Well, well, well...
today I was given a lovely surprise as I checked my comment tagboard
[which lies within the profile of this blog ^_~]
and what do you know...I found a comment from Gene of ApEX fame.

to which I reacted like this:
oooOOOOOooooh~~!!
as you can see, this made me happy.

...of course, I'm probably speaking to a large number of people who have no idea of who or what this ApEX thing is that I speak of; and to remedy that, here is their FAQ's section of their website

That should clear things up nicely.

-Anyways, it's time for class so this Daiko is off!
I will be back afterwards; since I didn't post yesterday, I feel almost as if this is necessary and I've gotten over my temporary speechless-ness. ^_^

If I could speak...
maybe I would be able to put my painful thoughts into words
that is, if I could...

(pray for me)

these are my sorrows
(and just a few of the reasons why I would much rather be in Heaven)

NOTE: Sorry guys if this seems somewhat "RAWR-ish" or like I'm ranting...I'm kind of tired, I'm sad to say.

my sorrows:
that my brother is letting himself fail English and other classes in his last year of high school due to the fact that he isn't even attempting to finish his work or start his assignments without my help

(because of this, I am quite concerned that he won't be able to finish 12th grade and graduate with his classmates this year)

that my computer refuses to give me online access at certain times of the day when I am at home

(there's a long and irritating story behind this dilemna)

that I can't finish all the good tasks that I schedual for myself

that I find myself lonely and irritated and misunderstood

that I wander away from God and from happiness

that I can't be the person who I want to be

that I don't give enough love to others- even though I want to

that I forget the beauty of all created things...

yes, these are my sorrows
I remember them today
since this is what I have experienced so far

and of all of them
currently the first troubles me the most

I pray that my brother will change.

****
EDIT: Sorry to start off the week with such a sad blog entry; possibly, I'll be posting the other happier stuff [as well as some news] later on today- that is, after I do some important stuff! like...study, and clean house. ^_^;;

can't seem to say anything...
It's not exactly that I am at a loss for words
nor is this about me "not being in the mood to blog" (since that is not the case here)
I just can't seem to say anything~

Which is quite odd really
I am Daiko
an MT forumite
who likes to make the forums happier
and help people out by giving advice and praying for them- but, I haven't been doing that as of late.

The same can be said
(for it is true)
of my posting here and with my website
(since I am not as active as I used to be)
...now that I think about it, this isn't so bad.

I have been sick so my abilities and motivations have been reduced somewhat; and I must remember that I am only human. (Yes, Daiko tends to forget that she as a human being has limits- yes, that's sad.)

...still, I don't like this not being able to say anything- I just want to say things that will help others to understand things better, and to let people know how I'm doing and who Christ is
-sigh-

ah~ well, I am human.

pray for me.
[possibly, I'll be able to put up more in the blog today- the website? well, I still have to learn how to do tables...

I need a nap.]

I've made an update even though final exams are coming up!
and here I am in my blog.
(what am I, crazy?!!)

Anyhow, I will make this short
(yes, and finish my work then study...)

Finally, I finished changing the links around in the blog- yes, it took me a long while. The old links have been re-arranged and some of them will not be making a reappearance here for the sake of clarity. (Too many links- that just got confusing for me, and the more links I have the harder it is to move them around) I am going to put them in the blog links section of "Daiko land" (which is the odd title I've given to my personal page) in the future- I'm not exactly sure when.

-sigh-
Yes, I have been sick for almost a week now.
It's odd, I've been feeling ill since the start of this month- it must be all the bad habits of mine getting to me, plus that mental strain that I talked about in entries before.
The good news is, I feel better today and if things continue to improve with the passage of time- I will be back to my normal status by Saturday.
(yay! Then I can go and do...stuff. yay?)

Other Daiko news beside that...
the Fall semester of my college will terminate before December 17
-that means, I need to start preparing for the end of this year (school wise) and study, study, study as well as get in all my assignments (which consists of only one paper w00t!~~)
...I need prayer.

Actually, let me make that crystal clear:

I need prayer that I will survive and pass everything decently

-not that I'm doing horrible in everything
just that making perfect grades isn't my forte
I'm admitting that I need help here.
(-especially with regards to not going online and doing personal stuff when I need to be using the computer to finish important school things)

arrgh. I hate my human follies.

pray for me...

and now, Daiko is...
feeling somewhat blah.
*blahs*

-sigh- That would be due to the fact that I am sick and especially that I have a paper due soon, as well as final exams coming up next week.

I think I would scream if I had the energy
...nah.

I'm going to be fine, I know that God loves me still
(even in this mess of misery that I have inside)
and that worrying is not necessary
(my spirit knows that, but my flesh just wants to revolt and be evil and make a mess of things- mostly that would be my life as a Christian)
I will be fine...somehow.
(Pray for me, won't you? Please...)

I guess that would explain why I've been a bit "laid back" recently. I'm used to being well and having the energy to do almost anything (I'm not kidding)- well, that may be a bit of an exaggeration but I do mean that...in doing physical activities. I have been mentally weary as of late (but with heart and soul still intact, yeah!) though I am not that way usually.

-sigh-
Please Lord, let me have all these things be over with- especially school. You know that I love it, it's just- I'm tired and being human, I can't go on forever. ugh.

