after the rain
(NOTE: this is a "re-try" for me today*
I made an entry and was about to send it, but I lost my original due to computer problems** over at my college library- I want to post it, and I'll try to but it's most likely that I won't be able to, and that's kinda sad.)

it's really nice and moist outside
somewhat like a very mild and gentle sauna
-which to me, is quite pleasant
(guess I've grown accustomed to the weather here in Florida...)

Anyway, I think this will probably be the last time I'll be able to blog this week as I will be away for some time...

I'm going to be out of town to attend a funeral for a family member- who I never really knew.

I have mixed feelings about this whole situation
and I wonder if I'm selfish for feeling like I've been interrupted- though, that's only a small sensation that I have in the back of my mind.

I don't know how to put this, or how to say what I feel, but I know that that's okay- one doesn't get perfection of expression, though one has the freedom to try...

(I wrote much better in my original entry, and I wonder why I wasn't able to send it- apart from the technical issues and all... -would it have been too personal? I wonder...)

-sigh-

it feels like it's been one thing after another
-wait, that's not right.
something seems to be lacking in me, but I know that it will come back -sigh-

I just want to have
expression of something I can't quite get...
it seems to be fleeing me
-ah well.

****
Yesterday was hard for me.
dealing with internal struggles
and mental invasions
in the form of dark thoughts that I did not want to harbor
and old lies of being abandoned and without friends to give me their support and love

spiritual battles
normal battles
everyday battles
for the Christian as well as the non
although, the way we see things depends on where we stand in relation to God and how close we wish to be to Him

but

I had intense attacks
and fear
it didn't want to go away

it was like I was a little girl
left alone in the woods
with a storm of huge black birds (crows)
attacking me from all ends

but they went away...

I think I'll make an illustration when I can.

-sigh-

****
I think that it takes me a bit too long to post these things, because by the time that I finally "nail down" these things- it's usually then that they are over and that they are part of the past

but it has been said
of these things
of life, "Anything not eternal, is eternally out of date"

I guess- no,
I see that that's true now.

Okay then.

****
I have wanted to write an entry regarding the nature of this blog, should I get a separate one that I can have free of issues and full of the more "lighthearted" things that take my fancy like anime, or should I have all my entries together as I am now?

I made that question some time ago
and I answered it.

I am one whole person
I am not divided nor do
I wish to be
I will continue to post here

with levity and other things together
because...
that's me
that's who I am.

I'm glad.

(still, I'd love to hear what you have to say in response to this, but of course I'll be unavailable for a little while so please be patient)

Thanks, Father God.
I praise You.

----
[*yes, so this is technically the second version of the aforementioned entry -sigh- (I don't like having to do things twice, especially if I've lost the first try and couldn't save it- how annoying.)

**the computer kept "freezing" and all; personally, I think that my school computers could use more RAM- but I don't think that the campus has the money...]

seed of an entry
(because this is just a rough start
I want to write lots and lots in my blog
but I should do what I can
and not try to write books on here when I can't
-even though I want to...)

Anyways, I found this interesting journal entry by someone on Deviant Art- and I thought that they brought up some good points... it's really interesting being able to interact with other people throughout the online community and all- I mean, how often is it that you would regularily contact your friend who lives in some country you've never set foot in if you haven't met them face to face? -see what I mean?

(I'll add more if I'm able to later,
I'm going to make dinner with my mom...)

lovely art
I was looking around [Deviant Art] as usual when I decided to stop by [Sweetmoon's page] and I went to her [personal website]. I found out that it's REALLY nice there- she's got some beautiful artwork that I hadn't seen over in deviantART- go take a look if you want to see...

-Daiko~
(yeah, not much I said today
I'm leaving the college library to go home soon)

[I did have a nice first day of class
in my lifespan development course
although the credit hours are really long
I have to stay there for 3 hours and 30 minutes!
-I was kinda sleepy throughout class too
but not too sleepy, more like dis-interested
or dis-asociated... yeah, that's it.]

(see you later! ^_^ )

oooh, a contest!
-and the winner can get a free Ipod
sounds pretty good- all one has to do is design a set of images for a ninja who wears black and has green eyes (of course, this only applies to Deviant Art users only- sorry everyone else! ^_^; ...)

