Bibo, man or myth? Does such a person actually exist, or not? And assuming he does exist, is he just a man, or possibly something more? In order to answer these troubling questions, I have gathered a few of our nation's top scientists and psychologists, and asked them if we might discuss this issue in depth. We have here Dr. Freudenjung, who has doctorates in both psychology and parapsychology. Also, Dr. Einsteinman, a Nobel prize winning physicist, and Dr. Evilutin, who is noted for his work in molecular biology.
Dave: "Gentlemen, what do you think of this Bibo phenomenon? Does such a person actually exist? And, if so, is he just a person, or perhaps something else?"
Dr. Einsteinman: "Preposterous! Such a person absolutely and unequivocally cannot exist."
Dr. Freudenjung: "I'm afraid that I must concur with my esteemed colleague. I am in complete agreement that this Bibo does not actually exist."
Dave: "Yet, on the Internet, there appears to be some evidence that a person named Bibo does exist. In fact, I've seen some story that he may have destroyed a truck, while he himself walked away unscathed."
Dr. Einsteinman: "Ha! You see? Impossible! A violation of the fundamental laws of physics, I tell you. You will notice that the picture to back up this alleged story neither loads or prints properly. That is because it never happened."
Dave: "But there are some other pictures I have seen, which are purportedly of this Bibo..."
Dr. Freudenjung: "Ah yes, well, you see, these pictures are mere constructions, made up by people who have been duped."
Dave: "Excuse me?"
Dr. Freudenjung: "You see, it's all a case of mass hypnosis, mass hysteria. People WANT to believe in this Bibo, hence they make up their own 'evidence' in a sad attempt to 'prove' his existence."
Dr. Evilutin: "I'm afraid I must disagree, my friend. I believe that this truck incident actually occurred. And I think that this Bibo not only exists, but that, additionally, he is more than human."
Dave: "Just what is this Bibo then?"
Dr. Evilutin: "Well, I don't see how it is possible for such a being to evolve on this planet, therefore, I conclude that this Bibo is, in fact, some type of super-powered alien, from an advanced civilization. He could be here just to study us. Or, he could possibly be here as a scout, to check out our defenses prior to taking us over for colonization. Altough, of course, I say only 'possibly', because, after reading your Daughter's news article on recently filed alien complaints, I am sensitive to prematurely judging the intentions of an unknown race of aliens."
Dave: "Yes, or course, how very charitable of you. But are you all aware that there is a rather large body of evidence that this 'Bibo' may just be some guy from Coral Springs, Florida?"
All 3 doctors: "::laughing uncontrollably::"
Dr. Einsteinman: "Ha! I'm sorry, young man, but that is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard! You are not a PhD, such as we are; so, please, leave such matters to the experts, such as I. And I say that this Bibo totally does not exist!"
Dr. Freudenjung: "No! Mass hypnosis, I say! He's a figment of the collective unconscious, brought to the surface by the stress of these times, or possibly by unknown toxins in the atmosphere!"
Dr. Evilutin: "No, no! You're both quite wrong; he's a super-powered alien, I tell you! We need to be out searching for his spaceship!"
Dave: "Well, there you have it, folks. Even the top experts are sharply divided on this controversial issue. Well, we here at Dave Central have decided to keep an open mind on this issue, and we will welcome any reader comments, or any evidence you may uncover. So, if you have any Bibo sightings to report, or if you believe you may have any clues as to the whereabouts of his spaceship, just shoot me an e-mail. Meanwhile, I shall attempt to gather my own evidence on this Bibo, this most controversial character, who may prove to be more elusive than either Sasquatch or the Loch Ness Monster."
MAJOR UPDATE: 11 October 2001 ---- Bibo Sightings!
-----Original Message-----
From: Eustacia1@aol.com
Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2001 3:13 PM
To: Macfadyen, Dave
Subject: The Bibo
Dear Dave,
Thank the gods that there is someone else out there who regards the Bibo phenomena as a subject for serious inquiry!
I, myself, have studied the Bibo for many years. I have come to the conclusion that not only DOES the Bibo exist, but that there IS indeed a reason for world wide concern. Here is what I have learned:
The Bibo was first sighted on precisely November 19, 1982, and numerous times thereafter in Freeport, Bahamas. An observer recently described the Bibo as walking in an upright position. He appeared to be well over 6 feet tall, robust, with reddish hair not unlike descriptions of the Sasquatch.
From Freeport, the trail leads to Tuscany, Italy where it takes a strange turn. When queried, the locals will tell you about the "Bibo Bar" and a curious brand of party paper products named for the Bibo. ( I don't know WHAT to make of this.) The most alarming fact however, is that the name "Bibo" is a shortened version of the Italian word "bimbo" meaning "baby."
My concern is this: Is the Bibo a YOUNG alien being as was suggested by Dr. Evilution? Does this mean that this already large creature may yet increase to enormous proportions? We must discover its mission before it is too late!
Typically, little notice has been taken by the authorities here. This is undoubtedly because the various sightings I described appear only to affect the Bahamians and Italians.
Perhaps we will see some action now since, as you noted, there have been countless recent sightings of the Bibo here in Coral Springs, Florida!
Kindly keep me informed of any new developments. Let's hope for the best.
Eustacia Blackstar
-----Original Message-----
From: Macfadyen, Dave
Sent: Thursday, October 11, 2001 4:08 PM
To: 'Eustacia1@aol.com'
Subject: RE: The Bibo (thank you!)
Dear Eustacia,
Thank you so much for your submission to Bibo central!
Yes, I believe you are right to be concerned,
and, I think, you are right in thinking that
this "Bibo phenomenon" is, or should be,
a worldwide concern.
With the mass confusion of current world events,
aliens sightings and such are currently, shall we say,
“on the back burner.”
And it could well be that this state of affairs
could be helping hide his nefarious alien plans.
And who knows what they could be?
As to the whole young alien thing, well,
let's just say that the whole prospect
of that is rather chilling.
So, yes indeed, this Bibo phenomenon bears
veeeeery close watching,
and we shall keep all of you posted of
any developments as they occur.
And, once again, Eustacia, thank you.
Take care,
Dave
Dave’s Synopsis:
So there you have it folks. While this is heavy info from Eustacia, I would advise people not to panic at the present time. Should it become time to panic, we here at Bibo central will let you know. However, I would advise keeping all weapons at the ready. And, if you have any daughters, please, keep them indoors! Stay tuned. We will bring you the latest Bibo info as it comes in. Thank you.
YET ANOTHER UPDATE: 13 October 2001 ---- Multiple Bibo Sightings!
