Mood:  lazy

OK, I'll come straight to the point today. There are a lot of rumours flying around that I had something to do with that hospital fire the other day. Let me put those to bed, then I'll tell you what Mossad have worked out so far.

The fire had nothing to do with the shaped charge class I was attending, a dodgy bottle of Pepsi Max, or the fact I was a bit lax getting rid of my fag. The simplest explanation is that I had been asked by the makers of Milk Tray to get rid of all those Raspberry Truffle ones that nobody likes. The f*cking Cancer patients didn't want them either, even though I told them it was some wonder drug, so I had to try and burn the bastard things. Those are tough old gits, you ever tried setting fire to chocolate it tends to melt before you can do anything with it, nothing like Semtex. In the end I emptied my lighter over this small pile and whoosh up they went. I thought that would be a good time to take a crap as the Marsden has nice soft bog paper, but I forgot about the burning pile of chocolates as there was a rather interesting article on the bog roll about washing your hands. Anyway you've seen the rest on the news...and with all the excitement I didn't wash my hands...nothing new there then.

Off to Synagogue for the first time this year later on. Be interesting to see who they have lined up to do the first service of the year. We're going to be having a number of guest rabbis until they can find some sad f*cker who likes religion and can do circumcisions using a disposable Bic razor. The downside of all this is that the secret message that Goldberg was trying to get to me will probably never be known, so all that Fisher Price stuff I got in for Christmas is all junk now...Goldberg you're a c*nt...I didn't even keep the receipts, so Toys R Us won't take them back.

Shalom