If there was one thing I regret or one thing that I wish never would have happened, than it would have had to have been when Justin burst through the door of our hotel room. As strange as that may sound, that was it. Sure, he had done it many times. Many times very rudely without knocking, but there was something very different about this time. This time changed my life. Maybe that's a little strong. It didn't happen that long ago so I can't say that it changed my life, but so far, things aren't getting too much back into the norm.

I guess I should elaborate why the hell Justin coming into our hotel room very annoyingly and very loudly has affected me like this. Not just me, all five of us. It all started like this.

I was tired that night. Very tired. Extremely tired. I was getting ready to go into the room that had been designated as mine in Justin and my hotel suite. I wanted to collapse and sleep forever. That was just how tired I was, but just as I closed my door, the very statement that had changed things erupted in my ears.

"JOEY!" I ripped my door back open in fear that something had happened because of the panic in Justin's voice. I should have been scared. His clothes were half gone. A tear in his shirt, here and there...more like everywhere and one of his pant legs was cleanly split off. My eyes watched him as he went to lean against the wall to support his tired body. So we were both tired. Wonderful, I would sleep good tonight. "Joey, we have to get outta here. We've been located."

"So? We've had fans surround our hotel before."

"But this is different, they know what floor we're on. They know what rooms we're staying in. They know everything, but I know that I'm not staying here. They'll be screaming all night."

For the first time, I noticed how loud it actually was. I looked over at our window to see if it was open, but it was closed. There must have been thousands of people out there. This was not good. Even if we decided to leave this hotel, they wouldn't allow that. They'd find our limo or our bus and follow us to the next hotel. Yep, this was inescapable.

"So where are we going?" I asked slowly as Justin ran in and out of his room, packing up his things.

"Don't know yet, but probably somewhere on the other side of town. Or I guess you could say the poor side of town. No one will look for us there. Now go tell the rest of the guys if you can. Our bodyguards are getting as attacked as we usually get. The halls are filled."

"OK." The solution was easy. I wasn't even thinking about using the hall. There were side doors. Question was, where were they? We really need to stop with the fancy celebrity suites. I keep forgetting which door leads to each room.

So after finding a bunch of closets, I found the door that led to Lance, JC, and Chris' room. When I walked in, the only person in sight was JC. The others must have been in their rooms or something. I hadn't said anything since I had walked in so I think JC was getting confused.

"We're leaving. Start packing." Still he was confused. I'd been too blunt and hadn't even offered an explanation for why. "The fans have found us. They're jam packed in the halls and on the elevators." I guess I wasn't exaggerating. We were in New York, after all. There were plenty of people interested in NSYNC to fill the halls and the elevators.

JC still hadn't said anything. Maybe, like me, he hadn't noticed the noise coming from outside our rooms. "Come on, get Lance and Chris and get going. I still have to pack my stuff."

"Why are we leaving? We'll survive. Besides, there's no way out." Oh, gosh, just do it. I hated when he was stubborn like that. Never did what anyone asked him to.

"We'll find a way. Even if we have to jump out the window. You should see Justin. He's almost stripped down to the skin."

"Big deal."

"Look, JC, I don't want to go back in there and tell Justin that you're being a brat so I'm gonna tell Chris and Lance myself." Ooo, I was threatening. There are worse things I could have said than 'brat', but I didn't want to be rude.

"OK, I'm sorry. It's just Chris went to bed and he told me not to disturb him for any reason whatsoever. He was really tired." So being tired was a trend that night if you couldn't tell.

"Do you really want Justin to be a baby about it? I don't care if you have to drag Chris out of his bed by his ears, just do it." I left in a huff. I had no reason to, but I was getting frustrated. I was irritated, cranky, and above all, tired. Damn Justin.

I reentered the room and not only had Justin packed his suitcase, he had begun packing mine. Now I had to draw the line at that. He was going through my things.

"Justin, I would have gotten to it eventually. You didn't need to do it for me. I don't feel comfortable with you touching my stuff."

