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Wednesday, April 23, 2003
12:40
 Sigh. This is so awful. And I feel so horrid. I think Seymour has velvet. Last week (I think anyway... at least the early parts of it) he was blowing bubblenests, and now he's so sick! I knew there was something wrong when he would thrash around the bowl and then be still at the bottom, and the rubbing on the glass... But I couldn't see anything wrong with him! And now he's dying, I know he is... At first I really noticed it yesterday evening when I came home from dinner and being in the cafeteria all afternoon... And I decided he had been acting odd, and maybe it would help to change his water again... That's when I noticed that on the side of his face he had these greyish spots... I got the little container ready and stuck him in there... it's a lot easier to look at him in there. Today, less than 24 hours later, it's spread all over his face, prominently at his gills (where I think it started... velvet can start in the gills with no outward visible problem, and then spread to the outside) which are now silvery grey, on the top of his head some, and it's beginning to get thick from his gills to his dangly fins, which are turning covered with the grey stuff, too. :/ It's so horrible... just watching him die... I think to take a pic of him now, but I dunno... I want to remember him as the pretty and active and happy Seymour, not as this grey-coated sick thing struggling for life before my very eyes...
posted by Methie
Wednesday, April 16, 2003
00:56
- My #1 result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Which Son of Feanor are you?, is Maglor
Oh, yeah. I am most like Maglor!! Too bad Maedhros was near the bottom of my list. Oh, well.
posted by Methie
Tuesday, April 08, 2003
12:15
Hmm... Well, I'm hoping that Gildor might mail me today... It has been two days, and I hope he's just thinking it over, and that nothing weird is going on back there. Wangy says he's probably busy because of other stuff that's going on, but... Aie, I dunno... I just hope I get word soon. Lathrion has half of a history, and I have an idea of his desc. Should be fun. The bad news is that I'm sort of stuck for the moment. I can't do anything else until I get Gildor's okay. But I guess I'll just be patient, and wait for him to reply. Sigh.
I'm worried about Gilly... I had to go real quick to choir last night, and I feel really bad about leaving her alone. :( Ay me... I hope she comes on today... It's past noon, so I think she should be coming on soon. I hope she does, anyway.
posted by Methie
Monday, April 07, 2003
01:54
Then such tones as perhaps the healeress would wish to hear, are indeed heard, though whispering their sound even as the sea-breeze. "Silroswen Alasseakala, a fair name such as ye own to is not fair enough for thee. Rather shall I call thee Gailhinwen."
Oh, yeah. Beleriand RP has been the most awesome lately. Not only do I get to pose poor Aph having trouble saying what he really feels and means, I'm RPing with Gilly a lot, which is super-wonderful! And Aph amuses me a lot, and I feel so bad for him!!! Usually I don't like to OOCly talk about my characters' feelings, especially regarding romances, but... I just have to spill!! I feel /so/ bad for Aph, because he really does love Rosy. But... he just can't say it. Perhaps it's fear that she doesn't feel the same, perhaps he just feels such a statement at first would frighten her, I'm not quite sure. And the feelings are just held up inside of him, and when she says something akin to one who would love him back, it just tears him up inside (what he always refers to as his 'illness' (lovesick, baby. Mwaha.) and the 'burning' which he feels). Partly because he doesn't want to see any harm come to her, and there is plenty of harm to be done if a healeress would fall in love with a soldier. His other issue is with touching her... He fears to touch her because his hands have taken part in slaying (no matter that it was a pure cause - the defense of Mithrim, and the rest of Beleriand), and she is pure and has never partaken in violent act. Ah, the poor boy! And she never seems to understand, and so it only grinds him more when she says something which might make him think she loves him. Because sometimes she gets sorta indignant at him, and then he thinks she doesn't care anything about him... which hurts, and yet it sort of relieves him, because he doesn't really think she could be happy with him, but he really, really loves her and cannot deny it. After all, the poor boy has had 400 years to go from not really interested until this point in IC time. Aie... love. So fun. And even better that it's not a cake-walk and that there are some issues, on both sides, I think. She wants to hear it, methinks. But he can't say it. It's not that he won't... he really, really wants to, but he just can't. So he tries to say it indirectly and she understands him wrong. He made her cry today. :( But he brushed away her tear (lightly! But he still sorta touched her)... before he ran off. Heh. Ah, well...