In late breaking news, there have been multiple anonymous Bibo sightings.
Wait, make that multiple anonymous simultaneous Bibo sightings. Yes, Bibo has, in fact, been reported to be in Sri Lanka, the Marshall Islands, Fiji, the Great Barrier Reef, and also at a pizza joint in Coral Springs, FL. (Hint: we have it on good authority that the Bibo may well feed almost exclusively on pepperoni pizza. Hence we advise great caution be exercised when visiting your local Dominos or Pizza Hut. And thanks, Eustacia, for that hot tip.) Oh, and one more; one little old lady from Nevada swears that Bibo was at a Blackjack table with Elvis, coincidentally at almost the exact same time as these other sightings.
Now this is rather disturbing. What’s up with that? Let’s bring back Dr. Evilutin for commentary, since the preponderance of evidence seems to support his theories.
Dave: “Dr. Evilutin, thank you for joining us again. We were wondering if you might comment on this disturbing phenomenon of multiple, near simultaneous, Bibo sightings.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Well, I fear that there are two possibilities. First, this Bibo may be able to teleport himself from
place to place almost instantly.”
Dave: “Ah, yes, I see, kind of like Captain Kirk style. Like, ‘Beam me up, Scotty’, and all that?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Precisely, and that would be the preferable of the possibilities; the other is far more chilling.”
Dave: “Oh, really, and what might that be?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Well, it could be that this Bibo could be a collective organism, like the Borg, and he could be, even at this moment, making more clones of hinself. Unfortunately, the news from Eustacia that there appeared to be a Bibo, posing as a student at Florida Atlantic University, at the exact same time as the Bibo sighting at the Great Barrier Reef, tends to lend credence to this second theory.”
Dave: “Holy freakin’ cheeseballs! That is, indeed, a chilling postulate.”
“Well, doctor, thanks again for your time, and, rest assured we will be calling on your expertise again soon.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Glad to be of service, young man.”
Dave’s synopsis:
Well folks, though this is some disturbing food for thought, I would say it is not quite time to panic,……yet.
But, stay tuned in to Bibo central, and we’ll let you know as soon as it is time to do so. Thank you.
UPDATE: 21 October 2001 ---- New secret Bibo info decoded!
Well, much thanks to Eustacia, who sent us this seemingly innocuous piece from an e-mail which she intercepted:
‘……during a working on the astral recently, I saw curving on our shores two massive racks of antlers, a booming voice saying, “I am the Stag of Seven Times.” Was totally astral when I heard this, and rather surprised.’
Now to the casual observer, this may seem like a rather tame bit from, perhaps, the New Age Times or something. But, our Eustacia is a trained field operative, and she was quite correct to send us this little snippet, which she recognized as actually being a bit of secret code. After a couple of passes through the ol’ computer, the true translation came out to be:
‘And so it was that the Bibo said, “I am Bibo, destroyer of worlds; beware my power, foolish mortals!” ’
Dave: “Well, Dr. Evilutin, what do you think of this latest development?”
Dave: “Uh, doctor?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Um, sorry, Dave, but, after reading this translation, I’m terrified beyond the capacity for rational thought.”
Dave: “Uh, right. Roger that.
Well, there you have it folks.
Keep your powder dry, and, since we have no idea what the proclivities of this Bibo could be, keep your daughters IN THE HOUSE!
And stay tuned in to Bibo central for the latest. And our thanks go out to Eustacia, who remains, for all of our safety, on the case.”
MAJOR UPDATE: 26 October 2001 ---- Granny Moses takes potshot at Bibo!!!
In a major news break, we’ve received word from the Ocala forest, which is just north of Orlando Florida,
that Granny Moses (who migrated down from her native West Virginia), had some, uh, unusual contact with a suspected incarnation of the Bibo. Let’s join her now, in our studio, and hear all about her hair-raising experience.
Dave: “Well, Granny Moses, thank you for joining us.”
Granny Moses: “T’arnt nothin’, sonny. I’m jest glad to do my piece to pretect the world frum this here Bibo.”
Dave: “Alrighty then, we surely appreciate that. Why don’t you tell us, in your own words, about this latest Bibo ‘contact’ of yours.”
Granny Moses: “Wal, it’s like this. I were jest out a checkin’ on by back forty, my back forty acres that is, when
I seen this here critter, oh he were a biggun, yep, boutin’ eight foot tall…”
Dave: “Um, I hate to interupt, but what made you think it was a Bibo?”
Granny Moses: “Tarnation, son! I may be old, but I surely ain’t stupid! I got me a comp puter, and I am internit savvy, got it? I seen yer page on that Bibo scalawag, and I heerd this here critter, plain as day, asayin’, ‘I am Bibo, destroyer of worlds; beware my power, foolish mortals!’ So I up an says ta myself, ‘Ya haint gonna be adestroyin’ nothin o’ mine ya dern varmint!’ So I up an got me my .30/30 leever action rifle, and I drew me down a bead on that critter, an I done fired off a shot at ‘im. Got ‘im. too. Yep, gottim right in the nads.”
Dave: “Hold on a sec! You shot the Bibo! In the nads? What in the world did you do that for?”
Granny Moses: “Well sonny, I guess ya’ll don’t know to much aboutin huntin’.”
Dave: “Actually, I have done some hunting…”
Granny Moses: “LIKE I WAS A SAYIN’, I guess ya’ll don’t know to much aboutin huntin’. When ya wanna put a varmint down fast, you up an shoot ‘im in the nads. Then ya run over an use yer knife, an gut ‘im right quick.”
Dave: “Wait, so you not only shot the Bibo, but you gutted him, too?”
Granny Moses: “Well, sonny, how’s boutin’ ya quit interruptin’, an jes let me finnish ma darn story? LIKE I WAS A SAYIN’, I dun up an shot ‘im, an I know I got ‘im right in the nads, ceppin’ he didn’t go down, as he shouldda. Nope. I dun herd me a twangin’ sound, liken mayhap his nads is made o’ iron or steel or sumpin like that, acause he did not drop on the spot, liken he shoulda. Wal, he did let out a yell that’d curl yer darn hair, or curdle yer blud, liken if ya herd it in the dark an all. An that’s how I know I dun gottem right in the nads. Yep, he let out a yell jus’ like my late husban’ did when I got mysilf reel mad one day, and up and kicked ‘im right in the nads. Ceppin this Bibo did not drop like a rock,liken my ol’ husban’ did. Neep. He jes’ let out that blud curdlin yell, an’ high tailed it offin my propurty. Hehe. Yep, that ol’ Bibo varmint won’t be a skulkin’ ‘round Granny Moses propurty agin any time soon, I kin tell ya that!”
