"Petah, Petah! Help me get 'er to the couch!" Davy cried, attempting to move Cordelia's lifeless body.

"Oh, for Pete's sake, Davy!" Micky sighed, and he swooped down from his perch behind the drums and carefully lifted Cordelia from the floor. He lay her down on the ouch and immediately turned to her friends. "What happened?" he asked worriedly, quite unlike the fun-loving Micky everyone was used to. "Does she do this often?"

Honey, Zelda, and Majandra shook their respective heads quickly. They knew that every time Cordelia-who was very much in love with Micky-would listen to "Goin' Down," she'd swoon greatly the second she heard him say 'Sock it to me'. It must have been the shock of seeing him say it live that had caused her to faint like that, but far be it the right of her friends to divulge said information to Micky Dolenz, of all people.

"Cordy?" murmured Micky softly, stroking Cordelia's hair, "Cordy, are you alright?" Watching this touching scene take place made Cordelia's friends cringe. They knew that what Cordelia hated more than anything in the world was being called Cordy.

"Wake up, Cordy" Micky said quietly, nearly whispering. Suddenly, Cordelia's eyes fluttered open, only to see Micky hovering over her, looking down at her with a concerned grimace.

"Well, it's about time!" said Micky with a laugh, but he looked at Cordelia seriously. "You're alright, Cordy, aren't you?"

"I'm fine, Micky," she said, surprising her friends with an answer other than "Don't call me Cordy." Cordelia sat up straight, and Micky sat by her side, holding her arm to level her. "I guess I just haven't eaten much today."

"Well, we can certainly fix that, can't we, fellas?" Peter said brightly, afraid that a similar fate might befall Zelda and not wanting any harm to come to her.

The four Monkees left the girls sitting on the couch with Cordelia, and they scuttled about the kitchen attempting to cook something in hopes of wooing their respective love interests. Zelda giggled quietly once the boys were out of earshot. "I can't believe this is happening!" she shrieked as quietly as she could.

"He called you Cordy," said Honey incredulously to Cordelia.

"I know," her friend giggled uncharacteristically, "Wasn't it great?"

"Did you see the way Davy was checking me out?" asked Majandra with a deliriously happy grin.

"Uh about that" said Honey, "Would you believe that the Davy we all know and love has turned out to be a wolf in sheep's clothing?"

"Which just goes to show that you CAN make a silk purse out of a sow's ear if you have enough good silk," added Cordelia.

"Which proves more than ever," chimed in Zelda, "It doesn't matter HOW you play the game, it's whether you WIN or LOSE."

The girls burst out into giggles having quoted episode #13 with tremendous joy. The Monkees, meanwhile, in the kitchen, stopped what they were doing and smiled at the sound of the laughter.

"I've got dibs on Majandra," said Davy to the others.

"Don't talk about a lady as though she were a pet," Peter replied, "And by the way, I'm madly in love with Zelda."

"That Honey" Mike mused, "She's so she's very she's quite wow. Well, y'all know what I mean."

"I don't know," said Micky, "I think Cordelia's the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

The boys unanimously agreed that starting at that moment, they would each begin to woo one of the girls, seeing that each of them had found the girl of their dreams. However, this turned out to be much harder than they had previously thought, as at that moment a furious knocking erupted on the Monkees' front door.

"Okay, okay, keep your pants on!" shouted Davy as he went for the door, but not before taking a moment to wink at Majandra.

"That sex fiend," muttered Honey, and Mike stifled a laugh.

Opening the door, Davy set eyes on the shortest, most repulsively ugly troll of a man he had ever seen. The ma's eyes grew large as he set eyes on Davy.

"Can I help you?" murmured Davy, attempting not to vomit at the sight of the man.

"Uh uh yes," said the man in a squeaky voice, "Are there four girls staying here?"

"Why, yes, there are!" said Davy brightly, "Come on in" and the man did so immediately, for he happened to be deeply in love with Davy Jones.

The girls looked up from the dinner the Monkees had prepared for them and saw-with great trepidation, mind you-Mr. Schnool standing before them.

"Oh no, Mr. Schnool!" the girls said softly, and they slapped a hand to their respective heads in unison.

"Oh" said Mr. Schnool, not recognizing the now twenty year old girls, "These aren't the people I was looking for."

