Ticket to ride
Mood:  loud
Now Playing: My Ding A Ling
OK, managed to thieve a new battery out of the ICU. Guessed it wouldn't matter, the geezers chart said something about him being a cabbage so he won't miss it. The machine made a funny noise afterwards but I didn't hang around to see what that was all about, it was just like the old days when I used to plant dodgy stuff on high ranking politicians...remember Watergate? Well that had nothing to do with me, but we had a similar thing in Israel called Porkgate...my finest hour.
Anyway back to f*cking retards like that bloke in the ICU. I thought I'd take the chance to reply to that biddy who wrote to me about the mongs who work at Tescos.

"You disgust me, ridiculing those poor people who through no fault of their own were born with a genetic defect. They can't help it if they dribble and talk funny. How would you like it?
You are typical of your type, think you're superior to everybody else. I have more respect for those poor kids than I have for your circumcised penis, you are probably a complete and utter liar. I've read those tales on your webpage...World Cup 1966 indeed."

Yours

Margaret Ponsoby Smythe (SAS Retired)

OK Missus, let me reply. If Tescos supplied those kids plastic orange bibs there wouldn't be a problem. I reckon that they take advantage of the fact they're f*cking mentally retarded and to old grannies like you they look cute. I bet you've never seen any action so I don't think you can criticise me you old hag. As for 1966...just ask Ronnie and Reggie...they'll back me up.

Dozy old fools like that really piss me off, I'm so angry just writing about it I think I need a fag.

Shalom

Carry On Constable
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: The Disney Channel
Still working the early shift, and probably will be all week. Some of you keen eyed Jew watchers have asked me why I've been going to work even though it was still a holiday for us Red Sea Pedestrians. Simple answer, I need the shekels, the rest of them can scramble for the kosher chuck aways at Tescos...me I need the money...it's not cheap to hire a helicopter for those Milk Tray missions.
Anyway this early shift is a doddle, not many trolleys to push around, just the occasional victim of MRSA to dispose of, gives me plenty of time to sneak out and have a fag by the bins. Just a shame I've got nobody to talk to.
It's been remarked that I'm not taking part in the local elections this time around, well the UJF haven't given up on political power, but with the Window Cleaner's busy schedule - he's doing night rounds now - and my extra job at Tescos we ain't got time to knock on doors...maybe next year or if I can arrange an assassination maybe sooner.
Was going to reply to some daft bat who has pulled me up on my comments about those retards who do the trolley day shift at Tescos. I think though I'll leave that for another time, the battery is running out on my laptop and I need to go and nick another one.

Shalom

Doctor's Orders
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Emergency Ward 10
Turns out that I scurried out of the bog for no real reason. They were looking for someone to nip down to the coach station to scout out some likely candidates to train up. Well I'm used to scouting but normally for Arab gun positions not some f*cking idiot who could push a trolley about. Anyway I thought it'd get me out and about for a while, and there is nothing like checking out the streets early in the morning.
Well what did I find? A couple of winos on a bench, considered them for a minute but decided they were already too professional. Luckily when the coach pulls in, there are enough people wandering around with bits of paper in their hands asking for help, so I scooped a couple of them up and took them back to the hospital.
I have no idea what happens to them after that. I would be willing to train them, but the DTM doesn't see why they should learn how to slide down ropes from helicopters, break open doors and windows with a minimum of explosives, and be able to take out a terrorist at an airport with a head shot. No imagination that DTM, in todays world the more skills you have the better off you are.
Anyway, I haven't seen them tonight, they're probably being shown the ropes by the other muppets on the day shift. Can't say I care, as long as none of them try and nick my SCUM job at Tescos I'll be happy.

Shalom

Shift Change
Mood:  irritated
Now Playing: Wheel Of Fortune
A bit f*cking annoyed as I type this, got a phone call from the DTM telling me that I was needed for the early morning shift after the immigration department had carried out a raid during the day on Sunday. All those Poles who'd been helping out have suddenly disappeared, so we're short handed until the next coach pulls into Victoria.
Still it's pretty quiet and sneaking into the bogs for a while is a lot easier, plus there's none of those grunting noises you get during the day.
Also I've worked out that the hospital has switched its wireless network back on, which is good news for me as I don't have to hang around on street corners with my modified shopping trolley trying to pick up dodgy signals.
Over the next couple of days I'll be addressing a couple of issues which have come to the fore. Someone has written to complain about my remarks regarding the Down's syndrome kid who works with me at Tescos, the other is a more sensitive issue. What has happened to Benny? I do have some gossip to report about him, but I think I'll save that for another time.
OK, they've just put out a call for me on the hospital PA, maybe I'm needed to assist with some emergency heart surgery.

