10. My Summer Story - A relatively unknown sequel to the Christmas Story (the movie on TBS they play 24 hours straight on Xmas). It is unknown for a reason. You know how I feel about movie sequels anyway. This movie tries to do the same thing the first one did, but it just sucks. It's not even the same kid or person doing the voice. It's just shitty. Don't watch it.

9. Senseless - Damn! It's one of those wacky Wayan's brothers with David Spade. Uh-oh cracker, I gone drank a formula in da laboratory - now I'm all fucked up and look at booties and shizzle. Damn. (insert weird facial expression) - yeah this movie sucks.

8. The Skulls - I barely can remember how much I hated this movie - something about a secret society, and the one kid in the movie rode a bike or a row boat really fast, I think. But I know when I saw the movie, I hated it.

7. It's Pat - Why must every SNL skit become a movie? These characters are only good for one joke, why drag out the same joke for 89 minutes. This was probably the worst one of them all. I GET IT, WE DON'T KNOW IF HE IS A MALE OR FEMALE! And you still won't know after the movie is over either.

6. Holy Man - Why does Eddie Murphy suck so much? Minus some of the classics (Beverly Hills Cop which was ruined with sequels, or 48 Hours), all of his movies suck. Daddy Day Care? The Haunted Mansion? Showtime? The Adventures of Pluto Nash? I Spy? Metro? Dr. Dolittle? This movie isn't even funny, I don't get how these movies get released in the first place. I guess they figure they will get money based off a name. That guy who talks too much in Jurassic Park is in this movie too.

5. Free Willy - I remember that when I saw this movie when I was 8 it was dogshit then too. I believe it's about some Disney bad-ass pre-teen (in the Disney world, any bad behavior can be irradiated with happy endings). He gets arrested for robbing a store and for community service he has to clean a zoo aquarium. He finds a dolphin or killer whale name Shamu and falls in love with it. The two want to get married but Shamu's mother is prejudiced against humans since a sailor killed her husband in Vietnam. Then I farted. They are going to run away and elope, but the kid realizes that he is a homosexual and thanks Shamu for helping him have the courage to come out of the closet. To thank Shamu, he teaches the dumbass to jump over a three foot rock wall that leads to the ocean so the giant mammal can be free from the confides of his tank. The end.

4. Spice World - I couldn't watch more than 19 minutes of this movie. I had to turn it off. I never turn off movies, no matter how bad they are. Words cannot describe the deafening silence and dropped-jawed reaction I had after I turned it off. It makes Free Willy look like decent movie.

3. Congo - Why does every Michael Crichton book need to be turned into a movie (the same with Steven King)? This movie was about a bunch of 1-D Stereotypes looking for some dumbass thing in the jungle which will lead to fame and/or fortune. The problem is that (of course), one of the characters is only out for themselves, in addition to the killer monkeys in the woods. The special effects in Jurassic Park were great for the time - but this movie is crap. You don't even see the monkeys until the end and they are like 3 feet tall and even I could kick and/or shoot the monkeys and I suck. But not as much as this movie.

2. KaZaam - Starring Shaq in his prime, he is a genie on a motorcycle that raps worse than your mother. He helps some kid that was the victim of a divorce and violence. In the end, Shaq realizes how much this movie sucks and thinks about handing everyone in the movie theater their money back, but then the dumbass kid says his famous line 'Shaq, anyone who paid money to see this movie doesn't deserve their money back.' Shaq agrees, then used his last wish in order to get traded to the Lakers. However, the ending is with a twist since Kobe came to the team and the two got in a bitch fight, so it wasn't a happy ending after all and everyone learns a lesson (I wish). I hate this movie.

1. The Worst Movie of All Time - Carnosaur 3 - God I hate this movie - it is so terrible, I can't even find words to describe this abortion of a film. Dinosaurs are supposed to be cool and eat people, so this movie starts great, but the special effects suck so much that you think that the dinosaurs are all lesbian puppets, which aren't cool. At least some stupid people die, but they only died in the movie, not in real life so it loses some points. The first one sucked too, but it at least had a cool ending I did not expect - and I never saw the second one.

If you like any of these movies, please leave my site immediately.

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