Benny's still busy
Mood:  chatty
So yesterday was a little slow. Things at the hospital are settling into a routine, whilst it's nice I get lots of people to talk to during the course of the day, I'm not really given time to get to tell them everything I want.Unfortunately hospital rules demand that I push more than one trolley a day.I'll have to have a few words with the union about that, surely conversing with patients is all part of the healing process. The Banana Phobic bloke was finally given his kilt, it don't look like it fits him properly so I reckon one of the nurses gave him a Tartan skirt she had lying around.
Spent the evening at Benny's place. He's really getting into this website thing and wanted to record some more of my memories so he could produce some more pages. He records everything onto tape. I had to laugh as a few of the tapes were the old style Mossad ones that used to self destruct after you played them once (and you all thought a TV show made that up), so whenever he played them back to make sure they came out ok he lost everything. He eventually found a few tapes he'd bought down Brick Lane that seemed to do the job. He tells me that once we've done our Booze cruise he'll work on some more. Interestingly I noticed he's sneaked a new page on without telling me, The Raid On Entebbe, I must have recorded that one a long time ago.
I'm looking forward to our little trip to France, I've already worked out where I'm going to stash my supply of fags into Benny's Trabant. I'm also looking forward to insulting a few of the Froggies, apart from the guys who serve in the Foreign Legion they ain't up to much, and having spent a couple of weeks with the Legion I should know.
Shalom

Benny's been busy
Mood:  chatty
Got a phone call from Benny last night, he tells me he's finally got around to putting up some of my exploits on the Internet and wants my opinion of what he's done so far. Well I take a look, and I'm amazed, he's actually done a couple of pages, one with a little bit of background on me, the other detailing my day out at the 1966 World Cup Final. He's even found that old picture of me in the Royal Box. Way to go Benny! I spoke to him again this morning and he has plans to add other pages over the next few weeks. I can't wait to see some of my tales finally available to the world at large. Benny did want me to bring attention to how to get to the site, he says he has updated the links on this page, but for those lazy bastards who can't be bothered to check them its www.angelfire.com/blog/norventia/mystery.htm you can also send me mail from there.
So what else has been going on, well while everybody else was watching Coronation Street (I haven't watched it since Reg Holdsworth left) I was watching some old video of the Israeli Air Force bombing some Arabs. At least I thought it was old video then realised I was watching the news.Some things never change.
At the hospital meanwhile they have begun to put up a small viewing area in the Psycho ward. The Banana Phobic bloke is proving so entertaining everyone wants to watch and listen to him. I suggested that we charge a fee to raise funds for some new trollies and I think they are going to do that. I've also offered to revamp the security, but there doesn't seem to be the same enthusiasm for that, and besides they won't pay me overtime.
A quick message for all those using the Eurotunnel service this weekend. I'll be driving the 08:45 departure from the UK, and bringing it back at 5pm Froggie time, so if the journey is quicker than usual you'll know why.
Shalom

Boom
Well spent the evening rigging up my new hotline to Tel Aviv. All seems well with it and I'm now available to deal with any world crisis that may arise. I always keep a bag packed just in case.
Took a trip up to the psycho ward to see how the Banana phobic guy was getting on, he really has lost the plot and had draped a sheet around him like a Toga and was going on about becoming a Roman Centurion and wearing a leather mini skirt. I spoke to one of the doctors who said they really should be moving him to a secure unit but he's too much entertainment, he seems harmless enough.
Unusually I took the Underground in today for the first time since the incidents last year. My trigger finger got a little bit itchy every time I saw an asian guy with a backpack so I thought it for the best, although I did trail some brazilian geezer for a couple of days and tipped the police off about him. I have fond memories of the Underground, I actually worked undercover on it for a number of years, because I didn't want to be too high profile I turned down loads of promotions. I'll tell you about it one day.
Benny has suggested if we want to make a good day of it Saturday we'd better skip synagogue. As I told you earlier in the week Rabbi Goldberg likes me to do the security there. I'm sure he won't mind if I organise things beforehand. Benny also reckons if I'm going to water ski there I'd be better off behind one of those catamaran things rather than a boat. I am rethinking that though, I may just drive a train over there, well if you can move a tube train a high speed cross channel one must be the same only faster. I'll be hacking into the Eurotunnel computers today and changing the work rosters so it doesn't look too suspicious when I turn up there. I reckon all I need is some hi-visibility gear and nobody will take any notice, especially if I talk with an eastern European accent.
Shalom

