"Inori no... "
Now Playing: kareoke in the background~
Topic: quotations (Scripture)

_{I have a long way to go with regards to being good at finishing housework swiftly and efficiently since I would much rather leave those sorts of things (especially laundry) to be finished later, but I know better than that- I just need the self-discipline to move forward without hesitation or going off on a tangent...}


Proverbs Chapter 6
_{this chapter is full of Practical Admonitions, but quite notably in this part of the book is the list of the Six things that the LORD hates which is good to know.}

My child, if you have given your pledge to your neighbor...

Go to the ant, you lazybones; consider its ways, and be wise.
Without having any chief or officer or ruler, it prepares its food in summer, and gathers its sustenance in harvest.

How long will you lie there, O lazybones?
When will you rise from your sleep?

A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a robber, and want, like an armed warrior.


A scoundrel and a villain goes around with crooked speech,
winking the eyes, shuffling the feet,
pointing the fingers,
with perverted mind devising evil,
continually sowing discord;

on such a one calamity will descend suddenly; in a moment, damage beyond repair.


There are six things that the LORD hates, seven that are an abomination to him*:

haughty eyes, a lying toungue,
and hands that shed innocent blood,
a heart that devises wicked plans,
feet that hurry to run to evil,
a lying witness who testifies falsely,
and one who sows discord in a family.

My child, keep your father's commandment, and not forsake your mother's teaching.
Bind them upon your heart always; tie them upon your neck.
When you walk, they will lead you; when you lie down, they will watch over you;
and when you awake, they will talk with you.

For the commandment is a lamp and the teaching a light,
and the reproofs of discipline are the way of life,
to preserve you from the evil woman, from the smooth tongue of the adulteress.

Do not desire her beauty in your heart, and do not let her capture you with her eyelashes;
for a prostitute's fee is only a loaf of bread,
but the wife of another stalks a man's very life.

Can fire be carried in the bosom without burning one's clothes?

Or can one walk on hot coals without scorching the feet?
So is he who sleeps with his neighbor's wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.

Thieves are not despised who steal only to satisfy their appetite when they are hungry.
Yet if they are caught, they will pay sevenfold; they will forfeit all the goods of their house.

But he who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself.
He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away.
For jealousy arouses a husband's fury, and he shows no restraint when he takes revenge.
He will accept no compensation, and refuses a bribe no matter how great.

...

(some things in life can't be helped, but it is better if some things are prevented...)
Topic: quotations (Scripture)

<sup>I missed out on posting Proverbs chapter 5 here yesterday since I sank so much of my time into playing Disgaea* (the first one) rather than focusing on getting things done

today, I'm going to see if I can get some work finished instead of just letting that game eat all of my time (and if I do play, I wouldn't want to go more than 3 hours tops! x_x; ...)


Read More...</sup>


Proverbs Chapter 5
_{this is basically a warning against impurity and infidelity}

My child be attentive to my wisdom; incline your ear to my understanding,
so that you may hold on to prudence, and your lips may guard knowledge.

For the lips of a loose woman drip honey; and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as worm wood, sharp as a two-edged sword.
Her feet go down to death; her steps follow the path to Sheol.
She does not keep straight to the path of life; her ways wander, and she does not know it.

And now; my child, listen to me, and do not depart from the words of my mouth.

Keep your way far from her, and do not go near the door of her house;
or you will give your honor to others,
and your years to the merciless, and strangers will take their fill of your wealth,
and your labors will go to the house of an alien;

and at the end of your life you will groan, when your flesh and body are consumed,
and you say,

"Oh, how I hated discipline, and my heart despised reproof!
I did not listen to the voice of my teachers or incline my ear to my instructors.
Now I am at the point of utter ruin in the public assembly."

Drink water from your own cistern...

For human ways are under the eyes of the LORD, and he examines all their paths.
The iniquities of the wicked ensnare them, and they are caught in the toils of their sin.
They die for lack of discipline, and because of their great folly they are lost.

