but be you blithe and bonny....

Well, it's been awhile, I'm quite aware - I've just been in that "non-bloggish" place. Of course that leaves me with this trunk of thoughts in my head that overflow,but don't really connect; yet I am quite capable of putting them all down and creating QUITE a head-scratching sense of "what the...?"

For starters, this morning was the first morning in two years that I wasn't woken up by the sound of two paws clawing at my dust ruffle for a good three minutes, followed by intrusive 27 pound "pay attention to me kitty" leaping up on the bed. Dear Bailey, as Stacie moves to Virginia tomorrow, she found him a new home. (see, how's that for pointless rambling?)

I could go into chemo-chronicling, but really, twice is quite enough, I know I'VE got the point, I'm sure you do too!

But actually, there were some moments of not-feeling-quite-well-curled-up-in-bed, this weekend that got me to thinking. How Sir John Fortescue, Cervantes, Kit Marlowe and John Donne were extremely on the money when they said that "Comparisons are Odious." And yet, it is in the art of comparison that much of our western culture feeds and thrives. From paychecks to houses to outer appearances to skills to health to various material items, we are programmed to compare and accumulate that which doesn't matter at all. I got in a momentary bluesy place of comparing myself to all those fun people that got to do things like play outside and travel and go to work. (I said this was a momentary thing, so NO NO NO NO NO "awww" moments for me!!!) Fortunately, a door in my memory opened and I thought of my dear cousin Angel, who's had a lifetime of where she COULD succumb to such thoughts, but chooses strength and to see the can, not the cannot. I thought of walking through Auschwitz and Birkenau and how hope and glory did and have arisen from the ashes of SUCH imaginable hell and horror. And, for that moment, I had a different understanding and interpretation of when Paul says, "...Therefore we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses..." It's amazing how we, ok, I can get so pre-occupied with "self" leaving no room for anything else. And while,right now, I'm not reveling in the architectural wonderment of Wawel Castle, or saddling up horses for campers,(there shall be NO singing of THAT song!!) there is a journey for me, an internal one. Much like the seashell that travels the ocean floor. Sir Thomas Browne put it well:

If thou could empty all thy self of self,
Like to a shell disinhabited.
Then might He find thee on the ocean shelf,
And say, "This is not dead,"
And fill thee with Himself instead.

But thou art all replete with very thou
And has such shrewd activity,
That when He comes He says,"This is enow
Unto itself - 'twere better let it be,
It is so small and full,there is no room for me."
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Alright, that is a great deal of lofty and deep for the day. Going to find a bowl of cereal and see what's on E or Style.

Musings, in random fashion

This will have no rhyme or reason, merely tidbits of things that have captured my attention lately...

In my cyber-cruisings, I found and fell in love with "Barney-cam." I actually laugh out loud and clap (something my students know I do when I'm overjoyed with amusement) when his little terrier feet scamper across White House parquet floors.
www.whitehouse.gov/barney
(DO be sure it's the .gov and NOT the .com!)

Mock me if you dare, but I absolutely have a weak spot for the old series, "In the Heat of the Night." My darling friend Shelly Webster found out that "Bubba" is the MAYOR of Fresno California and that brought me much merriment and mirth.
www.fresno.gov

With the release of the "Superfriends" on DVD and the fact that Jonny Quest, is already out, I was poking around Hanna-Barbera sites, because REALLY, if you're over 25 and you didn't live on an izba somewhere growing up, you have to have at least one childhood memory that involves Hanna-Barbera! Huckleberry Hound, Quick Draw MacGraw, Mutley, Captain Caveman, Snagglepuss (Heavens to Mergatroids...),etc....
members.aol.com/PaulEC1/hBindex.html
The reading of Huckleberry Hound and the Christmas Sleigh was especially nostalgic, as I had that book once upon a time.

In a solemn switch, the Bijou theatre closed here this week, easily my favourite theatre here in town. (Since the Tennessee Theatre is closed for ren., and the Oakridge Playhouse frankly, smells like mothballs.) They had the most amazing fall lineup and I'm in mourning. Of course, I'm guessing that there will be some money hounds that buy it and re-open it, but with a different agenda, some theatre perhaps, but I'm presuming not much. VIVE LA VIE BOHEME!

OK, last bit of random tangent (for today, anyway). I've always had a fascination with the pirate life; cunning, swashbuckling, open-sea, and so-forth. And it was WAY before Depp hit the scene thank you. Jeremy found this link, I think we should all find our inner pirate.
www.fidius.org/quiz/pirate.php

happy weekending,

Bloody Bess Bonney

...and there arose such a Tempest...

Such storms across Knoxville today, and they were the good kind, with wind and torrents of rain and lightning and thunder. I was at Sam's gleefully being wind-whipped and soaked in the parking lot at the time and LOVING IT. I think I'm the only person I know that adores rain and even more so with the thunder and the lightning. I would understand that if I were one of those personality types that were melancholic, but I'm not. Hmmmmm. (pausing for reflective thought) Moving on.