Shalom

Dog Day Afternoon
Mood:  lazy
Ahhhh, Sunday, time to catch up with all the goings on around the world by reading through all the top Newspapers like The Sunday Times, The Observer, and The Sunday Sport. Of course my favourite paper wasn't mentioned in that list, that being The West Bank Times. The editor of that is a mate of mine, I met him when I was working as a lifeguard on Robert Maxwell's boat, although a moments distraction cost me that job. Anyway the paper isn't as big a seller as it was years ago, mainly because us Jews have found out how good The Sunday Sport is for news. Now he works the Sunday morning shift down the Bagel Bake in Brick Lane, so they don't publish on a Sunday.
The Bagel Bake on a Sunday morning is as you know my favourite cycle ride of the week, and it's got even better since I fitted new saddlebags onto my bike which keep the Bagels warm right up until I get down into the Tooting area. I'm the envy of everyone down the Synagogue. Yes there are Bagel shops down in South London, but I'm not 100% that the Bakers have been properly circumcised.
One big disappointment when I got down to Tescos yesterday was the state of the Hi-visibility stuff we wear while rounding up the trolleys. F*cking covered in dribble they were, and I'm not going to put one of them on until Tescos clean them. This is what happens when you try and do the Care In The Community thing, a group of f*cking retards who can't control their f*cking saliva output. Last time I saw something like that was when I worked on the Underground railway system somewhere in London. Mind you everyone had had a few drinks by then, so the loss of control of body fluids was understandable.
Hopefully the hospital will switch its wireless network back on this week and I'll be able to sneak in the bog and do regular updates. Taking a crap at the place hasn't been much fun since I couldn't tap away on the keyboard...almost started using my own bog at home...then I thought about how much bog paper costs so I resisted that urge.

Shalom

My Fat Jewish Wedding
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Those Bog Roll Adverts with the dog in it
Well everything should start getting back to normal soon. The hospital has confirmed that they're going to start letting us use the wireless thing again now that the computer experts from India - or was it Southall - have done their stuff.
Goldberg is back at the Synagogue and he was really milking this Passover stuff. I sat there pretty bored but at least I got to guard the collection tray, taking my usual 10% cut at the end. It's when I do that job that I realise what a mean bunch of bastards we really are. Today for instance I managed to rustle up 20 pence and a couple of Zlotys among other things. Mind you the shirt button will come in useful, looks like it matches up with the shirt I got down at the Salvation Army the other day. Never understood the Salvation Army, they've probably got more troops than the UN yet you never see them helping out in hotspots like Bosnia and Ipswich. Bunch of f*cking poofs if you ask me...don't carry any hardware and are always picking on winos. Still being a military minded man I like to support other Armies, especially when it looks like they don't get anything from the government. Oh...and those tanning salons in Golders Green must be pretty good, Goldberg looked like an extra from "The Last King of Scotland".
Those of you who asked about the contents of my Tescos goodie bag I got the other day are going to be pretty disappointed. It contained a mouldy old cheese sandwich which would have done British Rail proud, out of date Salmon Paste, and some Jacob's Cream Crackers. Can't complain though, at least I got this stuff before the OAP's got stuck into it, and that Down's Syndrome kid got nothing except a Mars bar which it looks like he smeared all over his face, unless of course he's forgotten how to wipe his Arse!
Anyway better get on, back to work soon, Tescos need me to do some trolley sorting as they think some might be overdue their 14 day exam, knew you couldn't trust a retard, and just like the old days with that Underground system somewhere in London, it's up to me to save the day.

Shalom

Just a quickie
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Great Jewish Anthems
Well as it's the first day of Passover, Tescos have packed me off with a kosher goodie bag and told me to put my feet up for a few days. My job is going to be covered by Mustard Bus employment services, which sounds like they're exploiting those care in the community cases again.
Anyway I can't wait to see what tasty treats lie in store for me, pity the Bagel Bake is shut, I rather fancy a hot one right now.

