I'm a Lumberjack and I'm OK
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: The Bassoon
Well I'm back from a very interesting mission. I like these exciting times, gunfire in the streets, explosions, the sight of people cowering as they move from one building to another...but enough about Harlesden on a Saturday night...you no doubt want to know what I've been up to since my abrupt departure.
Well unfortunately the weather was against me a little, and my hang glider took a bit longer than expected to get going, in fact despite my best efforts I only got as far as Eastbourne before I came crashing to the ground. Mind you Eastbourne has many similarities to Beirut, at least if my memory serves me correctly. You know I parked my bike in Eastbourne once and some git nicked the front wheel, exactly the same as happened when I led the Israeli Army cycling paratroopers in a cross border sortie. Mind you they did rig up a booby trap to the bike so nobody could take the frame so I guess that makes the Lebanese more considerate. All I will say is that it is lucky I'm not colour blind.
Anyway as I couldn't make it all the way there my role had to change, and after discussion with the High Command it was decided that with my intimate knowledge of Tooting - which has a similar street layout to Beirut I'd be the ideal man to direct the shellfire. So armed with a 1960's copy of a London A-Z I've been directing operations and I must admit I have let personal feelings influence my decisions. There used to be an old Kebab shop just off Tooting High Road called HisBollers or something, must have been what they made the Kebabs of, I spent a night talking into the porcelain telephone after eating there. So whenever I gave out a map reference I would shout HisBollers! Now it seems the Israeli Government have taken it to heart and claim they are directing operations against HisBollers. I feel really sorry for the guy in a way, one dodgy kebab and he is regarded as a terrorist. Mind you what sort of message is that sending anyone who gives Jews food poisoning, it'll certainly step up the cleanliness of restaurants in Golders Green I can tell you.
OK, well better get going, I have a debriefing with Councillor Liebeman to go through.

Shalom