And then there is the other MUSH... bleh. I've mailed Gildor, though, so it's just a matter of if he'll say okay... I hope he does. I've been talking to Wangy a lot; he's been really great about all this, listening and stuff, and reminding me of all the facets of making Methie my Mithlondhrim char, which I might not have thought of otherwise... I talked to Are this evening, and he said he couldn't even give me an estimate, but that I'm going to have to work it out with Terri and Cal. :/ Eek... Cal's not going to be too happy... Heh...
posted by Methie
Thursday, April 03, 2003
12:46
Why me? Bleh. Well, at least I got 135/150 on my calculus test. I swear people don't like me, and for what reason I'm not sure. I try to be really nice to everyone in Lorien, and Are even said it seemed that I was well-liked, yet everyone seems to have some complaint about me. :/ Bleh...
Oh, yes! I've found someone who looks pretty much iRL how I picture Methie. Hehe. His name is Greg (though when I tell MUSHfriends and talk about him any other place, I refer to him as "choir-boy Methie"... hehe.) and he is a cute thing. Though I doubt he'd appreciate me calling him "cute" or a "thing", though I really don't know much about him besides how he looks, what his first name is, and how he sings (which is a simply /devine/ tenor). Hehe. He's cute, too. And did I mention that he's cute? ;) Hehe.
posted by Methie
11:07
New day, same rant.
So, I went to bed early last night, if about 11:30pm counts as early. It's earlier than I usually go to bed... Heh. But anyway, so I went to bed (even before my roommate got back in. Heh) and got up this morning feeling pretty good. I showered, got dressed, all that other good stuff, etc, and did my usual routine of sitting down to my laptop for a quick pre-breakfast checking of +mail, 5GT. That is when I discovered a little note from (one of) the lastest bane(s) of my existence: Angolamath. Bleh. I mean, perhaps the things that he wrote in that +mail were true to some extent, but the way it was written was insulting, IMO (and I think he's rude and arrogant, anyway. Heh). Yikes, I'm so mean. Heh. But, anyway, this irked me so much that I'm going to do the copy/paste routine:
Hi... this is a message.. really to offer up my complaints about the Glirdain. The big changes with levels are good, and all, it makes it easier to understand how one gets promoted. However, in my time RPing, I've seen a total of ONE actual 'lesson' being given, and I was, unfortunately, AFK for most of it due to RL distractions. Most of the 'Bard' Level Glirdain members are only too happy to hand out assignments, (good luck finding them again to turn them in) but lessons are extremely lacking, and something I think should take a MUCH more prominent role in Glirdain RP, but doesn't. And when turning in an assignment, how about critiquing it a little, going over good points, or things that need work. The best lesson I've been given thus far was given OOCly, not ICly, which I find a touch depressing. That's not even getting into the fact that I seem to have poor log in times, so that I don't get a chance to RP with Bard level Glirdain. And YES, RPing with other students to 'learn' is a viable option, except that most of the students I've found are in the same boat as me. All assignments, and no lessons. So what are we supposed to teach each other? Well, that's my 4.77 cents worth.
