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a saint in training: my life on Earth
Friday, November 28, 2003
repetitive musings (from yesterday)
...and so, my life goes on.
It's not the best in the world, nor is it noted by many
but it is still the gift that God gave me.

Even if I do not understand it
even if others do not understand it
it is still precious.

I need to learn how to thank God for this life
I need to learn how to live this life (even if I don't like it)
I need to learn how to live so that I will be able to reach others (even if I am hurt by them or even if they are hurt by me...)
I need to learn how to be thankful for this life
I need to learn how to not be afraid in this life
I need to learn how to love during this life
I need to learn how to understand during this life
I need to learn how to face scary things during this life.

I live because I've been called to live.
I live despite the fact that I haven't always wanted to live.
I live because I've been designed to live.
I live despite the fact that I haven't always been in touch with the One who wants me to live.
I live because I've been created by Someone who cares for me.
I live despite the fact that I haven't always understood my Creator.
I live because I've been made to interact with others and to help them to bear their burdens during their own lives.
I live despite the fact that I haven't always been able to bear my own burdens.
I live because I've been summoned to be a sentient creature that has some meaning.
I live despite the fact that I don't fully know what that meaning is.
I live- God made me.

And somehow, He'll get me through this
I don't know how or why
I don't know many of the details
I just know He will, somehow.

I need to live
I need to act
I need to be His.

And I wonder
with my strength that can wonder
about this person that I am
this one that God created
that sometimes
I don't know why
and I wonder why
like a curious child.

I need to be a trusting child.
Without worry, or fear
or apathy
or remorse
or regret
or anger
or anxiety

still, how do I do this?

I need to learn...

Posted by Daiko at 9:44 PM EST
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One Thanksgiving
(NOTE: this is from yesterday as I felt last night on Notepad- exactly)

I had wanted to post this earlier, but my home computer was having slight problems going online again- and rather than annoy myself by trying to press the issue, I stopped.

-sigh-

Overall, yesterday was pretty good.
Everything wasn't picture perfect though.
(Not that anything [in this world] is- and what does that phrase mean, anyhow?)

A lot happened.
(-this is Daiko, even when she has quiet days- lots of things still go on)
I went through a lot emotionally and was strained spiritually.

I saw that there were members of my family who were angry due to unresolved issues that I didn't fully understand.
-I only noticed this since they took some of their feelings out on me (or so it seemed- actually, that's pretty accurate) and on the others.

ugh.
-that was really ugly.

Even worse, these bad things were kept hidden from everyone else when those family members of mine were out with other people [putting on a "happy public face" I guess] and that lead me to believe that they were really having a good time, and were no longer troubled. I was wrong.

Of course, some of us were fine.
And some of us, well we went on a rollercoaster ride
(emotionally)
which had lots of surprises through out its duration.
(Yes, that was me...)

I'm not sure what to say about that,
but I do know this:

my journal to God was very passionate when I wrote to Him.
Passionate indeed.
(by that, I mean that I was full of strong emotions)

...this is by no means the main event that went on yesterday
it's just that I was pained by it, and I just wanted to get that off my chest.

Anyways, for those of you who were waiting paitently
here's the good parts:

that morning, I stuffed the turkey
and watched parts of the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade.
(the parade was quite nice, I really like the balloons
especially the fact that they are reusable
it's nice to see some of the older balloons
they're like floating works of art
that only gets a gallery exhibit once a year)

Later on, I watched some anime with Dave
and just hung out with him in his room
(he's my brother if you didn't know
-and that was really fun, I don't get to relax
so peacefully that often. I usually feel guilty for doing so-)

+interruption: I was caught off guard by my mom here while I was typing this- it was very unnerving. At first, I was a little frightened since she came up behind me silently (she does that quite a bit around me- I don't like it). Then, she asked me who I was writing to, and I said that I was writing to no one [not that you guys are nobodies, it's just at that time I was just typing something out on notepad that wasn't directed to anyone in particular- that's why I said that]. I was relieved when she left. [...]

sarcasm: {Oh boy, I lost my train of thought- this is just great.}

my room got cleaned somewhat, and now I have more space to sleep in.
(yay!)

also, the scanner and internet connection at my house still works so I can continue making updates to my works
(double yay!)

hn...I haven't covered everything, but that's is fine for this entry.
I have a lot of thanking that I want to do,
and thanks that I have yet to give to God
I know that He's been waiting to hear it.

And I will be happy to do so...

