Mood:  not sure

I know, I know, I don't need you c*nts to tell me. I've been a bit lacking in the updates for a while. My so called mate Benny was meant to do it for me, but the dozy bastard finally got caught doing obscene things with a Bratwurst on a trip to Nurnberg. The Krauts have locked him up for a while and I'm not going to get him out, I've got better things to do.

You may have noticed that I'm not in the Israeli/Swiss/GB team for the Olympics. I guess I thought it was about time I let some other c*nt win a few medals, there are only so many Platinum medals you can win, I didn't even take part in the Tour De France, I'm getting a bit pissed off wearing yellow all the time. Instead I've spent the summer honing my trolley pushing skills and doing some part time work as Gordon Brown's PR man, and you can see how successful I've been at that...I'm really in demand on that front, Mugabe and the Chinks are also interested.

The new safe house is coming along nicely although B&Q and Homebase didn't come through with some of the stuff I asked for...I mean what sort of shitty organisation doesn't let you buy razor wire and landmines online. Still being an international man of mystery means I've got a few contacts in the industry if you know what I mean, so woe betide any c*nting burgalar who tries to step on my newly laid lawn...I just hope that if it ever happens though that the wanker is an Arab.

Anyway it's the start of the Football season today so I'm off to watch Fulham/Chelsea/Leyton Orient start their Premier League campaigns, then I'll be of to do some boat watching on the Thames. A Spanish mate of mine reckons that the Chinese Aircraft Carrier - the Mao Tse Tung - is going to be sailing down the Thames and they've got to raise London Bridge to let it park outside Parliament...this is classified info by the way, so keep it to yourselves.

 Shalom