The Party's Over
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Anything miserable
So the election is finally over, it was a close race and needed about three recounts. By the time Benny and I got back from our election party at the Bus garage we were dead knackered and I couldn't be bothered to type.
I guess I'd better put you out of your suspense by telling you that I didn't win, all that work for nothing, f*cking voters deserve what they get. I froze my nuts off standing outside the polling station using my most intimidating stare to force people to vote for me, they're all just a bunch of anti semitic scumbags I tell you.
The count itself was pretty exciting, there is something very pleasurable about seeing a box empty its contents onto a table, reminded me of a film I once saw, not that I've ever seen it available to rent in Blockbuster. The turnout was pretty good, and we had high hopes that it was going to be our night. Only me and Benny were there though as the window cleaner had a night shift to do. It became clear pretty quickly that our man from Lagos hadn't done his stuff as our pile of votes was not what was promised.
Anyway to cut a long story short - which makes a change for me - we had to endure three recounts before the result was made official, after which we went back to the Bus garage and drowned our sorrows in that Kosher sparkling wine we'd already bought and couldn't take back.
This morning my head hurts and I just know I'm going to cop a load of verbal at the Synagogue, not that Goldberg and his mates have anything to be proud of either.

Shalom

Merton East By-Election Result

Polling Date: 21st December 2006

Mandela, Nelson (African National Congress) 465
Walesa, Lech (Solidarity) 451
Wilson, Harold (Dead Prime Minister) 153
Merciless, Minge The (Alien Alliance) 262
Von Kenna, Heinrich (National Socialist) 433
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad (President of Iran and all Muslims are nice) 35
Man, Mystery (UJF) 5
Finkelberger, Leonard Ben Gurion (Likud) 167
Nelson, Horatio (Liberal Democrat) 78
Atlee, Clement (New Labour) 65
Thatcher, Margaret (Conservative) 0

Nelson Mandela has hereby been elected as councillor for Merton East.

Last Campaign Day
Mood:  cool
Now Playing: Anything remotely to do with Jewish Religion
Last day on the campaign trail today, I'll be glad when it's all over and I can go back to work for a rest, I've missed my trolley and all the banter with the lads.
Today we're doing an aggressive leaflet drop on an area which my sources tell me is full of undecideds. It didn't look too friendly to me but I thought I'd give it a go. The fastest VW in the west is actually proving an asset as I'm able to display lots of pictures on the windows and it certainly creates quite a stir. The pictures of the Israeli Air Force bombing nuclear power stations is particularly effective to me, and sends out a strong message to any of those namby pamby tree huggers that we're all for environmentally friendly alternative fuels. Actually I quite enjoy nuclear power as it also means we can develop a nice little explosive devices, but of course you never tell the voters that.
Did bump into a couple of the other candidates on the road today, the Lib Dem one is a very strange creature wearing his bright yellow rosette and his sandals, looks like a care in the community case. Also saw that Lech geezer doing his bit, him and his supporters have taken over a library that's threatened with closure and won't be leaving until the Pope pays them a visit. Could be a long wait but at least they'll have plenty to read.
Anyway all this last minute campaigning is hard work, me and Benny don't go for all that opinion poll bullshit so we've no idea how it's going but everybody seems to laugh when they see us so at least it looks like we've won over the public, and anyway it's the little pieces of paper in the ballot box that are the real deal, and our new man on the campaign team from Lagos is on the case for that. He's an odd guy, insists on wearing a pair of bright yellow overalls over the top of his security guard outfit, and we haven't seen much of him since he arrived, Benny assures me he's doing his bit too.
Tomorrow I'm going to be spending all day standing around outside polling stations intimidating voters so they'll be no update, in fact as me and Benny already have the kosher sparkling wine on ice I think it's safe to say you won't hear from me until Saturday.

