That Don't Impress Me Much
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Bambi
Another day and another endless knocking on doors. It's been a real culture shock to actually wait for someone to open a door rather than either pick the lock or blow the bloody thing off of its hinges. Most of the time nobody answers either although I'm sure I've spotted more than one person hiding behind their couch. I'm putting together a little list and I'll deal with these characters when the election is over, my guess is that they must have some grudge against the homeland.
Still wasn't all failure yesterday, some people like to debate and I spent ages with some geezer who reckoned he'd done it all. Well I had to listen to his bullshit for what seemed like hours. He told me how he'd been there when Hitler was blown up, how he'd taken Arnhem single handedly, and flew every plane in the Berlin airlift. How can I take someone like that seriously, f**king nuthouse is where he should be, at least I've got a proven track record, Hollywood have at least made some of my stuff into films even though they made some alterations to protect my identity. The Great Escape and Cockleshell Heroes spring to mind, but the Man From UNCLE was also broadly based on my case files. I just hope I don't come across too many of these types.
Still no sign of the window cleaner on the campaign trail, Benny tells me that with his current shift pattern it's hard for him to join in, says he's working the 93. Well that must be one f**king big house because he's been working the 93 for the last couple of weeks, lazy bastard.
Anyway, have to go and photocopy a few hundred more leaflets so I'm off down the hospital.

Shalom

I've Been Driving In My Car
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: Lionel Blair and Eminem sing White Christmas
Back to pounding the streets today. I thought this election business was all glamour, and that a person of my standing and reputation would be followed everywhere by camera crews and reporters. After all it's not everyday that the guy who James Bond could have been modelled on stands for election.
So far the only people following seem to be a group of teenagers who look like they've missed the Mustard Bus and have adopted me as their saviour. I can't get rid of them either and the dopey bastards can't even vote.
Benny was back on the scene today, and has promised to put right the publicity thing. He's going to get on to all the papers and make sure I get a few interviews. We have a radical programme to get out there, sometime this week I'll run you lot through what we see as the issues. I am a bit concerned about the Window Cleaner's contribution though. He seems to have only his own interests at heart, and wants us to focus on how dirty the windows are on some buses. Not sure this is within the remit of the local council but I'll play along.
I was a bit disappointed by Mossad's response to my request for a few heavies to help me out. They reckon they don't have anyone available at the moment although I could take a couple of rejects from the Moshe Dayan academy if I wanted. I don't think so somehow, those academy rejects make the group following me look almost normal.
Anyway better get on my footwear and knock on a few doors.

Shalom

The Diary Of Horace Wimp
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Ping Pong
Sorry about the late update today, because it's Christmas it seems like everyone and his goat are heading towards Brick Lane to get some Christmas shopping done on the cheap. The traffic was pretty bad, and I struggled to find somewhere to chain up my bike. Even had to queue at the Bagel Bake, my elite status counts for nothing there.
Took a look at those dodgy Playstation 3's that one of the stalls there is trying to flog, still not convinced they're the real thing, something don't seem right with them, apparently that major Japanese company changed their name to Sonny last year, at least that's what the Polish bloke behind the stall said, had a bit of trouble understanding him too, he had a bit of a stutter and his face looked familiar. Time to delve into my files later on I think.So I cycled back without one, but at least I got my Bagels.
Yesterday at the Synagogue was a bit of a washout as I fell asleep during the goings on and so have no idea what Goldberg waffled on about. Benny never showed and nobody else seemed to want to talk about it, I did get some strange looks afterwards so I think Goldberg may have said a few dodgy things while I was not as alert as I usually am. He'd better be careful, I can rustle up a fleet of black cars with strange guys in them with one phone call.
Last night I spent tucked up in bed oiling the shaft of my semi automatic watching my latest DVD purchase of "HR Puff n Stuff", Jesus that was a f**king off the wall programme, didn't make much sense when I watched it with Frankie Fraser, still doesn't make much sense now. I think I need to research my purchases a bit more carefully in future.