Breathing a silent sigh of relief, the girls stared at Mr. Schnool cluelessly. Mike stood up and attempted to escort the man-who he believed to be insane-out of their home.

"No, wait!" cried Mr. Schnool, "I don't know what I'm doing here! I was chasing these four girls down a football field when suddenly I landed in the ocean! And I think I've gone back in time! And I have nowhere to stay please, can you just give me a home?"

"Why do ya want to stay here?" Mike asked severely.

Mr. Schnool turned and looked at Davy shyly.

"Oh, that's just wrong," murmured Cordelia, "Even for Davy."

Micky burst out laughing but shut up after a withering glance from Davy.

"No, I'm sorry, sir," said Mike, "You're extremely creepy."

"No, wait!" Mr. Schnool cried, "I'm a teacher, I can bring in income!"

"You're a teacher?" repeated Mike, "Well, then we definitely don't want you staying here." "No, wait!" yelled Mr. Schnool once more.

"Stop saying that!" screamed Micky, and with the speed of a jungle cougar, he and Mike pushed Mr. Schnool out of the house. Mr. Schnool stuck his head through a crack in the door. "You'll be sorry!" he sneered, and they shut and locked the door.

"Oh, come on, lads," said Davy, "That was a bit harsh. I mean, you can't blame the poor man for falling in love with me."

"Hee hee" laughed Majandra, "Ain't it the truth."

"No, maybe he just found kinship in your similar stature," said Mike, and Davy sat, shut down once again.

Once the bizarre fiasco had come to a close, the Monkees returned to their desperate need to woo the four girls.

"And so then I went to private school for one year, but I didn't like that, so my parents put me in public school," Peter was saying to Zelda, who giggled in reply. A lot.

"So, love, shall we shag now or shall we shag later?" Davy said as quietly as he could to Majandra.

"Davy!" Mike chided.

"NOW!" Majandra replied.

Meanwhile, Mike was trying to talk to Honey, but was much too shy to get a coherent thought out.

"So.." he was saying, "Do you like uh chickens?"

"I like Texas prairie chickens," she replied.

"I do, too!" cried Mike with a grin, and it only proved the point that Honey really was the most perfect girl in the world.

"So, Cordy," Micky said playfully, "Was it my intense beauty that made you pass out? My scintillating charm? My ridiculously great drum-playing skills?"

Cordelia was not as easily charmed as the others, and she felt as though Micky was being rather immature. "No," she replied coldly, "I was just hungry." It wasn't true, of course. It really was a combination of Micky's intense beauty, scintillating charm, and ridiculously great drum-playing skills that had made her faint. But she was playing hard to get.

"And don't call me Cordy," Cordelia added.

"Sure thing," said Micky with a grin, "Cordy."

Once the idle chatter had come to a close, Mike led the girls into the room they would be sharing.

"Aw, shucks," he said suddenly, "Y'all don't have any clothes, do ya?"

Cordelia, Honey, Zelda, and Majandra shook their heads slowly, forgetting this minor detail. Back home they had always assumed that if they ever were to meet the Monkees, they wouldn't need clothes. I'm sorry I wrote that. It was uncalled for.

Luckily, Peter found several trunks of clothing in the attic, and he brought them down to the girls in record speed.

"Why do you have so many trunks of female clothes?" Zelda asked with a giggle. "Oh, this is all stuff that Davy's girlfriends have left behind," he replied.

The four Monkees and the four girls bid each other good night, and went into their separate rooms.

"Wow," Majandra squeaked, "I knew Davy was hot on the show, but in real life wowee wow wow wow."

Zelda giggled. "Peter's so innocent, naive, and vulnerable. What a dreamboat!"

"I love Mike ever so much," sighed Honey, "He's so Texan”

"Micky's a pompous speck of dirt," said Cordelia flatly.

"Right" Majandra replied slyly, "Because THAT'S what you really think about him."

"It IS!" cried Cordelia.

"We believe you," said Honey with a grin, and Zelda continued giggling because she hasn't stopped throughout the ENTIRE STORY.

Cordelia sighed. If only the real Micky was as nice as the Micky on the show she thought to herself, Then I could be as happy as all of my friends.

And the evening came to a very happy close, except for Cordelia-who was annoyed by Micky's childish behavior-and for a very short, repulsively ugly troll of a man who at that very moment lurked outside of the Monkees' house, pondering his next, evil move.

continued