dreambook.com
Spike
Michele wouldn't have told her. Cordelia, no. She can't possibly know. Still feel guilty though - as though Dawn will somehow *know* without being told. Vampires not having souls, not having feelings? That's bullshit. We don't have souls technically but non technically, I don't know what you'd call it other than a soul. I've felt more - even hurt more - as a vampire than I did when I was human. Maybe I'm getting old or have spent too much time around humans or something.
I'm bloody domesticated now, all because of this chip. That's another thing I have strange guilt about - it seems to have worn out now. Happened a few days ago and there was me, almost used to it. Some bugger tried to mug me, naturally I took a swing at him and there was no head pain. Not at all. I morphed into vamp face and that was enough to scare him off. I didn't try to bite him, I looked at him and I walked out into the street and saw all these people. Walking bloody happy meals. The thought crossed my mind that I could drink - finally - and I didn't...I felt guilty thinking about it. What the hell would Dawn think of me if I did?
Guess it's back to blood from the butchers for me. I head up the stairs to Buffy's flat. I've already been round to Michele's and apparently Dawn is over here. It's two in the morning but I'm sure she won't mind.
Hell. Angel's making his way to their door too. I'd imagine Peaches has quite a few issues with me considering the Buffy thing, and let's not forget Cordelia. But he's human now and I'm chipless. Can't beat the crap out of me. Not that he ever could have before.
" Angel" I say casually and nod in his direction. He doesn't dignify me with an answer, which I suppose can be expected.
The door swings open. Dawn and she looks angry. She's clad only in a white towel, her hair hanging wet down her back from the shower and would normally look beautiful, she does but now somehow she manages to add angry to the mix.
" Hey Angel." She says, looking at him. " Buffy's in there. Talk to her but if you screw with her emotions one more time I will kill you." Dawn smiles sweetly at him and then looks at me.
She knows. I don't know how but - *she knows.*
" Spike, get the hell out there." She says, pushing Angel into the apartment and slamming the door.
" Dawn, it didn't mean anything." That guilt I was feeling before? It's nothing compared to this.
"Oh well that's all okay then." Dawn snaps at me. " How could you do that? And with Cordelia? Was I not good enough for you?" She demands and falters for a moment, her eyes directly meeting mine.
" Don't be ridiculous, Nibblet, she was upset over Angel and I was just - "
" There? It's kinda funny how you always happen to be there when people are 'upset'. I'm upset, Spike. You going to screw me?"
" Dawn!"
She sighs and leans against the wall outside the apartment.
" I'm sorry" I say. I mean it, mean it more than anything.
" Yeah well me too" She looks at me and I know she's not talking about what she said tonight. I look down.
" Dawn it didn't mean anything" I repeat.
" But you did it." She says softly.
" I know. Do you want me to go?" Dawn shrugs helplessly and pushes a couple stray locks of hair off her shoulder.
" I love you." I say it suddenly, not thinking about what I'm saying. I'm compelled to and I've never said it before, never even thought it before. I don't think I realised it before. I didn't know. Now I suddenly do. I suddenly know.
She looks up, as surprised as I am. " D'you mean that?"
" Yes " I say - I'm certain too.
" What about Cordelia? "
" What about her?" I sigh because I can't shrug this off with a flip remark. " I know what about her. Can you try and forget?"
"No. But I could maybe forgive you." Dawn says seriously. Then her lips start to form a smile.
" It's going to take a lot of grovelling." She continues. " And presents and...other things"
I smile. Dawn lifts her head up to meet mine and her warm lips press against mine. I slide my arm around her waist, lifting her a little against the wall till her head is level with mine and I kiss her.
" That'll do to start with." She breathes, briefly breaking the kiss. Dawn smiles and I kiss her again, my hand tangling in her hair. Vampires not having feelings, it's bullshit. I've never felt more. Blood, the killing, all the things that used to make up my existence, they're not important. The chip in my head, it doesn't matter whether it's there or not. This - now. This is what's important.
continued
dreambook.com