"I want to get outta here. Now help me finish." I eyed him suspiciously. He noticed that I was still standing, he jerked his head over towards me. "Why are just standing there?" He snapped. "Do I have to say 'Chop, chop'? Don't make me say it."

"What is wrong with you? I know you're not just acting like this because you got mobbed. There has to be something else to it."

"Nothing's wrong with me. I'm just traumatized by the girls." At that point, I knew there was something else bothering him. He doesn't get angry and demanding when a couple girls take his clothes. Happens almost every day. I spoke my mind on this.

"It was just a couple of girls."

"A couple of girls? You have no idea what a couple of girls really is, do you? I just went through thousands of girls."

"But still, it's happened many times, I don't get it."

"Joey, can't you just drop it for now? I'm just having a bad day, OK? Satisfied? Now, let's go." Justin walked into the bathroom to get our stuff that was in there. I wasn't satisfied. But for now, I guess that had to do. I went over to my suitcase and saw almost everything in there, but I double checked my bedroom to make sure. By the time Justin came back out, I was putting my shoes on. "You ready?"

"Ready when you are." I replied quickly. I wasn't though. I still had to tie my other shoe, but I figured he wouldn't be pulling me out of the room by my arm when I was still working on the shoelace. Besides, we were still waiting on our bodyguards to knock and let us know it was clear. Unfortunately, the knock came after I made that thought. So I got up with my shoe untied and made my way out the door.

The hotel. What can I say about the really crappy hotel we stayed in? We didn't deserve this. Even middle-class people didn't deserve this. I don't even think poor people deserved this, but I guess if we had to stay in a bad hotel, this had to be the best. I was really pissed though. We could have at least stayed in a Days Inn. It may be dirty and it may have ugly flower carpet, but it's better than unsanitary and no carpet. I'm serious, concrete floors. I swear, if I wake up with a cob web in my eyes, I'm beating the hell out of Justin.

I had refused to room with Justin for this reason. I sometimes walk in my sleep, and I was little nervous about him being in the next bed, but I don't think it was that beneficial because now I was stuck with JC and his stupid Rubiks cube.

"I got it!" The night he finally gets it is the night that I have to room with him. This was not going to be good. "Here, mix it up again. I bet I can get it again in ten minutes." He held up it for me to take.

"I don't wanna mix it up."

"C'mon, I wanna learn each move so I can be the Rubiks cube master."

"I don't wanna mix it up." If he didn't hear me this time, I was going to throw the damn thing out the window.

"OK, I'll do it myself." I watched him with dull eyes as he twisted the strips and mixed all the colors back up. "You know I could teach you how to do this so you can get it starting from any color. It'd take fifteen minutes tops." I love JC. He's one of my best friends, but there was no way that I was about to take a lesson on how to solve a Rubiks cube.

"No, I don't think so."

"You sure? It's a great way to impress girls. They love guys who are smart."

"Why don't you marry the stupid thing?" I lied down on his bed which was nearest to me and angrily threw the Rubiks book that I had landed on at him. This was terrible.

"Maybe I will. Maybe...I will." I rolled my eyes. "I would have a very complex wife."

"And it would have a very simplistic husband." I don't think he got it. Either that or he had just ignored me. He set it down on the table.

"OK, leave for about ten minutes and when you get back, I'll be done."

"Why do I have to leave?"

"Because I need peace and quiet to solve it. You realize how long it's taken me to do it otherwise. So as soon as you shut the door, I'll start." I knew that if I didn't leave him alone with his cube then I wouldn't be getting to sleep anytime soon. So I left. The blame for my worst night ever, the night that had changed my life, has now partly been put on JC. First it was just Justin, but now they shared it.

I walked down the dirty hallway with a long red carpet stapled to the wood floor. I guess they really want you to feel like you're a celebrity. Walking down the red carpet. I dismissed that thought and knocked on what I thought was Lance's door. I needed some sanity after that. It wasn't though, of course. It was Chris'. I remember what JC had said at our other hotel. Chris hadn't wanted anyone to disturb him no matter the circumstances. I could see why. He did look tired.

"I'm sorry, I thought this was Lance's room."

"It is. Mine too. What did you want?"

