Casino Royale
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Clive Dunn's Grandad
So after all the excitement of the weekend, it's back to reality with a crash, and I'm pushing my old trolley through the corridors of one the leading hospitals of the NHS just going through the motions. I really think I'd better have a word with my Mossad controller about this assignment. I'm not gathering any useful intelligence, I can't remember the last time I sent a report back to Tel Aviv, they got sort of fed up with hearing that the waiting time in Casualty was now six hours, but that's all I can really muster. In my position unless I engage in some clandestine activity I don't have access to the really juicy areas, and I've been forbidden to do that by the powers that be back in the homeland. How can a highly skilled operative like me operate like that. When I was trained we were told that's what we had to do. It's political correctness gone mad, although they reckon it's got something to do with an event that happened at some hotel in the USA called Watergate that I happened to be staying at. Pure coincidence I tell you, I couldn't find any batteries for my torch, plus I was still waiting for my lock picking kit to arrive, so how could it have been me? Never have anything you order from the Exchange & Mart shipped to the US, it takes ages.
Some of you have asked if Mossad had anything to do with that Russian geezer who they reckoned was poisoned with radiation or whatever. As per usual I can't comment on stuff like that, but all I will say is that we prefer to do things a little cheaper than that, that stuff costs money. If you ask me he just had a bad piece of Sushi, happened to me once and I spent all night on the bog. Blimey was my arse sore after that.

Shalom

Pizza Express
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Some David Hasselhoff
Another night of excitement zipping around the streets of London, what is in the boxes...I have no idea so it's almost like old times again. I did speak to the manager at Domino's to try and get our delivery methods a little more exciting. For many years I have been enormously successful breaking into women's bedrooms and leaving them a box of chocolates. I suggested that we try the same thing with Pizza, but coward as he obviously is he said he was worried about complaints and the Police getting involved. As you know, the Police do not concern me, but I do have the mysterious ID card with the Star of David on it which comes in handy. The manager also mentioned that he would rather I didn't used shaped charges to blow down doors when people don't answer, it's a bit noisy apparently and I'm to bring the Pizza back to base to be reheated and delivered elsewhere.
So it is with weary eyes and head that I set off down the Bagel Bake this morning, after spending a weekend looking at Pepperoni, Cheese, and all that other stuff they put on Pizzas, it'll be nice to get back to normal food. Admittedly my freezer is full of Pizza, but for a pick me up you can't beat the Brick Lane Bagel. Just something about it that gets you going. Brick Lane was pretty crowded this morning, well it's getting near Christmas I'm told, and I noticed a stall selling Playstation 3's at fifty quid a pop. I'm not sure if they're genuine though, although the boxes look the part. I might invest in one next week, stick on ebay and make a nice little profit.
I'm hoping that this week we'll finally get the election campaign underway, although I've heard that the window cleaner guy needs to fit in meetings around his shifts. Never thought window cleaners did shifts, but in the world we live in I guess everything is needed round the clock.

Shalom

Cold Pizza
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Matt Munro
Wow, I'm knackered. My first night doing the Pizza thing and I was pretty busy. Not very happy though, turns out I have to zip around on some shitty little moped rather than some superbike. I'm just glad I have to wear a helmet so nobody can see me on it. Still after one night I have a few ideas I think I'll put to the manager to improve things, we'll see how he takes it.
Synagogue today, and same old same old religious bullshit. Goldberg really could liven it up a bit by getting a couple of Kosher pole dancers to do their thing while he rants on about something or other. Maybe I'll raise that at the next Synagogue committee session, we don't have them very often, and when we do they're full of old has beens who want to discuss something about some old book called Torah Torah Torah or whatever.
Anyway I need to get some shuteye before my next shift starts so this has to be short today.

Shalom

The Land Of Make Believe
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Bucks Fizz's Greatest Hits
I've decided to finish off the week on a sickie, no point in going in for just one day, and if it's OK for all the other lazy bastards to do it, it's OK for me.
I finally get to start my little part time job tonight with Domino's. I thought it was an all week thing, but turns out I'll only be needed at weekends. I'm also a bit annoyed that I'm not going to be allowed to use the fastest VW in the west to make the deliveries. The manager is dead set on me using the company bikes, no problem, my skill on two wheels is second to none, and it's a bit classy I guess turning up on an 1100cc bike just for a Pizza. I like this company already.
Not much else going on, as planned I stuffed myself with a Bargain Bucket yesterday. The election campaign is a bit dead in the water at the moment as Benny has disappeared off the radar this week. Anyway until we know who the other candidates are there probably isn't much point doing any work. You can rest assured though that once we find out, we'll be digging up as much dirt as we can on them, hopefully we can out one of them as a gay boy or something, that normally livens things up a bit. We'll know all that next week when the deadline passes for nominations...actually that reminds me...we're a few signatures short, better start working on some forgeries just in case.
OK, well you slaves can enjoy your day, I'm certainly going to enjoy mine.