Vote UJF

Shalom

Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: Bing Crosby
Well my meeting with Benny didn't go too well yesterday. Seems like the election campaign isn't going to plan and we may be forced into a bit of ballot rigging to get some sort of result. Benny seemed a bit distracted yesterday looking at Teletext every five minutes, said he had an expert in manipulating figures flying in and wanted to know when his plane landed. As soon as he saw that the plane from Lagos had landed he was off like a rat out of an aqueduct.
The problems with the campaign stem from some of our policies. Seems the man on the street doesn't like our idea of carpet bombing Croydon to push up property values elsewhere in the area. Apparently Croydon is a popular shopping destination, can't see why to tell the truth, no decent Kosher food shop there. Also the compulsory window cleaning thing isn't going down well. This is a key plank of our strategy for a cleaner area and will disappoint The Window Cleaner and threaten our alliance if it is dropped.
So unless something dramatic happens I may not be replacing Liebeman yet, but of course there are two days of campaigning left, and as someone once said 'Two days is a long time in politics."

Shalom

Oh Come All Ye Faithful
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Mistletoe And Wine
Apologies for the lack of post yesterday but Saturday turned into a bit of a riot. Those lads in Wetherspoons in Tooting kept feeding me drinks all day and by the end of the evening I was down to my Y Fronts singing down the Tooting Broadway, but did I pay for it the following morning.
I had a sore arse, my first thought was that I'd been and had a particularly hot curry, then the thought crossed my mind that maybe I'd been so far gone that I'd nipped into the bogs with a bloke named Tony for an intimate chat. However when I went into the garage the reason became obvious. Some bastard had nicked the saddle off of my bike and I was so out of it I hadn't even noticed. I'm pretty upset with this and now I've got to pull a few favours with the US Air Force to get a new one delivered.
It shows you how bad I felt that I couldn't even be bothered to go down Brick Lane for my Bagel pick up. Let this be a warning to all of you out there...John Smith's is evil stuff.
Today I'm feeling a bit better, but until my new saddle arrives I've got to use the fastest VW in the west to hit the campaign trail. I have no idea what we have planned today as I've not spoken to Benny so I'll probably dig out my forged disabled sticker so I can use the parking bay outside his house and we can talk tactics.

Shalom

The Holly And The Ivy
Mood:  happy
Now Playing: The Singing Sheep
Today I've been a bad boy, I skipped Synagogue, went to Sid's Cafe for a nice greasy Bacon Sandwich, and will be spending the day outside Wetherspoons in Tooting touting for the drunk and OAP vote. I've decided that these guys are more likely to remember me plus the Jewish vote is all wrapped up for Goldberg's tame candidate the name of which I can't even remember he is so grey.
Standing on the streets makes a pleasant change. I can actually keep an eye on my bike while it's chained up, and you see all sorts of odd characters. I was talking to someone today who said he knew Engelbert Humperdinck. It's funny that I should mention Engelbert one day and find myself talking to someone about him the next. Anyway the moment he started talking I could tell it was bullshit. He reckoned he was Engelbert's landlord before he made it big. One day Engelbert told him if he could spend his rent money on a plane ticket to California, he'd pay it back when he got the chance. This guy reckons he told him it was OK and the rest is history. Now that's not the story I know, but I'd be revealing Mossad operational secrets if I said anymore. Anyway this guy tells me he never actually got his rent money back, but Engelbert did send him a signed copy of "Please Release Me". As I said bullshit of the highest order.
Anyway, I don't think Wetherspoons want me using their power so I'd better be going.

Shalom

Back on track
Mood:  not sure
Now Playing: Anything by Cliff Richard
Back pounding the streets today and it's the same old story, knock on the door and either get no answer or it slams straight in your face. As a highly trained Mossad operative, I am very skilled in the art of breaking in to places without being detected. I suggested to Benny that I'd do that to the houses where I got no answer, leave a leaflet and a chocolate and depart. Benny didn't think it was such a good idea...some people don't like chocolate.
Did see one strange thing while cycling around today, I thought I spotted the window cleaner driving a bus. At least it looked like him and there were a couple of ladders sticking out of the window. Once again Benny has quickly put me right. He said all sorts of things get carried around on buses, and besides if the window cleaner's Rolls Royce had broken down how the hell was he supposed to get his kit home. That makes sense I suppose.
One thing that has hit me is how many people have put up a Christmas tree. Now I don't want to be a killjoy but have these people considered what they're doing to the environment? Plus the way they've positioned them makes it a bit awkward for me to smuggle in the Milk Tray. People have some consideration for us secretive types who like to leave your wife a little something while she's in the shower. Move the Christmas Tree away from the window, give me some room to work.