"I was sent in the hall for ten minutes and I didn't have anything to do." Chris shrugged.

"You wanna go on a walk?"

"On a walk? Inside or outside?"

"What's the difference?" I nodded in agreement. "Hang on a sec. I gotta get my shoes and tell Lance I'm leaving."

"OK." I hadn't taken my shoes off yet so I didn't have any reason to go back to my room. Besides I didn't want to interrupt JC's train of thought. Chris came out only seconds later and stuffed his key card into his pocket in case Lance decided to go to bed. So the two of us walked down the red carpet together to the stairs. See? This hotel wasn't even classy enough to have elevators. Probably didn't even have enough floors to have elevators.

We stepped outside, the night breeze hitting our faces forcefully. It kind of was really cold out tonight. I noticed Chris shiver slightly and knew I wasn't the only one who thought it was cold.

Neither of us really said anything to each other. For some reason, silence doesn't really make me that uncomfortable. I've been told that silence is a very awkward situation, but I really don't see it. Silence gives you time to think. Apparently, Chris wasn't comfortable with the silence. He tried desperately to start a conversation.

"So what's up with all of us tonight? We're all tired." I nodded.

"I know what you mean. You'd think we'd all be a little more awake given that we moved to a different hotel. We had to get out of bed, pack our stuff, and then try and get out of the way of fans. That's a lot of excitement."

"Yeah, but I'm still pretty drained."

"Then why did you want to go on a walk in the first place? You could be sleeping." I had been pretty curious why he offered to go on a walk. It was cold, dirty, even a little creepy. There were broken street lights on every corner, not to mention wrecked cars parked illegally on the side of the road. I take it back, it wasn't a little creepy, it was really creepy.

"I wanted to stretch a little. I was sort of scared to go myself too." We turned into a dark alley and I knew that this wouldn't end happily. I jumped and I bet Chris jumped too because we both heard the stereotype noise of danger coming. A trash can lid crashing to the ground and a cat screeching as it leaped off and ran out into the night.

"Hey Chris, maybe we should go back. I was only supposed to be gone ten minutes." Granted, it had only been a few minutes, but any reason to go back now was irrelevant. We both wanted to go back. I don't even know why we walked down the alley anyway. Maybe we were just so caught up in our conversation that we didn't realize where we were going. I don't really remember. Maybe it was Chris' fault. It would definitely take the blame on Justin and JC and split it three ways.

As expected, this didn't go over so well. If I was that cat, I would have screeched and ran away too. Someone was in there with us. Two someone's. Two someone's that I didn't want to meet, but of course, it had to happen.

We turned around to get back on the sidewalk, but one of their voices came into our ears. Maybe I shouldn't say that Justin's statement changed my life because this one really changed my life. I won't ever forget a word of it.

"Check out these guys and their clothes. What the hell are they doing over here?" He directed the question to his friend in a gruff voice. I could hear them advancing towards us. I remember that I was desperately yelling at Chris in my mind to run away. For some reason, I had trouble moving on my own. "Did you hear me, what are you doing over here?" Now they were in front of us. This seemed too stupid to be real. Too scary to be real. But there it was. It was real.

Neither of us replied which I guess pissed them off a little. One of them shoved Chris roughly. I caught him before he fell, taken aback by the sudden push.

"You got a dollar? You look like you can spare a dollar." I wanted it to end, but we had been stupid enough to let them trade places with us. Now they were blocking our exit.

"I bet they carry hundred dollar bills as loose change in their pockets." Still, we were both silent. It was basically a conversation between the two of them. To this day, I still don't understand how people get such a rush out of hurting other people.

I grasped onto Chris's hand in a state of pure nervousness. I hit the brick wall. We were stuck. I then did the only thing I could think of. I started to yell...or rather tried to yell. The second a sound escaped my lips, they leaped for us. One of them grabbed me and covered my mouth so I'd stop screaming. So I bit him. Now that I look back at it, I wish I hadn't. Who knows where that guy's hand had been.

