Mood:
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Now Playing: By John
Topic: Update
Dad lay motionless in his hospital bed in the ICU at Merit Care, surrounded by beeping machines and tangled in numerous tubes. In an effort to lessen the load on his heart, they had forced nearly 30 pounds of fluid retention and he looked eerily like his father, Walt. He'd been there nearly five days and had been unconscious for most of that time. It had been about 24 hours since they decided to give him a "sedation-vacation," but there was still no sign of him improving, much less waking up. His vital signs teetered near critical stages and his white blood cell count was dangerously low. The heaving sound of the respirator drowned out the relaxing music we had playing in the background. To describe the mood as somber would be a vast understatement. Even the nurses, who were normally chipper and chatty, dropped their eyes or found something else to do when entered his room.
We'd just come back from a family meeting with the Critical Care doctor who had informed us that "it doesn't look good..." A septic infection, compounded by fluid around the lungs, pending kidney failure, heart damage, and a low immune system had combined to put Dad's fate beyond the care of modern medicine and into the hands of God.
It was a defining moment for me.
My upbringing and personal walk of faith had taught me that, when I talk to God, I should focus on being thankful for the blessings I already have (Prayer of Jabez, 1 Corinthians 4:10). Nevertheless, as I stood next to Dad in that gloomy near-dark room, I found myself asking (and begging) for His help and promising Him I'd do certain things or make specific changes to my life if He came through. Many of my prayers started with, "Dear God, if you make Dad better, I will..." Psychologists and counselors refer to this as "bargaining," one of the five stages of dealing with death.
It's now time for me to make good on those promises. God came through, big time! And as hard as it may be, I'd be a fool not to live up to my end of the bargain, because Dad is about to enter yet another high-risk phase of his treatment for Leukemia, the Bone Marrow Transplant. As the Attending Physician, Dr. Burns, told us during his initial consultation at the U of M, "this will be much more intense than what you've already been through."
I'd hate to find myself standing next to him again in a hospital room where complications put him once more in a life-or-death situation. Especially if I haven't yet made good on my promises to God, and specifically if I might need to call on Him again sometime soon. I'd hate to be the only one who hasn't made good on my "bargains" because miracles do happen...
Posted by blog/wesupdates
at 10:52 AM CST
Updated: Tuesday, 16 January 2007 11:04 AM CST
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Updated: Tuesday, 16 January 2007 11:04 AM CST
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