Shalom

Another night wasted
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Do They Know It's Christmas
So another all nighter, another waste of a night. This time I was following that Nelson geezer around and this bloke is so squeaky clean it's untrue. Seems like an all round nice guy to me and he really did nothing more than listen to Band Aid records all night.
These all nighters aren't doing me much good though. I'm not achieving anything, and the day after is a complete washout. I've told Benny that I'm not doing any more of them, I'm missing too much Coronation Street and Eastenders.
It's been nice though to feel the black material of my Mossad designed spy suit close to my skin. I haven't really used it for this purpose since we went after those blokes who were going to take the Israeli Athletes for a helicopter ride in Munich back in 1972. Turns out the bastards didn't even know how to pilot a helicopter and had subcontracted it out to a Kraut organisation. Even worse, what good is a helicopter ride at night...still I bet they got a cheap rate.
Since then I've only used the suit whenever I have had enough stock of Milk Tray and found a few open windows to drop them off through. Of course this restricts its use to mainly summer, and I sweat like a pig in it then.
Anyway back to the campaign trail today, Benny reckons the window cleaner has been doing his bit, and anyone who comes into contact with the 93 is being urged to vote UJF next week. I'm glad to hear it, I was worried I was carrying a monkey on my back.

Shalom

Knackered
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: The DVD player
Jesus, I haven't pulled an all nighter since I was a young whipper snapper in Mossad. I fondly remember spending dark evenings sitting in a black car watching some geezer's front door, taking pictures of him appearing at the window that sort of thing. Wouldn't you know it...as soon as we took the film down Boots to get it developed the bastard would do a runner and we wouldn't see him again, reminds a bit of the Englebert Humperdinck affair.
Anyway I spent a night watching one of my main election opponents to see if he was up to anything dodgy, maybe I could catch him sexually abusing a stuffed toy or something. The days of being able to sit in a nice warm car are long gone, and as the fastest VW in the west is a bit distinctive, I had to do the business on my bike. You ever tried sitting on a racing saddle with a camera poised at the ready...it's f**king awkward that's what! So what did I learn? Well this particular guy speaks Polish and goes to church on a Sunday, he may have a fondness for Vodka but I can't really hold that against him, after all if I bring that up then the incident involving a tin of Tesco's lager may come to the fore and that will never do. It seemed that after watching "Songs Of Praise" he went to bed and that was it.
So all in all a bit of a waste of time, but Benny remains convinced we can dig up something effective if we keep at it, so tonight instead of knocking on doors, I'm going to be out and about on my trusty racing bike and my Polaroid to dig the dirt on another unsuspecting opponent. So once again I might be too far gone to want to type in which case I'll report back on Thursday.

Shalom

The Same Old Routine
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Noel Edmond's Christmas Favourites
Well it's Sunday and you all know what that means...yep Brick Lane and the associated delights of that fine area. The closer it gets to Christmas the busier it gets and the queue outside the Bagel Bake grows longer every week.
I don't know how often you lot get down to 'The Lane' but it really can be entertaining just looking at the stuff for sale. I noticed this week that the guy who had been selling Sonny Playstations (his spelling) is this week trying to cash in on those Nintendo things. Now correct me if I'm wrong but ain't they called 'Wii'? He swears blind that they've been called 'wee' for the British market. He's flogging them for a good price too, I might pick one up next week in time for Christmas. His stuff is normally quality too, I've still got those 'Epcot Centre' mugs I bought a few years ago. Now some people who visit my place laugh at those mugs and say they're no way they're the real thing as Americans spell centre in a different way, I put that down to jealousy.
Benny has had an idea that appeals to the covert operative in me. He reckons we should be tailing a few of the other candidates in the election to dig up a bit of dirt on them, you never know one of them might be into Donkey sex or something, although I can't say I've noticed any of them in my collection of pictures. So tonight might be a late night/early morning so tomorrows update might be pretty brief if it appears at all.

