Here is comes…
Ready?
1. Did you own a Power Wheels?
If you answered yes for question one, THEN YOU WERE A SPOILED LITTLE BITCH AS A KID AND KNOW NOTHING OF THE CRUEL, UNFORGIVING WORLD OUTSIDE OF YOUR MANSION - YOU WILL NEVER ACCOMPLISH ANYTHING UNLESS YOUR PARENTS HELP YOU AND MAGGOTS WILL EAT YOUR SOUL ONCE YOU DIE ALONE WITH NO FRIENDS.
If you answered no for question one, then you aren't spoiled and don't have to worry.
Actually, I was slightly exaggerating about the fate of you if you owned a power wheels. That probably just means your parents loved you and valued your happiness over their all-mighty dollar.
I swear, it was every kid's dream to have a power wheels. The only outdoor door that didn't require any physical work at all to operate. No pumping, no pedaling, no pushing, no scurrying your feet on the ground like the Flintstones - none of that - just pressing the gas and the brake. Just like a real car, only for kids.
Did I ever get one? No. No one ever did. You couldn't even rely on your friends to get one either. Their parents never bought them one either, and if they did, do you really think they want to spend time with boring old you? They've got a motherfuckin' power wheels!
Another toy, yet again, was denied to me that I always wanted was a Talk Boy. The toy made famous from the zany Kevin McCallister from Home Alone. I didn't feel as strongly about it as the Power Wheels, but I still yearned for it none the less. Of course, I had no practical use for it. I never had a babysitter, so I couldn't use the 'slow down your voice' modulator in order to pretend to sound like my dad and surprise my babysitter and her boyfriend with the line "Hey kids, we're home early". And then the pubescent boyfriend completely jumps off the couch and wets himself and puts his hands off of the babysitter and up in the air like he's under arrest. That was the best commercial ever (is anyone still listening or even know what I'm talking about?).
Anyway, before you stop reading, you should know that The Ring 2 was one of the worst, lamest, most disappointing sequels ever created.
Jesus Christ, I bitch a lot. But you love it anyway.