-as for this reading, the part that really speaks to me is the last verse since I have a hard time staying focused and finishing the task at hand instead of going off to do something else... -_-;

^{(-interesting that the last bits of these chapters of Proverbs are the most thought-provoking... I didn't notice that until just now ^-^; ...)}

_{Bibles really need to be made out of sturdier paper since if they're read everyday and are often carried around will get worn out rather easily -I am saying this since I don't like how thin the pages of mine are, since they're akin to an onion skin and I don't want to accidentally rip them or anything...
further ramblings}

Proverbs chapter 4
Topic: quotations (Scripture)

^{Yesterday, I was offline and since it was Sunday and I was out for most of the day (since I attended a prayer get-together and Mass) I didn't read a chapter of Proverbs, so today I am not as far as I could have been but this will do- on Sundays I think I'll focus more on the Mass readings...}

Listen, children, to a father's instruction, and be attentive, that you may gain insight;
for I give you good precepts: do not forsake my teaching.

When I was a son with my father, tender, and my mother's favorite, he taught me and said to me,

"Let your heart hold fast my words; keep my commandments, and live.
Get wisdom; get insight: do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth.
Do not forsake her, and she will keep you; love her, and she will guard you.

The beginning of wisdom is this: Get wisdom, and whatever else you get, get insight.
Prize her highly, and she will exalt you; she will honor you if you embrace her.
She will place on your head a fair garland; she will bestow on you a beautiful crown."

Hear, my child, and accept my words, that the years of your life may be many.
I have taught you the way of wisdom; I have led you in the paths of uprightness.

When you walk, your step will not be hampered; and if you run, you will not stumble.
Keep hold of instruction; do not let go; guard her, for she is your life.

Do not enter the path of the wicked, and do not walk in the way of evildoers.
Avoid it; do not go on it; turn away from it and pass on.

For they cannot sleep unless they have done wrong;
they are robbed of sleep unless they have made somone stumble.
For they eat the bread of wickedness and drink the wine of violence.

But the path of the righteous is like the light of dawn,
which shines brighter and brighter until full day.

The way of the wicked is like deep darkness; they do not know what they stumble over.


My child, be attentive to my words; incline your ear to my sayings.
Do not let them escape from your sight; keep them within your heart.
For they are life to those who find them, and healing to all their flesh.


Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.

Put away from you crooked speech, and put devious talk far from you.

Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.

Keep straight the path of your feet, and all your ways will be sure.

Do not swerve to the right or to the left; turn your foot away from evil.

My favorite part of today's chapter is the last part <3

-because, I want to be that sort of person and take care to remain pure (sometimes it seems that other people don't care to guard their hearts from falling into sorrow and that makes me sad- it hurts to see it...) _{and if God willed it, I would love to marry a man like that as well~}

-sigh- ...

a little more Proverbial Beauty~
Topic: quotations (Scripture)

^{-there is no "Thought of the Day" on weekends, so I'll focus more on the daily Mass readings during these days except on Sunday since I generally use that day for staying offline and logged out so I can reconnect with the real world and focus on other things.}


Chapter 3 of Proverbs:

My child, do not forget my teaching, but let your heart keep my commandments,
for length of days and years of life and abundant welfare they will give you.

Do not let loyalty and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck, write them on the tablet of your heart.
So you will find favor and good repute in the sight of God and of people.

^{(the following is one of my most favorite/needed reminders in the entire Bible)}

Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight.
In all your ways acknowledge Him, and He will make straight your paths.
Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the LORD and turn away from evil.
It will be a healing for your flesh and a refreshment for your body.

^{since I like Proverbs 3:5-8 so much, I made a paraphrased avatar of those verses: avatar for you}


Honor the LORD with your substance and with the first fruits of all your produce;
then your barns will be filled with plenty; and your vats will be bursting with wine.

My child do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof,
for the LORD reproves the one He loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.

Happy are those who find wisdom, and those who get understanding,
for her income is better than silver, and her revenue better than gold.