Shalom

Tomorrow's Just Another Day
Mood:  crushed out
Now Playing: Grease - The Album
Well as you all know so well, Saturday is Synagogue day and is not exactly the highlight of my week.
Just like last week I drifted off in to a world of my own as Goldberg rambled on about something or other, probably to do with religion knowing him. I did pick up on something to do with an Anna Kah or whatever, I think she's some sort of Jewish supermodel, if she comes to visit I think I might pay a bit more attention, Goldberg is not exactly easy on the eye or ears.
I didn't bother to hang around too long after everything was finished, not much point as Goldberg has brainwashed them all into supporting his chosen candidate so I'm struggling to get the Jewish vote now. Looks like I'll be foraging for scraps with the rest of them, but a few words about the right topics might get them on my side. Benny has suggested I take a more open stance with regard to Palestinian independence which might get me the illegal immigrant vote. Reckons Polish might be a good thing to start talking from now on as well, even if I don't get elected I'll be able to get some part time work in a pub after the election...now there's an idea.

Shalom

I'm The Leader Of The Gang
Mood:  down
Now Playing: Rollerball
So the first 'rally' of the campaign last night. Bit of a disappointment as only about three people were there, me, Benny, and some tramp who'd come in to get warm for a while. Benny reckons it wasn't a major disaster though as the tramp could be very influential in spreading the word on the street. Not sure about that but at least he offered to share his bottle of Cider with me which was nice.
I spent more than a hour speaking to nobody in particular, but that's not unusual for me. I explained how we'd set up squads of council tax enforcers trained by an Israeli security service, how I'd decriminalise breaking into strange womens' bedrooms with a box of chocolates under my arm, how everybody would get their windows cleaned once a year on the council. Benny thinks I went off track a bit after that as I started bringing up things like my experiences with the Kray twins, and the Six Day war. My argument is that I need to show the voters my wealth of experience, and that I'm already an ace bullshitter, they'll be no breaking in period.
Benny's trying to set up a debate with the other candidates, now that would be interesting, although from what I hear all they keep going on about is Street cleaning, and value for money for the council tax, how boring is that?

Shalom

Apocalypse Now
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Boney M
I've got to keep this short today, Benny has booked a hall somewhere for what he describes as our first rally of the campaign. The window cleaner won't be there though, he's apparently doing some overtime as he's got a bit behind on the payments for his Roller.
It was nice to see a few friendly faces at the hospital the other day. After all those days of knocking on doors to not have them slammed in your face comes as a relief, and being able to discuss the latest Fulham/Chelsea game rather than what the council plan to do about the local Cat problem also made a change. That question always stumps me, I don't like cats but I've a feeling I'd lose a few votes if I actually came out and said so. When I was working with Mossad they did give me an explosive sniffing dog to keep me company. F**king thing spent most of the time barking though so I dumped it by the side of the North Circular (I was undercover in Harlesden at the time). That'll teach me to hide my semtex in the fridge.
Anyway I've got to put the finishing touches to my speech, my theme tonight is going to be council tax dodgers and what we'll do with the thieving bastards, might even touch on Gippos if I get really bold.

Shalom

Paperback Writer
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: I Spy
Spent a couple of hours at the hospital yesterday moving from one photocopy machine to another so it didn't look like I was taking the piss too much...clever eh. Once I was done I thought I'd catch up with goings on there, after all a man in my position needs to be alert for any possible changes. Turns out we're getting a new DTM in the new year to finally replace the geezer who'd been scheduling our rosters by the phases of the moon and tides. This one has a military background by all accounts. I'm f**king pleased about that, probably just jacked in the Army after seeing some action in Iraq and Afghanistan, we'll probably be on the same wavelength from day one, that'll shake up some of the lazy bastards round here...as long as I'm allowed regular fag breaks we'll get on fine.
Later on today we're going to plaster posters on to the side of my Mossad designed racing bike so when I'm cycling around town the campaign will get extra publicity. I was going to use the fastest VW in the west to take care of this, but it's coming up for its MOT, plus with the price of petrol and the insurance I don't think I'll use it for this. I'm not made of money after all, even though I have access to the secret Mossad bank account, have a flat in Geneva, own a farm in Kent, and still have a little something stashed away from some investments I had when I hung around with the Krays.

