promises, pythons and some lost luggage

Funny story. (Please review disclaimer of my story-telling abilities, from entry "There arose such a tempest.")

One May day a few years ago, I was moving to Tennessee from Texas. I had three dear friends, in tow, with a Budget Truck, an Escort and somewhat of a deadline. We woke up to leave around 4:45 AM, our friend Brian had made us all breakfast, scrambled eggs, garnished with twizzlers, and I decided to let Kaa out of his travel cage just for a "few minutes" to stretch a bit. He really doesn't like his travel cage and had already been in there for about 18 hours. I got caught up in the social occasion and the whole "closing a chapter" blah-blahs and a "few" minutes turned into 45. And within 45 minutes, he had completely disappeared! He's only 4 and 1/2 feet long, I KNOW, but even in that small townhouse, we could not find him after tearing the place apart. So, incredibly sad and furious with myself, I left for Tennessee, calling Brian every hour for about 2 weeks solid, and no Kaa.....

story pause for another story

Later that summer, I went to Russia, which could lead to an entire different blog site one of these days. Landing in Dulles was my first US entry point. My luggage was NOT on the plane with me, apparently. Customs will not let you leave the detaining area until they can confirm that your luggage is nowhere in the airport, and I completely understand and respect that rule. However, for them to figure that out, took about 3 hours, I only had a layover for two. I had an extremely long layover in Germany, and did my own mini-holiday, however, with time zone changes over the past few days, I had, at this point, been up for about 36 hours. (Didn't sleep on the flight - amazingly enough) ALL I desperately wanted was to get HOME. I had missed my flight, there was not another one that night, I kept getting a brusque runaround from several airport employees and, as aforementioned was EXHAUSTED. Finally, I just blubbered and got completely hysterical with some dear woman named Mildred, who put me on a plane to Charlotte, to which then I had ANOTHER layover, sans luggage, before finally coming home. Now, if you've ever traveled internationally, you know it's a 50/50 that your luggage gets anywhere with you, but in all my travels, this was my FIRST TIME. I was despondent for awhile, but as the weeks went by, I pretty much got over it, it was just "stuff" after all. And yet, somewhere at the end of August (a little over a month), I got a phone call, and my luggage was on my front porch within the hour and the incredible part was that NOTHING was missing or broken.

back to missing python story

September 23rd, that same fall, I get a phone call from Brian and John letting me know that Kaa had appeared!! Just curled up behind the door when they came home after a morning of errands. (For all of you who really just aren't snake people, think of all the poor dears who continued to meet for a weekly Bible study in that house!)

So I have my python, I have my luggage and what is the point? The point is that I read that God is so big and powerful and caring that He knows the fall of the sparrow. And I've read that my whole life, and it tends to get missed by the strong and the busy. When I remember that even LITTLE BITTY things, that are so universally meaningless, such as a snake and some bags, were always under the control of our BIG GOD, then it really gives me a nice peace about all the bigger things!!

Oh the mighty TRIBE, never have I seen so many people gifted in the ministry of just BEING. We, as a western culture, are geared to do, and to fix, and to chatter incessantly over comfortable silences. And yet, I am blessed with these dear friends who have learned to just BE. What felt like a prison sentence, feels more and more like camp, with constant sleepovers. I am amazed at Gretchen's ability to mobilize this army and have learned a great deal about others giftings by being forced into silence. I did go on a silent retreat once, but it was NOTHING like this.

The Lady of Shalott

hmmmm. yes, it's been awhile now -i've been far far gone from my body, myself, my spirit, and most things I care about. It's funny how quickly our house of cards will fall. Tennyson speaks more clearly than I ever could, " I am half sick of Shadows, ' said the Lady of Shalott."

Where in the world to pick this up...there's been so much, so much pain and hell, but yes a glimmering though that. It's the glimmering that's the long run point, but the pain that's been the hard part.

I met a woman who wisely advised me to keep my dark humour through all this, I assured her, that I do. Of course this assurance came though a lot of nodding and what I will presume is expressive looking. Somewhere a couple of weeks ago, I became unable to talk, not speak, but talk. Let's just make that CLEAR, my voice-box is highly intact and as soon as all the burning and sores subside in my mouth I will be oh-so-talking it up once again. However, it's been hard to find the humour, hard to find the grace and should anyone bring Pollyana over to watch as a DVD, they no doubt would find it the victim of a cruel blender incident.

Radiation mixed with five days of chemo is an incredible cruel trick of hell. Up to now, weak and sick and not feeling well, well that was all apparently a dress rehearsal as I slipped into a shell of myself for a few days. Surrounded, surrounded EVER surrounded by the TRIBE. (I said once that I find the expression "Body of Christ" way too mamby-pamby to describe what I see around me.) I've seen the TRIBE move into action better than any kind of Green Berets. There have been chart making, cleaning, people to sit here, people to be, people to do laundry, people to feed my python...and it's still in motion.

Now, here's a big thought - easy for some, but don't be patronizing to my moment, and it's QUITE the aha light bulb moment. I am surrounded by all this love and caring just because. I have beyond nothing to offer anyone, I'm not funny or cute or even nice sometimes, I get physically sick frequently, I'm constantly hooked up to odd machines. And no one bats an eye. I get embarrassed and try to explain, to apologise, and to compensate..to bring SOMETHING...to the table...and I just can't Can't CANNOT. Not, "don't want" but physically, emotionally CAN offer nothing to anyone right now, and yet the thump thump thump of the heartbeat is still there.

In all this silence I get to watch and I get to listen and I get to think, there are so very many of the "got-to's" in my life I thought I had let go of. Nope. Just thought so. So I lost my hair - I still had wigs and cute bandanas, I stil looked quite cute. Now, it matters not, even though my hair is growing back some, it still looks freakish and not world-standard attractive - and i JUST DON'T care. So I had cancer and lost my energy, it wasn't that bad, and until last week, I still had fair amounts of freedom. Being tied down to a bed and dependent upon the TRIBE and not being able to go and do and not to mention EAT, well that's driven me to near depressive states. Not quite to the "don't care" stage on that one, but I'll get there. Work, oh, there's another, how MUCH I LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE my job and my students and getting to create. How hard it's been letting someone else do all that for me for a season. (And yet, she and I have emailed a few times and not only is she doing a good job, but understands how important this is to me and is being so very good to keep me in loop.) So all this is to say that we as a western culture just think we get stressed and pulled and stretched. Have so much to learn.

The Lady of Shalott did not stay in her tower forever, she broke the curse, when she looked upon Lancelot. Who's to say that in her dying boat ride down the river, that there was not an awakening, a rebirth?
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Fun product plug: They have invented numbing lollipops - who knew - I LOVE these
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For those of you who haven't heard from me in awhile, I'm sorry but I've been out of commission. I wish I could say I had been in Greece, but that will have to do.
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teasers for next time - more on the TRIBE, what fuels them, and really, what of those that meant well, but kind of fell by the wayside?

Medical upates - 15 more treatments of radiation (well 30 if you count that I go twice a day) and it's what's called the "boost" a smaller box of focus, which HOPEFULLY will let the rest of the mouth/throat start to heal some.

Besides the list of things I want to go and bloody DO (besides the London trip!!!!) but oh my - the eating list!!!!! I'm going to get fat again!! hahaha