She is more precious than jewels, and nothing you desire can compare with her.

Long life is in her right hand, in her left hand are riches and honor.
Her ways are ways of pleasantness, and all her paths are peace.
She is a tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called happy.

The LORD by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding the established the heavens;
by his knowledge the deeps broke open, and the clouds drop down the dew.

My child do not let these escape from your sight;
keep sound wisdom and prudence, and they will be life for your soul and adornment for your neck.

Then you will walk on your way securely and your foot will not stumble.

If you sit down, you will not be afraid;
when you lie down, your sleep will be sweet.

Do not be afraid of sudden panic, or of the storm that strikes the wicked;
for the LORD will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught.

Do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it.

Do not say to your neighbor, "Go, and come again, tomorrow I will give it"- when you have it with you.

Do not plan harm against your neighbor who lives trustingly beside you.

Do not quarrel with anyone without cause, when no harm has been done to you.

Do not envy the violent and do not choose any of their ways; for the the perverse are an abomination to the LORD, but the upright are in his confidence.

The LORD's curse is on the house of the wicked, but he blesses the abode of the righteous.

Towards the scorners he is scornful, but to the humble he shows favor.

The wise will inherit honor, but stubborn fools, disgrace.

_{(-I'll soon be leaving for a prayer meeting with my family, so I'll leave this posted as it is though it is only draft quality- I'll probably have it further refined later after my return -which indeed I did~)}

[my second] Thought of the Day
Topic: quotations (Scripture)

"I saw my peoples' ways, but I will heal them and I will lead them I will give full comfort to them and those who mourn for them, I the creator, who gave them life.

Peace, peace to the far and the near says the Lord, and I will heal them."

-Isaiah 57:18-19.


****
...I still have yet to really read through this book of the Bible (yes, that is very sad) but from these two verses here, Isaiah seems to be reassuring the people by telling them this message of the Lord's -to let them know that He is Merciful that he would go so far as to heal and lead His people even after seeing them do so many horrible things

-after I read through the entire book, I'll have more to say
_{*doesn't know to what exactly is being referred to here* -_-;}

continuing from yesterday...
Now Playing: I was made to love you- Toby Mac
Topic: quotations (Scripture)
I'm going to simplify my entries so that I can have these blog posts of mine be more focused, concise and to the point.

I'll be writing separate entries during the day for each reading that I want to type out
^{(I have placed the links to the Daily Mass Readings and the "Thought of the Day" Scripture quotes provided by Spirit FM in the sidebar on the right side under the "My Church" title since that is quite a lot for me to type out- I will still be reading and reacting to those passages... )}

also, I am still internally debating whether or not I should post about my personal gatherings that I receive from these Scriptures (it is hard enough for me just to post these in the first place, but I am being reminded of and learning things through this study...)


Anyway, here is what I read in the second chapter of Proverbs today*:

My child, if you accept my words
and treasure up my commandments within you,
making you ear attentive to wisdom
and inclining your heart to understanding;

if you indeed cry out for insight,
and raise your voice for understanding;

if you seek it like silver,
and search for it as for hidden treasures-

the you will undertand the fear of the Lord
and find the knowledge of God.

For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come[s] knowledge and understanding;

he stores up sound wisdom for the upright;

he is a shield to those who walk blamelessly,
guarding the paths of justice
and preserving the way of his faithful ones.

Then you will undertand righteousness and justice
and equity, every good path;

for wisdom will come into your heart,
and knowledge will be pleasnt to your soul;
prudence will watch over you; and understanding will guard you.

It will save you from the way of evil,
from those who speak perversely,
who forsake the paths of uprightness to walk in the ways of darkness,

who rejoice in doing evil and delight in the perverseness of evil;
those whose paths are crooked, and who are devious in their ways.


You will be saved from the loose woman,
from the adulteress with her smooth words,

who forsakes the parner of her youth and forgets her sacred covenant;
for her way leads down to death, and her paths to the shades
-those who go to her never come back, nor do they regain the paths of life.