My teeth must have been sharp because he threw me to the ground and sat on me, straddling my body and examining his finger. He then put his hands on my shoulders and tried to hold me down because I was struggling. I caught a glimpse of his finger. I had left teeth marks. At the time, I was very proud.

As the side of my head came in contact with the dirty ground, my eyes were shifted to another end of the alley where the other guy had taken Chris. He was blocking my view and I couldn't tell what he was doing, but I wanted so bad to get out of this position help him. He looked a lot worse off than I did.

I don't know how this happened, but all of a sudden more guys had joined in. Where had they come from? I have no idea and I wasn't too excited about the pain I was about to endure.

Total, there were three guys on me. One holding me down and two were kicking me just below my ribs. It was like a pattern. They would take turns on my ribs a few times and then my stomach. I knew from then that my abdomen and my torso would be very sore the next day. Hell, they were sore then.

Of course, after the blows to my body below the neck, it was time for my face. I was already blinded by the pain that was erupting through me and I wanted to cry. I wanted to let it out, but I was afraid they'd call me a wimp and hurt me even more. So I held it in and my throat began to hurt extremely. The tears were in my eyes, though. I could tell.

Soon, my tears were replaced with blood. They punched me about seven times in the face. One after the other. I could already taste the blood that was running from my nose. I wanted to throw up. And I did. All over the two that had been punching me. It got worse after that. I don't think they liked it very much.

I was pushed back down onto the ground and kicked once again. And again and again and again. My vision was blurring and everything was slurring together into one big blob. I saw colors, lots of colors, but no distinct shape. Having to see this made my head ache and I got dizzy. Soon after, everything fizzled into a complete pitch, black darkness.

I remember waking up, however, I do not remember opening my eyes. When a bright light shown in my vision, instead of the familiar darkness, it hurt like hell so I quickly shut them. I had not realized that I had opened them in the first place.

I felt weird. I honestly felt weird. I had no idea at the time what had happened. I was completely delirious. I was clueless as to where I was and I didn't think I would ever find out. It took a lot of strength, but I managed to open my eyes. I quickly covered them with my arm in pain, but my arm was in pain as well.

It took me near five minutes to finally get my eyes to open and look around the room at my surroundings. I was still pretty weirded out, but I grasped the concept that I was in a hospital. And of course, there had to be someone by my bedside, desperately waiting for me to wake up. That is, if I had any friends at all.

I did. It was JC right now. He was asleep in a chair just off the left side of my bed. I'm glad I had a bed, though. I would not have wanted to sleep in a chair.

I wanted to sit up, but that was pretty much impossible right now. I was in too much pain. As repetitive as that sounds, it was true. I gently pulled the sheet over to look at my battered body. I had bandages on almost every part of my chest and stomach. I felt my head to see if I had a bandage there. There wasn't one which I thought was surprising because my head hurt so bad.

I guess my moving in the silence had disturned JC's slumber. He stirred and rubbed his eyes open. He became completely awake when he saw that I was conscious. He pushed himself out of the chair, his bones popping from being in such a fetal position.

"You're awake." Nah, really? He was happier about solving the Rubiks cube than seeing me awake.

"Yeah, but I feel like crap. What happened?" JC pulled his chair closer to my bed and sat back down.

"You and Chris got mugged...attacked...I don't know. You got beat up." Then it came back to me. The walk, the alley, the group of kids...Chris. Oh, gosh. What happened to Chris. "You remember?" I ignored his question and sat up quickly, forgetting I was in pain. He looked at me alarmed.

"Chris...where's Chris? Is he OK?" JC gently pushed on my chest to get me to lay back down. "Is he OK?" I asked again. JC sighed. That wasn't good.

"I...uh....he's pretty out of it." What the hell did that mean? He was out of it? Is he awake, is he not? I had so many questions and I didn't ask one of them before JC shakily continued. "He's still out, but he keeps talking."

"Talking?"

"Yeah, he's calling for you. He's wondering where you are." That didn't make sense. Unless he was still imagining the whole scene in his head. I'm surprised JC didn't mention anything about me talking. I was terrified.

"Just me?" I had to get this straight.

"J...Just you." He stuttered and then relaxed. "You guys scared us half to death. You were supposed to come back in ten minutes and you never did."