Shalom

Got To Pick A Pocket Or Two
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Shalom TV
Jesus I got up late today, had to call in a sickie which isn't a big deal in itself, they're pretty incompetent at the hospital, probably haven't even noticed I'm not there.
The reason for my laziness is the fact that I got my box set of "Great Jewish TV Moments" from Amazon yesterday, and I couldn't wait to play it. It's a great set, and includes lots of scenes of us kicking Arab butt, shooting innocent Palestinians, Yitzhak Rabin getting assassinated which I remember quite well, and more kicking of Arab butt. But it's not all action though, some of it is quite funny. There was the Tel Aviv Bagel eating contest of 1975. Pretty controversial that was as it was held on a Saturday, the contestants complained that the Bagels were stale and hard to chew. F**king fairies, obviously never seen any proper action, when I was stuck in a foxhole during the six day war, I had to make my Bagels last that long, plus when I finally got captured...well you don't get fresh ones in an Egyptian POW camp. One good thing about the set I got was that it includes a bonus DVD entitled "Making Of An Agent". This is meant to show how Mossad mould the best that Israeli youth can offer into the ultimate spy. Having been through the process it has obviously been edited. The two weeks where you have to survive on a tin of Pepsi Max isn't included, but overall it's pretty accurate. I highly recommend the whole thing.
Anyway, seeing as I've got up late I'm hungry, time to give KFC a call, see if I can get some delivered I really don't fancy getting on the bike today.

Shalom

If I Were A Rich Man
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Oliver
I'll try and keep this short today, although you lot should know me by now, once I get in full flow, I can't stop.
I tried to do some research on these Pink Triangle stamps, but they were obviously a closely guarded secret as I can't find out anything about them. I suspect I'll have to tap into Mossad's own files, but the bastards charge for access to them which is why I don't use them very often. I will admit though, they make 'Google' and the like look pretty tame.
Stamps seem to be a subject close to the heart of a lot of you, and I have to ask if you have so much interest in the bloody things, maybe you should get out more often. Another question that came flying into my mailbox here asked me whether Mossad ever used those Co-Op dividend stamps. Well this one does have an easy answer, and that is no. Firstly, the Co-Op's selection of Kosher food was pretty non-existent, and they didn't have a branch in Tel Aviv in any case. Also the head honchos at Mossad weren't too keen on propping up an idea they thought as a bit left wing. I must confess though, I did keep my own little stash of books, that was until Ronnie found out about them. You see his old mum used to shop in the Co-Op, so he suggested it would be a nice gesture if I helped her out with a little donation. I was pretty pissed off with him at the time, I'd saved up enough books to get at least a couple of Shillings off of my next trip. I stopped going after that, switched to Tesco's in the Bethnal Green Road, no stamps but at least they were Jew friendly.
Anyway, I've got a few things to do, like go and have a fag down by the bins, and polish the chrome on my trolley. If you ever end up where I work you'd want to be on my equipment, it'll give you the smoothest ride the NHS can offer.

Shalom

Moon River
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Wrestling
Well after I'd got my bike clips off yesterday, I noticed a little package by the door. After checking for red and blue wires, I noticed the Met Police logo in the corner. My contact had delivered the goods.
Turns out that my window cleaning mate caused a bit of a ruckus in the BT shop. He'd gathered together a few fax machines, sneaked off into a corner, and was committing an act of "gross indecency" as the report puts it. Still no need to use the mysterious ID card with the Star Of David on it with this one. Even the current government hasn't brought in any laws about the sexual abuse of electronic equipment, so he's been let off with a few words in his ear, and told that if he plans to do anything like this in future he should either do it in the privacy of his own home, or failing that in PC World as nobody would notice anything in there. Hopefully we can keep it quiet until after the election.
My mention of Green Shield stamps bought in a flurry of e-mails eventually, and coincidentally two people mentioned the same thing which I'd been blissfully unaware of. I always thought that Green Shield had been destroyed by the fact that people realised what a con they really were. Well according to these sources, Green Shield's woes were brought about by their attempt to be ahead of their time and introducing saving stamps aimed at the gay community. These 'Pink Triangle' stamps could be used in much the same way, but only at exclusive shops called Blue Oyster. One of these sources is particularly scathing about how many books it took to get certain services performed. Needless to say, it cost a fortune to set up, and it was a little too progressive for its time. I think I'll delve into this one a bit more, could be some juicy gossip arising from it.
Anyway my trolley is gathering dust, and I'd better get it moving before someone starts sniffing round my Uzi.

