DEDICATED TO MIDGET GREENIES EVERYWHERE

There was a loud knock upon the door of 1334 Beachwood. “I’ll get it!” Davy’s voice echoed through the vacant beach house. “Being the only one home I guess I would have to get it anyway,” he said to himself. He opened the door and automatically cried, “’Ello!” like he always did.

“Hi,” a young lady replied. She was quite tall and she had bright, blue, effervescent eyes. Her dress was cut up past her knees and it showed long, smooth legs that shone in the light of the sun outside. Her blonde hair glowed as she tilted her head a little.

Davy gulped. “I’m... I’m... I think I love you!” he cried.

She grinned from ear to ear and cried, “That’s great! Not right now though. I’m looking for a Mr. Peter Tork.”

“Peta’! Peta’? He’s not here but I am,” Davy told her. He winked.

“I’ll get to you later,” she explained. She tapped the tip of his nose and giggled. Davy just starred at her.

About one minute later Peter walked in through the sliding glass door. He jumped onto the bandstand and then stood beside Davy. “Davy, we’ve told you a million times!” he joked, “No girls allowed in the pad after 5 o’clock!”

“Are you Peter?” the girl questioned. Peter looked around. “Yes, you,” she nodded, pointing to Peter.

“Oh! Yeah! I’m Peter! How come?” Peter questioned her. The girl straightened her arms and reached for Peter’s shirt collar. She pulled him close and kissed him.

“Whoopee!” Peter cried.

“Why does Peta’ get that?” Davy asked, “I’ve known you longer than him!”

Peter skipped over to the couch and laid down. The girl walked over to Peter. “My dearest love, are you okay?” she asked him.

“Dearest love?” Davy mumbled, “You just met him!”

She held up Peter’s head and smiled. Peter’s eyes popped open. “Boy, oh, boy!” he cried, “What a kiss!” The girl nodded. “How about a walk on the beach?” Peter asked her.

“How about no?” she shot back.

“Why not?” Peter asked her with a frown.

“How about we go back to my place?” she asked with wide eyes.

“I’ll go!” Davy cried.

“Not enough room greenie,” the girl replied, “You’ll see me later.” She winked.

“Why not now?” Davy yelled.

“Save your energy. Peter is now. You are later,” she replied.

Peter cried, “That’s right Davy! Me now, you... Hey! What’s the deal?”

“Do not worry Peter,” she began, “Now is you. Let’s go.” She walked to the door with Peter following.

Davy watched them in confusion. “Well,” he began, “I’m alone again.” Just as he finished his sentence the door opened again. There stood the girl. “Miss me?” Davy asked her.

“No, not now,” she replied, “I will though. Where is Michael Nesmith?”

“Where is Peta’?” Davy questioned.

“He left. You’ll see him later,” she said.

“Why is everything later?” Davy asked her.

The girl didn’t answer Davy’s question because Micky walked in the door. “Dolenz?” she asked.

“Oh-la-la! What a chick!” Micky whispered in Davy’s ear.

“Where’s Nesmith?” the girl asked again. Micky stepped forward towards the blonde beauty and smiled at her. “You’re later too,” she told him.

“Why not now?” Micky wondered out loud.

“Micky,” Davy began, “I’m the other later. No use in asking her why not now. She doesn’t talk to us ‘laters’ until...”

“Later,” the girl finished for Davy. Just as she finished Mike walked in the door. “Mike!” she cried. She ran towards him and kissed him like she had done Peter. “Follow me,” she said as she walked upstairs. Mike obediently followed her without saying a word.

“I don’t like being later!” Micky yelled. He ran his finger through his fuzzy hair and then pulled at it.

“What exactly is ‘later’?” Davy asked. He sat down on the couch.

“I think it’s, uh, well, it’s later. You know? Uh, we’ll find out later!” Micky stammered. He sat beside Davy. A few minutes later the girl came back down the stairs.

“Where’s Mike?” Davy asked.

“You’re the two ‘laters’ right?” she asked them both.

“Why?” Davy questioned.

“Which one of you is Dolenz?”

“Why do you answer my questions with more questions?” Davy inquired.

“Who cares?” she growled.

“See Micky? See? She answers me with more questions!” Davy cried.

“Okay ‘laters’, follow me,” she ordered.

Micky began to follow her. “No!” Davy screamed. Micky walked back towards the couch where Davy was now standing.

“Okay! No kisses for you stars!” she screamed. Davy and Micky starred at her. “I’ll just put you both in the bottle. Simple enough,” she said more to herself than to Micky and Davy. She pulled a diminutive little bottle from her purse, which magically appeared on her shoulder.

“You expect me to fit in there?” Micky laughed. Without saying anything she opened the bottle. Davy and Micky saw the room swirling around them. They were pulled into the bottle. Micky began, “This is some psychedelic...”

“Yeah!” Davy cried as he cut Micky off.

They finally got sucked into the bottle completely and dropped onto a pile of silk pillows. “Wow! It’s like being in ‘I Dream Of Jeannie’!” Micky laughed.

“Where’s Barbara Eden?” Davy asked.

Surrounding the guys were people such as John Lennon, Ringo Starr, George Harrison, Paul McCartney, Chip Douglas, Frank Zappa, James Lee Stanley, Jack Nicholson, and, of course, the other Monkees. “Gosharooney!” Micky cried.

“’Ey mates,” John said to the two Monkees.

“More Monkees,” Ringo sighed.

Jack jumped into the conversation (if there actually was one), “Hey, did somebody say monkeys? I saw a whole zoo full of monkeys a few days ago...” He raised his eyebrows and put on a pair of sunglasses.

“That guy is one crazy cat,” Frank said.

“This is too weird!” Micky cried.

“She got you guys too?” James wondered.

“Who was she?” Davy inquired.

“She’s a star collector,” Chip answered.

“Collector of stars!” Paul cried.

George explained, “She only sims to please the young celebrities.”

Suddenly the whole room shook... and then there was light! The star collectors blue eyes glowed from the top of the bottle. “Getting along?” she laughed.

“I wanna go!” Davy screamed.

“Later!” she yelled back.

“I hate that word!” Davy hollered. He grabbed a pillow and threw it at her eye.

She cried in pain and dropped the bottle. Everyone fell out. “No!” the star collector cried, “I’m melting, melting! Oh what a world, what a world! Who would’ve thought a sweet bunch of celebrities could do such a thing? Oh!” She disappeared and everyone grew back to his normal size. (Does Davy count?)

“Where’s Jack?” Paul asked.

“I thought I saw a couple monkeys earlier today too. Some guy tried to sell me a couple of...” a voice went on inside the bottle.

Davy picked it up and put the cork back on it. “I think it’d be best if he stayed in there,” he whispered to everyone. They all nodded and left the pad with laughter.

“That was groovy,” Frank began before he left, “Maybe I, a Mother Of Inventions kind of guy, and you guys, 5th rate musicians called Monkees, could do this little ditty again some time.”

“You must be joking!”