Mood:  incredulous

Well I'm well pissed off. It's been a real shitty week and I've spent most of it in a Jail cell after I went cottaging with that geezer Quentin I met while I was camping on Hampstead Heath.

Now I don't know about you lot, but when someone tells me he enjoys cottaging, I assume he means he shares my interest in visiting quaint English villages looking at the cottages and drinking Tea. Well not this c*nt! It seemed a bit unusual that we never went to catch a train, and he had a couple of Tesco bags stuffed in his pocket. In fact we never made it past the bogs on the Heath. I thought he got caught short as he headed for the trap, I also thought he just didn't want to get his feet dirty as he put them in the Tesco bag. Imagine my surprise when he asked me to join him in there and put my feet in a Tesco bag too. Now I know the bogs on the Heath can be a bit dodgy, but surely he would have been just as safe with me hanging around outside the trap door. Anyway to cut a long story short, just as I was about to do that to keep him happy, a copper walks in and promptly nicks us both. Turns out cottaging isn't as innocent as I thought it was. I've spent the week trying to convince everyone that I'm no nonce. They even had a good laugh at my mysterious ID card with the Star of David on it...bastards...and I've had to face some pretty tough questions from Tel Aviv...such as wouldn't I have been better off using Kwik Save bags...they have a point there.

So today I'm keeping a low profile, no doubt word of my arrest has reached the Synagogue. Even though in the end they accepted I was an innocent party, you can be sure I'd be showered in carrier bags if I showed up there, although once they put a 10p tax on the things that won't happen. As for my safe house move...hopefully that'll get sorted out this week...for now I'm camping out on Clapham Common instead...well away from the Quentins of this world.

 Shalom