Shalom

Where Do You Go To My Lovely
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: Badminton
A break from the Campaign trail today as it's off down the Synagogue to do some praying, chanting, and trying to avoid the collection tin. I'll be doing my best to charm a few people though, hey an aspiring politician never switches off, and with my rugged good looks I know the women will fall over themselves for me, that's why today I dressed in all black, plus you'd be amazed at how much they all like Milk Tray.
Yesterdays campaigning was a bit of a nightmare. Benny the master tactician decided we should try to hit the places where there were likely to be large groups of people gathered. Using his intelligence network he worked out that every Friday there is a large gathering at certain buildings around the area. turns out that with our Israeli flags and Mossad Tee shirts we were about as welcome as the BNP in an immigration detention centre as Benny had targeted all the local Mosques...he's a card that Benny!
Anyway, no time to dawdle today, I've got hands to shake and women to charm although with the weather I don't think any of them are going to be wandering around dressed in Bikinis which always seems to be the case for that James Bond geezer.

Shalom

Vote For Me
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: All The President's Men
I didn't know that all this election crap was such hard work. Benny suggested that today we do some door to door stuff. I haven't done any of that since I was on the Gaza Strip with the Israeli Army. Even worse I was going to have to do it without any armoured back up. I only calmed down when Benny explained I'd be merely knocking on people's doors, not blowing them off with a shaped charge or hand grenade. So I dutifully started down the street. It's not the most comfortable experience I've ever had, those people who did answer their doors bombarded me with all sorts of questions. Now while I've always had an opinion on virtually anything, I've got no interest in why the Dustman won't pick up any rubbish that might spill out of a bin, or why the local Library shuts early on a Friday. For f**ks sake ask me about something I'm interested in like the effective range of an AK47, or the best way to tap someones phone undetected. All I know is some people have to get a life.
Also not sleeping well since I started this lark. I keep having this dream about Yitzhak Rabin and the words "watch out for the Jewboy with the gun" keep echoing round my head. Is it an omen, I don't know, but I'll be on the phone to Mossad Sunday to call in a few favours. Bastards don't work Saturdays or Friday afternoons due to religious reasons.

Shalom

Busman's Holiday
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: St Winifred's School Choir do Rap
So yesterday was the first day on the campaign trail. It didn't start too well either. Met Benny at the agreed bus stop, only to find they wouldn't let me take my bike on the bus when it finally turned up. F**king London Transport, I'll remember the attitude of their staff when I get into power. Anyway we finally found somewhere in Wimbledon where we could chain up the bike. It's pretty safe as I rig up something from the Mossad surplus store to secure it. Also just to put people more on edge I write something in Arabic on it too. You'd be surprised how well that works, even though it's only a little note I wrote for when I went to the KFC in Damascus asking for a bargain bucket.
So eventually we get on a bus. Benny - who seems to have become my campaign manager - suggested we just tour the area to decide which parts we'll target. Now call me dumb, but I always thought carrying out a bombing raid is not the way to win votes, although to tell the truth some areas would probably look better if we did that. He also showed me the design for our first campaign leaflet. Very distinctive, and if the lazy bastard gets his act together you'll get to see it too. He said he's currently negotiating with a couple of printers to get a good discount rate. I don't know why he's bothered, I could run a load of them off on the hospital photocopier if he lets me, or just terrorise the local Jewish printer, for some reason the word Mossad makes him sweat.
So once we got going it all went OK, never got to meet up with the window cleaner, who I think is just riding along on my tail and will no doubt claim all the glory when we win. I do understand he's busy though, I was struck by the number of places that actually have windows, window cleaning could be the industry of the future.

Shalom

We're All Going On A Summer Holiday
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Dixon Of Dock Green
Ever since Liebeman fell from power in disgrace, I knew that I fancied a taste of all those freebies that councillors get either legally or a little illegally if you know what I mean. I'm looking forward to attending meetings and just sitting there looking dumb, and the free tea and biscuits afterwards. First though there is the problem of winning an election, and with nominations scheduled to close any day now, it looks like I might have my work cut out for me.
First off, the big three parties will all be putting up a show for this one, they're not really a major problem though, my area normally goes for an Independent. What worries me is some of the others. Commie-Tec after the great election fraud earlier this year have made way for some geezer called Nelson who is representing some organisation called ANC, I think they're some sort of insurance company. Then there's another bloke called Lech who is obviously trying to court the Eastern European vote in my opinion, better watch him closely. A lot of the others who stood in May are also standing again so it's all going to get a bit exciting soon.
I've saved up all my leave for this campaign, and I'll start using it as from tomorrow. Me and Benny are going to buy a Travelcard so not only can we hold our meetings on buses, but we can get around on the trains as well. He did reckon we'd be better off using something called an Oyster, but I'm allergic to seafood so that's a no no.
So it's farewell to my trolley for a few weeks, and hello to the soapbox, I just hope my voice holds out.

