21st of this month -if I'm not mistaken that is. So, it is still autumn, and it is so HOT here in Florida, but I've been so cold lately- I don't think that this makes complete sense, but I have been scared as of late so that must be a part of the reason why I've been so chilly...

it's been something like winter in my soul,
a time where hearing from God is hard for me to do and to experience- not because I have told Him to go away or anything, but because I've allowed myself to drift from Him and to be preoccupied with such petty things, and serious worries- I hate it, I hate it, I hate it

I want to remember...
and I want to improve
I want to improve so badly
and I want things to be good
but I can't let those things make me worry
I can't let myself, and my good intentions be turned away to evil purposes (and I do mean "evil", I wasn't overstating my case).

I want the Spring
and I want my hope to flourish

I need to remember that I need help always
from God and from good companions
I need to remember my limits
and that it is painful for me to try to do too much

I would like even more help
and I am learning to be more specific in what I ask for so that I can recieve it well

I want to have my brother by my side
for him to be able to continue college and to do well this semester-

-sigh-

I'll just say that for now.

-Daiko~
(pray for me...)
(do you care to commission or support Daiko?)