It's a Wednesday night. Comfortably cool outside, and me and Nancy are both craving Wendy's. I oblige to look for one - my Wendy's ban was lift when the new year started. A new year, a new chance, a fresh start for me and Wendy's. (If you didn't know before, me and Wendy's don't get along after the passing of Dave Thomas - click here to get updated).
It was time to give Wendy's a second chance. It was time to know if they got their shit together. We drove down the street, and as the hill crested, we noticed the sign wasn't even lit.
5740 BROADVIEW RD. PARMA OHIO - - Yep - closed.
But that's wasn't the start of it. 6970 RIDGE ROAD. PARMA OHIO - - closed
Open late, my ass 6530 PEARL ROAD. PARMA HEIGHTS OHIO - - closed
ok, what the fuck? 15170 E. BAGLEY RD. MIDDLEBURG HTS., OH - - closed
It is only 11:22pm. What is their definition of late anyway? Apparently late is 11:00pm.
Is that really late? Is it?
Well, Burger King, at 6671 Pearl Road. Parma Heights, OH - - almost directly across from the Wendy's on Pearl Rd. is open till 1:00am on weekdays, and 2:30 on the weekend! - a burger change that never even claims to stay 'open late'. Explain that Wendy's!!!
Direct link to their false claim: HERE
Our Pick-Up Window is Open til Midnight or later!*
I see, the asterisk explains it all…
* Check local stores for participating hours.
So apparently, an asterisk is basically a legal excuse to lie. Hey, let me try!!
Attention Everyone - Every person who visits my site this month will win a free IPOD*
*no one will actually win anything for visiting my site ever.
Let's take it a step further:
Attention Loyal Fans - Every person who visits my site this year will win a free trip for 5 to sunny Hawaii!!!**
**actually, anyone who visits my site will not win a trip to Hawaii ever. Instead, anyone who clicks any link leading to my site has implied consent to give me all of your possessions, money, and family to do whatever I please with them. In fact, shortly after you surrender of your goods to me, you are required to serve nineteen to twenty-four years of forced hard labor, building the pyramid that I will eventually be buried in and serving me without question.
That's basically it. That's how Wendy's and millions of other corporations get away with murdering and cheating consumers everyday. Didn't you read the asterisk? Didn't you read the tiny print at the bottom of the commercial that flashes at the end for ¼ of a second? You didn't? Too bad for you!
No, Wendy's. Too bad for you. I won't be eating at any of your establishments until at least August, 2005. You lost out on tens of dollars. While that may not seem like a lot, everyday, I tell hundreds of people just how retarded your operation is. 100 x 10 = 10,000 dollars your missing out on Wendy's. Go to hell Wendy's. The civil war ghost of Dave Thomas will avenge us, you greedy, cost-cutting fat cat Wendy's executives!!!
Stupid goddamn conservative Wendy's executive bastards. You are all going to hell.
I know, I know, you don't have to tell me, I know I'm awesome.