Shalom

On The Buses
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Pet Shop Boys
You know things are grim when you can't find anything to investigate, or someone to stitch up. I know I said I'd be delving into the blend of secret Herbs and Spices that go into a KFC, but to tell the truth it's one of the highlights of my life and I'd rather not spoil it for myself.
Benny called last night, and he has worked out a convenient time and place for our first proper election campaign meeting. He wants me to meet him at a bus stop in Wimbledon. His theory being that there will be no chance of our meetings being bugged this way, plus it'll give us a chance to meet up with the window cleaner. I'm not too pleased by this as it means I'll have to fork out for a bus ticket, and the way Ken Livingstone's going it'll break the bank for me. Maybe I'll be able to bunk on by the middle door or something.
The Christmas edition of 'Secret Agent' magazine is due on the shelves any day now, and as is traditional they have a little Christmas calender thing with agents adopting certain action poses. I was asked if I'd be interested in repeating my undercover performance in that "Oh Calcutta" or whatever it was called a few years back. I did think about it but I wasn't too keen in where they wanted to place the sprig of Holly. As a nice touch I would have been on the page celebrating Hanukkah, I think they went elsewhere, we shall see.

Shalom

Casino Royale
Mood:  chillin'
Now Playing: Clive Dunn's Grandad
So after all the excitement of the weekend, it's back to reality with a crash, and I'm pushing my old trolley through the corridors of one the leading hospitals of the NHS just going through the motions. I really think I'd better have a word with my Mossad controller about this assignment. I'm not gathering any useful intelligence, I can't remember the last time I sent a report back to Tel Aviv, they got sort of fed up with hearing that the waiting time in Casualty was now six hours, but that's all I can really muster. In my position unless I engage in some clandestine activity I don't have access to the really juicy areas, and I've been forbidden to do that by the powers that be back in the homeland. How can a highly skilled operative like me operate like that. When I was trained we were told that's what we had to do. It's political correctness gone mad, although they reckon it's got something to do with an event that happened at some hotel in the USA called Watergate that I happened to be staying at. Pure coincidence I tell you, I couldn't find any batteries for my torch, plus I was still waiting for my lock picking kit to arrive, so how could it have been me? Never have anything you order from the Exchange & Mart shipped to the US, it takes ages.
Some of you have asked if Mossad had anything to do with that Russian geezer who they reckoned was poisoned with radiation or whatever. As per usual I can't comment on stuff like that, but all I will say is that we prefer to do things a little cheaper than that, that stuff costs money. If you ask me he just had a bad piece of Sushi, happened to me once and I spent all night on the bog. Blimey was my arse sore after that.

Shalom

Pizza Express
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Some David Hasselhoff
Another night of excitement zipping around the streets of London, what is in the boxes...I have no idea so it's almost like old times again. I did speak to the manager at Domino's to try and get our delivery methods a little more exciting. For many years I have been enormously successful breaking into women's bedrooms and leaving them a box of chocolates. I suggested that we try the same thing with Pizza, but coward as he obviously is he said he was worried about complaints and the Police getting involved. As you know, the Police do not concern me, but I do have the mysterious ID card with the Star of David on it which comes in handy. The manager also mentioned that he would rather I didn't used shaped charges to blow down doors when people don't answer, it's a bit noisy apparently and I'm to bring the Pizza back to base to be reheated and delivered elsewhere.
So it is with weary eyes and head that I set off down the Bagel Bake this morning, after spending a weekend looking at Pepperoni, Cheese, and all that other stuff they put on Pizzas, it'll be nice to get back to normal food. Admittedly my freezer is full of Pizza, but for a pick me up you can't beat the Brick Lane Bagel. Just something about it that gets you going. Brick Lane was pretty crowded this morning, well it's getting near Christmas I'm told, and I noticed a stall selling Playstation 3's at fifty quid a pop. I'm not sure if they're genuine though, although the boxes look the part. I might invest in one next week, stick on ebay and make a nice little profit.
I'm hoping that this week we'll finally get the election campaign underway, although I've heard that the window cleaner guy needs to fit in meetings around his shifts. Never thought window cleaners did shifts, but in the world we live in I guess everything is needed round the clock.