I like Trucking
Mood:  loud
So I got Monday out of the way, had to go and buy a new phone for the Mossad hotline as still no sign of my previous one since that window cleaning guy did my windows. I don't know what I've missed, but the world seems reasonably quiet at the moment so there's a chance they haven't been in touch.
That crazy geezer with the Banana phobia is still up in the ward, he's driving the staff mad as Banana's are part of the staple diet up there. Personally I wouldn't give those psychos access to them. Years ago I was able to whittle one down into a very handy assault knife which I used when we stormed that plane in Entebbe. It proved ideal for prising open the door. That geezer is also demanding the right to wear a kilt so he is obviously pretty ill, who'd want to be associated with those drunkards North of Cricklewood.
Talking of Cricklewood this years tour is now definitely off, the organisers were hoping to use the wheelchair ramps at Wembley for the King of The Mountain stages after IKEA pulled out. Turns out they won't be ready in time, guess I'll have to find something else to do instead. Someone said they have a small cycle race in France I might want to do, I doubt it, the only thing France is good for is cheap fags and booze.
Ok, time to set up the new hotline to Tel Aviv. Maybe I shouldn't have it sitting under a glass cover. Do you know that's an idea they nicked off me for the Batman TV series. All these f*****g things I could sue them for, bloody yanks never could make up their own ideas.
Shalom

I don't like Mondays
Mood:  chatty
I hate Mondays, who doesn't? Back to moving people about, and another change in job title. We are now going to be called People Movement Technicians or PMT which for some reason sounds familiar. One of the wags at work says that that is how the female patients must feel when I'm pushing them around. I don't have a clue what he's on about, stupid git.
Well my dose of the Ingles family certainly mellowed me out. It was with a heavy heart I had to give the DVD's back today. On the bright side the same guy has offered to lend me his complete set of 'Highway To Heaven' which I think must be about all those bloody Arabs I shot during the Six Day War. I certainly put then on the Highway To Heaven alright. Can't wait to get hold of them, a good dose of action is what I need right now.
We had an unusual mental patient today. Some geezer with an aversion to Bananas and kept going on about LT Teabags and Pussies. I had the misfortune to have to push him up to the ward, he wouldn't walk up there as he'd spotted a Banana skin on the floor. Just like the Window Cleaner he seems vaguely familiar. That's one thing when you have my background, you're always on alert and never forget a face. It's a gift and certainly a troubling one.
Had to buy fags this morning as my duty free supply has run out. I'm cursing Benny and his Trabant problems, I think I'll send him the bill. Still this weekend we're stocking up. I would use the fastest VW in the west, but the sort of fuel it uses is only available in select military bases and there are none of those near Calais. Typical Frogs no f*****g military worth speaking about, although when I was seconded to the Foreign Legion there were some tough nuts, but that's another story.
Shalom

Walnut Grove
Mood:  chatty
What a day yesterday, spent it sat back in a dark room watching the boxed DVD set I told you about yesterday. The whole thing reminded me of those early days I spent in the Israeli countryside. Life was simple then, at least until the bloody Arabs got involved. That's what part the makers of Little House On The Prairie don't show you. The suicide bombers, lots of people walking around with towels on their head. In that part Walnut Grove is not realistic at all.
Of course to watch all this I skipped going to the Synagogue and I got a nasty phone call from Rabbi Goldberg as a result. You see I'm in charge of synagogue security, and he reckons it was a shambles without me there. They almost let in some guys wearing bulky waistcoats until someone told them we weren't going to open the windows just because they were getting hot.
Today is the day for gardening, my camouflage outfit needs some fresh foliage. You never know when you're going to need it.
Benny fixed his Trabant so the France trip is on again for next week, can't wait as my fag supply is running low. We've decided I'm not going to ride the train though, I'll get there by water skiing behind a ferry. Not a method many asylum seekers are willing to try I bet.
Shalom

April Fool
Little scare yesterday when everything went missing from here. I believe that anti-mossad forces were at work and don't want me spreading the good word. Of course it could have been fans of that crappy movie, although for the life of me I don't know why anyone would like it.
No doubt you're all expecting me to tell some sort of wild made up story to mark April 1st. Problem is my antics have been so wild and varied that you lot probably think I'm making them up anyway, so you wouldn't be able to tell fact from fiction.
I'm gonna take it easy today, one of my mates has lent me a box DVD set of 'Little House On The Prarie' and I intend to watch the lot while cleaning my gun collection. That Percy Ingles was some character.
Benny cancelled our little jaunt to France, the engine fell out of his Trabant so he needs to go the Woolworths and buy some tape to strap it back in. Hopefully next week we'll cause some mayhem to those bloody Frogs. They deserve everything that comes to them, if it wasn't for the Yanks, Us Brits, the Israelis, and the Swiss the world would have been taken over by the arabs years ago.
Okay the theme music is starting up, must go.
Shalom

What's happened
It's all gone blank, where's everything gone?