Posted by Daiko at 9:28 PM EST
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Wednesday, November 26, 2003
out of it?
at least that's how I feel...

-sigh- and I haven't posted anything really noteworthy as of late either. ugh.
that's bad.

I think it's time for a transcription
from my spiral notebook.

(and it's definately past time for me to have the links updated-
but I'm still not done with that little project)

-sigh- I've got a room to clean,
I'll post later today...

pray for me.

Posted by Daiko at 5:27 PM EST
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Tuesday, November 25, 2003
I seem to be falling behind here~
Anyhow, I really should have posted earlier
(as usual, this is Daiko's situation:
at the college late at night, and should be home by now instead of using the free internet access in the library)

-sigh-
About the situation I wrote on yesterday,
really- it's not that bad, I was just angry.
I have forgiven those who did that to me
but that does not mean that what they did wasn't wrong. It's sad really.
If you don't understand, then look at this entry.
One look in the comment section of the entry should show how I've changed a little regarding this.

And now, more mortifications.
I'm afraid that my father does not want me to go to Mass everyday as I am accustomed.

He doesn't seem to understand how important God is to me. This hurts so much...
this is like telling someone not to drink water
or not to breathe~

I'm not sure of what action I should take either.
-sigh- and, I don't want to be disobedient

Lord, help me!
please...

pray for me.

Posted by Daiko at 8:02 PM EST
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quite the transparent little quiz...
(picked this up at Yoshi Mars' Live Journal
decided to try it out for myself
[I found it to be very silly]
and here is my result: )


How evil are you?


I wonder...
(who made this test anyhow?)

Posted by Daiko at 7:24 PM EST
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Monday, November 24, 2003
vandalism (my sketchbook)
damage report
(this is not a comprehensive nor completely totaled either- this is the horrible surprise that I encountered yesterday.)

front cover: completely ripped off, with a few pages attached

various pictures: inane comments have been added as well as the occurance of my artwork being defiled

thievery: pages of some of my best artwork were forcibly ripped out the conclusion I came to in this matter- theft. two of my most beautiful pictures were taken from me

-I was so angry. I still can't seem to get over it.

grr...

by NO means am I done here...

Posted by Daiko at 6:21 PM EST
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Thanksgiving with the family?
Or at least, that was what I expected this year when I had the feast with my church family at Our Lady of the Rosary.

I don't want to say this, but I was disappointed.
Very much so.

This year -unlike the others,
there were multiple rounded tables that only sat a few people to each.

That was in stark contrast to the traditional long table in which everyone sat together
like a family.

Because of this, and other changes
the annual feast felt like a sham somehow
-it was almost like any other Life Night at my church
with everyone separated into their specific groups and everything.

-sigh-

It was really sad.

Not to mention the horrible surprise I got near the end of dinner...

NOTE: I'm sorry for the lack of details, I am somewhat preoccupied at the moment, but I would like to write a full report later.

Posted by Daiko at 6:03 PM EST
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Saturday, November 22, 2003
ah~ life is good...
(I know it isn't always, but now is wonderful for me, at least.)

Anyhow, I am happy
(yes, that is due to what I said in an earlier entry)
for various reasons- and I think that things are going to be "normal"- actually, good at my house. ^_^ *happy sigh*

Unfortunately, I can't seem to find the disk with all my blog links on it- which has bothered me a little, but really that's not too important...if I can't find it that just means I would have to start from scratch.
[sarcasm]-that's just great... [/sarcasm]

-sigh-

...

Oh well, God made the Earth perfect in the beginning
but it's closer to the end now...

pray for me.

Posted by Daiko at 12:24 PM EST
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Friday, November 21, 2003
quick little thing...
Well, I'm very happy to report that there is now internet access available in my house again; and that means, that I'll be able to post regularily as I did before. I may be making changes to my blogging schedual though, but I'll keep you posted. (^^;; Yes, I am sorry for the bad pun. ~don't hurt me~)

Anyhow, it's time for dinner
my mom's calling me
and I need to eat.

I'm praying for you
see you soon

pray for me!!

Posted by Daiko at 7:31 PM EST
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Thursday, November 20, 2003
oh yes, good stuff...
(mind you, I am very sorry for the lack of posts from me; filled with my own words, yet I kind of like this link & minimalistic approach...)

The Hazards of Reading on the Battlefield

go!!

****
EDIT: the Internet ate this entry the first time...I don't know why, this is bad.

*cries*

Posted by Daiko at 8:22 PM EST
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