Mood:  crushed out

Did you see the closing ceremony of the Olympics? With all those fireworks it looked like a Saturday night down on the Gaza strip. Happy memories for me.

Sometimes I wonder what you c*nts who read this are smoking. Sure ain't an ordinary Benson I should imagine...in fact if I were to take a guess it might even be illegal. I got an e-mail yesterday from one of you telling me that as suggested he'd asked for Moshe at Woolworths but just got a blank stare...what should he do now as he is really interested in becoming a covert operative with an elite Jewish security agency. Well listen up you twonk...your first mistake was going to Woolworths ...come on have you ever spoken to a member of their staff and got anything other than a blank expression? That fleet of mustard coloured buses doesn't line up outside the place without a reason. Your second mistake was asking for Moshe on a Saturday. He's a f*cking red sea pedestrian so of course he doesn't work Saturdays! Your third mistake was listening to me in the first place...do you really think I'd tell you how to apply to join this elite agency...next thing you know they'd be a f*cking thousand Polish plumbers trying to join...do some f*cking research...Goggle is a wonderful search engine.

In other news, my good mate Paul Gadd has asked me for some assistance, seems he wants to buy a new laptop but the c*nts in Currys and PC World won't sell him one. Well while I have access to all sorts of aliases and dodgy accounts, they are reserved solely for my contacts with the makers of Pepsi Max and Milk Tray, and with mr Gadd's dubious background, I'm more likely to be asked to help him out at an airport if you know what I mean...which if you're an avid reader you will do.

Shalom