Dave: “Well, thank you, Granny, for that amazing tale.”
Granny Moses: “Think nothin’ o’ it, sonny boy. Twarnt nothin’.”
Dave’s Synopsis: Well, folks, this is interesting and scary. This Bibo may in fact be totally impervious to ordinary projectile weapons. I mean, how scary is that? I don’t know about you, but I plan on selling my Smith & Wesson .44 Mag, and my shotgun, and trying to hook up with some of those Babylon 5 dudes and see if I can get one of those PPGs (Personal Pulse Generators), or maybe one or those laser rifles. Yeah, I just don’t think I’ll feel safe again till I get me some serious weaponry! Stay tuned for more Bibo updates, which you can only see here at Bibo Central.
::takes a short break to buy stuff:
Dave: “Well, it seems like there has been a run of the purchase of high tech weapons, possibly as a result of our latest news, which does seem to indicate that this Bibo may be ‘bullet proof’. Thank God, I was able to get the very last of the PPGs that the Bablylon 5 crew had for sale. It puts out a mean pulse, so I guess I feel a little safer from this Bibo. But, hey, it is only a pistol. What I really wanted was one of their laser rifles. But it appears that I was too late by like 5 minutes. Yeah, someone else got there before me and got the last one, and… Hey, wait a sec. What the heck have you got there, Granny?”
Granny Moses: “Hehehe. Well, sonny, I may be ol’, but I sure haint stupid! Twas mysilf as bought that las’ Bablylon 5 laser rifle. Yep, yur gotta be purdy darn fast to beat ol’ Granny Moses! Hehe. Sorry, boy, but I got mysilf to a thinkin’ boutin’ how I was purdy darn lucky with that there last run in I had with that Bibo critter. An I’s a started a figurrin’ that any critter offin which a .30/30 slug do bounce, well, he jes’ might up an decide to pay me anither visit. Specially since I’m a partial to always keepin’ a pepperoni pizza onna kichin table. Like to eat me up a slice or two, col’ that is, evry then and now. An’ ifin’ that thar varmint do come back, well, hehe, I’ll be ready fur ‘im this time.”
Dave: “Uh, that’s great for you Granny, but what about me, and the rest of us? Hey, you mind if I take a look at that laser rifle.”
::Dave reaches for Granny’s rifle::
::Granny slaps Dave’s hands away::
Granny Moses: “Mind yur manners, boy! An’ keep yur darn hans to yursilf. Like Granny Moses allus says,
‘God helps those what helps thirsilf.’ ”
Dave: “Uh, actually, I believe it was Ben Franklin that said that in ‘Poor Richards Almanac’.”
Granny Moses: “Don’t be a sassin’ yur elders, boy. It’s durn impollite. What I’s ameanin’ was, when it comes to a protectin’ yirsilf from this here Bibo critter, wal, it’s evry man or womin for thirsilf. So, if ya wanna feel safe, then go an’ git yur own darn laser rifle, an’ keep yur cottin-pickin’ hans offin mine! If yur lucky, maybe some of them Star Trek folk’ll have sumpin’ similar. But ifin’ I was you, I’d be a hurrin’, like afur thir all gone.”
Dave: “So basically, you think we should all arm ourselves with laser rifles, to protect ourselves from this Bibo.”
Granny Moses: “Yep. That be Granny Moses advice to evryone. Go out and git yursilf a laser rifle like right quick, ya hear? Ain’t no tellin’ how many o’ them Bibo critters there may be a skulkin’ roun’ this here planet. So’s ya wanna have yursilf the bes’ hardware money kin buy.”
Dave: “Well then, there we have it folks. I think Granny Moses may have a good point. Better scrounge up whatever lasers are still available while the getting’s still good. I mean, once word of the power of this Bibo leaks out, like how he can’t be hurt with conventional arms, well, good laser rifles will be scarce as hens teeth. So don’t wait, get yours today! Well, then, till next time. And be sure and keep tuned in right here for the latest, thank you and good night.”
27 October 2001- Pizza Stolen from King’s palace, allegedly by Bibo
This just in. A report has been filed by the King of Pepperonistan, that one large pepperoni pizza was stolen from the king’s palace, allegedly by an incarnation of the Bibo. Joining us in the studio is Sulduke, the king’s advisor, who will shed some light on this dastardly deed.
Dave: “Greetings, Sulduke, and thank you for joining us today.”
Sulduke: “Thank you, sahib. Truthfully I am glad to be out of the palace. I was terrified by that Bibo incident; yes, very scared.”
::Sulduke quivers with fear::”
::Dave slaps Sulduke really hard across the face::
Dave: “Get a hold of yourself, be a man for God’s sake! This is no time to panic. Just tell us what happened.”
Sulduke: “Ah, thank you, sahib, I am OK now. Well, it was like this. I had just taken delivery of one large pepperoni pizza, that the king had ordered to be delivered from Dominos.”
Dave: “You guys have Dominos?”
Sulduke: “Oh, yes, sahib, we are being a very progressive country. Next week, we will be getting our first MacDonalds, and maybe even we will be having a Dunkin Donuts, too.”
Dave: “Er, yeah, great, whatever. Now let’s get back to the pizza incident.”
Sulduke: “Yes, of course, sahib. Well then, I had just placed the pizza on the table in the throne room, and the king was just about to get up from his throne. Then, all suddenly, this huge creature burst into the room. Yes, he was very large, and quite scary, and he ran over and grabbed the pizza box, and he said, ‘I am Bibo, and I love pepperoni pizzas.’ And he took the pizza and started to run away. Although first, he was very much laughing at us.”
Dave: “But, I mean, you did open fire on him, didn’t you?”
Sulduke: “Oh yes, sahib. I ordered the palace guards to open fire. They shot him many times with their rifles, but it did not seem to bother him in the least. Then, just as he was almost out of the throne room, the Bibo turned around and…..no, I cannot be telling you. I am being far too ashamed.”
Dave: “Hey, it’s OK. It’s over, man. Just chill. Now we need to know exactly what happened. It could help someone in a future Bibo encounter. This is no time to be embarrassed. Just give us the facts. OK?”
Sulduke: “OK, sahib, I shall try. Well, the Bibo turned around, almost like he had forgotten something, and he came right over to me. You see, I was still holding the pack of cheesy bread in my hands. So, he came right over to me,
and he plucked the cheesy bread right out of my hands.”
Dave: “You mean you just let him take it, like without a fight?”
