Mood:  not sure

Sometimes when I sit down to type this crap I don't know what to write. There's some stuff which I can't include for security reasons. Other stuff gets left out because while I was friendly with some of the leading lights in London's underworld, a couple of them might still try and come and kneecap me if I reveal what they did with Ronnie Kray's pet python and a tub of Vaseline. Of course there are also the occasions when life is so f*cking boring because all I really am is a lousy hospital porter who is working undercover for an elite Israeli security agency and don't have anything to say.

Still those times are few and far between, and as I sit here with a warmed up buttered Bagel and my latest Christmas card for Sophia Loren and John Wayne I can think of a few things which are cleared for public consumption.

The Tel Aviv hotline which rang as I was working on this wasn't anything of major importance. Some f*cking retard there still thinks I work part time for Tescos and wanted to tell me he'd spotted one of their shopping carts in the car park at Jerusalem airport. One of life's great mysteries is how shopping trolleys end up where they do, but I think I cracked that one ages ago. They are so f*cking useful, I normally take one with me where ever I go, although it's a bit of a bastard having one strapped to your parachute when you're doing a HALO drop over Iraq for instance. What about the wonky wheels I hear you ask...Israeli Army issued shopping trolleys have been specially designed to combat that problem, however that's a state secret so I can't tell you what they did. So give it a thought...all those shopping trolleys you see lying about might just be leftover from some sort of clandestine operation masterminded by Mossad...in which case we're very active in the UK at the moment.

I also made a big decision about the Synagogue...I think I'm going to lie low for a while and either not go or go elsewhere. To that end I'm just filling out an application for to work in some upmarket Scottish restaurant at weekends. If I'm successful just mention this Blog next time you go to McDonalds and I'll make sure you get a good table.

Shalom