Shalom

That Don't Impress Me Much
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Bambi
Another day and another endless knocking on doors. It's been a real culture shock to actually wait for someone to open a door rather than either pick the lock or blow the bloody thing off of its hinges. Most of the time nobody answers either although I'm sure I've spotted more than one person hiding behind their couch. I'm putting together a little list and I'll deal with these characters when the election is over, my guess is that they must have some grudge against the homeland.
Still wasn't all failure yesterday, some people like to debate and I spent ages with some geezer who reckoned he'd done it all. Well I had to listen to his bullshit for what seemed like hours. He told me how he'd been there when Hitler was blown up, how he'd taken Arnhem single handedly, and flew every plane in the Berlin airlift. How can I take someone like that seriously, f**king nuthouse is where he should be, at least I've got a proven track record, Hollywood have at least made some of my stuff into films even though they made some alterations to protect my identity. The Great Escape and Cockleshell Heroes spring to mind, but the Man From UNCLE was also broadly based on my case files. I just hope I don't come across too many of these types.
Still no sign of the window cleaner on the campaign trail, Benny tells me that with his current shift pattern it's hard for him to join in, says he's working the 93. Well that must be one f**king big house because he's been working the 93 for the last couple of weeks, lazy bastard.
Anyway, have to go and photocopy a few hundred more leaflets so I'm off down the hospital.

Shalom

I've Been Driving In My Car
Mood:  rushed
Now Playing: Lionel Blair and Eminem sing White Christmas
Back to pounding the streets today. I thought this election business was all glamour, and that a person of my standing and reputation would be followed everywhere by camera crews and reporters. After all it's not everyday that the guy who James Bond could have been modelled on stands for election.
So far the only people following seem to be a group of teenagers who look like they've missed the Mustard Bus and have adopted me as their saviour. I can't get rid of them either and the dopey bastards can't even vote.
Benny was back on the scene today, and has promised to put right the publicity thing. He's going to get on to all the papers and make sure I get a few interviews. We have a radical programme to get out there, sometime this week I'll run you lot through what we see as the issues. I am a bit concerned about the Window Cleaner's contribution though. He seems to have only his own interests at heart, and wants us to focus on how dirty the windows are on some buses. Not sure this is within the remit of the local council but I'll play along.
I was a bit disappointed by Mossad's response to my request for a few heavies to help me out. They reckon they don't have anyone available at the moment although I could take a couple of rejects from the Moshe Dayan academy if I wanted. I don't think so somehow, those academy rejects make the group following me look almost normal.
Anyway better get on my footwear and knock on a few doors.

Shalom

The Diary Of Horace Wimp
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: Ping Pong
Sorry about the late update today, because it's Christmas it seems like everyone and his goat are heading towards Brick Lane to get some Christmas shopping done on the cheap. The traffic was pretty bad, and I struggled to find somewhere to chain up my bike. Even had to queue at the Bagel Bake, my elite status counts for nothing there.
Took a look at those dodgy Playstation 3's that one of the stalls there is trying to flog, still not convinced they're the real thing, something don't seem right with them, apparently that major Japanese company changed their name to Sonny last year, at least that's what the Polish bloke behind the stall said, had a bit of trouble understanding him too, he had a bit of a stutter and his face looked familiar. Time to delve into my files later on I think.So I cycled back without one, but at least I got my Bagels.
Yesterday at the Synagogue was a bit of a washout as I fell asleep during the goings on and so have no idea what Goldberg waffled on about. Benny never showed and nobody else seemed to want to talk about it, I did get some strange looks afterwards so I think Goldberg may have said a few dodgy things while I was not as alert as I usually am. He'd better be careful, I can rustle up a fleet of black cars with strange guys in them with one phone call.
Last night I spent tucked up in bed oiling the shaft of my semi automatic watching my latest DVD purchase of "HR Puff n Stuff", Jesus that was a f**king off the wall programme, didn't make much sense when I watched it with Frankie Fraser, still doesn't make much sense now. I think I need to research my purchases a bit more carefully in future.

Shalom

Where Do You Go To My Lovely
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: Badminton
A break from the Campaign trail today as it's off down the Synagogue to do some praying, chanting, and trying to avoid the collection tin. I'll be doing my best to charm a few people though, hey an aspiring politician never switches off, and with my rugged good looks I know the women will fall over themselves for me, that's why today I dressed in all black, plus you'd be amazed at how much they all like Milk Tray.
Yesterdays campaigning was a bit of a nightmare. Benny the master tactician decided we should try to hit the places where there were likely to be large groups of people gathered. Using his intelligence network he worked out that every Friday there is a large gathering at certain buildings around the area. turns out that with our Israeli flags and Mossad Tee shirts we were about as welcome as the BNP in an immigration detention centre as Benny had targeted all the local Mosques...he's a card that Benny!
Anyway, no time to dawdle today, I've got hands to shake and women to charm although with the weather I don't think any of them are going to be wandering around dressed in Bikinis which always seems to be the case for that James Bond geezer.