Sulduke: “Oh, sahib, as I said, this Bibo creature, he was very large and scary. And when he stopped in front of me, he giggled. And that was the most terrifying part of all. Yes, when he giggled at me, I was being so truly terrified that I lost all sense of resistance. That is why I did not resist when he took the cheesy bread. Yes, sahib, for certain, I was so filled with terror that I almost peed my trousers.”
Dave: “OK! Hold on! Time out! More info than I needed to know! Let’s just stick to the facts, and leave your feelings to your psychiatrist, OK?”
Sulduke: “OK sahib, for certain. The facts are that, after taking the cheesy bread from me, the Bibo ran across the throne room, under heavy rifle fire, but it did not seem bother him in the least. Then, he made his way across the palace grounds and into the woods. But, before he got there, we did fire upon him with the mortars on the palace walls.”
Dave: “Excellent move. How did that go?”
Sulduke: “Well, sadly, I must be telling you that the first two rounds fell short. One hit a tree, and the other hit a shrubbery, and, sadly, Ghandhi forgive us, both of these defenseless plants were totally destroyed.”
Dave: “Yeah, yeah, real touching story. Great. Tell it to ‘Friends of Plants’. But, what about Bibo?”
Sulduke: “Well, sadly, I hate to be relating to you, the third round landed right on this Bibo, and exploded,
yet it had no effect on him, no, none at all. And then he escaped into the forest with the King’s pizza, not to mention the cheesy bread, too. I am being so ashamed. I have disgraced myself.”
Dave: “Dude, hold on, you’re cool. I’ve been rereading your contract. It says, ‘Shall defend the King, and his meals, from all human enemies’. There is no clause addressing the issue of super-powered aliens. As far as I see it, from like a legal perspective, you, my man, are in the clear.”
Sulduke: “Oh happy day! I am so relieved. But, sahib, what about the future? Surely the King will change my contract in light of this Bibo incident. What shall I do the next time? How am I being able to defend the King’s pizza from this powerful Bibo creature?”
Dave: “No sweat. I am going to hook you up with a terrific new body guard for the King. You ever heard of Granny Moses?”
Sulduke: “Oh yes, sahib, I have read about her and her laser rifle. She is, as you Americans say, ‘one bad ass character.’ Yes, I would be being most happy to have her help.”
Dave: “Shhh! Yes, she is ‘bad ass’ all right, but, in some sick fashion, she is still a ‘lady’. And if she hears us referring to her as ‘bad ass’, well, she’s liable to gut us both, and feed us our livers for lunch. Got it?”
Sulduke: “Oh yes, sahib, I am being very much ‘down with it’.”
Dave: “OK then, I have already spoken with her, and Granny Moses will be glad to help out as the new bodyguard to the King of Pepperonistan. She has battled this Bibo before, and she feels confident that she will be able to handle him in future engagements. Particularly now that she has her new laser rifle.”
Dave’s Synopsis: Hmm, folks, according to this latest news from Pepperonistan, it appears that Granny Moses’ fears of the imperviousness of the Bibo to conventional weaponry has been confirmed. Yes, even a mortar proved to be of no use. So get on line, and get to those auction sites, and get those lasers rifles before it’s too late.
30 October 2001 – Report of possible Bibo vaporization. Scope it!
Our latest news has a report of a possible Bibo vaporization.
I mean, holy freakin’ cheeseballs!
Joining us to give a first hand account of the encounter is none other than Granny Moses herself.
Dave: “Well, Granny, we got the word that, while in the employ of the King of Pepperonistan, you had a serious run in with one or more of these Bibo pseudo-super-powered-alien creatures. Please give us the real low-down on this sitch.”
Granny Moses: “Hehe. Ya dun heerd rat, sonny! Whilst I was on patrol, a guardin’ them castel walls, I dun seen me one a them Bibo critters, a sneakin’ crost this here field. So, I up with my B5 laser rifle, lickety split, and let’em have it! Full laser power! Hehehe. Yip, got’im reel good, too. Vaperized’im from here to kingdom come, I tell ya! Hehehe. I may be ol’, but my reflixes is still reel good, by cracky.”
Dave: “Hey, that’s great, I guess. At least somebody finally got one. Perhaps there’s still a slim chance to prevent these clone/colony/possibly-cybernetic Bibo creatures from taking over the entire earth.”
::an aide hands Dave a FAXed message::
::Dave reads it I disbelief::
Dave: “Uh, Granny, I don’t quite know how to tell you this. Apparently that supposed Bibo that you blasted was some poor farmers yak. He is quite upset about it, too. It seems that, now that you’ve vaporized his yak, he has to put his wife in the harness, and use her to plow his fields. And it appears that he’s really pissed off that his wife eats a lot more than the yak, and puts out way less work for this higher food consumption. So he’s filed a complaint with the king.”
Granny Moses: “A yak, yur say?
Dave: “Yep, a yak.”
Granny Moses: “Wal tarnation! I coulda swarn he were one a them Bibo critters. He were big and furry an all. An he were movin’, too. Haint that a good enough reason to blast ‘em? I mean, these here Bibos is dangirous. I say, if’n ya see somethin’ big an furry an movin’, ya should blast it, just ta be on the safe side, lack jist in case in MIGHT be one a them Bibos. Ya get me?”
Dave: “Hmm, yes, you may have a point. I believe these Bibos could be quite dangerous, hence your paranoia is most likely justified. No worries; I’ll square things with the king.”
Granny Moses: “Wal you jes’ do that, sonny. After all, anyone kin make a misstake. You see if you make it ta 94 like me, an don’t make yursilf any misstakes.”
Dave: “Chill, Granny. We’re cool with the vaporized yak. And we’re cool with your new ‘extreme measures’ policy of shooting first, and verifying the target later. ::shrugs:: Hehe. Extreme times call for extreme measures, and this Bibo threat, well, I can’t imagine too much that could be more extreme and dangerous than that.”
Dave’s Synopsis: While not time yet for total panic, it IS time for extreme paranoia. I mean, Bibo? Heck, he could show up anywhere. And who knows what unknown powers he may possess? So, beware.
31 October 2001 – Bibo reported in Atlantic City …….with Elvis!
This just in!
According to, …hmm, she has asked to remain anonymous. OK.
According to Ms. Anonymous, Bibo was sighted in Atlantic City.
She claims she saw him on a $5 Black Jack table, …sitting next to Elvis!
It seems that while the King lost a bundle, the Bibo was up big time, and pocketed about 5 Gs.
After that, he apparently left the casino in the company of three, um, er, ‘professional’ ladies.
And then, Ms. Anonymous claims, he ‘gave her the slip’, and is currently ‘whereabouts unknown’.
