How many times have I been to Florida? Seven, I think. But the latest trip was the most "entertaining".
This drive was in the old Mustang, by the way, so it was a cramped and un-air conditioned trip to one of the warmest, most humid states in the nation. Smooth sailing until halfway through North Carolina, in which monsoons drowned the highways, forcing a good majority of people to pull off the road. Had we been in the Honda, we would've made it to Florida in one day. It was also a good time for the passenger window to start leaking everywhere. A roll of paper towels was used as a makeshift swab. Wet paper everywhere. We had to stop in South Carolina. I couldn't take driving through this weather anymore. Kyle jumped into walls headfirst at the hotel.
We arrived in St. Augustine. Still raining, always raining. It probably rained everyday, at least for a while, usually around four or five o'clock. St. Augustine beach is nothing special, but it's a hell of a lot cooler than any beach in Ohio.
In Orlando, we got a bit turned around looking for something to do. See, I have this habit of getting lost in the worst parts of town - this was no exception. Eventually we found some restaurants and bars with good food. We got lured into a night club - ordinarily, I'd never go to a club since they are full of fake and stupid people, but hey, it's Florida.
In Jacksonville, I got lost in the ghetto, again, but at least it was daylight this time. The beach is nothing special. The city is nothing special. Just a humid version of Cleveland.
Back at St. Augustine, we bought an inflatable raft for $20. Tomaz and Kyle had the intention of paddling to Africa. They got out pretty far, but eventually a wave knocked them into the pier and they narrowly escaped a concussion.
The city of St. Augustine reminds me of Louisiana in the 1890s. Old fashioned, Spanish architecture, cobble streets, etc. St. George street contains a variety of gift shops - we saw a very famous museum with a LOT of expensive art (we're talking like $50,000 for a painting). When we came out of the museum, it was pouring, with the loudest thunder I've ever heard. We trying to wait out the storm for 40 minutes, but got bored, and decided to make a mad dash for the car over a mile away, through the pouring rain - the running of the bulls, is what we refer to this incident. Kyle and Tomaz cleared a twelve foot high stone staircase over bushes onto the cold wet concrete in the final sprint.
The house we stayed at had no TV. But it had a lot of books. As you can imagine, it was kind of boring to stay around there.
Daytona Beach was the best beach so far. Well maintained, with a lot of clean sand and clearer water. The further south you go, the clearer the water. Lots of tourist traps. Lots of sun.
The Palm Coast is trying to become a tourist town. There's only two or three hotels by the beach, but about five more being built. I'm not even sure if it was a public beach. At one point, me, Pete, and Tomaz snuck into a luxurious hotel and pretended we were rich bastards. There wasn't much to sneaking in, just going around the sign that said for guests only. The pool's water was the most smoothing, warmest, greatest pool I had ever been in. I could get used to that. The inflatable raft popped a hole and we had no choice but to abandon it. Lots of wildlife - I even saw some dolphins.
The next place we stayed was in Miami Beach. There's so much to do in Miami Beach, we never even made it to Miami the city. I was perplexed by the neighborhoods. It went from bar-windowed, six security camera houses (where we stayed) to the richest neighborhood in only a couple of blocks. We never saw any gangs or criminals or anything either.
One day, we saw the richest mall I'd ever seen. It was indoor and outdoor at the same time. Valet parking. Benzes, Lexuses, BMWs everywhere. Freakin' coy ponds in the mall. You could tell everything was too much since the clothing stores only had like 8 shirts to choose from. Uhh, we were really out of place.
The beaches of Miami are nice - once you get used to the seaweed. The water is almost tropical. This is probably the biggest city I would actually want to live in. Did I mention many women tan topless here?
It was around this time people started developing "the itch". I think "the itch" came from days of laying in the sun, followed by going in the salty ocean, followed by more drying out in the sun - thus making our skin almost unbearably itching. I may have had it in the worst spot - severe irritation on the tip of my - well, you know. Every time I walked, it would rub and grind against my boxers and it HURT to walk. I had to wrap it in toilet paper for a cushion, just so I could walk. At least this only lasted for a day or so. No more ocean, at least for a while.
The last night in Miami, Kyle and Tomaz got into an argument over splitting the bill in the Cuban restaurant (with a very catering Cuban host, who didn't card Tomaz). At one point, Tomaz pretended to be homeless in the corner of the street. He didn't get any money.
Oh, and sometime in Miami, my passenger window stopped working all together. It was stuck down, in little Havana. Well, the garbage bag kept people from stealing anything from it, I guess, including the car itself. Probably got lucky.
Key West, probably the gay capital of the south, is a really charming little town. The drive on US1, the only was to Key West, is about four hours long. It's a small island, very manageable by walking. We went snorkeling - I was paranoid that I would drown because I'm a bad swimmer. There was a series of three dives, and after the second one, I felt so fucking sick. I swallowed too much salt water, and the rocking boat didn't help at all. I probably should have thrown up, but I kept swallowing it. Some people actually did throw up, which would attract a lot of fish, that would eat the vomit. I was instantly better once we got on land again.
There were lots of legitimate entertainers. Apparently, if you go there on a weekend, you'll see someone with trained kittens or something cool. We saw a long-haired magician do an amazing escape, upside down, locked in chains, in several straight jackets. He got out in like five minutes. Not bad. Then he extorted the audience for money since he doesn't get paid.
Then everyone and their mom had to watch the sunset at the pier. No one could find the beach at Key West. The main strip of shops and restaurants was one of the better ones. Kyle got sick in the Jimmy Buffet Restaurant. And, on the drive back, we stopped at a gas station and someone spilled coffee everywhere in the car and burned Tomaz, so he got pissed and slammed a gallon of water on the concrete.
Well, we couldn't get from the bottom of Florida to the top of Ohio in one day, so we stopped in Myrtle Beach in South Carolina. It was definitely cooler the first trip - this time, it was rainy and filled with tourists. We spent approximately half of our trip trying to find an Outback Steakhouse for Kyle (never found it). South Carolina has the best sunsets ever (no, I'm not gay).
I wanted to leave early in the morning, at like eight, so we would get back home on time. So, of course, Kyle tried to sabotage all the alarm clocks when I was "sleeping". Of course, I wasn't sleeping, since I knew he would pull something. So, I basically didn't sleep all night and got out of bed at seven to load the car. At one point, a glass bottle almost hit Pete in the head. Kyle tried to lock me out when I was loading the car, so I shouldered the door in off it's hinges (I was pissed). We were on the road at like, eight o'clock. Of course, Kyle got sick on the way home, still in Carolina. He threw up in an abandoned ghost town - seriously, nothing was opened, and no one was around, and it was foggy like in a horror movie.
Once we got to Marietta (the southern most part of Ohio on I-77), I could not drive anymore. I gave the keys to Pete and passed out in the back of the car.
We got home, everyone got dropped off, and it was a mixed good and bad trip. The bad parts are all immortalized as good, in retrospect at least. I really wanted to go to California the next summer, but it never happened.
A recap; Good times.