Across The Line

Across the line
to where I finally
ended up.
A long long walk
past the pitfalls
and side roads
and here I am...
Feeling older now.
Looking at lines on my face.
Remembering a ten year lifetime
of whiskey and women
and mistakes.
Here I sit in my soberiety
and mull it all over
and wait for thirty.
I look at the ones that went to school
and have good jobs and families
and I wonder if I've blown the game,
but for some reason,
and as for as much hell that it's cost me,
I think I'm doing fine.
Happy?
No, but who is?
If you're reading this you're probably
not either.
So, we all have our own private hell
and mine is just a more self serving hell
than others get to have.
Even with bad luck I still
come out with good luck.
We're playing a fixed game
that we can't ever win,
but the best thing to do is
make it as hard as hell
on the gods
so when they fuck you in the end
at least they know that they were fighing.

----- by Jeremy Smyers

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