OK then, that’s all for now. Stay tuned in though, to Bibo Central, for all the latest. Thank you.
4 November 2001 – The Dalai Lama has a run in with Bibo
The word on the street is that the Dalai Lama has had some kind of run in with one or more Bibo creatures. Joining us is one of the Dalai Lama’s assistants to apprise us of the sitch.
Dave: “Well, Mr. Gere, I heard that your leader, the Dalai Lama had a run in with the Bibo. And I assume that, following his usual tack, he wants us to just ‘love’ this Bibo, and like not all vaporize him and stuff.”
Mr. Gere: “Well, Dave, actually that was what the Dalai Lama was saying, up till yesterday. He was all, ‘Love the Bibo, use no weapons upon him, shower him with peace,’ and all kinds of stuff like that, which he always says.”
Dave: “Wait, am I to understand that the Dalai Lama is no longer being all peaceful and loving toward the Bibo? What the heck happened yesterday to change his mind?”
Mr. Gere: “What changed his mind was the Bibo stealing his pepperoni pizza.”
Dave: “Whoa! Stop the presses! Are you telling me that the Dalai Lama, the like major total vegetarian dude, eats pepperoni on his pizza?”
Mr. Gere: “It’s a new kick of his. He says that he was having trouble identifying with the omnivores on the planet. But that, now, by eating pepperoni, he can identify with them and love them and stuff.”
Dave: “OK, that’s real nice and all, but, what about Bibo? What does the Dalai Lama think we should do about him now?”
Mr. Gere: “Oh, well, since the Bibo made off with his pepperoni pizza, the Dalai Lama is of the opinion that any Bibos should be vaporized on sight.”
Dave: “Thank you, Mr. Gere, for these interesting insights.”
Mr. Gere: “No prob, dude.”
Dave’s Synopsis: Hmm, so it seems that even the most peaceful dude in the world is now of the opinion that any Bibos seen should be fried on sight. And if he thinks so, then shouldn’t we? I mean, it does seem reasonable.
Well, be sure to tune in tomorrow when Dr. Evilutin will join us once again, to lay a new theory on us of yet another insidious Bibo-type plot. Thank you.
7 November 2001 – Dr. Evilutin Missing, Feared Kidnapped! Secret Agent Stiletto’s Troubling Report!
Since I’m sure you’ve all been wondering, as have I, what has happened to Dr. Evilutin, who was supposed to have joined us three days ago, I will share with you this cryptic yet troubling message just received from him via cell phone. The message he left was, “The chair is against the wall.” I mean, really!
Oh, sorry, for the non-cryptotechs among you, who are not up on our daily deciphering scheme, I shall translate,
“I was kidnapped three days ago by the Bibo. I narrowly escaped when he stopped off in Vegas on a pizza run. I am making my way back to Florida, best possible speed, and hope to join you tomorrow, when I shall relate, in person, the frightening information I’ve been able to obtain.”
Hmm, what kind of insidious info might Dr. Evilutin have uncovered? Well, to give you some hint of the extent of this Bibo phenomenon, here is some info straight from one of our agents in the field. Since this agent is secret, we will refer to her only by her code name, ‘Stiletto’. And here is Stiletto’s frightening report:
“You do not understand what you have stumbled upon. I have tracked this creature's activity for 10 years. From what I know of it's capabilities, it is capable of shrugging off massive amounts of damage, and any damage it does sustain can be repaired in hours with doses of advil. He is quite organized, having ties in many of the world's powers which he has used to suppress evidence of his existence. He is also able to convert pizza into a highly unstable element known only as "Pizzon". This element is used to fuel both his incredible appetite as well as his vehicles which defy description. He has full control over the global economy, as well as all communications and satellites. In fact, he may even now be monitoring this transmission so I must use an alias for fear of detection. The truth is out there Agent Dave, but the lies are in your head.
signing off,
Stilleto”
Well now, if that isn’t frightening, I don’t know what is! Tune in tomorrow, when, hopefully, Dr. Evilutin will finally be joining us to tell us the harrowing tale of his escape from the Bibo, as well as what insights he has been able to glean of any secret Bibocious plans.
10 November 2001 – The Doctor Returns!
Dr. Evilutin has finally returned, but looks rather haggard and beat up. In deference to our audience, he has come straight to the studio, as in straight from his alleged Bibocious kidnapping, without even stopping home first.
Dave: “Well, doctor, before we really get into it, and since the preponderance of evidence certainly seems to be leaning your way, I’d just like to say, ‘You’re the man!’ I mean, those other two supposed doctors we had one the show we mere clods. I only invited them on, since, being a media personality, well, er…”
Dr. Evilutin: “Ah, yes, I believe you wish to say that, as a media personality, it’s your job to pay lip service to being unbiased and presenting all different viewpoints, while, in reality, you not only have your own agenda, but, additionally, if there are insufficient facts to spin the news toward your hidden agenda, you will make some up, and, in effect, create the news.”
Dave: “Hehe. Hey, we used to be OK. Back before 1960, we just used to give the straight facts. ::shrugs:: But these days, people expect a little spin with their news. I mean, in some cases, the facts are just so boring.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Hmm, I suppose if the Bibo hadn’t actually kidnapped me, you’d have had to pay someone to kidnap me, and then claim that it was the Bibo as did it.”
Dave: “Dude! You are quick! Did I not say, ‘you’re the man’? But that’s the thing that we here at Bibo Central love about the Bibo. I mean, sure he’s really dangerous and all that, but at least he’s not boring! And he’s so freakin’ controversial that we don’t HAVE to make anything up. Truly, he is THE perfect news item.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Uh, Dave, in that case how about we GET to the news? After all, I have just lived through a truly horrifying experience.”
Dave: “Oh, right! Hold on one sec. I just need to put on my fake-media-persona-that-makes-it-seem-like-I-actually-care-about-you. ::puts it on:: OK then, doctor, I understand that you’ve had a truly horrifying experience. Please do tell us about it.”
Dr. Evilutin: “I lived through such horrifying experiences! I’ve seen things you’ll never believe!”
Dave: “Easy, dude, just start with the kidnapping. It must have occurred around November 4rth.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Well, I can’t even be sure of dates anymore, but, it was nighttime, and, as I was making my way to my car to come down here, a rather large incarnation of the Bibo grabbed me, tied me up, took me to a van, put me in the back, put me in a large sack, and drove me somewhere. He took me out of the van and into something else, and when he let me out of the sack, I was in a…”
:: in an effort to prevent the doctor from telling his story, the minions of Bibo cut the power to Bibo Central::
(don’t worry we’re on it; we’ll yet defeat their fiendish plot, and bring you the rest of the tale)
11 November 2001 – Studio power cut by Bibo’s minions, but restored, and Dr. Evilutin finishes his horrific story.
Though the Minions of Bibo cut the studio power to try and prevent it, we are back on line, and the good doctor will now finish his story.