Shalom

The Lady Is A Tramp
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Bull Riding
Nothing like pigging out on a dozen butter filled Bagels on a Sunday, and after a session like that, you don't feel like doing much else. So I settled back into my chair and had a relaxing evening watching such action filled programmes like "Songs Of Praise", and a few reruns of that classic comedy "Never Mind The Quality, Feel The Width" which for some obscure reason always touches my funny bone. I think the main characters are meant to be Jewish, but if that's the case they got their research wrong, no self respecting Jew would keep his lights on all the time...think of the electric bill, and the tailors who used to make my Mossad designed suits always worked by candlelight. Those suits were a work of art, no trouble concealing a weapon under them, I always remember looking at the CIA guys at JFK airport, their ones were quite clearly off the rack, no room for gun concealment under their jackets.
So it's back to work today, I'm getting a bit bored with this particular job as I seem to spend a lot of time pushing things around. It's not gathering much intelligence either, and I think I was sold a bit short by Mossad when they got me in here. It's my own fault though, if I hadn't been so upset by Charlie Kray's death I'd have never have dropped my guard at the Underground Railway in London and got the boot. That was pretty unprofessional of me, but even the best operatives make mistakes.
If any of you are wondering what happened to the window cleaner, well my contacts in the Met Police are due to drop me off a copy of the Police report later on today, I'm told it makes fun reading.

Shalom

Send In The Clowns
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: Rock, Paper, Scissors
I do enjoy a good old bike ride, well being such an expert that's not really surprising. It's a real pity this years Tour Of Cricklewood got dumped as I think not only was I a dead cert to win the King Of The Mountains, but I may have had a shot at the yellow jersey too. Anyway it didn't happen, but the organisers are hoping for better luck in 2007, but they'll have to tweak the rules first, I suspect the Shoot a guy wearing a towel on his head stage may well be taken out.
So this morning it was onto my Mossad designed Titanium racer and off to Bethnal Green and the Bagel Bake. I don't know how often any of you visit the area, but it really is becoming the sort of place Oxfam could shoot a video in after some sort of natural disaster and save a few dinaris on air fares. Of course with my background I'm more concerned they'll find out who I really am and next time they'll be a roadside bomb waiting for me. Didn't happen today though, and I whizzed up to Brick Lane and chained my bike to the railings outside Ali's Cafe. I don't normally stroll down the Lane, but today I thought I'd give it a look. Lot's of leather shops so I suspect there is a strong gay community in the area. Lot's of Curry houses too. Never seen the attraction in Curry myself, I've had it a couple of times, and if my reaction is anything to go by, no wonder the bastards are so skinny. In fact I found the whole place pretty depressing, so I was quite relieved to pick up my Bagels and get out of there.
I always try to get nice hot Bagels, and I cycle back here in record time to enjoy them at their best. I'm told there are Bagel places nearer to me, but I still have a weakness for the old East End, and besides I'm keeping a promise I made to Ronnie and Reggie to make sure the Brick Lane Bagel Bake maintains it standards.