Shalom

Cold Pizza
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Matt Munro
Wow, I'm knackered. My first night doing the Pizza thing and I was pretty busy. Not very happy though, turns out I have to zip around on some shitty little moped rather than some superbike. I'm just glad I have to wear a helmet so nobody can see me on it. Still after one night I have a few ideas I think I'll put to the manager to improve things, we'll see how he takes it.
Synagogue today, and same old same old religious bullshit. Goldberg really could liven it up a bit by getting a couple of Kosher pole dancers to do their thing while he rants on about something or other. Maybe I'll raise that at the next Synagogue committee session, we don't have them very often, and when we do they're full of old has beens who want to discuss something about some old book called Torah Torah Torah or whatever.
Anyway I need to get some shuteye before my next shift starts so this has to be short today.

Shalom

The Land Of Make Believe
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Bucks Fizz's Greatest Hits
I've decided to finish off the week on a sickie, no point in going in for just one day, and if it's OK for all the other lazy bastards to do it, it's OK for me.
I finally get to start my little part time job tonight with Domino's. I thought it was an all week thing, but turns out I'll only be needed at weekends. I'm also a bit annoyed that I'm not going to be allowed to use the fastest VW in the west to make the deliveries. The manager is dead set on me using the company bikes, no problem, my skill on two wheels is second to none, and it's a bit classy I guess turning up on an 1100cc bike just for a Pizza. I like this company already.
Not much else going on, as planned I stuffed myself with a Bargain Bucket yesterday. The election campaign is a bit dead in the water at the moment as Benny has disappeared off the radar this week. Anyway until we know who the other candidates are there probably isn't much point doing any work. You can rest assured though that once we find out, we'll be digging up as much dirt as we can on them, hopefully we can out one of them as a gay boy or something, that normally livens things up a bit. We'll know all that next week when the deadline passes for nominations...actually that reminds me...we're a few signatures short, better start working on some forgeries just in case.
OK, well you slaves can enjoy your day, I'm certainly going to enjoy mine.

Shalom

Got To Pick A Pocket Or Two
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Shalom TV
Jesus I got up late today, had to call in a sickie which isn't a big deal in itself, they're pretty incompetent at the hospital, probably haven't even noticed I'm not there.
The reason for my laziness is the fact that I got my box set of "Great Jewish TV Moments" from Amazon yesterday, and I couldn't wait to play it. It's a great set, and includes lots of scenes of us kicking Arab butt, shooting innocent Palestinians, Yitzhak Rabin getting assassinated which I remember quite well, and more kicking of Arab butt. But it's not all action though, some of it is quite funny. There was the Tel Aviv Bagel eating contest of 1975. Pretty controversial that was as it was held on a Saturday, the contestants complained that the Bagels were stale and hard to chew. F**king fairies, obviously never seen any proper action, when I was stuck in a foxhole during the six day war, I had to make my Bagels last that long, plus when I finally got captured...well you don't get fresh ones in an Egyptian POW camp. One good thing about the set I got was that it includes a bonus DVD entitled "Making Of An Agent". This is meant to show how Mossad mould the best that Israeli youth can offer into the ultimate spy. Having been through the process it has obviously been edited. The two weeks where you have to survive on a tin of Pepsi Max isn't included, but overall it's pretty accurate. I highly recommend the whole thing.
Anyway, seeing as I've got up late I'm hungry, time to give KFC a call, see if I can get some delivered I really don't fancy getting on the bike today.

Shalom

If I Were A Rich Man
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Oliver
I'll try and keep this short today, although you lot should know me by now, once I get in full flow, I can't stop.
I tried to do some research on these Pink Triangle stamps, but they were obviously a closely guarded secret as I can't find out anything about them. I suspect I'll have to tap into Mossad's own files, but the bastards charge for access to them which is why I don't use them very often. I will admit though, they make 'Google' and the like look pretty tame.
Stamps seem to be a subject close to the heart of a lot of you, and I have to ask if you have so much interest in the bloody things, maybe you should get out more often. Another question that came flying into my mailbox here asked me whether Mossad ever used those Co-Op dividend stamps. Well this one does have an easy answer, and that is no. Firstly, the Co-Op's selection of Kosher food was pretty non-existent, and they didn't have a branch in Tel Aviv in any case. Also the head honchos at Mossad weren't too keen on propping up an idea they thought as a bit left wing. I must confess though, I did keep my own little stash of books, that was until Ronnie found out about them. You see his old mum used to shop in the Co-Op, so he suggested it would be a nice gesture if I helped her out with a little donation. I was pretty pissed off with him at the time, I'd saved up enough books to get at least a couple of Shillings off of my next trip. I stopped going after that, switched to Tesco's in the Bethnal Green Road, no stamps but at least they were Jew friendly.
Anyway, I've got a few things to do, like go and have a fag down by the bins, and polish the chrome on my trolley. If you ever end up where I work you'd want to be on my equipment, it'll give you the smoothest ride the NHS can offer.

