Michele

Oh God. I shouldn’t have seen what I just saw. I really wish I hadn’t. Like when you’re watching TV and it’s your absolute favourite show and then these two characters get it on and it’s just icky and you wish you’d never tuned in? Y’know? Like that, except this is real life which is so much worse. I can’t believe she would do that to him is all. I’ve heard them arguing sometimes sure but I can’t believe she’d do this.

Okay I should calm down. Breathe. I might have just misinterpreted the situation or something. They could have been rehearsing a *play* or I could have been hallucinating... that’s just lame. What’s to misinterpret?

Cordy was *kissing* Spike.

He shows up every once in a while and sometimes they flirt. It’s no big deal though – Spike flirts with most girls - and even if it was Angel’s usually too busy staring at Buffy like a love sick puppy to notice of course. I just came back from a patrol, well okay a party and when I opened the door of Angel and Cordy’s place I saw them. Sucking face in a big way. And then they went into her *bedroom*. I was standing there and I didn’t move, I was too wigged out. They didn’t see me, too busy with the groping and petting and all. A couple of minutes later I realised what was going on.

Angel doesn’t have blond hair. The idea of Angel with blond hair is freaking hilarious. And it wasn’t Angel. It was dumb of me to think it was him, but for oh say thirty seconds I did. Cordy and Angel are usually at it like rabbits - it was kind of logical to think it was him. If I had my eyes shut.

Then I realised oh so not Angel. But I didn’t think it was Spike, just some guy I guess. Then it hit me that it was *Spike*.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m a normal red blooded teenager, hell yeah he’s hot. I had a crush on him once- hasn’t everyone had a crush on Spike? He has a thing for Dawn anyway. It’s sweet. And he’s too shy to say anything to her but I know Dawnie is just waiting for him to. Spike being shy is a really bizarre image but he’s shy around her. Oh my God, if she ever found about this...

Cordy probably threw herself at him. I don’t mean that, I’m being mean. They let me stay here, I shouldn’t be bitching about her. Although to be honest I’d rather stay with Buffy. Everything is too much here. They have a butler for godssakes. Cordelia is filming her first movie, playing the sister of the main character (which she says should get her a Best Supporting Actress nomination next year) and Angel seems to have quit helping the helpless. They’re also completely loaded with money which has to be a plus.

It takes two. Spike probably couldn’t turn down sex anyway. I don’t know why she did it though. I don’t get why. Oh God, Angel. I can’t believe that never crossed my mind until now. They do fight sometimes, their marriage isn’t as perfect as it looks on the outside but he’ll still be devastated when he finds out. When he finds out. What am I supposed to do? Tell everyone? Tell Angel, Dawn? Or Buffy?

I don’t know why I think I should tell Buffy. Like ‘Hey. Cordy slept with Spike so Angel’s yours for the taking’. Dawn told me the saga of Buffy and Angel one day, took about three hours. And it’s sad and tragic and I felt so bad for them both. Then I didn’t understand why the hell Angel married Cordy if he had this thing with Buffy. Dawn said that he loves her now. Then I felt so bad for Buffy because she’s obviously so in love with him still. Anyone can see that. Except for apparently Angel or maybe he just doesn’t want to.

I’m sitting outside right now and I have no idea what I’m going to do. It isn’t really anything to do with me but I saw them and I can’t just pretend I didn’t, What I really want to know is *why*.

“ Michele?” Cordy sounds unsure for once in her life.

That was um *fast*. How long were they in there, fifteen, twenty minutes? I thought it would take uh longer... actually, no. I don’t want to go there. Bad bad bad.

I get up from the steps and turn to face her. She’s wearing a bathrobe and her hair isn’t as perfect as it usually is. I have to say she has great hair.

“ Yeah?” I ask flatly.

“ Look, did you see...anything?” She asks.

“ Like what? Flying sheep? Fiends from hell? You and Spike?” I add on the last three words quietly. I’ve said them out loud and this is real now. Boy I wish it wasn’t.

She sighs and sits down, running her hands through her hair.

“I didn’t mean to” Cordy starts to say.

“ So it was an accident?” I ask bitchily and I should quit being such a bitch to her. But she cheated on Angel, that makes her like the uber bitch right? I feel sorry for her though, I don’t know why. It’s not like we’ve ever been the bestest of friends or anything but I feel bad for Cordy.

“ Things are so screwed up.” She ignores my comment and carries on. “ With Angel. And Buffy.”

“ What’s Buffy got to do with this?”

