Wouldn't it be nice to wake up with a billion dollar? Of course it would, but how would you spend it?
There's the obvious - a giant oceanfront estate, a handful of fancy sports cars, a private jet, a baseball team, etc. But let's be realistic - you are never going to spend one billion dollars in your lifetime, even if you had it in the first place. So what should you spend it on after the big ticket items are out of the picture? Well I'm glad you asked.
I would buy a mansion on an island - but instead of a basement, it would have a dungeon. That would be cool. I would buy a lot of sombreros and force friends and relatives to wear them when they came over. I probably would buy some penguins - no, I definitely would be at least 45 penguins.
Then I would have some cool things in the backyard. I saw this late night XTREME show about this rich Englishman would build a catapult in his backyard and flung cars and pianos and flaming bombs in his backyard. That would kick so much ass it would hurt. So I would build two or three. I would probably build some waterfalls for the penguins to play in. I would also buy a giraffe and a cat - maybe a bear if he was housebroken.
That reminds me: America is used to doing whatever it pleases, so owning any animal you want should be no exception. I think at least armadillos, ant eaters, giraffes, penguins, bears, hyenas, crocodiles, kangaroos (and all marsupials for that matter) should be legalized pets in the US. I don't care if they ruin the ecosystem or eat their owners. It's America, dammit it!
I would leave $100 standard tips for every restaurant and pizza boy (so long as the service qualifies it). I think I would surround my home with several gates, security systems, cameras, and landmines so no one tries to get in without permission.
I would have a maid and butler - but I would call them wenches and G (like on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air - cause Will Smith, from the gang areas of West Philadelphia was so ghetto in that show, considering he never even swore or shot anyone on the whole series). I would also buy a lot of glass things and shoot them with my illegal guns.
I would search every Salvation Army, every ebay auction, every tourist trap to buy useless (but totally awesome) crap for my home. I would go on vacation six months out of the year and buy everyone in India deodorant. I would buy every childhood toy and every video game I always wanted but never had as an unspoiled juvenile. I would buy a tapeworm farm and Jurassic Park themed rollercoaster for my backyard. I would buy two planes, fill them with explosives and crash them together midair. I would shoot a crossbow and pigeons that dare to fly in my restricted air space, but I would bury them respectfully in the pigeon crematory/cemetery. I would actually make my web page look cool. I would have gold-wheeled roller skates and use them to play street hockey with a golden puck.
What would you do with a billion dollars?
And how would you get rid of a dead body?
That's a good question. If you killed someone, what would you do with the body? Well, first you have to go deeper - how would you even kill someone in the first place? Let's see, probably multiple gunshots would be the way to go. Stabbing - too "hands-on". Strangling - too much work. Same goes with drowning. Or any murder that is meant to look like an "accident", since some CSI guy is eventually going to figure it out. I guess the only alternative is poison. So poison or gunshot.
You have to worry about many things:
1. Someone finding the body
2. Someone finding dental records
3. Someone finding DNA or fingerprints
Well, some would go through great lengths to mutilate or cut the body up. That's gross as fuck. Good luck with that. No, I think you should dump the body in a swamp or the ocean, with a giant boulder tied to the guy's ankle. The only problem with that is that's a lot of work. Maybe you could burn it, but that would smell terrible. Or ! You could pretend he was alive the whole time- Weekend at Bernie's, anyone?
I really don't think there is a perfect crime for murder. I think if I hated someone enough to kill them, I wouldn't do shit to cover up the evidence, cause I would be in another country by the time anyone noticed. But there are people I don't like, but I'd never plan on killing them or anyone. No. Never going to happen.
I think of the craziest shizzle at 3:21 in the morning.