Therefore walk in the way of the good, and keep to the paths of the just.
For the upright will abide in the land, and the innocent will remain in it;
but the wicked will be cut off from the land, and the treacherous will be rooted out of it.

The part of today's reading that really stood out to me was the part that says that the one who stores up and lives by these teachings will be "saved from the loose woman" -I wish that people would all be [more] inclined to wisdom so that the tragedy of unfaithfulness would end... also, when a good man is corrupted by a vulgar woman he loses so much of his virtue and the qualities that made him really wonderful in the first place... <sub>-sigh-



*actually, I was reading more than this since it was so good, I started reading the third chapter as well but then I stopped since I wanted to get to Mass... *got there on time- not early*</sub>

stating the obvious and starting anew!
Topic: quotations (Scripture)
^{-obviously, it has been too long since I have taken the time to write here again, so I want to return to this blog even to the same spirit in which this was originally written...}

(I'm back here, and I plan to stay.)

-everyday that I use the internet first I will come here and post worthy things that I am reading and/or meditating on before I go anywhere else online (aside from my e-mail or backing up my files to various places such as [Mozy.com] _{they provide an automatic file backup service that is free when you use only 2gigs of space}) because I could really use self-discipline in governing my actions both when I am using a computer as well as whenever I am not doing so.

-it would probably be a good idea for me to break up these postings according to content, but I'm not sure exactly how to go about doing that

actually, I have two options:

-to use Cut tags within one long entry for separation

or, to post separate entries (per day or so) as pertains to what passages I am quoting...

_{-for now, I'll just wing it until I find a good system.}


these are my personal readings, I have started to read my Bible in the mornings and am starting off with a bit of Proverbs since it is easy to read and understand and full of good advice

also, the "Thought of the Day" that [Spirit FM] has is a help for me as well.
Read More... _{-following the daily Mass readings is good as well (and it is best when you're able to listen to them being read aloud while attending Mass! ^0^ )}


Proverbs, Chapter 1:

[this Scripture is] for learning about wisdom and instruction, for understanding words of insight,
for gaining instruction in wise dealing, righteousness, justice, and equity;
to teach shrewdness to the simple, knowledge and prudence to the young-
let the wise also hear and gain in learning, and the discerning acquire skill,
to understand a proverb and a figure, the words of the wise and their riddles.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.

Hear, my child your father's instruction, and do not reject your mother's teaching;
for they are a fair garland for your head, and pendants for your neck.

My child, if sinners entice you do not consent.

Read More...

Wisdom cries out in the street;
in the squares she raises her voice.
At the busiest corner she cries out;
at the entrance of the city gates she speaks:

"How long, I simple ones, will you love being simple?
How long will scoffers delight in their scoffing and fools hate knowledge?

Give heed to my reproof; I will pour out my thoughts to you; I will make my words known to you.

Because I have called and you refused, have stretched out my hand and no one heeded,
and because you have ignored all my counsel and would have none of my reproof,
I will also laugh at your calamity; I will mock when panic strikes you,
when panic comes like a storm, and your calamity comes like a whirlwind, when distress and anguish come upon you.

Then they will call upon me, but I will not answer;
they will seek me diligently, but will not find me.*

Because they hate knowledge and did not choose the fear of the Lord,
would have none of my counsel, and despised all my reproof,
therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way and be sated with their own devices.

For waywardness kills the simple, and the complacency of fools destroys them;
but those who listen to me will be secure and will live at ease, without the dread of disaster."

Proverbs is definitely one of my most favorite books out of the entire Bible <3

(*because at that point, it is just too late since they only started to do the right thing after the fact -after they were struck down by their tragedy or calamities... )


~End [part I]~

-it's been too long.
Mood:  spacey
Topic: Daiko at the moment...
(and now I don't even know how to say what it is that I want to say properly...)