Shalom

It Was`A Very Good Year
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Pass The Parcel
Well just got back from the Synagogue where it was business as usual. Goldberg was prattling on about some religious bullshit, and we all just sat there and listened to it like good sheep. There are times I'd love to pull out my 45 Magnum which Clint gave me and blow Goldberg's f**king head off, however the Russian security guys are pretty efficient, and while I might spend a fair amount of my time talking out of it, even I couldn't fit a 45 up my arse.
Still it gives me a chance to catch up with Benny, who now attends regularly again after his mental problems a few months back. My main concern is when the lazy bastard is going to sort out those election leaflets and put them online. He says he'll get round to it soon enough, but it's getting to the part of the year when religious tat becomes a big seller. Now we all know how well Benny did with those T-shirts when the Pope visited Auschwitz, but remember that the Easter collection of wooden crosses didn't go down too well. So Benny isn't really that successful, but he likes to think he is. He suggested we try and get together this week and sort it out. As for my partner The Window Cleaner, he was nowhere to be seen, although I'm hearing a nasty rumour that he was spotted being bundled into the back of a Police Van outside a BT shop. I'll do some checking on that today, might be time to dig out the mysterious ID card with the Star of David on it again.
Anyway tomorrow is Sunday and it's the day of the week I really look forward to, lock up your Bagels because I'm one hungry Jew.

Shalom

My Kind Of Town
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Hurling
Thank f**k it's Friday, this week seems to have gone so slowly it's untrue. Where are the international crisis points? It seems the world has no need of the likes of me, highly trained intelligence officers who can stir up trouble at the squeeze of a trigger. I blame that James Bond geezer who I see has a new film out now, I don't like the bloke but I must admit he does have a f**king good plastic surgeon. It's no wonder we've never uncovered his true identity, just look at his track record. First he looks like David Niven, then Sean Connery, then George Lazenby, the list goes on. Whilst us Mossad types are given some training in altering our ID, we never went to the extent that James Bond does, no wonder our f**king taxes are so high, shelling out for all this plastic surgery. Don't even get me started on the gadgets and cars. With Mossad you were given a Tandy Gift Voucher, or if you were lucky some cash to spend in Argos. Still that was an improvement on the old days when we had to collect Green Shield stamps. Do you know how many books you had to complete to get an Uzi clip? F**king hundreds, and then they wouldn't have the bastard things in stock when you went to the store, you'd end up getting a teasmaid or something.
At the moment of typing, I still have no concrete plans for the weekend. A trip to the Synagogue is a given although I only do that for social purposes. Trust me I can't stand getting out of bed on a Saturday morning, especially when there are no Bagels to be enjoyed. It's a pain in the arse dusting off the old suit and skull cap and generally trying to be nice to a bunch of Jews who you know would sell off your collection of KFC wet wipes if they thought there was a few shekels in it for them. Still us Red Sea Pedestrians need to stick together, otherwise they'll turn the place into a Wetherspoons which they'd probably call the Jewish Harp to reflect it's previous history.

Shalom

Fly Me To The Moon
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: The Weather Channel
This really is a week of inactivity, and to make matters worse, nobody has left me any comments, sent me an e-mail, or tried to communicate on the Mossad hotline. In fact I'm about as popular as Bin Laden at an Airline pilots reunion being held in New York.
So what to write about today? The truth is nothing, I just spend my time wheeling people about, getting bedpans for the nurses, and chatting to anyone who might want to listen, or even if they don't. I do enjoy telling them about the good old days, but some of them are really ungrateful and reckon I'm just talking a load of bullshit! Well everyone is entitled to their opinion, but wait until secret Israeli Government documents are released in fifty years time, that'll show them, then the real extent of Engelbert Humperdinck's treachery will come to light. Of course I may not be around to witness that, but I can see it now...my picture on all the news broadcasts, as every incident I've been involved in officially becomes public knowledge. maybe they'll make a film out of it, get someone like Sean Connery to be the star, although he'd have to develop a taste for 40 B&H a day, Bagels, and KFC to pull it off properly.
Anyway, enough dreaming, better get back to work.

Shalom

Call Me Irresponsible
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Water Polo
I'm feeling pretty lazy today so I won't write too much, in fact all I'm going to do is answer a couple of questions that have been brought to my attention.
"What is your favourite weapon?" Well that depends on the situation I find myself in. If I'm caught in some strange woman's bedroom with a box of Chocolates in my hand by her husband, I normally lob a can of Pepsi Max at him and make a dash for the window. For those missions where I have to be a little more subtle, you can't beat an Uzi. You should see people scatter when I open up one of those babies. I also enjoyed trying out a "Star Trek" style phaser that had been developed many years ago by Mossad scientists. Unfortunately after an incident involving some high ranking general who I mistakenly shot in the eye, the project was dropped. My favourite weapon though is my voice. I've found that the moment I open my mouth I can clear a room in any situation.
"Why do you like KFC?" Well I must admit I'm hooked on the secret blend of herbs and spices, and the fact that it was invented by some ex military bloke rather than some geezer in a clown outfit also scores a lot of points with me. I've always wondered where they can get hold of chickens that small though, you seem to get more meat on the ones at Tesco's. KFC warrants further investigation.

