Monday 24 May 2004

Week 66, Day 423

I do have my reasons for being so quiet on the internet front for the last 3 1/2 weeks. When I got back from Oz, work was quite busy but productive, as was my social life. In the first two weeks back I went and saw The Beta Band (brilliant) and then my all time faves, Supergrass (which I'm glad to say rocked a lot better than the last time I saw them) so that was a good start. At work, we finally got some good results from our audits. A 100% Take Away Mystery Shopper on my Saturday night shift and a 94% grade on our Operationals Check (which I am in charge of making sure we're up to scratch on and Les had been helping me out a little so we felt quite proud). Things were also going very well socially - I went to Amit's work ball which was a lot of fun, what with getting to get dressed up and then drinking free booze in a lovely venue, who wouldn't have fun? Alex and I also did a bit of the odd socialising, heading off to the music quiz with Steve one night (and not winning again but oh well), and going out for drinks, etc. We even discovered that Amit and Dave used to live with Steve! How bizarre is that? As if Alex and I don't already have enough coincidences! The one bad thing that did happen though in those first two weeks back was my car broke down on the motorway in a very dramatic way - the engine blew up so there was a nasty hole in it in the end. Oh well!

But the main reason for me being especially quiet the last week and a bit is due to something that happened Saturday night, May 15. I was at work and had only talked to Alex half an hour before during my break when I got a phone call from him saying he had to rush down to Cambridge because his sister was in hospital after being hit by a car. It wasn't until the next morning that I realised just how seriously hurt she had been when Alex called to tell me they had to turn off the machines that morning. I was speechless and couldn't help thinking that if I was in a state of shock, how in the hell was he and his family feeling?

I headed down to Cambridge that evening to be with him, and I've been doing the trip pretty much everyday since. I don't know how to explain it from my side because I never knew Alex's sister, Zoe. But I heard so much about her from him that it was as if I did know her and she was already a good friend. I've still been rather emotional over it all. It is heartbreaking to watch someone you love go through the injustice of losing someone so close and so loved. I can't even begin to imagine how Alex and his parents are feeling, and I have a lot of respect and admiration for them by the way they have been coping with the situation.

I have been feeling rather helpless, as I'm not sure what to do when I'm there. The only thing I know is how to be there for Alex, so that's what I'm trying to do. It's stranger still that I didn't know his parents until I went down, but they've been most welcoming and I couldn't ask for more than that, especially with everything they're having to go through right now.

The funeral is tomorrow so I know the hardest part is yet to come. I confess that my first reaction to seeing Alex was the fear that he might never return to being his old self again, and for that I cried. But of course that was stupid of me. I know he will never be the same Alex as before because I will always see the sadness in his eyes when I look at him. But Alex is still Alex and amidst all the pain he still looks for the positive things and I admire him for it. I don't know how I would cope in his situation or know what to do with my self, but he still manages to make me laugh and his smile is still there, so there's not much more I can ask for.

It's times like these that really puts life into perspective. It's all very cliched but it's so true when they say life is short. I didn't know Zoe, but yet the loss of her life still affected me. I've been to funerals before where people glorify the dead despite people knowing in the back of their minds what that person was really like. It's not like that at all. As the outsider I sit and watch all the people she touched in her short life (she was 17) - all the people she reached out to, all the people she earned respect from, all the people she loved and all the people that still love her. They've never said a lie about the way she was because she was genuinely a great young girl. It is all very tragic, but at the same time very beautiful, just as she was. I feel I was one of the unlucky ones never to have met her.

x
Vanessa