"Oh, did you solve the cube in ten minutes?" He stood up angrily and pushed the chair back.

"I don't care about the damn cube! I want you to be OK."

"I think that's the first time you've ever insulted your precious Rubiks cube." I could see him grinding his teeth together behind his closed lips. I didn't understand why he was so angry. "Why are you mad at me? I'm trying to show you I'm fine by talking about something else. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine."

"What does that mean?"

"Have you seen yourself?" That was a dumb question. Of course I hadn't seen myself. Does he think my eyelids are mirrors? "Get up and look in a mirror."

"No, just forget it. I don't care. Where are Lance and Justin?"

"Lance is in Chris' room, and Justin went home to shower and maybe get some sleep. We've been taking shifts in doing that." How long had it been since this happened, I wondered. He talked like it had been a week.

"How long have I been here?"

"Few days." Few days? I thought this was the next morning. Apparently not. "Look, I'm gonna go get a doctor and then tell Lance that you're awake. OK?"

"OK." I was still kind of confused on how I could sleep for three days. I hadn't remember getting beat up that bad.

After JC left, I just kind of lied in my bed, looking around the room. I thought about a lot of things. Was Chris gonna be OK, how are the other guys taking this, had it gotten to the press? I was so curious. And there wasn't a thing I could do.

I wish I hadn't gone out that night. I wish Justin hadn't gotten mobbed. That was the main driving point right there. Justin getting mobbed by fans. That made us switch hotels, and that made me room with JC which made him want to be annoying, and then that made me find Chris, and then that made us go on a walk. For some reason, Lance wasn't involved. I loved him more than anyone at that point.

I looked up as I heard the door creak open. I had expected to see a doctor walk in. Or one of my friends. Or someone that at least had an excuse to be there. But it was a woman. A very beautiful woman. That brought a smile to my face.

"Hi." She stayed by the door, not even inching her way in. She seemed nervous and shy. I tried to sit up again, but she quickly held her hand up like she had done something wrong. "No, don't get up. You're probably in too much pain and I don't want to hurt you." She began mumbling things to herself. This was the most confusing thing that had happened to me today.

"Umm..." I felt like a doof.

"Let me start over. I'm Amma Curtis." She held her hand out, but quickly pulled it back. "That's corny, you don't have to shake my hand."

Amma. Like Anna, only with M's. It was as beautiful as she was. Her frustration and nervousness made her even more beautiful. But I still didn't know who she was.

"You're probably wondering who I am."

"The thought crossed my mind." I shifted in my bed.

"I called 911. I think those guys heard me or something because they ran away soon after. I normally wouldn't do something like that, but you got some brownie points because you're celebrities." She laughed shakily. Was it just me, or was she this nervous around all people?

"Well, we send our thanks. You saved our skin." I wish at the time I could have thought of something more appreciative, but I was lost for words. I felt too icky. I probably sounded like a jerk.

"I'm glad. I just thought, I'd make sure that you were OK. I hope your friend pulls through." Pulls through? What is she talking about?

"Is he that bad?" She probably didn't want to stay another second, but what she said confused me. I thought Chris was fine.

"I don't know, I just heard that he wasn't doing too well. I'm sorry if I scared you. I'm sure he'll be fine." I nodded. I was about to ask her another question; one I can't remember, but the doctor came in.

"I'm sorry Miss, you'll have to leave." Amma nodded in understanding and walked out of the room. I had hoped she wouldn't leave. I also hoped that one of my friends had the common sense not to let a girl like that leave just because of the circumstances.

I didn't.

I pulled a white t-shirt over my head, wincing at the immediate surge of pain through my body. Justin stood beside me in the hopsital room, flinching as if he was me and he had multiple bruises.

"Does it hurt?" I rolled my eyes and looked at him disbelievingly. I know he did not just ask me that.

"No, it doesn't. I just contort my face like this for effect. Of course it hurts."

"I'm just worried about you. Can you blame me? You were raped for pete's sake."