Shalom

Moon River
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Wrestling
Well after I'd got my bike clips off yesterday, I noticed a little package by the door. After checking for red and blue wires, I noticed the Met Police logo in the corner. My contact had delivered the goods.
Turns out that my window cleaning mate caused a bit of a ruckus in the BT shop. He'd gathered together a few fax machines, sneaked off into a corner, and was committing an act of "gross indecency" as the report puts it. Still no need to use the mysterious ID card with the Star Of David on it with this one. Even the current government hasn't brought in any laws about the sexual abuse of electronic equipment, so he's been let off with a few words in his ear, and told that if he plans to do anything like this in future he should either do it in the privacy of his own home, or failing that in PC World as nobody would notice anything in there. Hopefully we can keep it quiet until after the election.
My mention of Green Shield stamps bought in a flurry of e-mails eventually, and coincidentally two people mentioned the same thing which I'd been blissfully unaware of. I always thought that Green Shield had been destroyed by the fact that people realised what a con they really were. Well according to these sources, Green Shield's woes were brought about by their attempt to be ahead of their time and introducing saving stamps aimed at the gay community. These 'Pink Triangle' stamps could be used in much the same way, but only at exclusive shops called Blue Oyster. One of these sources is particularly scathing about how many books it took to get certain services performed. Needless to say, it cost a fortune to set up, and it was a little too progressive for its time. I think I'll delve into this one a bit more, could be some juicy gossip arising from it.
Anyway my trolley is gathering dust, and I'd better get it moving before someone starts sniffing round my Uzi.

Shalom

The Lady Is A Tramp
Mood:  chatty
Now Playing: Bull Riding
Nothing like pigging out on a dozen butter filled Bagels on a Sunday, and after a session like that, you don't feel like doing much else. So I settled back into my chair and had a relaxing evening watching such action filled programmes like "Songs Of Praise", and a few reruns of that classic comedy "Never Mind The Quality, Feel The Width" which for some obscure reason always touches my funny bone. I think the main characters are meant to be Jewish, but if that's the case they got their research wrong, no self respecting Jew would keep his lights on all the time...think of the electric bill, and the tailors who used to make my Mossad designed suits always worked by candlelight. Those suits were a work of art, no trouble concealing a weapon under them, I always remember looking at the CIA guys at JFK airport, their ones were quite clearly off the rack, no room for gun concealment under their jackets.
So it's back to work today, I'm getting a bit bored with this particular job as I seem to spend a lot of time pushing things around. It's not gathering much intelligence either, and I think I was sold a bit short by Mossad when they got me in here. It's my own fault though, if I hadn't been so upset by Charlie Kray's death I'd have never have dropped my guard at the Underground Railway in London and got the boot. That was pretty unprofessional of me, but even the best operatives make mistakes.
If any of you are wondering what happened to the window cleaner, well my contacts in the Met Police are due to drop me off a copy of the Police report later on today, I'm told it makes fun reading.

Shalom

Send In The Clowns
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: Rock, Paper, Scissors
I do enjoy a good old bike ride, well being such an expert that's not really surprising. It's a real pity this years Tour Of Cricklewood got dumped as I think not only was I a dead cert to win the King Of The Mountains, but I may have had a shot at the yellow jersey too. Anyway it didn't happen, but the organisers are hoping for better luck in 2007, but they'll have to tweak the rules first, I suspect the Shoot a guy wearing a towel on his head stage may well be taken out.
So this morning it was onto my Mossad designed Titanium racer and off to Bethnal Green and the Bagel Bake. I don't know how often any of you visit the area, but it really is becoming the sort of place Oxfam could shoot a video in after some sort of natural disaster and save a few dinaris on air fares. Of course with my background I'm more concerned they'll find out who I really am and next time they'll be a roadside bomb waiting for me. Didn't happen today though, and I whizzed up to Brick Lane and chained my bike to the railings outside Ali's Cafe. I don't normally stroll down the Lane, but today I thought I'd give it a look. Lot's of leather shops so I suspect there is a strong gay community in the area. Lot's of Curry houses too. Never seen the attraction in Curry myself, I've had it a couple of times, and if my reaction is anything to go by, no wonder the bastards are so skinny. In fact I found the whole place pretty depressing, so I was quite relieved to pick up my Bagels and get out of there.
I always try to get nice hot Bagels, and I cycle back here in record time to enjoy them at their best. I'm told there are Bagel places nearer to me, but I still have a weakness for the old East End, and besides I'm keeping a promise I made to Ronnie and Reggie to make sure the Brick Lane Bagel Bake maintains it standards.