Yeah.
I wasn't here on Monday since I had practised self-restraint (okay, God did it) so that I would study. This was also done to remind myself that:

"Hey, girl! There's more to life on Earth than that whole internet thing- do you really need to be online to be happy!!? ..."

*Daiko breaks free of internet-dependency*

And so, I became stronger with regards to the virtue of self-restraint. Yay!

There is so much happiness to be gained when one is good. I'm happy.

I'm tired...
pray for me~

(I'm going to see about returning to my website and building it up more, I really would like to change the layout I have over there- due to my busy-ness, I wont' be doing so for awhile)

[for everyone who does pray for me: Thanks~]

-be praying for all of you!

waiting for the arrival of the Christ child...
that's what I've been doing lately.
Wondering and hoping that He would come soon to carry us all away from this ever-wearysome earth.

-sigh-
I have been thinking of the last things as of late.
I know that it is folly to think that any persons would claim to know the day when the end is to come- since not even Jesus knew; He said that only the Father knows- and no one else.

I can't wait
but I'm still not ready
-sigh-

I hope for peace and long for unity and happiness in Christ for all people as a Christ Mass gift to the world this year...
I know that the Lord has heard me,
I wonder...
is he bringing my prayer to fufillment?

I hope so.
I wait with anticipation.
I long for a peaceful future.
I'm waiting...

end of the month [blog] check
Well, I think this month has been pretty good- all in all. Of course, everything didn't go smoothly- but that is understandable.

Anyways, this month:

I missed entries.
More specifically, I missed 6 entries total.
The chief reason was because I couldn't get internet access, but there's a little more to it than that- it's not necessary information though.

I wrote odd entries.
Actually, I had times where I couldn't think of anything to say [or had a hard time putting my thoughts into words] and was pressed for time- this leads to very terse, mediocre entries as this example illustrates

I posted about things outside my sphere of life.
What I did was, I changed my posting style a little during this month. I wrote about my reaction to a webcomic (which I had never done in here before) and I posted some articles with information (which I liked, I'll be doing that more often in the future and add my comments as well...). I think this is good, but I want to make sure that this blog stays a Christian blog [in which I do talk about this life God gave me, but more importantly- that I talk about Him and thank Him] and doesn't turn into a "rant column" or something like that. (ugh. -that would not be so yummy~)

and that covers a bit of the blog activity.

summary of my life this month:

I experienced heavy burnout for the first time.
I had horrible surprises
[well, that's a little strong...]
I had wonderful surprises (^_^ yes, yes I did)
I was very worried...
I was very thankful
I was happy, I was sad, I was irritated, I was tired, I was angry, I was raped artistically
I gave thanks to the Lord and ate a large bird
(two days in a row, and enjoyed it!)
I cleaned my room...somewhat
I slacked in prayers and in studying
I missed some Masses (not because I wanted to)
I went to Confession (I think last week)
I had played video games (I wasn't supposed to) and stopped doing so

I grew to be a better person (just a little...)
I was human- I fell down, and then got up with God's help.

That was my November in synopsis.
Comments anyone?
(-and yes, I am aware that I have left quite a few things out- I'm sorry.)

And before you leave, don't forget
I'm praying for you
and I would be ever so thankful if you would pray [regularily] for me, I really need it.

Thank you everyone!!

Life is so strange it's beautiful...
-it's almost too [add descriptive word here]/[beautiful, wonderful, amazing- something like that] to believe and as you can see, I can't put it in words precisely enough.

God has been so kind to me.
It makes me want to cry.
I've been through so much and He,
He's held me up so well...*happy sigh*

-I wanted to say more, but this
this is at the heart of what I meant to say.

God bless us all.
I'm going to pray.
I'm so thankful
[despite all my pains...]

I'm praying for you!
pray for me!

...*cries happy tears*

repetitive musings (from yesterday)
...and so, my life goes on.
It's not the best in the world, nor is it noted by many
but it is still the gift that God gave me.

Even if I do not understand it
even if others do not understand it
it is still precious.

I need to learn how to thank God for this life
I need to learn how to live this life (even if I don't like it)
I need to learn how to live so that I will be able to reach others (even if I am hurt by them or even if they are hurt by me...)
I need to learn how to be thankful for this life
I need to learn how to not be afraid in this life
I need to learn how to love during this life
I need to learn how to understand during this life
I need to learn how to face scary things during this life.

I live because I've been called to live.
I live despite the fact that I haven't always wanted to live.
I live because I've been designed to live.
I live despite the fact that I haven't always been in touch with the One who wants me to live.
I live because I've been created by Someone who cares for me.
I live despite the fact that I haven't always understood my Creator.
I live because I've been made to interact with others and to help them to bear their burdens during their own lives.
I live despite the fact that I haven't always been able to bear my own burdens.
I live because I've been summoned to be a sentient creature that has some meaning.
I live despite the fact that I don't fully know what that meaning is.
I live- God made me.

And somehow, He'll get me through this
I don't know how or why
I don't know many of the details
I just know He will, somehow.

I need to live
I need to act
I need to be His.

And I wonder
with my strength that can wonder
about this person that I am
this one that God created
that sometimes
I don't know why
and I wonder why
like a curious child.

I need to be a trusting child.
Without worry, or fear
or apathy
or remorse
or regret
or anger
or anxiety

still, how do I do this?

I need to learn...