a small space of time
in which one waits and learns
then matures
and grows to be able to love
to be responsive to others
and... to know God.

-that's what life is in a nutshell, isn't it?

...

I guess it's not really that strange, but life is always like this- I find that interesting in an odd way. Even when you're just waiting for a friend somewhere, sometime- one is still living and there is an opportunity for all of the things I have listed above... wow.

^^;; I'm not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill or anything, I just see these little details of life and I analyze them- sometimes, it scares me what I find, especially when I haven't meant to find it.

...

So, what do I do in this small space of time?

Whether I'm waiting for a few minutes for a friend to make their appearance, or for this life to come to it's natural end...what am I to do?

...in such a small space of time.

first quiz of the year...
as to accuracy [which I regularily would comment on after taking a quiz] I have no idea whether this is or not- I can't tell.


Your anime hair color is green.


What is your anime hair color?
brought to you by Quizilla

-still, this may look good on me
if I was an anime character of course.

ah~ how nice to be blogging again.

^_^ ...

[I hope I'll be able to blog more, I still have several things to do...things require my focused attention and I don't know what's going to happen...]

third day of this new year
and I end up disappearing (with regards to my blog ^^;)

As usual, I didn't mean to- just that my computer is truly on the fritz and is going to be repaired quite soon. -sigh- that is so not fun.

Well, something good happened today
actually just a few minutes ago:
I just got out of my first confession of the new year!
-and so, I am free of sin...
at least for a while.
-sigh-

You know, I mean to write so much here
I have a lot of plans for the things that I want to do and the things that I want to say.

^^;; I still have quite a bit of backwork with regards to this place, and this isn't even a paid job (it would be interesting if this was though)- this is merely one of my personal projects.

/me is so crazy.

I want to write a reflection of last year
-to highlight certain events in my life
-to explain who I am to a further degree
and especially, to try to pick up from where I last left off- ugh.

Anyways, I'm glad that there's still time and opportuninties for me to accomplish all that- also, it's not as if those things are most important anyhow.

It's living well and being a good child of God
that is of the utmost importance.

...

God help me.

coming soon:
Daiko adds reviews and basic blogging lessons on a [somewhat] regular basis!
[-as well as other things...]

keep on praying for me!

good-bye to this year...
and here it is, the last day of this 2003 solar year. I feel somewhat melancholy. I woke up this morning with high hopes for this time, to have the end of this be wonderful and full of joy- and yet, I've been disappointed.

I know that my brothers don't find this day to be as special as I do, and that they don't feel the same need to finish everything up. To have one's affairs tied up and put in place, to be ordered and at peace; at least, that's how I feel from observing the Kabigon. -maybe, it's just in his nature to be easy-going, and yet I see how fleeting the day is- I lament all my wasted time.

-sigh-

I wish more to have no more regret for the rest of my life- I know that is quite unrealistic, but having regrets causes too much heartache.

I would like a peaceful year.

...there's a lot that I would like actually.

-it's been said that "want" is the cause of a lot of the troubles in this world, and while that may be true with regards to many things- wanting what is truly good is not a troublesome thing...

I want things to be better.

I'm so tired.
I'm sorrowful.

and still, I have high hopes in the Lord
and still, I will trust Him with my joy
and I will still smile

even though I feel almost dead inside.

help~

****
I don't know what to do,
I feel like I've been discarded
that within my family
there is little love for the person that I am

little patience with regards to my mistakes
little mercy with regards to things I do not intend to do

love that goes toward things (from other family members) rather than towards me or others

I wish I could make this clear
I wish I could make this stop.

I will leave for now...

break the silence
then burn away darkness with firey zeal

and remember all the good things that have passed
and that are yet to come
the promises given for a vibrant future
of renewal and kind regards

of friends and peoples
of passing beauties and lasting joys

I celebrate these and the other blessings that God has given me, especially in the gift of my readers

heh. I find it to be a very kind act that people who have not known me in the physical world actually feel something for me here and pray for me. That these same people take time out of their lives to read my entries, to care and to pray.

Lord, I am thankful
this in itself is a great present
I have had such a rich Christmas
because I've been given so much

and been through the darkness
which makes the light even sweeter
and all the more beautiful

having bad times reveals how wonderful things are when times are good- it makes me grateful, and clarifies my vision as to what is best.

Thank you.

****
NOTE: Yes, I am quite aware that this is an odd way to post (and no, I don't post like this that often) but I needed to get through my writers block, and these thoughts [are the ones that really] jumped out [at me]. ^_^;;

Kabigon: a movie you can take your kids to see!!
these are the quiz results that my younger brother (the Kabigon) got.


My life is rated G.
What is your life rated?

[Kabi, remember to put this up on your site later.]

****
EDIT: Kabi helped me to change the title of this entry to be more gramatically accurate.

originally it was:
Kabigon: a wonderful movie you can take your kids to go see!!

the "go" wasn't necessary, it was quite awkward as well. ^^;

(also, I just love the way that my blog acts up at times [/sarcasm])

Observed silence
during the passage of High Holy Days...

or so I wish that was what I had been doing for two days.

