Who's on First Audio-3.14MB
Who's on First Script-38.5KB
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The Naughty Nineties
Who's On First The Naughty Nineties. Exact Words of Audio Contents Abbott: On the St. Louis Team we have, ah, Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on third. Costello: That's what I wanna find out. I want you to tell me the names of the fella's on the St. Louis team. Abbott: I'm telling ya Who's on first, What's on second, I Don't Know's on Third… Costello: D'You know the fellow's names? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well then who's playing first? Abbott: Yes. Costello: I mean the fella's name on first base. Abbott: Who. Costello: The fella playing firstbase for St. Louis. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first base. Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: Well what'a ya askin'me for? Abbott: I'm not asking you, I'm telling ya Who is on first. Costello: I'm askin'YOU who's on first. Abbott: That's the man's name. Costello: That's who's name? Abbott: Yes. Costello: Well go ahead and tell me. Abbott: Who. Costello: The guy on first. Abbott: Who. Costello: The first baseman. Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: Have you got a first-baseman on first. Abbott: Certainly. Costello: Then who's playing first. Abbott: Absolutely. Contents Costello: When you pay off the first baseman every month, who gets the money? Abbott: Every dollar of it. Why not? The man's entitled to it Costello: Who is? Abbott: Yes. Costello: So who gets it? Abbott: Why shouldn't he. Sometimes his wife comes down and collects it. Costello: Who's wife? Abbott: Yes. After all the man earns it. Costello: Who does? Abbott: Absolutely. Costello: All I'm tryin' to find out is what's the guy's name on first base. Abbott: Oh no, no, What is on second base. Costello: I'm not askin' ya who's on second . Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: That's what I'm tryin' to find out. Abbott: Well don't change the players around… Costello: I'm not changin'nobody. Abbott: Take it easy. Costello: What's the guy's name on first base. Abbott: What's the guy's name on second base. Costello: I'm not askin' ya who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third, were not talkin' about him. Contents Costello: How did I get on third base? Abbott: You mentioned his name. Costello: If I mentioned the third baseman's name, who did I say's playin'third? Abbott: No Who's playin' first. Costello: Stay off of first will ya. Abbott: Well whata ya want me ta do? Costello: Now what's the guy's name on third base? Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I'm not askin'ya who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott: He's on third. Costello: There I go back on third again. Abbott: Well I can't change their names. Costello: Will you please stay on third base Mr. Broadhurst. Abbott: Please, now what is it ya want'a know? Costello: What is the fella's name on third base? Abbott: What is the fella's name on second base. Costello: I'm not askin' ya who's on second. Abbott: Who's on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello: Third base. Contents Costello: You gotta a outfield? Abbott: Oh sure. Costello: St. Louis's gotta good outfiled? Abbott: Oh Absolutely. Costello: The left fielder's name. Abbott: Why. Costello: I don't know, I'd just thought I'd ask ya. Abbott: Well I'd just thought I'd tell ya. Costello: Then tell me who's playin'left field. Abbott: Who is playin'first. Costello: Stay outta the infield. Abbott: Don't mention their names out here. Costello: I wantta know what's the fella's name in left field. Abbott: What is on second. Costello: I'm not askin'ya who's on second. Abbott: Who is on first. Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello: Third base Contents Abbott: All right take it easy, take it easy man. Costello: And the left fielder's name? Abbott: Why. Costello: Because. Abbott: Oh he's center field. He's cen... Will you pick up your hat please, pick up your hat, and stop this.. Costello: Look… Abbott: Now look please… Costello: Mr. Broadhurst… Abbott: Yes Costello: Wait a minute, you gotta pitcher on the team? Abbott: Wouldn't this be a fine team without a pitcher. Costello: I don't know, tell me the pitcher's name. Abbott: Tommorow. Costello: Ya don't wanna tell me today? Abbott: I'm tellin' ya man. Costello: Then go ahead. Abbott: Tomorrow. Costello: What time? Abbott: What time what? Costello: What time tomorrow are ya going to tell me who's pitching. Abbott: Now listen, who is not pitching, who is on… Costello: I'll break your arm ya say who's on first. Abbott: What 'dya come up here and ask me. Costello: I wanna know what's the pitcher's name. Abbott: What's on second. Costello: I don't know. Abbott & Costello: Third base. Contents Costello: You gotta catcher? Abbott: Yes. Costello: The catcher's name. Abbott: Today. Costello: Today. And tommorow's pitching. Abbott: No you've got it. Costello: That's all, St. Louis has got accouple of days on the team, that's all. Abbott: Well I can't help that. All right. What dya want me ta do? Costello: Gotta catcher? Abbott: Yes. Costello: I'm a good catcher too ya know. Abbott: I know that. Costello: I would like to play for the St. Louis team. Abbott: Well I might arrange that I'd call… Costello: I would like to catch. Now, I'm bein' a good catcher, tomorrow's pitching on the team and I'm catching. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Tomorrow throws the the ball and the guy up bunts the ball. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Now, when he bunts the ball, me bein'a good catcher, I'm gonna throw the guy out at first base, so I pick up the ball and throw it to who. Abbott: Now that's the first thing you've said right. Costello: I don't even know what I'm talkin' about. Abbott: Well that's all you have to do. Costello: Is to throw it to first base. Abbott: Yes. Costello: Now who's got it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Who has it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Okay. Abbott: Now you've got it. Costello: I pick up the ball and I throw it to Naturally, he… Abbott: Ah no, ya don't, ya throw the ball to first base. Costello: Then who gets it? Abbott: Naturally. Costello: Okay. Abbott: Alright. Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally, he… Abbott: Ya don't, ya throw it to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: Well that's it, say it that way. Costello: That's what I said. Abbott: You did not. Costello: I said I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: Ya don't, ya throw it to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: Yes. Costello: So I throw the ball to first base and Naturally gets it. Abbott: No, ya throw the ball to first base. Costello: Then who gets it. Abbott: Naturally. Costello: That's what I'm sayin'. Abbott: Your not sayin'that. Costello: Excuse me folks. Abbott: Alright, I'm Sorry friends. Costello: I throw the ball to Naturally. Abbott: Ya throw it to Who. Costello: Naturally. Abbott: Exactly, well say it that way. Costello: That's what I'm saying. Abbott: Don't get excited, now don't get excit… Costello: I throw the ball to first base… Abbott: And then Who gets it. Costello: He better get it. Abbott: Alright, alright, now don't get excited, take it easy. Costello: Hmm. Abbott: Huh. Costello: So I throw the ball to first base, whoever it is drops the ball, so the guy runs to second. Abbott: Mm hmm. Costello: Who picks up the ball and throws it to What, What throws it to I Don't Know, I Don't Know throws it back to Tomorrow, a triple play. Abbott: Yeah, it could be. Costello: Another guy gets up and it's a long fly ball to Because. Why? I don't know, he's on third, and I don't care. Abbott: What was that? Costello: I said I don't care. Abbott: Ohhh, that's our short-stop. Contents
Who's on First Audio-3.14MB Who's on First Script-38.5KB My E-mail 