“ Nothing. Pretty much everything. He’s in love with her. I know he used to love me and back then I loved him too but not any more and that’s okay I suppose. But Angel falling back in love with her all over again is just too much. It’s not *fair*. We never talk about the weirdness between us and the fact that things aren’t working. It’s not like he’ll even care if I screw Spike.” She sighs again.

“ Cordelia of course he cares.”

“ Okay so he *cares*. But it’s not enough. Angel will be upset when I tell him and I’ll feel like a bitch and be sorry but at least things will be sorted out.”

“ You’re going to tell him?” I frown as I start to understand. “ Was that the whole point? So you could end things?”

“ Kind of.” She says in a small voice.

Cordy laughs – and it’s bitter. “ He doesn’t even know that he loves her, God he hasn’t realised yet. I think he needs to know. It’s better that I end things than that he realises he loves Buffy and leaves me. Maybe they can have that happy ending. ” Her hair hangs down veiling her face but I still see a trickle of tears.

Suddenly I feel a rush of sympathy towards Cordy. Okay so she didn’t exactly do the right thing but this *is* screwed up. Majorally and completely. Hesitantly I reach over and touch her shoulder.

“ Are you okay?”

Cordelia lifts her head and wipes her eyes. “ Oh my God, I have to stop this. Crying gives you wrinkles and...and it ruins your skin, not to mention the looking like hell run over by a truck. I’ll be fine.” She smiles at me, the whole facade wavering slightly.

“ And Angel?” I ask.

“ He’ll be fine too, eventually. That’s exactly the problem” Her lips curve in an almost smile.

“ Hello pet. Pets”

Spike corrects himself as he sees me.

I roll my eyes and look up at him. He’s dressed now – thank God – and standing in front of us. It’s still dark but in an hour or so the sun will be up.

“ You should go” Cordy says and doesn’t look at him.

“ That’s all I’m good for, making that poof jealous? Or just sleeping with for the hell of it right? Seems that’s all anyone wants with me.” Spike mutters.

This is a whole big plan right? Spike knew that Cordy was just trying to piss Angel off and he went along with it... I will never understand these people. And they say teenagers are weird?

“ Who else are you talking about?” I ask quickly, highly curious now. Who else has used Spike for sex? Really I want to know.

“ I’m sure we don’t want to know” Cordy says and stands up. “ I must look like crap.” She moans as she fixes her hair.

“ Spike, Dawn’s coming to LA in August.” I say. Kind of out of the blue and completely un related to anything else. I can hardly believe we’re having a normal, well normalish conversation after that.

“ And?” He arches an eyebrow.

Why does everything have to be so complicated? Spike and Dawn could just talk to each other. Make with the words. And then possibly smoochies.

“ Just thought you might want to know. Also, if you ever want a chance with her I wouldn’t advise sleeping around with anyone else. These things have a way of getting back to people.” I tell him innocently.

“ You’re going to tell Dawnie? Michele you can’t do that!” Spike protests, starting to panic. Voila. Easy as that. Stupid vampire, of course he cares. And did he even think about Dawn when he slept with Cordelia? Nope. See, that’s why he’s a stupid vampire.

“ I didn’t say I was going to tell her.” He looks at me. “ I won’t” I add.

“ I’m telling Angel” Cordy announces from behind us.

“ Oh great” Spike mutters.

“ There’s a plus side. Angel can’t kick Spike’s ass because he’s human now. And Buffy won’t kill Cordy for this because Angel won’t let her.” I contribute helpfully and get ignored by them both.

“ Better make myself scarce. Nearly sunrise” Spike says turning to leave.

“ I have to make myself look better.” Cordy tells us. So she’s going to make Angel feel like crap and be totally traumatised while she looks stunning? The whole plan would work better if she wasn’t looking her best.

“ Bye” I say and wave a little. Cordelia disappears into the house and Spike turns round quickly.

“ August right?” He asks.

I smile. “ The third.” He nods and leaves.

And all this time I thought things were fine. Wow. I must have been walking around with my eyes shut. It’s strange the way things work out. I always figured that Cordy and Angel would have picture perfect children one day and be getting it on when they were sixty. Obviously not. I would *never* have thought that this would happen. Never. It’s so strange. I wonder what’s going to happen. Does Cordy move out? Or Angel? And what happens when they see each other in the street or something? I don’t understand how things can change so quickly. But if I look back on the last few months it really wasn’t that quick, all of this was happening and I never even noticed. So much for Slayer senses huh.

Maybe Buffy’s Slayer sense is telling her that Angel’s about to get his heart broken. Again. She seems to have this lame theory that he doesn’t care anymore and their whole history is nothing and he never loved her all that much in the first place. Such BS. Maybe it’s her way of dealing, but hello, she’s *not* dealing. Did I mention that this was all too complicated?

continued