Actually, I had been away doing things during the Christ Mass and the day after the 25th of December. -sigh- So much activity, and yet I did so little, I don't like that feeling too well.

I had wanted to post a little something before I attended Midnight Mass on Christmas eve; and here it is:

Christmas is
(not about)

hurt feelings and being angry with others
(no matter how much they "deserve it")

and being upset and frustrated
(with the way that people do things
or with missed opportunities
or anger at things not done well)

Christmas is Christ Mass.

It is about Jesus.

The one who even while he was dying slowly and painfully
the one who was able to look down from the cross while steeped deeply in his own pain and say, "Father, forgive them for they know not what they do."

Humanity says
Be angry, you've got every right to be!!

-but God says otherwise.

If I can put down my hurt feelings,
pardon those who have incensed me,
give mercy and be merciful despite what I feel

then, and only then
will I be more like Jesus

and that is the best person that I should ever resemble.

Merry Christ Mass everyone
even if you're not understood
and don't feel loved
and seem as if you have no hope

-it's not true.

Merry Christ Mass.

I'm praying for you~

Thankfully, most of the troubles that I went through during that time were resolved nicely- and for that, I am ever so grateful to God.

-sigh- ...somehow, I can return to my regular blogging habits; still, I will do my best to live my life well first.

I pray that you've all had a wonderful Christ Mass day, and I will keep praying thoughout the rest of this year...

pray for me~

****
EDIT: -sigh- Well, as I've said before, this blog just doesn't seem to like certain types of HTML and will start acting "funny" at times- please do not let this bother you too much. Thank you.

...and all is somewhat darkened.
-at least with regards to some things, as in zeal.

-sigh- ...I can't believe that it's almost Christ Mass- actually, that's not totally true, I guess it's just that I'm not "prepared"/"ready"? [I don't even know what word to use to describe what it is that I am going through this season...ugh.]

Anyways, I do love this time of year
but things are different now-
I do my best to keep a light, child-like heart
and...still, my heart is heavy with the wondering about things.

I've been too inactive and quiet for so long now.
Lord, I pray that I will get better as will my friends (I am hoping that you will be well iamchosen... I do understand apathy and what it feels like to not be hungry for the Word of God- you can get through it.)

I really don't know what to say...
but I said something anyway.

hn. interesting.

praying for you~

that hiatus was too long
and quite unexpected.

Sorry everyone, I didn't mean to leave you all without any word from me for three days- I found myself unable to blog, though I wasn't unwilling.

Last Thursday, I had gone to see The Return of the King with some good friends of mine from my high school days. It was pretty fun, we'd all dressed up- we were cos-playing as Middle-Earthians; Alicia and Stephanie both wore elven ears and Cassandra and I were ladies of Rohan. I enjoyed the experience very much. ^_^

Oh yeah, and the Sunday before that
I had gone to see Jars of Clay and Cademon's Call in concert. (I had considered scanning my ticket stubs from all my events and putting the images online for all to see- but that plan didn't turn out too good. ^^;)

-sigh- In all, I've had quite a few adventures lately. Yes, I was quite busy- and since it's so close to Christ Mass, I've been to parties...and I've still got a few that I should be R.S.V.P.-ing to right now.

...Daiko tired (somewhat).

's all for now.

pray for me,
I'm praying for you!

late, late stuff~
I think after all these years of wandering around the internet with nothing good for stimulation, that I have finally found a place that I can call "home"

update-y:
I've taken out the other tagboard which had served me well in holding prayer requests unfortunately, I didn't get many during the board's duration- retrostats couldn't keep up the free service and it is now closed.

I really would like to take out the old orange tagboard that I have in my blog's profile since it is now non-functional, but that doesn't seem to be possible- I have put up with this problem for so long now; hoping that it would be fixed in time...I think I've waited too long.

I'm seriously considering moving to another place and deleting my blog here. That saddens and gladdens me when I think of it- yes, I'm strange: I have thoughts that should not exist with each other going on at the same time in unison. ugh. Still, I know that my friend Bod-kun probably would be cheered if I implimented this plan of mine; maybe that would be good...?

I am still having problems with the layout of my website- all I want is a nice green sidebar...is that too much to ask? -sigh- tables...I have yet to master this art in the HTML-style...

As to my "forum-selves":
-sigh- I think that I am no longer welcome at the Relient K board, and maybe that's a good thing- I sure made a fool of myself over there, I had been naive and tried to do something that I thought would be good and ...heroic. *winces* I'm sorry. -this is good, I guess that I live in exile of that land
I still LOVE Relient K though, and nothing (short of an act of God) will stop me from doing so!!

MegaTokyo?
-the forums have changed.
I feel it in the posts, I see it in the threads
the sigs reveal that this place is no longer friendly to people such as myself

I must leave...
*goes down to the sea to sail away to the Un-dying lands in an elven-crafted vessel*

Actually, I still like MT- just not the eechi-ness of the recent formite activity.

-sigh-

I wonder if all this makes sense?
I wonder what actions I should take?
I wonder...