Balance

written by

Lia

balance is directly related to...

"...the essential truth of the human condition - the desire to avoid the inevitable pain of human interaction, counterbalanced by the fear of loneliness and isolation." *

After watching both Revolutionary Girl Utena: The Adolescence of Utena and The End of Evangelion, I've done some deep thinking about the human psyche. My thesis? I've no fucking idea at the present time. Please generate your own or call back later.

I constantly strive for perfection. My latest crusade is the glorious 4.0 GPA without dropping any classes, though Mr. Gregory the most wonderful jackass seems to be thwarting that...but this goal is best exhibited via my quest for balance.

There ya go. My most deep and intimate. Balance.

I seek to be balanced in everything I do - my emotions, my lifestyle, my physique, my world. It controls my life and is, as expected, a highly unfinished work. In my own opinion I am about as far from it as a babe. Constantly my hormones war with my common sense, my words never emerging as I so dream them to be. I am a hurtling train wreck, thousands of kilowatts of energy that jolts between roaring with life and shorting out to a mere, invisible flicker that, surprising near to being called miraculous, appears minutes later as a fiery inferno. This, my friend, is not balanced, it is chaotic. Thus I have kept my desire hidden, like a masterpiece far from completion, for only when it is done will it be properly admired, rather than the sneers and hopeless shaking of heads that will be evoked from its broad splashes of under-painting. The result is a hyper-sensitivity to any unprompted mentioning of the word "balance" in relation to myself. It's amazing the amount of hatred for an innocent soul such a comment can draw from within my hardened heart. Quite shocking.

But doesn't everyone seek balance? Some try to counter sadness with pleasure, throwing their un-contented selves into relationships that never end well. Others battle overwhelming realizations and lost naïveté by escaping into the oblivion of drugs and booze. Some of us, sick with the monotony of life, create fantasy worlds where every corner draws forth wonderful and exciting conclusions. People recoil from a forced social world into their own shell, or self-mutilate to awaken their deadened spirit. And then there are those that I know best, who desperately claw at any possibility of a better them, a better life, their minds sodden with ideas of equilibrium and inner peace to the point where all swirls into one and nothing makes sense anymore. For them, life becomes an endless impromptu dance, a masturbation, of guessing and experimentation and maybe this will be the final answer's, an ersatz search for the keystone.

In the quest for perfection, it seems that humanity has forgotten the prime ingredient of balance. Or perhaps, in our ignorance, we have merely separated it into two halves by creating and then reacting, possibly with another creation. Thus the world takes on the chaotic quality previously explained, swirling, rising and dipping to some crazed tune as we all roar out our own personal opinions of "best". Society wants commitment, excellence, performance in a single sphere. Yet if for every yin we adopted a yang, would the world be less exciting and further from its goal, or would it, ironically, be more perfect? For today, though we hold high on a pedestal the Renaissance man or woman, we ignore our own definitions and push ourselves toward the extremes, so much further away from our spoken ideals.

Or perhaps everything I just said is pure bullshit and the mere mutterings of a befuddled mind.

(dave's comment: "I don’t think so; I found it quite profound, actually. ^_^)

the end

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Balance

written by

Lia

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the end