With storms, come memories and consequentially, stories. If you've ever conversed with me, you know I'm horrid at story-telling. Quips and one-liners:quite brilliant. Stories, not so much; I'll leave that to Daddy and Jim. BUT,this occasion was fun and if you get bored because I have an AOD (attention overload disorder) fit - too bad, you were warned!

A few summers ago I moved back to Knoxville and what a trip that was, in EVERY sense of the word! Susie had flown down from Knox to make the drive back up, John K. and Stacie were making the drive up and flying back. We made a Budget Truck/Escort stop at Pickwick Lake in west Tenn, as it is a good halfway point between Ft.Worth and Knox. We have a place there, so stopping over was a good idea. I ADORE being out on the water, so we took the ski boat out, just for a run on the river. It was a full boat; Jim, Diane, James (who was 6 at the time), John, Susie, Stacie and myself. The sky was starting to swirl in grey, thunder rolled in the distance, (and is it me, or is that phrase uttered in about 37% of all country music?)and the waves started to chop. We had ridden out to the dam, as the locks are always intriguing, and with the storm rising, we were on our way back to the house, when all of a sudden the boat just sputtered up and died. The waves were escalating, we were fortunately drifting (if drifting is the word you can use when the boat is rocking violently back and forth) toward a dock, and yet the rain had started in buckets. The problem with drifting to this particular dock is that it was a horseshoe dock and the outer dock had big barriers that the waves terribly wanted us to crash into. The trick became to jump out of the boat on a down wave and grab hold of ropes, all within about a 10 second period and while staying ON the dock. We managed that, and began the process of marooned pirates saving their ship. Quite a Herculean effort to maneuver the boat into the safety of a covering and the crook of the "h", but we finally managed it.

You think we were done with the fun? Oh, but no!!! In my family, there is no such thing as crisis, merely adventure. We had to find out where we were and call in for "rescuing." (I find it uncomfortable to be rescued, generally tending to take care of things myself) We put in a call to the river patrol, which, in that county is "Mayberry RFD" in boats (with absolute no disrespect to Andy Griffith intended). We had no way to tell them where we were. All my Nancy Drew sleuthing skills came into play as Diane and I and climbed several stories of staircases to the main house. And WHAT a house - wow. Places like that are fairly private and don't have street names per se. I just saved some time, dove into the mailbox, got an address (lets not tell the Feds about that one), made the call. Somewhat later, Goober and Gomer came to pick us all up in the truck, still pouring down rain, so we rode in the truck bed, to the house. I know it's anticlimactic (told you I don't tell stories well), BUT it was a fine adventure and today's storm triggered the memory.

Much like another story about a storm, and a boat. I believe "furious squall" would be a more accurate assessment, but you can read it for yourself if you're so inclined. It's found in the gospel of Mark (any translation will do) Chapter 4, verses 35-42. (In mine, it's on page 780 if that's helpful.) Now THAT'S a good story, and like mine -true.

"Even the wind and the waves obey him!"

No Franken-Erin for me!!

At this point, it looks like surgery is not necessary. And I'll say "thanks be to God." Drugs can be good. Speaking of drugs; I'm definitely getting my money's worth. Was violently ill yesterday. But it was only yesterday, and I'm feeling MUCH better now. But hey, now I can say I've had the true chemo experience, wouldn't want to miss out on anything, kind of like paying the entrance admission to MGM studios and NOT riding the "Rockin' Roller Coaster" (which is the BEST, by the way, all indoors, magnetic speed and with Aerosmith playing in the background.)

On non-medical issues, cause let's face it, I get bored with it, don't you??? I had a fun adventure this weekend. My friend David, KNEW how much I missed camp and riding and being in the barn this summer, so he took me up to his parents barn for a trail ride. I was like a 12 year old - jumping in hay, climbing on things and having my own cowboy moments in the woods. I also got some good childhood North Carolina memories in from Ridgecrest and Hilltop, as we got stuck in the barn a bit because of the rain, and there's nothing like rain on a tin roof.

I'm a about pop-cultured out, I need to go read quietly. Between campaign coverage and all the VH1 "list" shows, (vh1 is about as addictive as herion by the way) I'm getting fried. Whoops, my "Premiere" just got here, going to go read all the summer cinema reviews.

Well baked, NOT fried!

Today's lesson is on Radiation (ray-dee-ay-shun). I went for the "for real this time" appointment with Dr. Bertoli. It was higly interesting as he took the time to really explain the whole process, including the history of where this all comes from. Now, as I LOVE history, I was completely intrigued with that portion. Not to ever miss an opportunity to educate, here are some highlights of the history of medical diagnostics.
=========================================================================================
*c. 400 BC Disease concept introduced by Greek physician Hippocrates.
*1612 Medical Thermometer devised by Italian physician Sanctorius
*c. 1660 Light microscope developed by Dutch naturalist Antohj van Leeuwenhoek
*1810 Stethoscope invented by French physician Rene' Laennec.
*1850 - 1900 Germ theory of disease proposed by French scientist Louis Pasteur and
developed by German bacteriologist Robert Koch.
*1895 X-rays discovered by German physicist Wilhelm Conrad Roentgen. He also produced
the first x-ray picture of the body (his wife's hand) in 1895.
*1910-1912 Theory of Radioactivity published by Marie Curie and investigation of x-ray
radiation for patient therapy (e.g. treatment of cancer).
*c. 1932 Transmission electron microscope (TEM) constructed by German scientists Max
Knoll and Ernst Ruska.
*1950 Nuclear Medicine applied imaging the kidneys, heart, and skeletal system.
*1972 Computed Tomography (CT) scanning invented by British engineer Godfrey Hounsfield
of EMI Laboratories, England, and South African born physicist Allan Cormack of
Tufts University, Massachusetts.
*1984 3-Dimensional image processing using digital computers and CT or MR data, three dimensional images of bones and organs were first made.
*1985 Clinical Positron Emission Tomography (PET) scanning developed by scientists at the University of California.
=========================================================================================