Shalom

I've Got You Under My Skin
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Croquet
Well, it turns out that the staff meeting was much ado about nothing, and I would have been better off going for a crafty fag round by the bins. The changes at the top we were promised turned out to be no more than it's time for new curtains on the windows upstairs, what they were looking for was volunteers to help take them down, and put new ones up. Like anywhere else in the NHS, money is tight, and the gits are not willing to pay overtime and want the job done free. Well I don't work for nothing, I know I had to do some crazy hours with Mossad, but at least I could tap into the Swiss bank account from time to time, how else do you think I could afford that flat in Geneva, blimey even the Underground Railway network somewhere in London even used to pay OT. I'd still be there now if I hadn't been stitched up when I was at a personal low which meant my cover got blown.
Anyway I'm not going to help so that's that, plus I have other things going on which are far more important. I'm going to take a part time job in the run up to the election. The fastest VW Beetle in the west will soon be scooting around the streets on behalf of Domino's Pizza. It's not that I need the money, I've got more than enough stashed away, but it means that I can parade my election stuff around town and be paid for it at the same time, plus of course I get to keep all of the Pizzas nobody wants. Give it a month and I reckon my freezer will be bulging, looks like I'll have a happy Christmas.

Shalom

You Make Me Feel So Young
Mood:  down
Now Playing: American Football
Well as I said, ended up round Benny's last night to see what the master designer has in store for our little election campaign.
I was a little disappointed to tell the truth, it was pretty difficult to read as it was all in German. Benny seems to feel that this will stick in the voters minds, after all what do people normally do with election leaflets? They normally toss them in the bin, he reckons that people will be so stunned with our stuff that they'll keep them to show their mates. I'm not totally convinced and want him to redo them in English,over the course of the week they'll probably appear online so you can have a sneak preview then.
I was wheeling someone up to X-Ray this morning and my mind was all over the place. You get really wrapped up in this politics stuff and I ended up walking into one of the little hidey holes the cleaners have dotted around the place. They're a scruffy looking lot the current batch, something to do with the one size fits all approach to the uniforms they're given. I'm amazed how many of them look like they're wearing shoes for the first time, although I do understand the policy of removing the laces from their shoes. The cleaning company took a bit of a hit when they first issued footwear, and there was a steady request for new laces. Turns out laces are almost like currency in certain countries and they were shipping them off there or putting them on Ebay. Thieving gits, got no proper culture.
Anyway, got a staff meeting to go to, this one might be interesting for a change as there are going to be changes made at the top.

Shalom

I Did It My Way
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Hockey
There are times when it isn't easy to write this thing, you know slow news days, nothing going on at work, no East End Gangsters whom I may or may not have known getting into trouble with the law again.
Today is such a day, the initial excitement about standing for election has passed, now the serious stuff has to begin, and I have to start being nice to people for a change. Now I don't think I'm a bad bloke overall, I'll quite happily share my fags and a few stories with anybody, but kissing babies and all that other crap that goes with being a politician does my head in. I would let the Window Cleaner bloke do all that, but I think he may have a mental problem or two, I've noticed how he keeps asking women to pick car keys out of a bowl, strange thing is, his are the only ones in it.
Anyway later today, I'll be off round to Benny's as we'll start designing the literature to be used on our door to door campaign. Benny has some interesting ideas about holding rallies, burning books, and smashing windows to get us some publicity. He reckons that as I have the mysterious ID card with a Star of David on it, the Police will be too scared to arrest me for fear of what I might arrange for them in return. That's a thought, I sometimes forget how that ID card allows me to break the Law at will.
OK, well it's Sunday and Bagel time.

Shalom

Saturday Night Fever
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Tennis
Well, late update today as we had our first election strategy meeting. Had to wait until after Synagogue though, got to get that out of the way, and as per usual it was as boring as hell. I also have to keep this short.
The election has been scheduled for 21 st December, which means I might be in power for Christmas, and also means we have to get our fingers out and crank up our vote winning machine.
The Window Cleaner and Benny have come up with some interesting policies, and Benny has promised to make sure our election leaflets are put up online so you can all see them, something I think the other candidates won't be doing, just like Goebbels with Adolf Hitler, Benny seems to have todays technology cracked with regard to propaganda, I can hardly wait.
Anyway, more detail tomorrow, I'm out of bog paper so I'm off to the Hospital to use the traps.