"Raped? Justin, I'm not a woman. And you are forgetting that Chris was involved too and he's worse off than I am. Do you not see me getting dressed? I am fine."

"You don't look fine."

"What is it with the 'You don't look fine'. I am fine. I am telling you this. Do you not trust me?" This was getting annoying. I was fine, but they all kept insisting that I couldn't stand on my own. I swear, when I got out of bed, they all held their arms out to catch me if I fell.

"I trust you, it's just-" He stopped himself, noticing the trouble I was having bending over to tie my shoes. He got down on the floor and took my laces in his fingers. That was embarassing. I prayed that no one walked in. "It's just, I want to make sure you're OK."

"I don't matter. You still haven't told me what exactly is wrong with Chris. I've been hinting at you for forever." Justin straightened up and looked at me with serious eyes.

"You could have asked."

"Well." That was all I said.

"He's...he's not too good. He's got three hairline fractures on his ribs, and a few stiches on his cheek plus a bunch of brusies and that's the least of it." I didn't want to hear anymore. That was enough. I felt as if I was getting away on cloud nine. This was terrible. He continued anyway. "The doctor says that he'll have trouble breathing for awhile since the ribcage protects the lungs."

"Can I see him?"

"Can you make it?" He put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't answer that, I know you can." I nodded. We walked out of the hospital room and started down the hall. I was so happy to finally be out of this place. I hardly got to see anyone but doctors.

"That chick who was here ealier, what's her deal?" Justin looked at me strangely.

"Chick?"

"Amma Curtis. Girl who saved my butt. Beautiful girl who saved my butt." I was probably getting carried away or I was too drugged up at the time, but she was pretty. And I was gonna find out if I'd ever see her again.

"Oh her. Yeah, what about her? I was going to ask her out, but I didn't think it was the right time. I mean, my two best friends were still in critical condition." I loved how he said 'critical condition'. For some reason, that was hilarious.

"Did you get a number?"

"Maybe." I knew he was doing this to piss me off. "We'll talk about it later, here's Chris' room." He left me standing outside the room. I took a deep breath and walked through the doorway. Chris looked up at me weakly. His eyes were all that moved. He was motionless.

"Hi." He whispered hoarsely.

"You're awake." I was starting to sound like JC. "You feel OK?"

"Not exactly." I decided not to ask anymore questions. Justin said he had trouble breathing and talking probably wasn't much easier.

"I'm better, if that's any consolation. You'll be out of here in a few days." He cleared his throat.

"What about the tour? My physical appearance isn't exactly glamorous." Chris chuckled despite his situation.

"Yeah, well makeup will fix you and I up. But what's important is your health, not your appearance."

"I know, but I don't want to hold us up. You're all ready." Chris cleared his throat again. I guess even when I stopped asking questions, he still talked.

"I'm not all ready. Justin had to tie my shoes for me." He smiled a little. Probably thinking about an image of Justin making bunny ears on my shoes. "You just relax and heal at your own pace."

"No kidding. You're not the only one who's told me that. You leaving?" I looked down at my clothes and nodded.

"Looks like it. I'll probably go home and catch up on things. Take a real shower. But I'll be back later. Is that OK?"

"Yeah, fine. You go ahead and go. I'm getting pretty tired." Tired. That's how it all started.

I nodded, but he was already out cold. I ran a hand through my hair and left his room. I tried to remember exactly where I was to find my way back to the waiting room. I suddenly felt drowsy and leaned against the nearest wall. The medicine I had taken earlier for my headache was beginning to work. I yawned tiredly and pushed myself away. I wanted to go to a bed, not a wall.

I found the waiting room where Lance and Justin were waiting for me to come out. JC had gone on back to the hotel.

"I want to sleep. Take me home." My mind couldn't exactly verbalize anything by now. They both smiled and agreed that Lance and I would go to the hotel and Justin would stay with Chris. Which was kind of good for me because I hadn't talked to Lance much lately. It was always JC and Justin coming in and out of my room constantly. Lance rarely visited me in the past few days.

Lance wrapped his arm around my shoulders and pulled me towards the elevator. The silence took its place again. And again, I was fine with it. Lance wasn't.

