Mood:  not sure

Hello c*nts, I'm back. I really can't explain why last week I was totally speechless. Anyone who has ever come across me will tell you that I'm never lost for words...but with the Mossad hotline dead, most East End gangsters also dead, no major disasters, and peace moves in the Middle East, my life was an empty shell.

Anyway I thought I'd take the opportunity when things were quiet to nip over to my flat on Lake Geneva and check it out. The Yankee General who's renting it off me is currently in sunnier climes, so I can stay there even while he's paying the rent. Of course getting there was a bastard. As a loyal Israeli/Swiss/British/Sudanese/Australian/South African/Zimbabwean/Iraqi citizen, I wanted to use my Air Miles for a free flight. However El Al don't do a direct flight to Geneva from Fairoaks, and none of the other f*cking airlines accept Koshermiles...anti semetic c*nts...so I ended up taking Ryanair to some place in Italy, and then scaling the Alps using just the elastic out of my Y fronts and a broken match. Took me a couple of days to get there but I saved at least 20 quid on the fare.

I was pretty pissed off when I got there though and had a look through that Yanks gear...he's a big fan of Englebert Humperdinck. Now for those of you who don't know, me and Englebert had a bit of a run in before he became famous, and he still owes 15 shillings back rent on a penthouse suite he was renting back in Cricklewood, so the sight of anything to do with him drives me mad. That Yank's going to have the shock of his life when he gets back...I swapped out all the Englebert stuff with some Bernie Winters and Schnorbitz...now there's real talent.

OK, well I got back yesterday, and someone has tipped me off that a new Rabbi has been approved by Mossad, so the Synagogue might be worth visiting again.

Shalom