<sub>-not to mention that I've gotten so used to deviantART that I was about to format this the same way that I do over there... ^^;

ah well, the nice thing about Angelfire is that they have stuff online "forever" -never mind, that may not really be a good thing at all.</sub>

Anyway, I am obviously alive since I am able to type up a new entry and post it here and my mind is full of things that I'd like to convey as per usual, but it has been awhile since I've been here and I wonder how I should phrase things...

I still enjoy playing with syntax so much -sigh-

...the fact that I am currently somewhat ill is probably contributing to the fact that I can't seem to gather and output my thoughts here in a coherent manner -gh!- -.-; ...

ee-yeah, I should probably get off the internet...
_-sigh-

be back sometime soon.




-Daiko~
_{(seems to have caught a cold somehow.)
(wonders exactly how long Lycos' multiple services such as Angelfire will continue to exist? x.x; ...)}

test entry
-I've been trying hard to update this blog of mine since earlier this week on July 5th but I haven't seen my posts go through which is a bit perturbing to say the least.

Anyway, if this goes through then I'll see if I can also add the entry that I wanted to put here previously- it's no longer as timely, but this is where I originally wanted to put it so I will keep trying.


****
life now: ah, as for myself... I'm pretty much going to be offline as I need to focus and get things done- also, it's summer where I am and it's best to spend that season having fun and being with people so I'm cutting down (out actually) a great deal of computer time (if not completely ;)


...so much has happened since April of this year...
I am so happy to have met Cheryl, and to have become part of the Home of the Mother- we have Catholic fellowship meetings once each week (lately, that's been every Wednesday...) and I feel that through these discussions that I've been learning and remembering a lot.

-thing is... I really REALLY wish that the other members of our group would add more to the discussion oftentimes, I feel that it's me mostly who puts a lot of words out and really wants to talk through whatever the topic is... the others seem so reluctant to share for fear that they won't be able to express their thoughts well in a way that we can understand- but while comprehension is important, it is moreso of importance [to me anyway] that they at least TRY! -things don't happen if one doesn't put forth enough effort and... I don't want to be "the speaker that everyone else listens to" I want to be just one of many who has words to say- I don't want to be the only one sharing my thoughts, I already know what it is that I think and I have a hard enough time getting it out of me as it is. *Daiko sad*

and well, besides that there are other things going on within the group that I am not happy to see but they aren't anything that I can't handle with God's help...

waah! I've let so many days go by un-chronicled... and yet, maybe I can write them out well now since a great deal of the passion of those days have gone by.

ah~ I am glad to be alive
I've been struck with small bouts of sadness and even had one yesterday, and still though those things do hurt me and I get taken down by them somewhat I can see now that that happens in response to my spiritual growth or rather, are even a part of my maturing- my emotions may be attacked, but I am to stand firm despite them and even grow and become stronger though others might be against me~

-life calls me, I'd love to continue this entry but this is meant to be a quick test- there's lunch to prepare and a floor to sleep SWEEP! (I wonder why I made that mistake -.-; ...) as well as LOADS of unfinished artwork that could use my hands so I am off going to get offline!


****
EDIT: darn it... why did this entry post, but not the other one? -is it because I took so many online quizzes and wanted to post the results? *doesn't know*



-Daiko~
(pray for me)
(please be well- take care of yourself.)

Come fire of Heaven!
Mood:  on fire
Now Playing: Northern Lights -403 Forbiddena
Topic: wondering where I stand
alternately titled:
-forward movement-


****
DISCLAIMER!

this is a LONG and SERIOUS journal entry from Daiko's DA journal- something that would be normally posted in a similar format to one of a few other blogs, but I consider this so important that these words will remain here and be cross-posted in as many other areas as I can reach in the near future. I am aware that this is a break from my usual style of posting, but it's self reflection and taking stock of who I am- me being myself, sometimes you'll see things like this [from me].

