Sometimes disagreements and outright arguments are an unavoidable part of close relationships. Because nothing destroys a relationship faster than the hurtful things that couples say to each other during a biter argument, it is crucial that couples learn to “fight fair”.
Imagine if you had used the following rules in your last argument. How would it have been different? Please use the following exercise to journal, and gain some insight into your own communication patterns.
Be honest “If we had been more honest, our last argument……..”
Admit your mistakes “If we had been more willing to admit a mistake, our last argument……”
Refrain from blaming or shaming “If we had focused on our own feelings instead of blaming each other, our last argument……..”
Assume your partner wants you to be happy “ If we had done this, instead of assuming that we were just trying to make each other feel bad, our last argument……”
Spend as much time listening as you do talking. "If each of us had spent more time listening, our last argument……..”
Put yourself in your partner’s shoes “If we had made a bigger effort to see each other’s point of view, our last argument……….”
Take a “time out” if things get too intense. "If we had taken a “time out” when things got too intense, our last argument……..” When the argument is over, do something healing, such as a hug, or saying “ I love you”. “If we had known that we would have to end with a hug, our last argument…..”
Frequent arguments are often a sign that couples need to take better care of themselves and each other. Get together, and agree on a time every week to do something every week that you both enjoy
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