Mood:
sharpNow Playing: Crackerjack
Sorry about the one day break, but everything happened so quickly that, as I said, I didn't have time to get hold of Benny to fill in for the day.
The seriousness of this crime cannot be underestimated, I did work at the Bagel Bake myself during the 1960's so was picked for this mission as I have the necessary inside knowledge of the place. Hospital was a bit pissed off as I called in sick with Ebola or something, looked good in the medical dictionary and it means I can take the rest of the week off sick.
I was picked up by helicopter at Fairoaks and flown up to Tower Hamlets. We used the landing pad on the roof of The Royal London Hospital which was a bit of luck really as it was discovered that my jabs weren't up to date, requirements for visiting Tower Hamlets are quite strict, it has an exotic feel in more ways than one. After injecting myself with the necessary vaccines it was onto the specially arranged racing bike and off to Brick Lane. If you haven't been to this part of the world recently it really is a shock, and I thought initially that I'd ended up in Southall. But seeing the Blind Beggar - the scene of that famous night with my mate Ronnie - I knew I was on the right track. The Bagel Bake has been in the same spot for years though and as I approached the junction of Brick Lane and Bethnal Green Road I saw it all lit up (It's open 24 hrs you know). Some of the locals seemed a bit miffed about the tape with Hebrew writing on it that was blocking their path, but this was a crime against the Jewish State and Mossad weren't about to let a load of Islamic extremists sully the evidence. Flashing my strange - but powerful - ID card I entered the shop and saw a very tasty looking Salt Beef Bagel in the cabinet there and realised I hadn't had breakfast so picked it up and while chewing away scanned the scene for clues. Now you lot might have seen the Yankee programme CSI with all their fancy gadgets and wearing those paper overalls, silly paper slippers etc. Us down in Mossad don't go in for all that crap. We are so highly trained we can just look at a scene and know what evidence we'll find, we don't need to document it either, we all have photographic memories. OK most of the photographs involve some sort of Arab but that's not the point. I immediately worked out what had happened. For some time we have had evidence that Hamas have jealously coveted the Bagel Bake and have wanted their own branch down on the West Bank for years. It's a widely held belief that for all these years they have wanted Palestinian independence. However those of us in certain circles know this is Bullshit. In reality they have wanted their own Bagel Bake and the Israeli government have always refused to give in. They had obviously broken in and stolen the recipe so they could set up their own independent shop. With the motive so obvious, the whole thing was now a piece of cake, (or a piece of Bagel as we like to say) so I began to plant the necessary evidence. Now why would I do that you may ask. Well some of these criminals are experts and don't leave much lying around so we have to recreate the scene for them. I always carry around a few PLO/Hamas cards, and maybe a scrap of a Palestinian flag for such an occasion. All we had to do now was round up a couple of Arabs, make sure they had the recipe in their pockets, and the case was solved. Using the phone from the Bagel bake I contacted Tel Aviv, told them to order a couple of air strikes as revenge, and satisfied with my days work could make my way home, as some of the lower minions will get their hands dirty down the Edgware Road to find a couple of Arab looking geezers to bump off for the crime.
As I cycled back I really wondered why it had been left to me to sort out. It was all glaringly obvious and could have been left to a more junior operative. Maybe they think I needed the practice. Anyway because I'd sorted it out so quickly I can go back to work earlier than thought. That'll look good, only one day off for Ebola, what a trooper I am.
Shalom