You are -absolutely free- to completely ignore this and do what it is that you would like with regards to whatever it is that you have planned- I'm just getting a few things out of my heart and into the air... since it is HARD to read things like this from others (due to the fact that there is quite a fair ammount of Heavy content regarding someone that you may not know well personally) I understand that it'd be a burden to even expect others to read this completely with attention for detail- I'm not asking for help or for comments... I'm just trying to discern the state of my soul and how to go about fixing what's broken in me and do that well!

yes, I even think it would be best if there are NO comments on this journal entry at all so please leave this [entry] as it is... (unless you do wish to comment- if you want to, then I won't prevent you from taking that action)

-this is in keeping with the goals that I set for myself during Lent- and while that season is long over, the task of doing these things is definately not so I am continuing on in that line of thought albeit with quite some differences this time around...

****

-Work in Progress!-
posted at such an atypical time for me since the subjects importance MERITS it- I can't procrastinate on something like this nor do I wish to hence, this is posted early Pentecost Sunday morning '06 -I may add more to this or edit later so be aware that the content of this journal entry is declared "Subject to Change"


I don't want my worries and my fears to dominate me any longer... others have said before that if one wants to really be virtuous, that they should practice and act out that virtue until it becomes a permanent part of their character. I want bravery and courage- that ability to go forward even when times are hard, or the outcome seems bleak- I want to just move past that and grow instead... -sigh-

I've been blessed to see the people in my life grow and change- to mature and improve in such a short time... I've allowed myself to hold back, actually... I have just stagnated and not moved on much from who I used to be- I know that I have changed, and that comparing oneself to others isn't always the best way to look at things, but my friends have illuminated the shortcomings in my life and it's up to me to fix them and to accept help in fixing them.

I've seen this one guy who when I look at him seems so brave and forward (too much so at times, but that's quite a forgiveable sin in my eyes...) he doesn't have the same hesitation that I have in my heart and that intrigues me and scares me- that fear isn't really that appropriate, and I want it gone from me... I can see this virtue in someone else and I want to cultivate it so that Bravery will be a real and solid portion of who I am, and maybe in taking a cue from my friend I can find a way to be rid of this fear in me- the paralysis that I have since I don't want to make mistakes, that paralysis that keeps me from moving forward and making changes in my life -sigh-

I... don't consider myself very capable of anything, and while humility is a good virtue to have, I know in my heart that in declining all the compliments I recieve from others with regards to the skill that I display that I am not acting in the real spirit of humility but in self-depreciation instead- this isn't right! -when I see someone else put themself down, I hate it... and yet with regards to myself, I allow and even enjoy and condone this behavior- so hypocritical... it's definately time for me to put a stop to that. So... if someone compliments my art, instead of replying with a cry of, "I can't draw" or some other similar and hurtful ephithet I'll accept the compliment, but I'll be honest and say that I am not yet at the skill level that I wish to be... and yet, I don't want to be boastful either, but being thankful... saying, "Thank you" when someone honestly says something kind to me... that is the right thing to do...

-there's so much that I want to say, and at the same time there has been so much internal pressure for me to keep quiet about my thoughts, experiences, and desires but if I keep these and other things to myself, I'm not really being honest- it's like saying, "I'm okay!" when I'm really not -on the other side of the coin though (or maybe not) there are somethings that I DO indeed need to restrain within myself (like random comments- I should be patient enough to wait 'til the right time to voice them if they're necessary) especially since... I don't want to add a needless burden to others- I don't want to cause extra suffering if it's not needed- I don't want to impose or to crush others with the weight of my own ego (ego in this sense not only referring to "arrogance" but with regards to "self") I mean that I don't want to annoy other people by being too much for their senses- a proper and refined lady would take care to be kind and gentle with others- I know that I am not yet there, but I long to be... I want to be that way, a good person with self-control and sensitivity to others- I don't want to keep pressing myself HARD on other people and earning their resentment or disdain- and not even just for the fact that I don't want others to hate me... I don't like seeing that sort of selfishness in others, so I want to root it out of myself entirely.