"So, you anxious to get back to normal?" he asked.

"Not that things are going to, but yeah. I guess I want things to be back to normal. It's only a week out of our lives."

"A lot can happen in a week."

"Yeah."

"Lance?"

"What?"

"What happened that night that me and Chris got attacked? I mean with you guys. I've been curious. How did you find out and stuff?" Lance sighed. He probably didn't want to remember.

"Well, I had fallen asleep shortly after you guys left and Justin didn't even know you were gone. But after a half hour, JC came to my room asking if I knew where you were. I realized that Chris wasn't back either so I told him that you guys went on a walk. Then he told me that it was a half hour ago and I started to get worried. We went to Justin's room and waited for another half hour, but then decided to look for you ourselves."

"So you found us?"

"No, but while we were looking, Justin got a call on his cell phone and it was the hospital."

"Oh. So did you meet Amma there?" For some reason, I couldn't get that girl out of my mind. I wanted to get as many details about her as I could.

"Amma." He sighed in recollection. "She was really sweet. She waited around with us until you woke up like she had known you forever. She felt guilty about what happened."

"Why did she feel guilty? She called 911 right? She saved us."

"Yeah, but it wasn't for a long time. She was on her way somewhere around the area and passed by the alley, seeing it all and not caring. She was only there for a few minutes and on her way home, it was still going on and she noticed who you were. So she found a pay phone and called. We told her it was fine, but she insisted that it was her fault."

"Oh." We stepped off the elevator and met one of our bodyguards at the front to lead us out to a car we had rented. The ride back to the hotel seemed like an eternity. Partly because the hospital we were taken to was near the place where it happened. And we were now located far from it. Who cared about fans? We weren't about to continue staying in that part of town. It also seemed like an eternity because I was bored.

We finally reached the hotel. I hadn't known until Lance gently pulled on my arm. I followed him into the lobby and to, yet again, another elevator. I frowned at the annoying beep as we went up each floor, making my head throb.

I followed him because I had no idea where I was supposed to go. He knocked softly on the door and waited for a couple seconds before pulling out his keycard.

"We only got one room so you might have to sleep on a couch or something tonight. But you can have my bed for now if you want." I nodded. When we walked in, I noticed the suite was in a shambles. I had never seen any of them so messy. "JC must be sleeping."

"Yeah." I wish I was sleeping. He opened a door and motioned for me to go in.

"I think your suitcase is in there too, if you wanna change." Wondeful. Jeans and a t-shirt wasn't exactly comfortable sleep-ware. I was happy to see my lone bag sitting next to Lance's beside the bed. I shut the door and grabbed some sweat pants. I stripped down to my boxers and put the pants on.

I pulled the quilt up on the bed and fell onto the matress. Before I knew it, I was fast asleep. That little nap I took was a mistake. In my dreams, or rather in my nightmares, it happened all over again. All of it. And even though, I was passed it, I would never forget it. For some reason, I felt that it would stay with me forever. There would never be a night when I didn't dream about it.

I watched it all happen. I wasn't in my place in the dream. I was off to the side. Just watching, and waiting. I couldn't move. If I could move, I could've walked over to Chris. I could have seen what happened to him. But I never knew so I had no image of what had happened to him. I looked over at him, and I saw nothing. Everything fazed off into black. And the scenery behind me went white. All I saw was me. The guys were gone. Chris was gone. I just lied on the ground, beaten to a pulp. The sound of a heart moniter beeped on in my head. The repetitiveness went on for a long time until it fell into a straight monotone beep. In my dream, I had died.

I woke up to the white surface of the toilet bowl. I was throwing up. I had no idea what I was throwing up, either. I hadn't eaten anything that day except for some soup at the hospital, which I guess was now about to be flushed.

I sat back and grabbed a tissue to wipe my mouth. I breathed heavily as sweat made its way down my face. I felt so sick. I'd never died in my dreams before. No one had ever died in my dreams before. It was so unnerving. I sat there for a long time just thinking if I'd ever get over this. Why did it have to happen to me? Why did it have to happen to us?