Film Critic
Mood:  irritated
Well I checked out the Mossad movie on Ebay, and to say I'm disgusted is an understatement. It's a f*****g love story, what a load of b******s. How dare the film makers turn the most elite intelligence service in the world into something like 'Pride and f*****g Prejudice'. I'm almost tempted to get on the hotline to Tel Aviv, except I still can't find the phone after that window cleaner's visit. Time to break out the black car and spend hours hanging around a certain studios office in London. That'll scare 'em.
Benny and I are still planning to load up the Trabant at the weekend, but Benny has pointed out one flaw with my travel arrangements. While I'll have no problem riding the train on the way to France, on the way back I'll be competing with a load of f*****g asylum seekers for a prime slot under the carriages. He has a point, maybe I should break out the mini-sub for the weekend. I'll check out some of the other things I got out of the stores before I left my last job. Must be something useful among that lot.
Work still sees me pounding the corridors, and to be honest I'm beginning to feel under utilised. With my background in security and covert operations I should be doing more. Security here is a joke, some f*****g Nigerian in a bright coat and a pair of overalls at the door. he seems to disappear for a couple of hours a night as well. As for his footwear, maybe he got them down the charity shop. F*****g Wellington boots, I ask you. He also seems to have a lot of visitors and mentions something about C cleans. More code I think.
Ok, time to work out which passport I'm gonna carry this weekend, I have a small pile of them of different nationalities, Swiss, British, Israeli, Nigerian, you name it I've got it.
Shalom

When I'm cleaning windows
Mood:  chatty
Got home late last night so couldn't tell how clean my windows were. Got up this morning and I can still see through them so he must have done something. My fancy speakerphone with the hotline to Mossad is missing though, I must have moved it without thinking.
Somebody told me that they'd made a movie about Mossad and they'd seen it for sale on ebay. While I am disappointed that I wasn't consulted, I'll check it out anyway, there is bound to be something which I was involved in during the course of the movie. I really should get some legal advice, I could be missing out on a lot of shekels.
So the weekend is nearly upon us, and Benny wants to take the Trabant to France for a booze and fags cruise. I'm game although I've told him not to worry about booking me a spot on the train. I'll ride underneath the carriages clinging onto the axles in good secret agent fashion. Well you have to keep in training.
Bad news about the Tour of Cricklewood. It has been postponed as the owners of the IKEA car park are not too pleased with the publicity they got in the local papers this week. For some reason they find it quite disturbing to have someone carrying a gun around the car park taking aim at customers. As a result we can't use their wheelchair ramp for the King Of The Mountains stage. The new Wembley Stadium was considered as an alternative, but we all know what a cock up that's become.
Israeli election results are in, the whole thing has made me consider a career in politics, but I'll have to set up my own party as I don't like any of the others. Just got to think of a name for it. If anyone has any ideas I'd like to hear them.
Anyway, doing the midnight shift at work tonight so I've got to go and shine up my hi-visibility gear, until tomorrow

Shalom

I wanna be elected
Mood:  chatty
Stayed up late last night to see if I could work out who had won the Israeli election. I considered standing as a candidate myself, but I couldn't get the time of work to do any campaigning. I'm saving up my sick leave for another time, well you never know when the call will come through to take part in the Tour De France.
That window cleaning guy is coming round today to do my windows, for some reason he keeps asking me about fax machines,I think he may be mentally ill or something. That blow on the head he took when he fell off the ladder may have something to do with it. Hope he does a good job, I won't know until I get home.
Anyway need to get off here for a while, today is rubbish day at the hospital and it's my turn to wheel out the bins. We have these big green things, and maybe my ears deceive me but I'm sure I hear a squawking sound coming from one of them, it sounds like someone is saying wet and wild. Thinking about it maybe it's some sort of code, better get out my 'Whizzer and Chips' code book and have a look.
Shalom