Dr. Evilutin: “Good Lord! What happened?”
Dave: “Ah, no worries. I was just the minions of the Bibo cutting our studio power, in order to try and prevent your speaking to the public. Just what the heck did you see? It must have been something.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Well Dave, when I was removed from the sack, I could see that I was inside the Bibo’s spaceship…”
Dave: “Whoa! Hold on there. During your incapacitation, we received a report from Agent Stiletto that Bibo is not a super powered alien, but is, rather, the result of a bioengineering experiment gone awry. And, if he is not an alien, why would he have a spaceship?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Hmm, very interesting. Well, even if so, this in no way negates my original hypothesis. Did I not say that such a creature could not have occurred naturally on this planet? And, whether he is an alien, or an experiment gone awry, he certainly has superior powers, and, as for the space ship…::shrugs::…it may just suit his purposes to have a ship, and to pretend to be an alien, even if not, as in, to help inspire more terror. And it certainly is working, because I am quite terrified, especially after the things I’ve seen.”
Dave: “Just what did you see? Like what kind of superior powers?”
Dr. Evilutin: “First off, the Bibo has super psychic mind powers.”
Dave: “Eh? Such as?”
Dr. Evilutin: “He sent out brain waves that made me think I wanted to be a woman. Then, he actually changed me into a woman.”
Dave: “Yo, dude! What’s up with that? I mean, look in a mirror. You are totally NOT a woman now.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Er, well, he did change me back, of course. But, to ensure that such a thing never happens again, I am going to continue to keep on wearing this football helmet covered with tinfoil. I made one for you, too, Dave. After all, when dealing with a creature as dangerous as the Bibo, you can never be too careful.”
Dave: “Hmm, you don’t think the ‘tin foil helmets on our heads’ thing is a little extreme?”
Dr, Evilutin: “No, totally not, Dave. Let me tell you the rest of what I saw on the ship, and you’ll see what I mean. First off, weren’t you even a bit surprised by the report that the super vegged-out Dalai Lama had ordered a pepperoni pizza?”
Dave: “Uh, well, not really; I mean, I’m pretty much partial to pepperoni pizzas myself, so it would never strike me as odd that anyone would want one. I mean, who doesn’t?”
Dr. Evilutin: “The real Dalai Lama, that’s who. I met him on the ship, in between sessions where the Bibo was conducting experiments on him to control him more fully.”
Dave: “Wait a sec, then who was that Dalai Lama that said to fry all Bibos on sight?”
Dr. Evilutin: “I’m afraid that that was a none other than a small Bibo clone, mutated by some technology that Agent Stiletto relates may have been stolen from Japan, in order to make him appear to be the Dalai Lama. The whole ‘Bibo stole my pizza, so fry him on sight’ thing is merely a clever ploy to allay any fears and to prevent anyone from suspecting that the current Dalai Lama is none other than a minion, a clone, of the very Bibo himself.”
Dave: “Holy freakin’ cheeseballs! So now, every time someone gives money to Richard Gere for the Dalai Lama, they are actually, unwittingly, supporting Bibocious world domination?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Yes, I’m afraid so. And that’s not all. I have further bad news.”
Dave: “You mean, besides the Bibo having serious mind powers, changing you into a woman, kidnapping the Dalai Lama, and trying to take over the world, you mean there’s something ELSE on top of all that?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Yes, and it’s very, very bad. Remember your agent, Agent Eustacia?”
Dave: “Ah, yes, in fact I’ve been quite worried about her. She hasn’t reported in for a long time.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Well, I don’t know how to tell you this, Dave, so I’ll just tell you. I saw Eustacia on the ship. Most regrettably, she was hypnotized by the Bibo’s mind powers, and has now been reprogrammed to believe that she is his mother. In fact, the Bibo even supplied her with a complete set of false memories.”
Dave: “Heaven help us! How absolutely diabolical! My poor Agent Eustacia! Alas, struck down in her prime; why she’s just as tragic a figure as ‘Hamlets’s’ Ophelia. Oh, what a sad day this is!”
Dr. Evilutin: “I’m so sorry, Dave, but there’s naught can be done for her now. However, we can prevent the same from happening to Agent Stiletto. Here, I made this for her.”
::hands Dave another tin foil covered football helmet::
Dave: “Uh, thanks, doctor. I’ll get it to her right away. And, horrifying as it was, thank you for your report on these continuing and diabolical plots of the Bibo.”
Dave’s Synopsis: It now appears that it may be prudent to either wear a tin foil helmet, or to at least keep one close at hand, just in case any Bibos show up in your vicinity.
21 November 2001 – Agent Stiletto revealed as triple agent! Michelle, Minion of Bibo captured!
Dave: “In late breaking news, I’ve just received a report that Agent Stiletto is actually a triple agent! I mean, I sent her to find the Bibo’s lair, and to pretend to want to come over to his side, where she then, as a double agent, could feed him disinformation, while giving us the real scoop. Unfortunately, it turns out she is a triple agent, cause she is a minion of the Bibo, and has been all along.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Holy cheeseballs! That is a sad bit of news.”
Dave: “And that’s not all. Not only is Stiletto not our agent, she is also not a she. She is a he, pretending to be a she, pretending to work for us, while all the time in the employ of Bibocious forces.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Hmm, most disturbing. I hate to admit it about him, but I think Agent Stiletto actually looked pretty good in those pumps and that skirt.”
Dave: “Whoa, chill! You PhD types don’t get out much do you? We gotta work on finding you a girlfriend. OK then, besides the bad news about Agent Stiletto, who remains at large, we do have some good news in that we captured a minion of the Bibo.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Um, minion of Bibo?”
Dave: “Uh, wait. Thank you, doctor. For legal purposes, I guess I’m supposed to say ‘suspected’ minion of the Bibo,……even though we KNOW that she’s guilty. We simply lack a confession. Which we shall work on now.
::shouting::
GUARDS! Bring in the prisoner!”
::two security guards drag in a defiant Michelle, sit her down, and remain standing on either side of her::
Dave: “Alright, Michelle, …and we do know that that’s your name, so there, ha! Start talking.”
::Michelle doesn’t say a word::
Dr. Evilutin: “Yes, young lady, tell us of your involvement with the forces of Bibo.”