Shalom

Tasty Bagels
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Chas N Dave
Just got time to wolf down a couple of hot Bagels before I zip off down to Tescos. It's times like these I yearn for the good old days when shops didn't open on Sundays, and shut at 5 during the weeks for that matter. I'm sure if Ronnie and Reggie were still around they'd be none of this stuff going on. Those were the good old days of course, when you could carry out an old fashioned kneecapping and nothing was said.
What's also pretty unfair about all this is that that f*cking Down's Syndrome kid doesn't have to do the Sundays because he allegedly goes to church. Like f*ck he does, not unless it's for some dirty old bastard of a catholic priest to take advantage of him.
Anyway better get a move on, those trolleys won't park themselves plus I've got some butter on me chin.

Shalom

Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Anything by The Bay City Rollers
With two jobs on the go, it's hard to find time to do anything else. If it's not trolleys at the hospital, it's the trolleys at Tescos. That f*cking retard kid is getting on my nerves though, found out he's been getting a few extra shekels mainly because people feel sorry for him.
Hit the synagogue this morning and once again we had that lovable scouse Rabbi Doddberg. I'm not too keen on him to tell the truth, ever since he came on the scene we seem to have had gangs of kids offering to look after your bike, and an increase in the number of cars with missing hubcaps. Also he made sure we all got a leaflet advertising his day job, which has something to do with income tax avoidance. Now that I might find handy, with all my foreign investments I hate paying tax, and with my three nationalities, as a good citizen I'm paying to Israel, Switzerland, and the UK. I must be doing something wrong somewhere.
Not much else going on, although there could be some good news on the Internet front as the hospital look like they're going to switch their wireless network back on. I'll keep you posted.

Shalom

Let's all go down the synagogue
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Button Moon
Saturday at last, means I can skive off from both my jobs for today on religious grounds. Of course you lot know I don't give a f*ck about religion but if it gets me off of weekend rosters it can't be all bad.
Synagogue was a little more interesting today as Goldberg is sunning himself in the Golders Green tanning salon for a couple of weeks. We have this new geezer doing the services and his face is vaguely familiar. Apparently we were supposed to get Bob Woolmer filling in until the unfortunate events in Jamaica. I blame the Arabs for that myself...ain't they responsible for all the bad shit that goes on? Anyway back to the stand in Rabbi, he has a scouse accent, and buck teeth and waves a feather stick in the air, and from time to time goes on about how tickled he is and makes a dopey face. I asked one of the regulars what his name is and he told me Rabbi Doddberg is the guy concerned. Don't know about you lot but I'll be using an extra lock on my bike for the next couple of weeks, you know what scousers are like.
What about those dopey British sailors in Iran. How the f*ck can you allow yourselves to get picked up without a fight. Rumour has it that they had been sent there by some bloke with a Spanish sounding name. I remember that geezer, always gave me a hard time while I was working undercover on an Underground railway somewhere in London. F*cking Spanish Onion.
OK, better be going, the helicopter is hovering overhead and with the price of petrol these days I don't think Mossad will want me hanging around.

Shalom

A letter from a reader
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: The Trouble With Tribbles
You know just sometimes when I'm wading through all the intelligence reports I receive by e-mail from the likes of the FBI, KGB, CIA, MI5 and ASDA there is one that stands out from the crowd.
Here's one I got the other day.

Dear Mystery Man, I think I know who you are. Was it you I spotted in Tesco's car park the other night gathering up all the loose trolleys. If so can I ask why you don't wear that bright orange vest which I notice that very nice downs syndrome kid who does the job during the day wears with pride? Wearing dark clothing in a badly lit area isn't too clever you know.

OK, first off I must admit I am working at Tescos on a part time basis. You never know when the extra shekels will come in handy for your next covert mission, and besides I'm aiming to become the country's foremost expert in trolley handling. Also it means I'm one of the first to get a go at all the out of date food before all the OAPS dig in. However I am not merely just an ordinary trolley pusher. Tescos have given me a managerial title. I am their first ever Shopping Cart Utilisation Manager. The staff though find that a bit of a mouthful so they call me SCUM for short.
As for the bright orange vest, first off with my background I'm a prime target for any Arab hitman who fancies his chances, so I think it's f*cking obvious I don't want to draw attention to myself. The other reason is that after that "nice Downs syndrome kid" has been wearing it all day it's soaked through with his f*cking dribble...no way am I wearing that...never know what you might catch.
If anyone else out there has a question they want to ask me...well you know the address.