Deviant Art News article

I like the sound of this.

hello there lovely blog,
I'm sorry that I haven't been writing in you much lately- it's not that I don't like you anymore, I'm not such a person to be that cruel (even to things) it's just that I don't seem to be able to say anything (yes, I know that I'm wrong on this too, it's just that I have silent periods every so often- I've been this way with regards to my journal to God too- I don't exactly understand this, I just know what it is that I'm going through- I guess I'm just experiencing, but I should be acting rather than reacting). As I've said earlier, I don't really know why this is so, I don't even seem to be able to do much- well, I'm really not saying this right- I haven't been doing much with regards to oekaki, art, getting stuff done (online and offline) and I'm in this odd slump.

I am not depressed
I'm finding myself able to get over the dark moods that were causing me so much trouble eariler on, but why is it that I can't seem to move? I'm like a rabbit frozen in fear- not all the time, but I've been like this and I don't want to be...

-Arrrrrrgh!-
I am not saying this well and I don't like it
the restrictions of the written/typed word
-I am DEFINATELY feeling them today
isn't there some other way that I can express myself that would be more accurate?
(-wait a minute, isn't that what visual art is for- great.)

Anyways, blog
and my blog-friends
put up with me
this is going to be over
I guess I'll just
put up
a really
GOOD fight
and win so that things will be better
later on
just you see!!

-Daiko~
(... words, I can't seem to manage them perfectly...)

another quickie
sorry for all the "fluff" entries and all,
I'll see about writing more when I'm available to do so (now, I want to get some iced tea from the nearby Publix, and return some slightly late library books- yay.)

and so,
a quiz-like thing:
(actually, this WAS a true quiz o.0;; ...)

Where do you fall on the liberal - conservative political spectrum? (United States)
brought to you by Quizilla

meh, I'm sorry that it's such a wide picture.
(I like high-resolutions for my screens anyhow though. ^-^;; ...)

****
EDIT: this post has been changed, I originally posted this at this time- 17 June 2004 19:44 EDT but, I didn't like having the large picture stretch my screen and make my page take more time to load, so I moved the image.

the rains have come and gone
or rather, they have and will continue to do so
since Florida is currently in her rainy season
(the weather is still wonderful though- and it doesn't rain all the time here ^_^)

and I am healed of my hurts
and not too grievious over my afflictions

I am able to forgive
and I am healing.

the rains have come
the rains have gone

they will continue to do so

I will continue to live.

-Daiko~
(would put more into this entry, but needs to go home since she's currently in the college library...)

-.-;; I don't feel "right as rain"
and what exactly does, "right as rain" mean?
-just curious.

Anyway, what I said for the title of this entry is true- and I don't exactly know why. I don't understand why I'm so irritated with the company of other people as of late, or even what's going on internally within myself (both physically, and emotionally- possibly also spiritually, but of that I am not sure).

I really don't "get" what this disquiet and unrest of mine is, my heart is restless as am I and I don't know what it is that I should do.

I just want to hide from people
-well, not really
I guess I don't want to deal with people

and I don't understand this
-at the moment, the fact that my younger brother is in the same room with me and making some innocent comments that have nothing to do with me, it is a bother and I am wishing to be left alone.

I wonder, does anyone else ever have times where they almost feel sick to be around others, or even just to hear their idle chatter? I mean, I know that I don't feel this way because I have some specific reason for being angry at someone... but why is this? -and what is this sensation

I have so many thoughts
and things that I'd like to do
but for the most part, I've not been able to do them
and I have been lacking something lately

I can't seem to write well either
I think that some of the things that I've gone through have caused me this sealing away of my heart from others- or may be not...

I really ...
don't know.

just a quickie
sorry for the lack of updates guys, I just haven't been in a "blogging mood" lately- actually, it goes a bit [well, more than that...] deeper, but I'm not going to disclose those details just yet (since I don't have everything straightened out and all)

and so, I present
the first quiz-like thing I've taken this month:

D	Dainty
A	Ambitious
I	Important
K	Keen
O	Organic

Name / Username:

Name Acronym Generator
From Go-Quiz.com

I interrupt myself
to reveal some [not exactly ground-breaking] news:

the [Christian Anime Alliance] appears to be gone!

that place is/was a vibrant community for fellow Christians to gather and discuss anime-related activities as well as have fellowship and serious prayer (amongst other things, such as art critiquing...)

unfortunately, it seems to be
[at best] missing
[and at worst: GONE]
(but I will not indulge the above thought...
actually, I pray that that isn't the case here).

In it's downtime, let it be known that this place will be sorely missed
and that it's members will be waiting for its return (well, at least I will be...)

come back soon, CAA!!
(along with all the artistic efforts that the artists had put into
the [CAA's oekaki board]
...please don't be gone, I was working on a digital painting!
;_;' *sniff!* ...)

-Daiko~
(pray for us all.)