yesterday's musings
(I wrote this after I had one of the hardest days of living I'd had in a long while...
also, before I had all these trials I suffered through, I'd had several others in the days preceeding this one.)

[written: 10:30p.m. -ish Monday-November 11, 2003]

It has been said that life is suffering.

While that phrase is somewhat Buddist in origin, it is still true.

Life is suffering.

The thing is, that people aren't always aware of this
especially me.

I have the all too human flaw that keeps me focused on the wrong thing:
myself.

I keep feeling and thinking that the most important thing is my own happiness
when that is the farthest thing from the truth.

Happiness is not a sin.
I am quite aware of that; it is not everything though.

The fact is, I can't rely on happiness to get me through this life

I need something stronger
something more solid
something less selfish

-happiness is fleeting, it's a good feeling
but it's not a constant in life

I need something that is.
Constant.

-I already have it, but my pride gets in the way
all the time.

Whenever I think of only myself: how sad I am, how bad I feel, how I wish someone would magically make me feel better...

there's more to life than that.

I have a family, and a life filled with people.
People who have souls that also have unmet needs.
People who hurt just as I do.
People looking for the peace and joy I tend to repress.

I need to share it, that's what I was put on Earth for.

My joy is not happiness in things that will pass away.
It is endless (when I'm not repressing it)

My peace is not something that occurs when everything is "okay"
it continues on, even in chaotic times.

I know the Christ.
I know the Lord of the Universe.

I know that if all the world were to turn against me
and if I were to have all living creatures hate me
I could bear it
for I know something sweeter
I know something more beautiful and real
moreso than anything this broken world has to offer.

I know who I am.
I know I am weak.

Yet, I know I can be strong.
I know I'm not invincible
but I know the One who is.

I have all that I need.

[-as God would have it, the readings for today's Mass really convicted me of this today. Interesting, isn't it? ^_^ ...]

------
NOTE: this is also taken verbatim from yesterday, much like the entry below it- only this one occured first [in the series]

from last night...
(NOTE: this is verbatim, some typed thoughts [on Notepad] from last night...)

*****
[unmet ego needs]

Jesus, today:

I'm tired and irritated Lord
my family doesn't understand me
my friends are out of reach and out of touch

I've been irritated by many things...
by my skin- it's been so itchy I've scratched it 'till it bled

I've disgusted myself
with behaviors that are unappealing and unattractive

I've been reviled and ridiculed by my own beloved brother
I've been misunderstood and percieved things incorrectly

I didn't get to do everything I wanted to do
I didn't do everything I've been asked to do
I didn't do it all...

and yet, compared to You and what You've been through
does it matter?

Not really.

You've had all my aches, pains, sorrows, and irritations before
and You handled them much better than me.

You made sure I had chances a plenty for change and renewal.

So, it is not I who should be complaining
rather You're the one who really deserves it
but You don't do it...You don't complain.

And You won't whine.

Help me so that I won't either.
No matter what happens.

Promise me You'll teach me, okay?
Because all I want Father,
all I need is to be like You
exactly.

Help, help us please...

-Amen.

quickie
Well, I really need to do more important things; but I'm a sucker for cute quizzes...


You're Himeno.


Which woman of Pretear are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

... ^_^;;

pray for me.

no abuse please
okay, I don't want anyone to be mislead by the title:

I am posting this due to the fact that I don't like seeing things abused online.
Exactly what do I mean by that?

Well, I say that there are some things people should learn like:

do not abuse tagboards
do not abuse blogs...
that sort of thing.

Actually, I'm going to see about making a page on my site committed to stopping the abuse of said items.

Now, it is time for this Daiko to go home
for it is quite late.

Hugs and kisses everyone
(the pure kind of course) ^_^

...

I'm not going to give up!
It's late, I'm tired and melancholy- but I'm not giving into despair.

and this is why:
(this is a transcription from my journal to God)

Thank You God for our liberation.

I am happy to know that I shall not remain in this world forever- nor be terminated when my earthly life ends. I am thankful that I shall remain myself, that my soul and my will shall remanin distinct and be fully sanctified in eternity. That after time has ended, entropy and temporal suffering will be totally concluded and reality in its true form will come to pass. No more shadows, darkness, forgetfulness, anger, hatred, cruelty, ignorance, not vice will remain.

Sweet Heaven, I long for that...

I know I have all I need.
(Internet access is highly over-rated.) ^_^

Pray for me everyone,
I will pray for you.