Shalom

I hate computers!
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Seafood On Ice
It's getting harder to get an illegal connection to keep this thing up to date. Right now I'm sitting in the bog of some dodgy Turkish phone place hoping the bastards don't twig I'm nicking their free wireless Internet access. They'll have my bollocks if they find out.
Anyway not much to report, Rabbi Goldberg is having a couple of weeks off. He's going back to the homeland - Golders Green if you must know - which is great as it means we get a new boy doing the Synagogue sessions. In fact Goldberg asked me if I'd do it. Tight fisted c*nt only wanted to save the Rent A rabbi fees. It was interesting but only for a few seconds. It would interfere with all the other stuff I've got going on, like spying on Arabs, and keeping the Milk Tray line going at Cadburys.
Work is pretty mundane at the moment. I was on security detail this week as people have been walking off with some of the trolleys. You should see where they leave them...all over the f*cking car park, even found one in a canal. We should do what Tescos do and make people pay a quid deposit before they can take one away. With that sort of money involved nobody would want to leave them lying around, and if worse comes to worse some Junkie would always go around and collect them, it would at least save me the trouble.
OK, I reckon those greasy Turks are going to wonder what I'm up to if I spend much longer in here...and while they don't see much action I am rather attached to my bollocks.

Shalom

More random Bullshit
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Leslie Crowther in The Price is Right
After synagogue yesterday I spent most of the day lying back in my Israeli designed lounger which comes with optional telescopic lens built into one of the arms, and started to watch my box set of Catweazle which arrived during the week. Interesting programme that, and he reminds me a lot of me. You know, multi talented, with a sharp eye for detail. We have a similar dress sense too, although the hospital make me wear a uniform so you don't see me like that very often. The hospital's uniform is pretty boring, and I always think I look better in an Israeli Air Force uniform or all in black.
Today being Sunday it was a nice brisk cycle down to Brick lane. Today I thought I'd linger a bit and see what's going on with the stallholders. Not much has changed, they're still knocking out those dodgy Playstation 3's and Nintendo Wi's or whatever they're called. One of them did have some games for the short lived Israeli game system produced by SEGA but they never caught on. Probably because they were designed for use in the trenches for whenever we fought the Arabs and not many people fancied the idea of waiting for a supply drop for the power supply to arrive.
Of course it was then down to the Bagel Bake, but looks like they've been using trainees to do the Bagels today as they'd been burnt. Burnt Bagels aren't nice so I decided to skip them today. I could have gone to Stamford Hill to pick up a few but you get a lower class of Jew there.
I've started to think about my holiday this year, and for a bit of action Zimbabwe might be the place to go. I don't know the geezer in charge very well, but it looks like he might be having a few problems with the locals. So if it continues on like that, I'll be packing my swimming trunks and a spare magazine for my Uzi and heading off to Africa. I'll intercept a few messages from the Zimbabwean embassy and see when will be the best time to go.

Shalom

Never mind the quality...feel the width
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Paintball
Wow what a week that was. Didn't get a chance to look up any dodgy connections as I was sent on a residential course about violence in the NHS. Didn't know anything about it until the last minute but I always keep a spare Kevlar vest packed just in case of emergencies like this, so off I went.
It was nice to get away from the hospital for a few days, and I must admit Stratford in London is quite different in the daylight. I rarely venture this far east, last time I did I had my bike nicked, the area has really gone downhill since Ronnie and Reggie left the scene. It's almost like a different country these days, and all my injections which the Israeli military gave me certainly come in useful.
Anyway the course was complete and utter bollocks like most of these courses are. Some daft bint telling us how to avoid getting slapped. Bet the dopey cow has never seen any action unlike me...I've seen loads. Well that's beside the point, I've always believed that the main problem with violence in the NHS is that there's not enough of it for a toughened old veteran like me. I also found that if I whip out my Uzi any problems seem to disappear anyway. When I got up and made my thoughts known everyone in the room looked shocked. Dopey bastards...bunch of lily livered c*nts the lot of them.
Got back from the course last night, and synagogue this morning. I really feel like getting hold of some anthrax and passing it onto that boring bastard Goldberg sometimes, I can't wait until he goes on holiday and we get a relief rabbi in for a couple of weeks. That Bin Laden bloke last year was pretty good, hopefully Rent a Rabbi can provide someone as good this year.