Shalom

Strangers In The Night
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Rounders
Well no sooner than I mention old Rummy Rumsfeld, than the man himself not only added a comment onto the bottom of the page, but also left something on the guestbook too. Well on a personal note Rummy, if you're ever in the Tooting area, drop by the Synagogue on a Saturday and I'll buy you a Pretzel.
All that talk of Coronation Street certainly livened me up, and I spent last night checking out the 1989 Coronation Street Annual. Ena Sharples wasn't in it by then, or if she was the pages were stuck together so I couldn't see them, but it's full of such lovable characters as Mike Baldwin, and of course the Stud of The Street Ken Barlow. He's almost as successful with the ladies as I am, although admittedly I had an advantage being stuck in a Cairo prison for a few months and could play the field...at least they said they were female.
Anyway last day of the week today, and it's rumoured we'll finally learn the date of the election to replace that pervert Liebeman. Me, Benny, and the Window cleaner are going to get together after Synagogue tomorrow to discuss tactics. It's all very exciting to be able to get into politics after all these years. For a long time while I was with Mossad I was busy taking head shots at these guys, now I'll finally be standing on a platform and putting my verbal skills to good use. I can't wait, and it'll be interesting to see who else puts their name forward, apparently there may well be some big hitters standing so it could be a tough race.

Shalom

Like A Virgin
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Basketball
So Donald Rumsfeld is no longer the US defence chief. I was quite sad to hear that news as me and 'Rummy' go back a long way. It was when we were playing a game of battleships that the subject of Iraq first came up. He asked me what I think they should do about the place, my advice was "it's full of Arabs...bomb the bastards". It's so nice that he took my advice, even if things haven't gone so well for him since.
Anyway that aside last night I settled back to watch TV. One of my favourite programmes has alway been "Coronation Street" even though it doesn't have many Jewish characters. I remember when it was on in black and white all those years ago, me, Ronnie and Reggie would stop the beating we were dishing out just to see what was going on in the 'Rovers'. Must admit back then I had a bit of a thing for Ena Sharples, always wondered what was under that hairnet of hers. I used to fantasise about a threesome with Ena and Minnie Caldwell. Pissed off Ronnie a bit as his box of Kleenex used to run down pretty quickly whenever the episode had a lot of Ena action, not that I saw it as I was busy in the bog...I'll say no more. "Coronation Street" hasn't been the same since those characters left, they've tried to jazz it up a bit by introducing such minxes as Deirdre Barlow and Gail whatever her name is, but nobody ever beat Ena Sharples, although Annie Walker pushed her close at times. Then there was Albert Tatlock but I won't go there.
Anyway after 'Corrie' finished I twiddled with my knobs for a while but to no avail, there just isn't much going on on the airwaves these days, that's the power of the Internet for you, maybe I should get a copy of "Internet Hacking For Dummies" as that's where all the action is. I'll put that on my list for later.

Shalom

You're Fired
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: Netball
It's days like these that I really enjoy what I do. Unlike the Duty Trolley Manager, the cleaning supervisor for our contractors appreciates my work. I noticed today that the cleaner I've been trailing wasn't in today, and it turns out that he's been sacked. My evidence was enough to kick him out for misuse of company property. As a little thank you I got a little brown envelope left in my pigeonhole. Inside was an 10% off voucher for Domestos and a packet of B&H. I probably overdid things somewhat, but he was delighted to hear that every other cleaner is toeing the company line and saving company resources.
So it was with a spring in my step that I returned back to normal trolley pushing duties. The amount of stupid cases we get in a large inner city Hospital like ours never ceases to amaze me. I really don't know why people can't sort things out for themselves. Some geezer came in today looking for someone to peel his Banana, for f**ks sake this is a Hospital, admittedly he had no arms but that shows a real lack of foresight on his part. If you've got no arms, don't buy fruit that needs peeling. Not exactly rocket science is it? Then there was the bloke who had cut himself shaving, little cuts all over the top of his head. Jesus, who taught him to shave? When we were in the desert we had to make do with a piece of tin foil which doubled up as our Razor and mirror. This bloke was trying for the "suedehead" look and failed miserably.
Anyway I've got a few minutes break, time to smoke a couple of B&H.

Shalom