Holy Crap, do you attend Cuddle Parties? Read on homo.

These things are real - http://cuddleparty.com/

Apparently, some people get off on just the cuddling with strangers. No sex, no dry humping, no BSDM, just warm, happy, non-threatening cuddling. It's like the Disney version of an orgy. This is what sheep do to stay warm.

I think people who are so insecure in their lives that need to be cuddled (and fondled) by strangers really need to examine their lives. Or see a therapist. Seriously. This is scary.

How the hell did this thing even start?? Did someone actually say, 'hmm, I don't like sex, but I love to cuddle, I wonder if there is anyone else that feels the same way?'. And apparently some people do. They probably all met on the internet too (since that is where losers meet). Then, since they are all anti-social dumb asses, they didn't know how to even have a cuddle party. They were all like "should we have our clothes on" and shit like that. And someone probably went home pregnant since they fucked it up.

What do people look for in a cuddle mate? Someone fat and plump like a pillow? That's what I would look for. Holy crap, if someone ever asked me to go to a cuddle party, I would shoot them dead on the spot. It wouldn't matter if I went to jail, I would testify in my own defense that cuddle parties are an awful idea and they needed to be stopped. Then at least everyone would realize they are dumb assholes when my statements are read on national news. And future generations of humans won't have to worry about their kids going off to under-aged cuddle parties.

Other 'rules' that scare me "Crying and Giggling are both welcomed and encouraged" as well as "Get your Cuddle Life Guard On Duty or Cuddle Caddy if there's a concern, problem, or question or should you feel unsafe or need assistance". Holy crap - a cuddle life guard. I think I just changed my profession!


No, not really. Homo.

Back to Main