Shalom

Sky Sports Super Sunday
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Motspur Park Is Not Enough
Well I thought I'd combine a shopping run with another update. Having this supermarket trolley attached to the laptop and my bike is really making me mobile,and the fact that I could hack into another network while cycling up to the Bagel Bake is a real bonus.
Some of you asked me if I made it down the Synagogue yesterday, of course I did, but I don't hold much influence down there anymore, everyone seems to have gone anti-mossad since Liebeman's disgrace, and whilst I am a covert operative, it seems some people have worked out my true occupation. I suppose turning up from time to time in an all black outfit with climbing gear and have a dozen boxes of Milk Tray in tow wasn't the brightest idea I've ever had. Almost on par with me and Benny trying to set up a gas powered shower company. Seems some people are a bit touchy about that sort of thing.
Also a couple of you have asked why they didn't see me at last weeks Oscar ceremony seeing as I'm a big mate with all the stars and the like. Well to cut a long story short I was needed at the hospital on Monday, and I couldn't get the day off. The US Air Force did offer the use of one of their Supersonic spy planes to get me there and back in time, but when I found out they couldn't fit a spare bumper for the fastest VW in the west in the cockpit I declined their kind offer. Oscars are shit these days anyway, Kirk tells me he doesn't even bother to go himself, and as for John Wayne...well I haven't heard from him for years...the bastard.
Anyway I'm going to settle back with some nice hot Bagels and watch a rerun of the Battle Of Britain which is loosely based on my escapades as a fighter pilot during the six day war when I held many a dogfight with an Egyptian pilot over the skies of Jerusalem. Pretty hectic stuff back in those days, I'd have to park the plane next to my tank and go and take out an Egyptian position on my own before going back to do a bit more flying. I haven't even included my part in the Israeli Navy...Ahhhhhh happy days.

Shalom

A rare update
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Secret Army
With updates now rarer than an honest politician - or as one wag at work put it, rarer than an honest word out of my mouth...cheeky c*nt) I bet you're all hoping for some bumper update full of juicy gossip and even some real life intelligence which has been gathered by yours truly.
Well I'm going to disappoint, the main reason I haven't been around is because I'm a tight fisted bastard who isn't willing to pay for his Internet, and all those c*nts round Tooting have got wise to me nicking their stuff and applied some security measures. Plus during the week while climbing a post to get a better signal, the laptop fell out of my saddlebag and broke, although the wire coathanger sticking out of the side took most of the impact. Luckily for me, I know lots of geezers in the TV game, and one of them does the Special Effects for Blue Peter. It's amazing what he's managed to do with an old bog roll holder, an empty box of Kosher Flakes and some Sellotape. I think Mossad should sign him up, and I'll be recommending him to Tel Aviv next time I go over there for debriefing.
So I'm taking no more chances this weekend, I'm not using coathangers anymore, I've rigged up a contraption on the front of my bike - OK it's a supermarket trolley - and I have a wire running from there to the laptop. Supermarket trolleys make great aerials it turns out, but make sure you use the metal kind and not the plastic ones. I made that mistake at first. The only thing that pissed me off was the pound I had to use to get the thing out and away from Tesco's car park. Still sometimes you have to speculate to accumulate.
I was thinking of spending some time on my farm in Kent which is one of my best kept secrets. I cycled down there the other day and found a load of those thieving gippo bastards have set up camp on my land. That should be dealt with next week, I've fed to co-ordinates of the place into the Israeli Air Force computer, and I know they've got bombing practice next week. I did have to say it was a Palestinian camp and not a gippo one but to me they're the same thing.
Anyway I'm off shopping, should be back tomorrow with some more bullshit.

