It's really short now and for the first time in my life I will use styling products and wax daily. Don't know weather or not it suits me - I'mean if other people think it suits me. But I like it a lot.
Walking home from the bus I meet two of the people who live in my apartmentbuilding. We talked a bit. NO ONE mentioned my new hairstyle, but there is no doubt that they saw it. Just acted like it didn't existed. I know that I'm not like most people. But at least I know what is wrong with me and I try to act to make up for that, even if I don't always succed. In my opinion theese people are a lot more odd than I ever will be. They are just funny people, I dont get them at all! I don't like them very much, I stay away as much as I can. The ability to be alone is my greatest strength but also my curse.
One of the persons I meet today, gets my paper everyday. I pay 161 swedish krones each month for the paper and he gets it for free each day. I don't mind it. I've read it and he can use it. It's okay. The thing I didn't like was when he gave me a plant as thank you. It wasn't the flower itself but the big deal he made of it. Like I should be so greatful for it. No I don't get those people. I'm better of away from those people.
I have a dentists drill in my soul. I have had it for a long time now. It's in there wibrating and hurting me all the time. I can't focus in on it. I can't really say what the anxiety is about. It just hurts. I am so scared about the future, about my life. I am so scared and it almoste make me apahtic. But I live in world made of wax, but I survive somehow and I don't know why. I think that is odd.