::the defiant Michelle still says nothing::
Dave: “Come on now. We know that you know him. What was your function? Did you pilot one of his spacecraft?”
::yet again, Michelle says nothing::
Dave: “Hmm, she’s one tough cookie.”
Guard #1: “We’ve been at it for an hour, sir, and not a word out of her.”
Dave: “What to do?”
Guard #2: “Sir, Agent Lior and Agent evan have asked to be the tortur.., um, I mean the interlocutors
for this particular prisoner.”
Dave: “Agent Lior? Agent evan?”
Guard #2: “Uh, they’re the new guys, sir. But they are pretty tough.”
Guard #1: “Yes, sir, a couple of scary looking dudes. Rough customers.”
Guard #2: “The word on the street is that they were both formerly either Shin Bet or Mossad.”
Dave: “Mossad or Shin Bet? Excellent! Those guys know how to get people talking. Yep, no FBI-Mr-nice-guy-Constitutional-rights stuff for them.
Away with this Michelle, I say! Turn her over to Agents Lior and evan. They’ll find out her true involvement with the wily and extremely dangerous Bibo, and the rest of his minions and sycophants.”
::the still defiant Michelle is taken away by the guards to be turned over to Agents Lior and evan::
Dave’s Synopsis: Tune in next time, when I’m sure we’ll know the true nature of the diabolical Bibocious scheme in which this Michelle was a participant. Also, in a most bizarre twist, a famous personality will actually come on the show to defend Bibo and his minions. Don’t miss it.
24 November 2001 – Michelle’s Confession, AND…… a FAMOUS Celeb Defends Bibo!!!
Guard #1: “Here you go, sir. Michelle’s confession.”
::Gurad #1 hands Dave a signed confession::
Dave: “Ah, excellent!”
::scans the document in disbelief::
Dave: “Hey, wait a sec! According to this, all she did was shine Bibo’s boots? What kind of confession is this? What kind of methods did Agents Lior and evan use to secure it?”
Guard #1: “Uh, lets’ see. ::consults his notes:: Sleep deprivation, truth serum, slapped her around a lot, and verbally abused and insulted her …just the usual, sir.”
Dave: “Hmm, I’ve dealt with this Michelle before. She’s a nimble little minx, a tough nut to crack. I still think she’s hiding something. Please ask Agents Lior and evan, diplomatically, to step up their efforts. Tell them I’ve still got faith in them, but I think this Michelle is a major player in the Bibo operation, and I want the real deal on her, kay?”
Guard #1: “Will do, sir. Oh, your mystery celeb is here; I’ll send him in on my way out.”
::Guard #1 leaves, and mystery celeb walks in::
Dave: “Holy freakin’ cheeseballs! ELVIS! You’re here to defend Bibo?!?!”
Elvis: “Hey, Dave, that’s right. Me ‘n Bibo, well we’re like buddies, so I’m a comin’ on your show as kind of a character witness for him.”
Dave: “But, Elvis, surely you realize, this Bibo, I mean, he’s trying for no less than total world domination.”
Elvis: “Ain’t nothin’ but bull, Dave. Jes’ like all that super-powered alien, or bio experiement mutation, stuff about him. Why ain’t none of it true. It’s all nothin’ but a pack a lies, spread by his detractors, in order to make Bibo look bad. Jes’ like that story ‘bout him and that 14 year old girl, I mean, it was thrown outta court on a technicality, an’ that’s practically the same as if he never done nothin’, right?”
Dave: “Um, well, er, but what about all these conspiracy theories about the Bibo? I mean, it’s been said that he already has total control over the nation of Japan.”
Elvis: “Dave, man, the lies are in your head. It’s all a big scam, I tell ya. Bibo is one cool and righteous dude. He’s like a total party animal. We been to Reno, Vegas, and Atlantic City together, all playin’ cards, and totally partyin’ down with some serious chicks. I mean, Bibo’s been givin’ me some serious pointers on how to pick up chicks.”
Dave: “Whoa! Time out! Are you telling me that he, Bibo, is giving you, the king of rock and roll, advice on how to pick up women?”
Elvis: “Yeah, you got it, Dave. That’s how it is.”
Dave: “Wow. I’m like totally in shock.”
Elvis: “Man, you shouldn’t be, Dave. It’s just cause you’re all mixed up about the Bibo. You’re just confused is all.
Now repeat after me. Bibo is cool. Bibo is not a super-powered alien, bent on world domination. Bibo is OK.”
::Elvis sends out some hynotic brainwaves to Dave::
Dave: “Bibo is cool. Bibo is not a super-powered alien, bent on world domination. Bibo is OK.”
::Elvis sends out even more serious hynotic Bibocious brainwaves to Dave::
Dave: “Hmm, maybe I’ve been mistaken, maybe there is no conspiracy. Maybe Bibo is OK. I’m like so confused…”
1 December 2001 – Dave, under Bibocious brain wave attacks for an entire week, is nearly ready to crack.
Elvis: “Now repeat after me, for the one millionth time. Bibo is cool. Bibo is not a super-powered alien, bent on world domination. Bibo is OK.”
::Elvis continues sending out major hypnotic Bibocious brainwaves to Dave::
Dave: “Bibo is cool. Bibo is not a super-powered alien, bent on world domination. Bibo is OK.”
Elvis: “OK. Now for the final touch. MWAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Repeat after me. I worship Bibo.”
Dave: “uh..”
::Elvis increases the amount of the Bibocious-mind-power-controlling waves::
Dave: “I un…no! Oh God! Help me!”
::quick as a flash, Granny Moses shows up out of nowhere, and runs toward Elvis::
Granny Moses: “Ya no good Bibo-lovin’ varmint!”
::she jumps on Elvis and starts totally whaling on him::
Elvis: “Hey! What the? Somebody get her offa me!”
::Granny whales on him some more; then thumps him on the head, big time; Elvis slumps to the floor::
::Granny runs over to Dave, and quickly wraps his head in tinfoil::
Dave: “Who…wha…what the heck is going on? Oh, wait. I remember. I was under a Bibocious mind wrenching attack by Elvis. Hey, what’s up with that? Granny, did you just take out Elvis? How’d you manage that? Doesn’t he have a black belt in karate and stuff?”
Granny Moses: “Gar! All you namby pamby black belt tipes think yur hot stuff. Ha! I hunted down Natzis after the WW2, an I fought with the Haganah back when they wuz fightin’ han’ t’ han’ to make a State o’ Israel. I knows plenty bout unarmed combat. Pah! But see here? This hain’t no Elvis.”
Dave: “It hain’t?”