Shalom

Hung Over
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: The Two Ronnies
My aching head is killing me, I really meant to update this thing yesterday but I got distracted. While I was at the Synagogue I got an invite to a new Jewish Restaurant called Ma Vitz Mahs, which prides itself on a mixture of Jewish Orthodox and traditional British cooking. A big bonus is the fact that it can stay open on Saturdays because it employs a mixture of staff, not just us Jewboys. Anyway I enjoyed a tasty Pork Curry, and the Tesco Norseman Lager was flowing freely. I don't remember much else, although I'm told I spent half an hour trying to ride a street railing instead of my bike. I got home in the end though, I think it was at least nine O' clock, dirty stop out I am.
Asa result I didn't even make it down to Brick Lane, and I'm now suffering Bagel withdrawal symptoms, now I know what those geezers in that film 'Trainspotting' felt like. That was a strange film, I thought it was going to be about those sad cases in Anoraks on Euston station, and I was looking forward to it maybe taking in the Monorail at Disney world, just to remind me of my first real train experience. Instead I got a load of Scottish junkies, although to tell the truth I've never been able to tell the difference between a Jock who's imbibed a bit too much and one who hasn't. Scottish is one language I haven't mastered.
Just a quick word about the ongoing connection problems and the lack of updates. The hospital has contracted some company in India to sort the new wireless network, but at the moment there's a bit of a housing problem in Slough and the consultants are currently looking somewhere else to rent. Until they arrive I'm going to have to use the coathanger method which doesn't always work.

Shalom

Happy Days Are Here Again
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: The Marx Brothers meet London Underground
Can't write for too long as I'm dangling from the side of a building and I think I've just come to a halt outside someone's bedroom. From what I can see, it looks like some people do some pretty unhealthy things with Bananas. I can see where that geezer got his phobia from now, and what this guy is doing with it makes ex-councillor Liebeman's crime against Bagels seem tame.
So what's new? Not much really, about this time of year I start to get really worked up about the injustice that Hollywood has always done me, remaking all my exploits and renaming them as some other movie. I think it's got something to do with the Oscars. The one that's getting me going is "The Last King of Scotland" which is allegedly based on the life of Idi Amin. Well let me tell you something, Old Idi didn't look like much of a king when we kicked his arse at Entebbe. My role in that little exploit is well documented, and the lads were proclaiming me as some sort of Scottish hero because of my devotion to the free peanuts. I think they were trying to say I was a tight fisted bastard, but being Jewish isn't that part of my DNA.
Anyway I really don't think I can dangle here much longer, having seen what this guy did with one Banana he's just picked up a bunch of the bloody things and I'm worried he might ask me to join him.

Shalom

Monday, Monday
Mood:  incredulous
Now Playing: Are You Being Served
Well got to work this morning and to say I was pissed off would be an understatement. The Duty Trolley Manager thinks he can block my move by using some obscure NHS rule. He reckons that tucked away in the rule book is a rule that states that every hospital should have at least one person in my position who has seen action, is adept at breaking into womens' bedrooms and leaving a box of Milk Tray, but most importantly looks good dressed all in black. While I'm pretty flattered that the DTM thinks I look good in black, it's really annoyed me that he can use this rule to stop me. I did check out the other hospitals staff list, and all I can find is a couple of geezers who worked for a Scandinavian airline on their roster.
So today I've been moving my trolley pretty slowly in protest, and I've even considered taking out the DTM with a head shot, but the benches here are pretty low to the ground so rolling underneath them to do that is probably beyond me.
Not much else happening, still using the dodgy Internet connection and I don't know how long it will last, so as I've been saying for a few weeks now, you can expect the odd gap in updates, but just keep checking by as I find some way of doing it eventually.
OK, the DTM has just come out of the bog, if only I had my Uzi loaded my problems would be over.

Shalom

Songs Of Praise
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: The Sound Of Music
Cycling up to Brick Lane I began to think it was time for me to get a new bike. I've had this one for a few years now and it doesn't move as fast as I would like it to, and as the owner of the fastest VW Beetle in the west, you know how much I like speed. Another problem is that the bracket where I normally secure my Uzi has come loose, and the saddlebag has started to fall apart because I've stuffed my black outfit and climbing gear in there once too often. I'd be in a right state if I was asked to carry out any sort of action right now, so I think some time this week I'll pop down to Halfords, and using the Mossad supplied password ask to see their 'Bikes for secret agents department', bet you lot didn't know they had one of them. Even better I get 10% off because I work for the NHS, you can't beat that.
Talking of the NHS, it seems like there is a bit of competition going on for my trolley pushing skills. You see experience like mine doesn't come along very often, and the fact that I've been under fire on more than one occasion also makes me sought after. One hospital is rumoured to be prepared to offer me a Titanium framed trolley and free laundry for my black outfits. I'd be very tempted by that.
Anyway it's Sunday morning and you all know what that means, hot steaming Bagels, plus I bought myself a joblot of wire coat hangers so I don't have to keep pinching the one for my Kevlar vest, all being well these things will keep me in touch with the outside world...we shall see.

Shalom