"Joey?" Lance's caring voice suddenly came into my ears and I sighed in relief. I needed help. "Joey," He repeated and kneeled down next to me. "Are you OK?"

"No." It was the truth. I wasn't OK. I was never gonna be OK.

"What's wrong? You feel sick?" I felt his cool hand come in contact with my forehead. Yeah, I felt sick. I wanted to throw up again, but nothing was building up in my throat. There was nothing left in my stomach. He moved his hand down to the sides of my face. I knew I was burning up. I don't think it was a fever, though. I was overwhelmed and I needed to lie down.

"Lance," I took a deep breath. "I need to lie down."

Lance draped my arm over his shoulder wordlessly and pulled me off the bathroom floor. My eyes never left the carpet as he guided me back to my bed. He fixed the comforter around me in a caring fashion.

"You feel any better?" I put my fingers up, expressing how much better I felt with my index finger and my thumb. "A little?" He sighed.

"I think I'll be OK now. You can leave if you want to." He eyed me for a second.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes." I've never been more unsure in my life. My stomach had a tingling feeling and I didn't know if that meant my sickness was subsiding or coming back.

"Maybe I'll just stay here until you fall asleep."

"No." I knew I wouldn't be able to fall asleep. Especially with him just watching me.

"You not want me here?" I did, but I didn't.

"That's not it...I just...I feel bad. You need sleep just as much as I do." My lie really wasn't a lie. He did need sleep. There were dark circles under his eyes. "It's not fair to you."

"I'm fine. I'll leave as soon as I know you're asleep." I nodded, going back into my dreams. I hoped it wouldn't have been the same dream, but it was.

It all happened the same, only this time I didn't die. I would have, but I woke up before it could happen. I heard that you could change your dreams if you really wanted to, but I thought that was a load of crap. You're oblivious to what's going on in your head and you don't have the right state of mind to think about what you want to dream about. It's a completely stupid theory.

I saved myself from dying and woke up, jolting upright. There was sweat running down the sides of my face and I was breathing heavily. Lance put his hand on my arm.

"Woah, take it easy. Lay back down." I obeyed and slowly reclined myself back down onto my bed. "Did you have a bad dream?" I nodded for what seemed like the millionth time that night...or day. I wasn't sure.

I then noticed that Lance was still there. After I had fallen asleep. He had stayed.

"Do I have to sleep? I'm not really that tired anymore."

"No, you don't have to." I pushed the quilt off of my body. "You OK?"

"Yeah, I was just a little weary from my dream. I had it before too." Lance took my hand and pulled me up. He patted me on the back and I reached for the doorknob and pulled the door open. Justin and JC were sitting on the couch, the pictures on the TV whizzing by. Apparently nothing was on.

They both looked up at Lance as he walked in. Oh, right. I was there too. They seemed to be looking more at me than him.

"What time is it?" I asked, clearing my throat. My voice came out kind of hoarse.

"Almost six o'clock." JC answered quickly. "We were gonna call room service and get some dinner. You want anything?"

"No thanks, I'm not hungry." They all stared at me with worried eyes. Justin was the first to speak.

"You sure? Because you haven't really eaten anything today." How can I eat when I'm thinking about the fact that I may have died and never been able to eat again. How dare he ask me that.

"When was the last time you ate, Justin?" I looked at him with inquiring eyes.

"This morning, but-"

"Well, you haven't really eaten anything today either. You really should've eaten something." I regret this whole conversation. I was being such a jerk to him. All he did was care about me.

"I wasn't really hungry." He said meekly.

"Well, neither am I. And just because I was in the hospital for a few days does not make me weaker. If you're allowed not to eat than so am I. I'm not hungry." I couldn't decide whether to storm out or sit down on the couch. I stormed out.

I went back to my room...er, Lance's room, and collapsed on the bed. I felt tears start to slide down my face. I don't cry very often. But I was so angry at Justin, at them, at myself. No one understood what I was going through. No one knew what it felt like to be thrown around like a headless teddy bear. No one knew what it felt to wake up and have no recollection of what had happened. No one had been as scared as I was.

Except for Chris.

continued

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