Going for gold
Mood:  chatty
Well yesterday turned out busier than I thought. The photo shoot was for Trolley Pusher Monthly and if you're a subscriber you may well see pictures of me in the next edition pushing the latest state of the art trolley down a corridor. Of course it will only be a picture of my back, I warned them that my identity has to be concealed, you never know if that Osram Bin Liner bloke reads the mag.
The new trolley was a dream to push, but we won't be getting any here soon, the trial model was loaded back onto a truck at the end of the shoot. We can't afford them here.
Listening to the radio this morning I see some ultra jewish Rabbi has taken to giving his sermons to a Reggae beat, must be based in Brixton.
Got a letter from the organisers of the Tour of Cricklewood this morning. They are going to take the sniper aspect out of this years event, but they also expressed their disappointment at me for wearing the tour's yellow jersey when doing my training. Driving to work this morning it struck me as to how many previous winners of the tour there must have been, take a look at any building site and you'll see loads of them. Maybe they've all won different races.
Ok, battery is running low, I'll post more tomorrow.
Shalom

Freewheeling
Mood:  loud
Just a quickie as today looks like it's going to be busy. Benny tells me he hopes to have my new website up and running within the next two weeks or so. I hope he's bought a big chunk of the internet because my tales will take up a lot of space.
Finally tracked down the window cleaning guy, and he is more familiar than I realised. We used to sit on the same pew at the synagogue, but at the time he had other interests besides fax machines. Anyway he's going to give me a good rate to clean my windows, although I didn't tell him they were bulletproof.
Anyway got to go, my trolley is being used in a photo shoot and hopefully I'll get in the shots.
More later with any sort of luck.
Shalom

Arrested Development
Mood:  chatty
Well, yesterday was pretty eventful, and I ended up getting warned by the Police. There I was cycling around the IKEA car park practicing for the Tour Of Cricklewood with my Heckler and Koch slung over my shoulder. It wasn't loaded, and I took a few false aims at people. Turns out someone took exception to it and called the Old Bill. It wasn't as if I was doing it secretly, I was wearing a Hi-Vi with Security written on the back. Anyway the Police showed up, and they were going to arrest me, but a special handshake and a certain ID card got me off. I've got to do my practicing elsewhere. I'm gonna get in touch with the organisers as I'm pretty sure others must be having this problem.
What am I up to today? Well I thought I'd take it easy and catch up with some reading, intelligence reports and the like, also my latest copy of Trolley Pusher Monthly is here, might be some interesting articles in it I'll let you know.
Shalom

Shoot to kill
Mood:  chatty
Ok, Mossad lovers, just a quickie today as I'm off down to the park to perch in a tree and try out my sniping skills.
Briefly popped into the hospital today but the Barcode trial got cancelled. Apparently a busload of Newcastle fans found their way into the building and confused the hell out of the system.
The Tour of Cricklewood is looming large and this year an extra element has been added which is why I've gotta try out my rifle. We now have to take out three people with a headshot while on the move. There will be bonus points if you hit certain people. I'm looking forward to it.
Ok, time to don my bushy looking outfit.
Shalom

Friday
Mood:  loud
So it's finally the end of the week, at least for most of the lazy so and so's who read this. I will be busy pushing trollies around though, we're testing out the new barcoding thing this weekend.
I have been asked who are the Ronnie and Reggie I refer to from time to time. Well my answer is how many Ronnie and Reggie's have you heard of? To give you a clue my memories are of a smokey East London Billiard hall, pubs, protection rackets etc. One particular incident stands out when Ronnie and me went to some pub in Whitechapel, I'll leave that to Benny to detail on the forthcoming website. Also how do you think I got me tickets to the 1966 World Cup Final? Ronnie knew a guy who had a few spares, Bobby Moore I think his name was.
Got some more videos of my exploits to watch, it really is a pain that Hollywood have gone to such trouble to make movies of my life without consulting me. I've already mentioned Who Dares Wins, but there are others such as The Great Escape, Raid On Entebbe, and The Longest Day which is supposedly about D-Day but is really based on my single handed invasion of Egypt when I crossed the Nile on a LiLo. I'm sure Benny will mention that too.
Ok, got to clean my sniper's kit.
Shalom