Wasn't that fascinating??? Susie was my wingman for the day, and she and I felt like we had been in a college class. There was also the part where we spent a great deal of time perusing through a detailed anatomy book. Which, all in all is bloody fabulous, because one cannot be TOO informed. Fun news is that they are getting a new IMRT system at UT Med, and that is state-of-the-art and extremely precise.

I've hit my "bounce" this week and that's a great thing. It's pretty much when I get to the snap where I feel like ME again.

I've put a great deal of thought into taking fear out of this process. As "Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban" was released at the cinema this week, I thought this quote was fitting. "Fear of a name increases fear of a thing itself."

We have cancers all, things that mutate and rebel in our systems, only we don't notice, because it eats away at the spirit, not the body. They go by different names; insecurity, love of self, love of things, not being able to let go of horrific pasts, comparison, envy, control. Odd, isn't it, that it takes an affliction of the body to better see the soul.

President Reagan's funeral was today. With his eulogy, President Bush Sr. has brought the concept of a Saviour back to the media forefront, as opposed to a nebulous idea of God. Something this country hasn't seen or embraced since 9-11.

"Wake up o sleepers"

so really, I'm a 7th grade boy at heart...

....and it's something my friends know, although I do try to maintain some semblance of "cool chic" for the rest of the world. That being said, the best way I can describe a full three days of chemo (without the nausea, because "All thanks be to God!!", I've dodged that part of it so far) is to akin it to when Wolverine is having his endoskeleton injected. If you're not an X-men fan, I really can't help you, I'm not THAT much of a nerd-nik, it's really just the best allusion I can muster.

So, today I'm lying around feeling like a 90 year old with severe arthritis and I get a phone call from John Ross, WHO is at the entertainment, sci-fi expo thing here in town. And I've lost most of you already... BUT, sweet thing that he is, was walking around to all these actors, shoving his cell phone at them and saying, "Here, talk to my theatre teacher." (this is where the 7th grade boy part of me emerges) Because it really MADE MY DAY to talk to Ernie Hudson (Ghostbusters), Brad Dourif(Lord of the Rings), David Prowse and Anthony Daniels (Star Wars), they were very nice to take the time and chat with me! YAY!

*** Moment of Respectful Silence for President Reagan who passed away today. He was a great man and an outstanding president.***

reporting live from mogadishu

Alright, maybe I'm not really in Mogadishu, but I could be, and it's such fun to say Mogadishu. This weekend was spent in much reflection and THANKFULNESS for our armed forces, past and present; from my Great-Grandaddy Wilkerson, who fought in WWI, to the mighty Eagle Battalion at Carson-Newman (always near and deat to my heart), to Marine PFC Woods Pepperman, and PFC Ben Evans. From old men to young men, family, friends and former campers/students, stand for honor and intergrity and our defense. Of course there are those of you who aren't mentioned - sorry - I only have so much space. If you serve our country in this capacity and you're special to me and you know it, well know that you have my deepest appreciation as well.

Besides, I'm my own war correspondent of sorts- the war for my body and the war for my spirit to NOT give into despair and self-pity. The good report is that today, it's a war that I'm winning, with Heaven's help!!! All my counts and such big lab talks - are GOOD. Today was big day of chemo - got finished around 6pm. Let me just clear this up and continue to take away the power of fear in these words. Chemo-therapy is just chemical therapy. You get a cold - they put you on an anti-biotic. If you're a diabetic, they give you an insulin shot. And if you have cancer, they give you a lot drugs in liquid form via an IV; it's to kill the cancer cells. The backlash is that it kills your white blood cells too. However, the Creator designed the body in such a way that those cells bebuild themselves!!!

And there's always fun to be found in all things. We fed Kaa this week and that's always amusing to those around (albeit a little freakish for people who aren' snake people or rat people). True friendship keeps getting a new definition by the status of my hair. I went over to Byron and Amy's for one last as close as could be buzz - excellent times!!!

So, really by now, it's Thursday, Day 2, and I just woke up from a 3 hour nap. Not feeling badly at all, so I'm going to watch "Walking Tall" with mom and Stacie - can't get enough of the ROCK! woo woo.

Thanks to all my wonderful visitors this week; Susie, Sean, Heather,Shelli, Amy D. and Bob M.!!!!!