Schierman traditions...
Mood:  hungry
Now Playing: Family mores and rituals
Topic: Update
Potato Pancake Recipe:

Peal 10# of potatoes, preferably red. Um, russets work better. No, reds do. OK, just use any type of potato that's on sale.

Soak potatoes in luke-warm water until enough people arrive to witness the event.

Using a food processor (with a #7 blade), puree potatoes from edge of the counter into large bowl resting in the bottom of the sink. Do not attempt to use a blender as you will have to add too much water and the batter will be too liquidy.

Let mushed-potatoes sit while discussing egg versus flour ratios.

Add eggs (1-4), flour (1-4 cups), salt (to taste), and baking soda. No, baking powder. No, soda. Powder is better. No, soda is.

Discuss quirks of other non-German nationality recipes who bastardize the process with additional ingredients like sour cream, minced onions, cheese, lingonberries, bacon bits, whipping cream, carrots, goulash, thyme, zucchini, leeks, applesauce... Stick with tradition and add nothing.

Mix batter until consistency resembles something between oatmeal and diarrhea. Describe your "regularity" to those within earshot.

Pour some of the batter into greased cookie sheets. Lay raw bacon over top. Cook for an hour (or two?) in a pre-heated 350 degree oven. Rotate the pans and/or bacon depending on whether back or front of oven heats evenly. This oven-baked version of potato pancakes is known to our family as Kuchebacke (pronounced KUSH-a-bak-a). Our verbiage in literal German translation is "cake-bake," and I'm guessing somewhere in the past it was truly known as a Kartoffelpuffer Reibekuchenbacken (oven-baked grated-potato pancake). We obviously cleaned it up a bit over the years...

Next, pre-heat a skillet with tall edges. Melt a stick of butter and a stick of margarine into a glass measuring cup. Ladle three heaping tablespoons of the 50/50 oleo mix into heated skillet. Pour enough batter on skillet to make a pancake-like shape. Spread the batter until, as Grandma Clara would say, it's "not too tick, not too tin." Poke hole in middle of pancake. Cook until ready to flip. Flip. Cook some more. Remove pancake once done. Repeat until remaining batter is gone.

While waiting, debate pros and cons of thick versus thin Kuchebacke.

Debate purpose of the bacon on top of Kuchebacke.

Debate crispy versus rubbery bacon.

Debate the merits of cholesterol-lowering prescription drugs and why our ancestors never needed them.

Once cooked, slather potato pancakes and Kuchebacke in butter, then sprinkle enough white sugar on top so as to keep the butter from oozing off the top. Serve with ice-cold, white milk as a drink (preferably skim, since it's less fattening than 2%).

Repeat buttering, sugaring, and eating process until top button on pants must be unloosened. Another sign that you've had enough is when your elevated blood sugar level cannot compete with desire to take a nap. (Sidenote: this post-meal lazy feeling has been studied extensively by medical researchers and they have dubbed it "Anytime-Joel-Eats Syndrome.")

Kelly (and Jesse), Joel, and myself joined Warren and Dad for dinner last night. Anybody wanna guess what we had?