Lies, Lies, Lies
Mood:  chatty
Enjoyed Who Dares Wins, ended up watching it about five times so a late night last night. As I said yesterday some of the best action movies are based on my exploits, although for the sake of protecting my identity lots of details - such as location, time, actual event - are changed.
When I got up this morning there was a programme on about the Walt Disney World monorail. I remember when I gave Walt the idea for it. I told him why spend money on two tracks when you can get away with just one. Canny people us Jews eh? He put me in charge of the project, so next time you go to Orlando, remember it was my idea. Walt did turn down a couple of my ideas though, egged on by my mates Ronnie and Reggie, I tried to convince Walt that Main Street USA would be more realistic if we could organise a protection racket down there. For some reason he didn't like that idea.
I think I spotted that window cleaning bloke again today in out patients. He didn't have his fax machine with him. He obviously decided that it probably wasn't so lucky after all. I've managed to sweet talk one of the girls in records to give me his details. Well with everything else I've got going on I don't have time to clean my windows.
Shalom

Three Wheels on my Trolley
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Who Dares Wins
Quiet day today, did some training for the upcoming Tour of Cricklewood and have also been digging through my treasure trove of memories...is that really me sitting there with Ronnie and Reggie? They were good times.
The trolley department at the hospital is still being restructured and I'm thinking about becoming a team leader (Trolley). I have vast leadership experience for that role, particularly when I won the Six Day War single handedly but they'll be more of that on Benny's new webpage, once the lazy git actually gets around to doing it.
Duty free fag supply is running low, I'll need to have a word with Benson and Hedges down the synagogue, I think they have a stash underneath the Rabbi's altar.
Ok, more later, got a video to watch now - Who Dares Wins - which I believe is loosely based on my exploits. I really need to get a good lawyer on the case, as this isn't the only example...Cockleshell Heroes, Raid on Entebbe, Munich just to name a few.
Shalom

Laptop Loving
Mood:  irritated
Slowly getting used to typing my own stuff, but at the speed I type, it's taking me all day to write these entries. Oh to be able to write this in code, just like those things I used to write in the past when I was in a shell hole in Korea. Maybe my mate Bill Gates will stump up for a few typing lessons.
Hospital life is downright boring compared to my all action past. You wheel one body down a corridor, you've wheeled hundreds. There is no scope for dealing with terrorists, mixing with gangsters and general hobnobbing with the great and good like I used to. Now I've got some smelly old bat to push around who wants to talk to me about her cat Tiddles, what the f*** do I care! So you may ask yourself, how did a super all action hero like me, end up in a place like this? I'll come to all that in time, but to learn that you'll need to read about my past. To this end, Benny Slibowitz is putting together a few pages detailing my life's story which he plans to post on a website in the next couple of weeks. Once it's up and running I'll let you know here.
I've also been asked if I can respond to questions which you may have, so there is now an e-mail address you can write to, it's mossadhq@hotmail.co.uk.If the information isn't classified, I'll share it with you.
Ok, my fingers are getting sore, this is bloody hard work, maybe I should let someone else do the typing.
Shalom

Technophobe
Mood:  chatty
Sorry for the lack of update yesterday, I managed to get myself a cheap computer at the Mossad surplus sale, so I've now decided to try and do this myself, even more so since I think my previous writer was prone to a bit of exaggeration.
Had problems at first, the computer said it was wireless, so imagine my surprise when nothing happened when I turned it on. Benny pointed out I should plug the power lead into a plug. So I've been conned by another ridiculous claim, how can it be wireless when you have to plug it in?
Benny - who is a bit of a whizz with computers - showed me how to update this thing myself. It's great, now I can tell you about my times with the Kray twins, World Cup 1966, etc without having to worry about some git putting in details just to dress up the thing. What you read is what happened.
So what else is new. Went to the Fulham-Chelsea match as the personal guest of that bloke who runs Harrods. He has been very nice to me ever since I taught one of his drivers some defensive driving skills. Shame he got into an argument with a wall in Paris. Now if I'd taught him advanced defensive driving, he would have been able to get away with a drink or two before setting out. Match was crap to tell the truth, but seeing as I support both sides I was always on a winner.
Another new thing at work, seeing as the trolleys are getting barcodes, the new boss has decided we should get them as well so our movements can be checked too. Seems a bit much to me, don't know why they can't use tattooed numbers like in the past. Still as he pointed out, this way we won't have to have an ID card dangling on our chest so it's not all bad.
Ok, my computer is making a funny noise, better get on to Benny and let him take a look.
Shalom