Shalom

It Was`A Very Good Year
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Pass The Parcel
Well just got back from the Synagogue where it was business as usual. Goldberg was prattling on about some religious bullshit, and we all just sat there and listened to it like good sheep. There are times I'd love to pull out my 45 Magnum which Clint gave me and blow Goldberg's f**king head off, however the Russian security guys are pretty efficient, and while I might spend a fair amount of my time talking out of it, even I couldn't fit a 45 up my arse.
Still it gives me a chance to catch up with Benny, who now attends regularly again after his mental problems a few months back. My main concern is when the lazy bastard is going to sort out those election leaflets and put them online. He says he'll get round to it soon enough, but it's getting to the part of the year when religious tat becomes a big seller. Now we all know how well Benny did with those T-shirts when the Pope visited Auschwitz, but remember that the Easter collection of wooden crosses didn't go down too well. So Benny isn't really that successful, but he likes to think he is. He suggested we try and get together this week and sort it out. As for my partner The Window Cleaner, he was nowhere to be seen, although I'm hearing a nasty rumour that he was spotted being bundled into the back of a Police Van outside a BT shop. I'll do some checking on that today, might be time to dig out the mysterious ID card with the Star of David on it again.
Anyway tomorrow is Sunday and it's the day of the week I really look forward to, lock up your Bagels because I'm one hungry Jew.

Shalom

My Kind Of Town
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Hurling
Thank f**k it's Friday, this week seems to have gone so slowly it's untrue. Where are the international crisis points? It seems the world has no need of the likes of me, highly trained intelligence officers who can stir up trouble at the squeeze of a trigger. I blame that James Bond geezer who I see has a new film out now, I don't like the bloke but I must admit he does have a f**king good plastic surgeon. It's no wonder we've never uncovered his true identity, just look at his track record. First he looks like David Niven, then Sean Connery, then George Lazenby, the list goes on. Whilst us Mossad types are given some training in altering our ID, we never went to the extent that James Bond does, no wonder our f**king taxes are so high, shelling out for all this plastic surgery. Don't even get me started on the gadgets and cars. With Mossad you were given a Tandy Gift Voucher, or if you were lucky some cash to spend in Argos. Still that was an improvement on the old days when we had to collect Green Shield stamps. Do you know how many books you had to complete to get an Uzi clip? F**king hundreds, and then they wouldn't have the bastard things in stock when you went to the store, you'd end up getting a teasmaid or something.
At the moment of typing, I still have no concrete plans for the weekend. A trip to the Synagogue is a given although I only do that for social purposes. Trust me I can't stand getting out of bed on a Saturday morning, especially when there are no Bagels to be enjoyed. It's a pain in the arse dusting off the old suit and skull cap and generally trying to be nice to a bunch of Jews who you know would sell off your collection of KFC wet wipes if they thought there was a few shekels in it for them. Still us Red Sea Pedestrians need to stick together, otherwise they'll turn the place into a Wetherspoons which they'd probably call the Jewish Harp to reflect it's previous history.

Shalom

Fly Me To The Moon
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: The Weather Channel
This really is a week of inactivity, and to make matters worse, nobody has left me any comments, sent me an e-mail, or tried to communicate on the Mossad hotline. In fact I'm about as popular as Bin Laden at an Airline pilots reunion being held in New York.
So what to write about today? The truth is nothing, I just spend my time wheeling people about, getting bedpans for the nurses, and chatting to anyone who might want to listen, or even if they don't. I do enjoy telling them about the good old days, but some of them are really ungrateful and reckon I'm just talking a load of bullshit! Well everyone is entitled to their opinion, but wait until secret Israeli Government documents are released in fifty years time, that'll show them, then the real extent of Engelbert Humperdinck's treachery will come to light. Of course I may not be around to witness that, but I can see it now...my picture on all the news broadcasts, as every incident I've been involved in officially becomes public knowledge. maybe they'll make a film out of it, get someone like Sean Connery to be the star, although he'd have to develop a taste for 40 B&H a day, Bagels, and KFC to pull it off properly.
Anyway, enough dreaming, better get back to work.

Shalom