Granny Moses: “No it hain’t, an’ don’t you sass me nun either. See? Lookee here.”
::Granny bends over the prostrate Elvis, twists his head to one side, and reveals this mark behind his right ear, ‘T5000’::
Dave: “T5000? But what does that mean?”
Granny Moses: “Duz I hafta spell everthin’ out fur ye? This here hain’t no Elvis, but, rather, it’s a Bibo-replicant-android, model T5000. Oh, it’s a badun alright. Can’t fight too good, but it don’t hafta. It chock full of high-tech Bibo-mind-controllin’-wave generators. Yer durn lucky I got here when I did.”
Dave: “Wow! Holy freakin’ cheeseballs! You just saved my butt, big time, Granny!”
Granny Moses: “I wouldn’t a had to come all the way back here if’n ya wuz wearin’ yur tin foil helmet, like ya wuz supposed to be a doin. So let that be a lessin to ye. An to all you out there in the audience, too. Keep yur tinfoil handy. These Bibocious brainwave attacks is powerful dangerous! Ya get me? Powerful dangerous! So’s as soon as ya feel them first brainwaves as makes ye wanna start worshippin’ that scalawag as calls hisself ‘Lord BiBo’, ha!, start a-wrapin’, I say.”
8 December 2001 – Dave and Dr. Evilutin discuss the implications of the Bibo-replicant-android T5000s
::while Dr. Evilutin is wearing his usual foil covered helmet, Dave, having learned his lesson, is sporting a turban fashioned from 3 entire rolls of premium Reynolds wrap aluminum foil::
Dave: “Doctor, you heard about my run-in with the T5000 Bibo replicant android, the one disguised as Elvis?”
Dr. Evilutin: “I’m not at all surprised, Dave. The word on the street is that tons of the T5000s are being manufactured in Japan.”
Dave: “Japan?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Of course, they worship the Bibo over there.”
Dave: “What? Surely you’re joking.”
Dr. Evilutin: “Not at all, Dave. I mean, you are aware that “Bibo” is the name of a god/monster to the Japanese?”
Dave: “Wow! I mean, I so totally did not know that. So what’s the deal with these T5000s?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Oh, there are super dangerous, as you well know. But, even worse than that, the Japanese have perfected a type of mutated skin for use on the Bibo T5000s. This skin can be mutated to look like anyone. The one that attacked you looked like Elvis, but other could appear as Michael Jackson, the Pope, actually…they could appear as anyone.”
Dave: “Hmm, anyone you say? ::shouting:: Guards!”
::Guards #1 thru 4 dash in and start whaling on the doctor. Then, Guards #2,3, &4 hold him down, while #1 extracts a blood sample, and runs it through a small device::
Guard #1: “Non-alien, non-replicant, just plain human blood, sir.”
Dave: “Excellent work, men. We can never be too careful.”
::the four Guards leave, just as Dr. Evilutin starts to recover::
Dave: “Er, uh, sorry, doctor. But with this war going on against the insidious and super powered forces of the Bibo, well, um, I hope you understand the precautions I was forced to…”
Dr. Evilutin: “Tut tut. Think nothing of it, my boy. In your position, I’d have done exactly the same. With the Bibo and his minions lurking about, one can truly never be too careful.”
Dave: “Exactly, doctor. That’s why the production of these T5000s worries me so much. I mean, it’s bad enough we had to worry about the Bibo and his minions and clones. But now we have to worry about his mutant-replicant-androids, too? And just who is behind the production of these things?”
Dr. Evilutin: “Hmm, while they have yet to come up with a name, several of our assets in Japan believe that the one behind the mass production of these replicants is a woman.”
Dave: “A woman, eh?
Dr. Evilutin: “Yes, a woman. For lack of her real name, we are temporarily calling her, Madame X.”
Dave: “Catchy. I like it. OK. Madame X it is,…till we sort this all out.”
Dave’s Synopsis: While this news on the T5000s is certainly disturbing, lets’ not forget the other developments happening at Bibo Central. The word is the Agents Lior and evan are, at this very moment, extracting the confession from Michelle. So then, tune in tomorrow, when we shall have,… “Michelle’s True Confession.” Don’t miss it.
9 December 2001 – Michelle’s True Confession
::Dave is in the studio, reading a FAX::
Dave: “This just in. It seems that a Chick-fil-A in the Coral Springs area of Florida was just blown off the map. Details are somewhat sketchy, but, apparently, the main Bibo himself, the one known as Lord BiBo, attempted to walk through the drive thru and order a pepperoni pizza. Upon being told that they had no pepperoni, and no pizza to put it on, even if they had any, the Bibo became incensed. He took out a small packet and tossed it through the drive thru window. The employees, screaming in terror, barely made it out the door, before the entire place was leveled by the Bibicious bomb blast of the cunningly small, yet powerful, device. Local mayors from several towns were heard to remark, ‘We’ll get this %^%&%^&^%& Bibo if it’s the last thing we do!’ In further news….”
::Guard #1 walks in and interrupts::
Guard #1: “Sir, I thought you’d wish to know immediately. Agents Lior and evan have secured the true confession from that Michelle we captured.”
::hands Dave a document::
::Dave reads it carefully::
Dave: “Aha! Just as I suspected! I KNEW that Michelle was a major player in these Bibocious schemes. Why she’s had a hand in all types of deviltry, and….wait a sec! It says here that SHE is the mastermind behind the production of the T5000 Bibo-mutant-replicant-androids in Japan. Holy cheeseballs! SHE is Madame X!
“Wow, this is big, big, big news. Hehe. Well, Agents Lior and evan have certainly earned a veeeery nice paid vacation for this.”
Guard #1: “Uh, sir, I’ve got some bad news for you, too.”
Dave: “Eh, what’s that?”
Guard #1: “Er, well, you see, …this Michelle has escaped.”
Dave: “Escaped!? How could this be!?!?”
Guard #1: “Apparently, Agents Lior and evan were busy arguing over which of their names should go on the top of the report about her confession. And during their quarrel, she just sneaked out.”
Dave: “But this is awful. We now know that Michelle is not just Michelle, she IS Madame X! We’ve got to recapture her. Quickly, send Agents Lior and evan to Japan. They’ll have their vacation all right. A WORKING vacation. Hopefully they can recapture her before it’s too late, as in before she increases T5000 Bibo replicant production to critical levels.”
Dave’s Synopsis: Hmm, things in the battle against the forces of BiBo are looking a bit bleak at the moment. But I have a plan. Tune in next time when I shall call in my most top secret and reliable agent for a special mission that may yet be able to turn the tables.