A letter from a reader
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: The Trouble With Tribbles
You know just sometimes when I'm wading through all the intelligence reports I receive by e-mail from the likes of the FBI, KGB, CIA, MI5 and ASDA there is one that stands out from the crowd.
Here's one I got the other day.

Dear Mystery Man, I think I know who you are. Was it you I spotted in Tesco's car park the other night gathering up all the loose trolleys. If so can I ask why you don't wear that bright orange vest which I notice that very nice downs syndrome kid who does the job during the day wears with pride? Wearing dark clothing in a badly lit area isn't too clever you know.

OK, first off I must admit I am working at Tescos on a part time basis. You never know when the extra shekels will come in handy for your next covert mission, and besides I'm aiming to become the country's foremost expert in trolley handling. Also it means I'm one of the first to get a go at all the out of date food before all the OAPS dig in. However I am not merely just an ordinary trolley pusher. Tescos have given me a managerial title. I am their first ever Shopping Cart Utilisation Manager. The staff though find that a bit of a mouthful so they call me SCUM for short.
As for the bright orange vest, first off with my background I'm a prime target for any Arab hitman who fancies his chances, so I think it's f*cking obvious I don't want to draw attention to myself. The other reason is that after that "nice Downs syndrome kid" has been wearing it all day it's soaked through with his f*cking dribble...no way am I wearing that...never know what you might catch.
If anyone else out there has a question they want to ask me...well you know the address.

Shalom