Right. He really has no right /at/ /all/ to talk like that. Maybe I'm taking it personally, but it was meant to be personal, IMO. It's not my fault that he doesn't log in the same times as Cal and Oer (both Euros) and I. Actually, he is on a lot of the time that I'm on, and only once has he ever asked to RP with me, and I've always found time to RP with him when he asks, even though he's incredibly rude, not really a good poser, and blinks at the beginning of almost every pose. Bleh. Bah. That /really/ irks me. It's just so... irritating. I'm not here to find him his RP. I'm around a lot, and if he wants to ask me, or +mail me for a time, that's fine. But I am not going to tag after him like a babysitter and ask him if he wants a lesson, or a +teach, or any of that stuff. It's his own responsibility to get involved, whether or not there is a Bard+ around. And he really seems to think that we provide his RP. Go find it yourself, you jerk. Bleh.
posted by Methie
Wednesday, April 02, 2003
15:52
Bleh... that calc test was nasty... I think I messed up part of the partial fractions integration, but I kept looking it over and couldn't find my mistake... At least the trigonometric substitution in it wasn't totally hard... Heh. And the Taylor Series problem was evil, too... I couldn't figure out what part of it was supposed to be! Argh. But, I /know/ I did the estimation using Taylor expansion right. Heh.
But anyway... MUSH... so many troubles. Okay, here's my dilemma. I am irked at the whole situation, and I don't think I want to be in the Glirdain anymore. But there's no IC reason for Methie just to up and leave the Glirdain, and I love Methie way to much to just drop him! Sigh. So I want to move him to Mithlond, but that's a lot to set up once I do that... And then I have to find out how I get myself out of the Glirdain, out of Laiquendi, and into something else (probably Dinlom and the Order... since there aren't any other choices...) Sigh. Oh well... perhaps this is just another trial I will get through. But I don't feel like I /can/ stay in the Glirdain any longer. Now that the barrier's been broken and I've been betrayed, well, there's really nothing to stop him from doing it again to me. And I don't want that. I can't take it anymore. And I shouldn't have to.
posted by Methie
09:47
Bleh. Linear algebra is sorta boring... or maybe it's that I'm really sleepy after having stayed up until 3am or so... I don't quite recall what time it actually was when I finally went to bed.
But, anyway, life is usual. I woke up feeling pretty good, actually, albeit tired and a little late, though I did get to breakfast, finished my French homework, /and/ got to geography on time. Go me. Woot.
Still upset about Lorien situation. Still sorta in shock, and the rest of me is more sad than angry at Cal. I just really, really can't believe what happened. But I'm over being /so/ emotional about it, or rather, I'm over being so grossly emotional in general, for the time being. It just distresses me, because I had thought of him as a friend, and he asked me to do something that he told the LAs (for what certain reason, I'm not sure, maybe they suggested it) that he'd work on, and then basically fixed a few things and pinned his name onto it... Sigh. I mean, I worked so hard on all of that material, and I had so much fun doing it, and now it pretty much looks like he did all the work and Oer and I just proof-read it or something...
Ranting during math class... so fun... I've got a French quiz next class, then a calc test after that. Bleh. I hope I'll get to talk to Dang today. We were talking a lot last night; it made me feel a lot better. Somehow talking with Dang always make me feel better, but especially last night... So, yeah... I'd better go. I've got that French quiz, and then I've got to stay awake for the rest of the two-hour class, and then be awake for the calc exam...
posted by Methie
Tuesday, April 01, 2003
17:43
I feel like ranting. Don't I always? Maybe... I just don't want to spam RIFT anymore, even though he said I can rant to him... But anyway...
So, anyway... I'm not sure what to rant about first. I'll talk about this all in terms of how I feel:
Yeah... I feel like most of the work I've pour into the Glirdain is, like, nothing now. Or if it's something, it's contorted into something I didn't mean it to be, and even then, I get no credit for it... And then there's how demanding Lorien newbies have become. They want instant gratification in everything from joining the Glirdain/Cuigrithweg, to lessons, to assignments, to promotions, to everything! And that's not how I work. I play on the MUSH because it's fun, and everything in Lorien is becoming more of a chore than it is fun anymore.
But about credit (er, lack thereof)... last December (or January) Cal asked me if I would write up a new version of the +elf bards files. So, I wrote up a new version, and then, since it went along with my more detailed descriptions of each title, I drew up some guidelines for promotions, and wrote some other supplementary material (more of which I'm still working on, actually), and mailed it off to him. So he looked it over, added some things (a good amount of which were taken out by concerns of Oer's), fixed some spelling, I think, made the guidelines easier to achieve, and then sent it to Oer and I to look at it. Well, I just skimmed, finding what was changed, since I had written, like, all of it... and Oer had some concerns (which were all over what Cal had added, if I recall correctly) which Cal then fixed, and then submitted it to the other LAs to look over...