*not happy happy...*
I had previewed an entry I was about to post to my blog when it got erased (for resons I don't fully understand) all I know is that it has a lot to do with the fact that I am using a computer in my public library.

Now free online access is good, but this is bad.
I'm not terribly angry though, just a bit irked that I lost a whole entry ;_; *boo hoo*

I'm fine, I think.

(okay, I'm going to post this without previewing or adding on to this entry so that I can make sure that the above incident won't happen again)

limited...
;_; ...

Yesterday, as you can see I was unable to post for the second time. This is just sad.

At the moment, I am typing this from the library (and I only have about six minutes)- and now that I finally have internet access I have writer's block.

That's really sad.

Anyhow, with me things are fine. Aside from some troubles; and the fact that I've been quite shaken as of late, I am well. I'm glad to report that I am not broke now, but as to having a job...I still need to work on that.

ah! I do have something nice though-
if you would like to see my drawings
they are going to be here
I'm afraid I only got one up at the moment.

Well, I'm glad to be back
(and on my way to the Land O Lakes Flapjack Festival too...)

Pray for me!
(-and I'm really sorry to have such a mediocre entry today, I'll try harder- even with all my limitations)

^_^

for the people...
I haven't talked to in awhile
I miss you

As of late, I haven't really spent much time with my friends or even my family. Not that I have been anti-social or anything, it's just I can't be around certain people due to limitations.

Especially that limitation called: distance.

I know that this is the "digital age" and that it's easy for one to swifty send correspondence and what not; yet all the best technology in the world is useless when it comes to contacting people one can't get a hold of.

Also, it is a fact that this Daiko has a hard time keeping up with correspondence (especially in the handwritten letter format)
-not that I don't like communicating with people or anything like that, it's just that I have a hard time doing things regularily. I have a hard time with routine itself...

And so, here I am Daiko/Dinah Anne trying to reach out to my friends (offline or online where ever you are) to tell them that I love them, that I still care for them; I wonder what they're doing from time to time, I pray for them, I miss them.

-sigh-

I'm sorry that this entry is kinda generic.
I do have special (and more importantly, specific) people in mind:

*Rebecca/Becky
*Daniel (you lived on Walker street back in Maryland)
*La-toya (I really need to get down to sending you an e-mail soon ^^;;)

*Ate Joy & Kuya Dan (ditto on the e-mail...)
*Janeen & Brianna (I'm going to pray for you guys more, I hear that you really miss me and the family up there in Pennsylvania; and yes, I'm going to mail you some things...)

*Hibiki/David (I've been checking your blog, you haven't updated it since February! I wonder how you're doing, and possibly whether or not you have internet access in Miami since I never seem to get to talk to you on AIM anymore...)

*my cousins in Miami
[Erin, Dewi, and everyone- there are so many of you guys... o.0!! but you always make me feel welcome whenever I visit. ^_^]

*enka-kun (I wonder how you are)

*various online friends
[Mizuno Aoi, Bod-kun, tirephus, Mokuba, JeenLeen...]
(sorry that I didn't write individual comments for everyone; my brain isn't performing at its best at the moment- you are all worthy of at least one phrase though! I mean it!)

*and everyone else.

-sigh- I hope that you all are well.
I know some of you are planning to come visit my house. The question is: when? And, really you guys need to call more often.

Anyways, I'm praying for you guys.
Pray for me too.

****
NOTE: Yes, Daiko dedicated this entry to her old friends- if I have not mentioned you that doesn't mean that I don't care, it's just this entry is a gift to some people that I have known for awhile; they are quite special to me. (And I have known most of them very well offline. ^_^)

-sigh- I think this is the last entry I can do today, not too bad- huh?

mediocrity...
(I don't know if the word I used in the title is even a real word [in English] but as I feel it, my entries have been quite mediocre as of late.)

-sigh-

I am sorry everyone.
I haven't been blogging too well lately.
I've been tired and out of time,
and not posting what and when I could have.

ah well, life is calling me.
God is calling me.
He's demanding.
(in the best way...)

Anyways, I'm still alive everyone (yay.)
and I'm still praying for you.

Pray for me, okay?
(*Daiko leaves for class after finishing with the blog entry*)

I'll return...

****
EDIT: -and with updates, and anecdotes too!! ^_^

short on blog time...
Well, I'm off to class (as it is, I am late now ^^;;)
but I just wanted to let everyone know that the tagboard problem in my profile is fixed;
so you can go try it out now.

...

Yes, I do not like time constraints.
(I'll be back soon though ^_^)

Be well everyone...