Introduction

You've hopefully been reading his daily update, now learn more about the international man of mystery. Be dazzled about his relationships with the stars of Hollywood, be left open mouthed as you read about his counter terrorist activities, and more than anything you will be stunned to see the photographic evidence compiled to back up his claims.

A Little Background

Born in Cricklewood, a little known suburb of Geneva, our man learnt to ski before he could walk. He would practice his downhill and slalom techniques every morning on the flyovers of the North Circular Road. An ace with languages he was speaking fluent bullshit by the age of 10. He then disappears from the scene, but re-emerges in the Swinging London of the 1960's mixing with such notable folk as Kirk Douglas, Sophia Loren and the Kray Twins. He also achieves notoriety on the sporting scene, first as the stand in Linesman who allowed Geoff Hurst's controversial goal in the 1966 world cup final, then on the same day provoking Kenneth Wolstenholme's famous "They Think it's all over" remark by running on the pitch with an Israeli flag. These experiences led him to sign up to join Israel's elite security service Mossad. This is widely believed to have been done by mistake though, as at the time he was looking for part time work in Woolworths and is thought to have picked up the wrong form. Mossad infiltrated him onto an oil pipeline building project with the sole aim of having him blow it up when it was finished, they realised that he had a flair for destroying things. At the outbreak of the six day war, our man in an amoured VW Beetle took on the Egyptian army single handedly, and whilst meeting with some success, was eventually captured. Hollywood turned the story of his escape into a movie called "The Great Escape" although for the purposes of protecting our man's identity they changed the whole event and moved it into a World War 2 setting.

Airports were to feature largely in our man's next appearance, whilst the world was obviously shocked by the attacks on El Al check in desks at Rome and Vienna airports, there was a similar much overlooked incident at Fairoaks airport in the United Kingdom. Also if you've ever seen or read anything about the Raid on Entebbe by Israeli commandos, this was once again a dressing up of events just to suit Hollywood. The reality was that our man realised he had left a free packet of Peanuts under his seat, and was determined to get them back.

This was probably the last time he achieved worldwide renown, since then he has been working undercover for Mossad firstly on London Underground's network and now in a similar role within the United Kingdom's National Health Service.