As promised, I have worked (together with my wonderful Council) on edited +ELF BARD files...
The first line from the +mail that Cal sent to the Lorien LA board, Oerwen, and I. /He/ has worked? He asked me to write the files... then he basically claims major credit for them... Then he put it up... only... /he/ sent it to all the Glirdain, and I'm sure they're all thanking just him and thinking how awesome it is that Cal made these guidelines and this and that... when /I'm/ the one who wrote them to begin with, and was never really given a special credit anywhere. Sigh. I mean, understand that I didn't write all that stuff to get credit to look good, but I did write it, and since I did almost all the work for it, you'd think I'd at least get a special mention for doing it... Oh well. No one will ever know that I did all that work. Because who will believe me? Me, over an LA? I doubt it. Or would I even get past opening my mouth to speak before I got shot down. Either way, it's not a very fun picture...
So, yeah... not really happy about this situation right now...
posted by Methie
15:06
Yeah... a whole rant erased... just... gone. Bleh. Oh, I shall return another time to rant!
posted by Methie
09:46
Interesting photograph, eh? Yeah... heh. I found this... sorta want to cry, but not really; it was funtimes then: August 2002. Incidentally, all three of my siblings and I ended up in that photograph. I'm the one in the centre to the left, with the cake. My sister is the one on the far left in the blue. One of my brothers is the one on the far right in the green, and my other brother is the one in the back that's turned the wrong way... Heh.
posted by Methie
09:46
Ah, a blog... perhaps every college girl's dream... or not... But at any rate, welcome to my blog. It's my place to rant and rave and make a fuss about everything stinky that goes on in life (hence the name Shakespearean Tragedy, though I hope no one will die in this story... Heh.)
And so it goes, and so it goes, and you're the only one who knows... Isn't that how the old Billy Joel song goes? Sounds a lot like my life right now... it just sorta goes. Work and school together is making me a stressed-out mess, not to mention other troubles, and then the medicine... of course the time when I'm supposed to take it is when I'm undergoing emotional trouble... or maybe the medicine induces the emotional trouble. Either way, it's not pretty, and I'm probably not very fun to be around... just ask my MUSH friends. Heh.
But anyway, things aside from that are pretty much even more horrible. One of my friends could be dying, one of my other friend's mother died... Her mother was such a sweet lady, and loved God so much... I feel ill just knowing she's /gone/. Gone. I'll never see her again... I never got to say good-bye... I guess there are disadvantages to being over 400 miles away from not one's parents, family, and hometown. Times come and times go, everything shall pass in time. The question is merely when.
So then on to MUSH issues... Bleh. Way to many of them lately to even make a blanket statement here, aside from that I feel really underappreciated in a /certain/ culture... (of course anyone who knows me and is reading this knows exactly the place I mean, so there's no reason even to type it out...) I'm thinking about leaving again... or at least pulling my beloved character out and sending him to my RS culture, and making some other, totally different character in his place. It's just a really hard and trying decision for me, and I don't want to deal with it, but I hate the thought of it just sitting there and simmering... simmering... just waiting to come to full boil again so I can lash out or do something rash, which I don't want to happen. But there's not much I can do at this point. RIFT has suggested that I write out several possible plans of action. He's right, of course; he's always right. At least if I write out my plans, I can write the pros and cons of each and then weigh them... Of course I wouldn't think of that; not in this state anyway...
And even as I think to begin writing again, all these things start happening. When I read the work of a really talented peer, it inspires me to write. Not that it means I ever finish anything, but I get inspired, and I think that's the important thing. And if it's true (as I presume) that the best sort of writing contains turmoil, I might have enough to last me a few decades after this is done with...
posted by Methie
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