Shalom

Vote For Me
Mood:  lazy
Now Playing: All The President's Men
I didn't know that all this election crap was such hard work. Benny suggested that today we do some door to door stuff. I haven't done any of that since I was on the Gaza Strip with the Israeli Army. Even worse I was going to have to do it without any armoured back up. I only calmed down when Benny explained I'd be merely knocking on people's doors, not blowing them off with a shaped charge or hand grenade. So I dutifully started down the street. It's not the most comfortable experience I've ever had, those people who did answer their doors bombarded me with all sorts of questions. Now while I've always had an opinion on virtually anything, I've got no interest in why the Dustman won't pick up any rubbish that might spill out of a bin, or why the local Library shuts early on a Friday. For f**ks sake ask me about something I'm interested in like the effective range of an AK47, or the best way to tap someones phone undetected. All I know is some people have to get a life.
Also not sleeping well since I started this lark. I keep having this dream about Yitzhak Rabin and the words "watch out for the Jewboy with the gun" keep echoing round my head. Is it an omen, I don't know, but I'll be on the phone to Mossad Sunday to call in a few favours. Bastards don't work Saturdays or Friday afternoons due to religious reasons.

Shalom

Busman's Holiday
Mood:  don't ask
Now Playing: St Winifred's School Choir do Rap
So yesterday was the first day on the campaign trail. It didn't start too well either. Met Benny at the agreed bus stop, only to find they wouldn't let me take my bike on the bus when it finally turned up. F**king London Transport, I'll remember the attitude of their staff when I get into power. Anyway we finally found somewhere in Wimbledon where we could chain up the bike. It's pretty safe as I rig up something from the Mossad surplus store to secure it. Also just to put people more on edge I write something in Arabic on it too. You'd be surprised how well that works, even though it's only a little note I wrote for when I went to the KFC in Damascus asking for a bargain bucket.
So eventually we get on a bus. Benny - who seems to have become my campaign manager - suggested we just tour the area to decide which parts we'll target. Now call me dumb, but I always thought carrying out a bombing raid is not the way to win votes, although to tell the truth some areas would probably look better if we did that. He also showed me the design for our first campaign leaflet. Very distinctive, and if the lazy bastard gets his act together you'll get to see it too. He said he's currently negotiating with a couple of printers to get a good discount rate. I don't know why he's bothered, I could run a load of them off on the hospital photocopier if he lets me, or just terrorise the local Jewish printer, for some reason the word Mossad makes him sweat.
So once we got going it all went OK, never got to meet up with the window cleaner, who I think is just riding along on my tail and will no doubt claim all the glory when we win. I do understand he's busy though, I was struck by the number of places that actually have windows, window cleaning could be the industry of the future.

Shalom

We're All Going On A Summer Holiday
Mood:  d'oh
Now Playing: Dixon Of Dock Green
Ever since Liebeman fell from power in disgrace, I knew that I fancied a taste of all those freebies that councillors get either legally or a little illegally if you know what I mean. I'm looking forward to attending meetings and just sitting there looking dumb, and the free tea and biscuits afterwards. First though there is the problem of winning an election, and with nominations scheduled to close any day now, it looks like I might have my work cut out for me.
First off, the big three parties will all be putting up a show for this one, they're not really a major problem though, my area normally goes for an Independent. What worries me is some of the others. Commie-Tec after the great election fraud earlier this year have made way for some geezer called Nelson who is representing some organisation called ANC, I think they're some sort of insurance company. Then there's another bloke called Lech who is obviously trying to court the Eastern European vote in my opinion, better watch him closely. A lot of the others who stood in May are also standing again so it's all going to get a bit exciting soon.
I've saved up all my leave for this campaign, and I'll start using it as from tomorrow. Me and Benny are going to buy a Travelcard so not only can we hold our meetings on buses, but we can get around on the trains as well. He did reckon we'd be better off using something called an Oyster, but I'm allergic to seafood so that's a no no.
So it's farewell to my trolley for a few weeks, and hello to the soapbox, I just hope my voice holds out.

Shalom