I want to do these things and more- a part of me asks, "how can I do this? I've been doing things in a certain way for so long... can I really permanently change for the better?" and my answer to myself is, "YES" because I have been changing and growing (albeit slowly...) and with God all things are possible [so there's no need to let all my fears get the best of me]. I want to grow and change- exchange this pathetic self for a truly good person who is able to do what they need to do with quickness and excellence (as well as with efficiency...) -there are people who have chosen to love me, to care about me... wonderful people who I really don't deserve to have the company of... I want to give them a good friend, I want to give them someone who can really return their love- someone who will actually listen! and be steady and there for them... I have always wanted someone like that to always be there for me, if I ask this for myself then I should be able to become what I'm longing for to make my thoughts reality

I don't want to waste my time crying over the fact that I'm not getting anywhere and that I don't deserve anything- I may not be able to control how I feel some of the time, but I can change how I react to my emotions- I can choose to do the right thing regardless of my sentiments or the situations that I find myself in- the will to be good and to do good I can cultivate it in myself... it may be true that I am pathetic, and that I deserve nothing but even if those things are facts that doesn't mean that I must always be this way... there's hope always- for me, and for everyone else (it's just that it's so much easier for me to see and realize the hope that there is for others and think that my situation is so bleak...)

I might not know how to deal with things, and I'm afraid of what will be in the days to come, but I don't need to die or to run away (figuratively or literally with regards to many senses and in different ways) because of this... I need to go forward. I want to go forward and with this resolve in my heart, I will take action (and do my best to execute the right ones and not waste too much time in foolishness)


in short:
I want to do more and do it well- I want to be braver and move forward in my life even if it will cost me, even if there is pain and strife and sadness to go through- the people who have befriended me are wonderful and I want to be a true beautiful and good person who can love them back without hurting them needlessly- my desire to be a great lady is still alive, and I will myself to go forward.


how will this impact my art?:
Well... I will be experimenting more and possibly, submitting more (here on DA and in my LiveJournal as well*) with less care in regards to my artwork being icily perfect -I don't wish to spam my watchers, but I do want to be more active as an artist and grow so that may mean a temporary increase in my submit rate over quality... please don't mind it and I will see about scrapping the really unsavory experiments so bear with me

Also! that means that I am definately not giving up on doing Commissions and want to do A LOT OF REALLY GOOD ONES despite how it may cost me- I want to be a better artist since that is tied up so tightly with who I am as a person... spiritually, emotionally, mentally- I may not have this as my calling or even as a steady career, but this art burns me [having an artist's soul] so I have to do something with it... it almost hurts me having this and not doing anything with it even though I'm not a fully-fledged professional (I'm a chick!** :))

I want to make more art- to get things I want to express OUT of me! and to add some beauty to this world somehow...


*maybe even on PGN also, but it's not as easy and familiar for me to put up works on my account over on PortalGraphics.Net...

**"Chick" as in female as well as a hatchling - a fledgling is a young bird that is almost ready to fly off on their own and is mature in comparison to a new hatchling -by what I said, I mean that I am not a mature out and out professional with several years experience doing many things withing the field of Art- I'm someone who is familiar with quite a few things that some pros in the field may know since I am deeply interested in art and finished out two years of Commercial Art in technical school- in short, I'm definately not :devartgerm: but I can understand and do a few things that someone like him is capable of~


about this entry:
Yes, this was really VAGUE and I made quite a few allusions to things that I don't feel fully comfortable speaking openly about- but that was all done purposely since this is something that I've posted on the internet and sometimes one's over open-ness can bring about one's downfall online- it's also something that I do often (if that wasn't obvious already^^; ) when I'm writing things about others since I don't want to disrespect their privacy.

-sigh- it is hard for me to know what to say and to say it rightly...

and yet... I WANT TO SAY AND DO SO MUCH MORE!

this flame in my heart burns like an Advent Candle
I think that it's about time that it becomes enhanced with Fire from Heaven like the flames that the Apostles recieved at The Pentecost

yes...


-Daiko~
(pray for me)
(Please be well.)